by T. A. White
Eva made a small, noncommittal sound, but didn’t argue.
That was one nice thing about her. She never lamented the things that couldn’t be changed.
"Why did you decide to become an Anateri?" Eva finally asked after a short silence.
Caden controlled his surprise at the shift in topic. "What brought this on?"
Eva shrugged, affecting nonchalance. "Figured I should get to know the man who seems intent on dogging my every step."
Caden sat back, silent for several minutes. It wasn’t that he didn’t want to answer, more that he didn’t know how.
"You don't have to answer if you're scared," she offered with a sly smile.
"Yes, one small herd mistress terrifies me," he murmured, settling back on one arm as he stretched out next to the fire.
A small, playful smile pulled at the corner of her mouth.
He stared into the valley, his face settling into pensive lines. Quiet fell between them.
"The three of us—Fallon, Darius, and me—are childhood friends," Caden finally said. "We shared a similar set of tragic circumstances surrounding our beginning."
Sometimes those memories felt so far away. Other times he only had to breathe to brush up against them. They stalked him in his dreams; something he would never admit to another. He didn’t like thinking of those days. They reminded him of how he’d once been weak; something he would never be again.
"None of us had family. We were all orphans. Fallon might have lost his parents at a later age than us, but that made the devastation no less awful. Darius lost his entire clan. He is the last. It’s why he took in your friend Hanna, despite her difficult circumstances. He understands what it means to be alone."
"And you?"
This time the smile that twisted his face was painful. "You have to have had a family to miss them. I was a true lostling. A child who comes from no one and is no one, cast away like trash hours after my birth."
Eva's breath caught, her eyes dropping to his chest where most warriors displayed their birth clan's insignia.
His smile was self-deprecating as he touched that spot. "There are many who would have left a babe like that to the mercy of the elements. I’m lucky Fallon's mother was not one of them."
"You're his brother in name, if not in blood," Eva said in realization.
Caden inclined his head. "Darius and Braden too."
"Is that why you protect him?" she asked.
"One of the reasons," he said. "I knew from a very young age my purpose in life. Even then, Fallon was a bright star. His father died because those he trusted failed him. I won't let the same fate happen to Fallon."
The fact that it had nearly happened once was the biggest failure of his life. He’d destroy anyone, clan or not, stain his hands with any amount of blood, to make sure no one got the chance again.
Eva looked down at her hands, her forehead furrowed.
Caden waited patiently to see what she would do. The herd mistress was soft-hearted. he found he didn’t hate that trait about her. She might feel for those they crushed beneath their heel, but she didn’t let the concern compel her into stupidity. That tender muscle inside her chest had led her into friendships with some of the most efficient killers he knew—human and mythological alike.
It took an individual who’d faced opposition and setbacks—only to survive and grow even stronger—to make herself at home the way she did. She’d never showed any signs of revulsion or dislike, despite knowing the blood that had marked their paths.
It made him wonder what other things she might forgive or overlook.
"I almost feel sorry for whoever you take as your partner," she said with a crooked smile.
Caden stilled, his attention locking on the subtle shifts in her expression. "What does that mean?"
"Whoever you pick will have to be satisfied with always being second best." She stretched out on the ground and put her chin on her arm. "Fallon will always get your best."
It was a fact he’d long accepted, and was one reason he had never sought a companion who’d last more than a few nights.
Whoever he took as a partner would have to have an inner strength to rival the strongest metal. Otherwise they'd wither, and their love with them.
"Perhaps they will have a calling of their own and be fine with my duty to my warlord," he challenged.
Eva opened one eye and snorted. "Don't fool yourself. Any woman would want to be first in your heart. Just as you would want to be first in hers."
"Strong words from someone I suspect is the same," he prodded. "Or are you honestly going to tell me you wouldn't leave your man to a cold bed if one of your horses needed you?"
Eva lifted a shoulder. "The difference being I have no plans to ever find a mate."
"Sounds lonely and misguided," he said.
"Perhaps. Better that than to disappoint another and see their love grow into hatred." A wistfulness crept into Eva's voice. "And you? What are you looking for? A traditional Trateri woman who will fight at your side?"
He shook his head, his mouth turning down in a self-deprecating smile. If she only knew. "I have no intentions of creating a family. Ties would get in the way of my duty to the Hawkvale and the Trateri, but if I did, I doubt a traditional woman would be the center of my affections."
Eva stared at him, her eyes mysterious in the firelight. "What would she be like?"
He hesitated, looking out into the night. It was a question he didn’t often let himself consider. Why torture yourself with the things you couldn’t have? Although if he was honest, it was something he had never really wanted before now.
"She'd be stubborn. Fierce when she thought she was right or in defense of another. Practical but with a hint of kindness that got her into trouble. I don't care if she's good with weapons. I'm good enough for the both of us."
"She sounds like an impossible contradiction," Eva observed.
He leaned back. "Then it's just as well I have no intention of ever taking a partner."
"You forgot to say she'd also have to be alright with your devotion to Fallon," Eva teased.
"She certainly wouldn't waste her time on unimportant or unproductive imaginings."
"Is that why you're here? Punishing yourself?" she asked suddenly. "Because you feel you failed him?"
*
Eva held her breath at Caden’s sudden silence, aware she had trespassed onto dangerous territory. The easy way he’d held himself had disappeared. The camaraderie of before evaporated like insubstantial water vapor as she found herself wishing she could take the question back.
His eyes lifted to hers, the look in them vaguely threatening. "What would you know of such things?"
Eva almost flinched at the snap to his voice, catching herself at the last second.
"I know any of your men could have performed the same task," she returned in an even voice. He was hurting and like most warriors when he hurt, he lashed out, the inflicting of pain as intuitive as breathing. "There was no reason to come on this expedition yourself, unless you had some other reason."
"And you?" he asked. "You say you hold no condemnation toward your former village for consigning you to death."
"I don't," Eva defended. What did that have to do with anything? "They didn't know any better. They did what they thought was best."
"And yet you refuse to allow anyone here close. Even those you profess to care about." His gaze locked on hers, weighing her. Judging. "You hold yourself apart."
"I don't do that," she argued.
He lifted one eyebrow, unimpressed. "You do. With Hardwick and Ollie, and all the rest. Fiona and the other women have made overtures and yet you barely give them your time."
"Is that what this is?" she asked. "I share a hard truth about you, and you point out my own hard truths?"
He fell silent as he watched her.
She sighed. Fine. If that's how he wanted it. "I know I hold myself apart. It hurts when the people you think are yours, betray you. Even
worse is when you feel like you've betrayed them in turn."
His gaze sharpened.
She looked away; something about the quiet of the mountains and the gentle crackle of the fire prompted her to share more than she should, to reveal the silent pain she carried around with her, a burden she could never set down try as she might.
"I'm a coward for not staying and facing them. They wouldn't have canceled the sacrifice even without me there." She fiddled with her sleeve. "Running only meant someone died in my place."
That knowledge was a hard thing to live with. Worse, was the thought that they’d likely sacrificed someone she knew and loved. Perhaps her older brother, newly married or maybe her younger sister who would have been fourteen this year.
Someone would have died in her place.
Eva hated that. It made her feel small and helpless. In the darkest part of night, she couldn't help but blame herself. If she hadn't rejected Rob’s marriage proposal, if she had just been normal, maybe things would have turned out different.
Even then, she couldn't bring herself to fully embrace that self-flagellation. She liked where she'd ended up. She wouldn't trade it even to save another.
And for that she hated herself.
Caden's gaze didn't move from hers. "Is that why you won't use the tent gifted to you?"
"That tent." Eva swore. "It's all any of you harp on about."
"For all the time you've spent with us, you still know us so little," he said. "The tent you see as a burden is the physical embodiment of the Trateri's acceptance of your place among the clans. It means you're one of us. Entitled to our loyalty and protection. Rebuffing it is a rejection of us."
Eva's smile was humorless. "Then perhaps someone should have shown me how to set it up instead of simply tossing it at me."
"You could have asked for help," he pointed out.
"Because that is something the Trateri are known to do, ask for help." Eva shook her head. Not in a million years.
His expression was thoughtful. "But you’re not Trateri."
Eva rolled onto her side and shut her eyes. "And therein lies the problem."
"I think you have mistaken being one of us as the answer to all your problems," he said. "No people are perfect. You would have still faced obstacles and challenges had you been born clan."
"Of that I have no doubt," she said.
No path was certain or easy. It took grit and determination to survive, no matter what or who you were born to, but there were certain things that could give you a head start.
Sometimes it felt like Eva had been born behind the start of the race. She’d had to work twice as hard to get the things others took for granted. Some things she had simply given up as unimportant.
"Night's coming," Caden said, looking up at the sky.
Already the valley had sunk into shadow as the mountains obscured the sun.
Caden found his feet and stretched before kicking at the dirt, covering the flames and extinguishing them. He stalked off.
"Where are you going?" she asked.
"Why? Will you miss me?"
She set her head back down, staring at where the flames had just been, watching as smoke lazily curled into the air. "For someone normally so quiet and unassuming, you're awfully arrogant."
A small chuckle escaped him. "People like me are often the most arrogant—for good reason. Relax, Lowlander, I'm just going to patrol to see what's out there. I'll be back soon enough."
"I wasn't afraid."
"Liar."
Eva didn't hear anything and after several moments she lifted her head to find herself alone. How did he move so silently? He was like a ghost, coming and going before you even knew he was there, scaring the pants off someone as he intimidated them into submission.
*
Eva woke, unexpectedly warm with the remnants of a dream about the plain clinging to her like cobwebs. Darkness greeted her when she opened her eyes, the stars a sparkling carpet above. A hard weight around her waist assured her she was no longer alone. A broad, muscled chest cradled her back as warmth radiated from the body behind her.
She shifted slightly, careful not to disturb the man curled around her as she looked over her shoulder at a sleeping Caden. His jacket was draped over both of them, his bicep under her head.
His heat curled lazily through her and she was tempted to put her head back down and go to sleep.
Even as she snuggled back, too tired and comfortable to put distance between them, Eva heard something that had her lifting her head again, her drowsiness shredding as her senses came alert.
Danger, someone whispered in her head.
Out of the darkness, the fox bounded up, its dark eyes deep and intelligent as it nosed her urgently.
Pressure pushed at her senses as unease welled from the fox. Moments later, she heard the soft sound of footsteps.
She started to reach back for Caden to nudge him awake, opening her mouth on a warning.
A hand abruptly covered it.
"I hear it too," he said against her ear in a near silent voice. The whisper of his breath against her skin felt unbearably intimate. "Quiet. Don't move."
Eva chanced the smallest nod, knowing he'd feel her compliance.
Then he was gone, slipping away as silently as he had earlier that evening. She didn't even feel the stirring of wind from his passage as he left her there.
Eva waited patiently, her heart in her throat as she told herself he was coming back. Caden wasn't like the rest. He wouldn't abandon her to save himself. If he said to wait, she'd wait.
Several tense minutes passed with not even the fox to keep her company. He'd scurried off with Caden, leaving Eva alone in the dark.
Eva kept her breathing even and deep, not letting the fear crouching deep inside out.
She waited like that, her skin tingling, her senses rioting as she picked up on every stray rustle of grass, every small sound in the deep of night, each more terrifying than the last.
She shut her eyes, going deep into her mind as she waited, imagining herself on the plain from her dreams once again. For a moment, it felt like she was there. If she reached out her hand, she would feel the long grass underneath her palms instead of the dirt and rock of their campsite.
A body hit the ground with a thump next to her. Eva controlled her jump, her heart beating wildly as she took in the prone figure of a man.
She looked up to find a figure on the hill above. It disappeared only to materialize into Caden as he slid down the steep incline.
The man on the ground groaned, pushing himself up onto his elbows. Caden stomped on his front, sending him sprawling again.
"Your hunt was successful," Eva observed in a composed voice that belied the inner quivering from the scare he'd given her.
"It seems I’ve found a rat," Caden agreed.
Eva frowned. "Now you sound like Ajari."
"We’re going to kill you both," the man mumbled, pushing himself upright as Caden looked on with a bored expression. "You're going to regret this."
Caden and Eva said nothing as they watched him.
"Was he the only one?" she asked.
"No."
"And the others?"
She didn't have to see his face to realize he was smirking at her. She sighed. That probably meant the rest were already dead, or so close to it that they no longer mattered.
One thing you could say about the Anateri’s commander; he was efficient and thorough.
Eva supposed she should have regretted the loss of life, but it was difficult when she knew these men would have gladly killed them, likely after torturing them for a while.
The flutter of wings from above announced Sebastian's presence as he landed several feet away. He blended in with the night, appearing to materialize out of it as silently as Caden had.
"So good of you to show up," Eva said sarcastically. If she had never seen the mythological again, she wasn't sure she would have been missing out. So far, he'd generated littl
e more than further problems she didn't need. The wonder of his existence didn't quite make up for everything else.
I am here when it matters, he said in her mind.
Eva choked on her surprise, Caden's voice droning into a blur as she found herself staring in amazement at the Kyren.
"You can talk," she gasped in a whisper so only the Kyren could hear her.
The Kyren's expression was condescending as his tail swished behind him.
She climbed to her feet. "For how long?"
Why hadn't he spoken to her sooner? It would have made this entire journey so much easier.
For forever.
"And this is the first time I'm hearing about it?" she asked in outrage.
His ears flicked. You weren't ready to listen before now.
"Bullshit," she hissed.
"As interesting as this is, perhaps you can postpone your conversation until later," Caden said, from several feet away where he waited next to the man he’d caught. "We have more important things to discuss with our visitor."
Eva gritted her teeth, knowing he was right. "This isn't over. We're going to have words about this later."
Even in the dark, she caught Sebastian's arrogant expression.
She ignored him, focusing on the man at Caden's feet, a shadow against the darker night. The moon was high, the sky cloudless.
"What do you want to do with him?" Eva asked with a bravado she didn't necessarily feel.
Caden was the expert in these types of situations. She imagined he had a lot of experience at interrogating prisoners. It made sense to follow his lead.
"First, we ask him who he is and what he wants," Caden said, crouching down in front of the prisoner.
The man spat at Caden. The commander didn't move, didn't shift, but Eva sensed the menace rolling off him. It was a riptide threatening to drag a person into the deep. Not something you wanted to mess with. She was glad she wasn't the one facing him right now.
"And if he doesn't answer, I have ways of getting it out of him," Caden said, pleasure in his voice.
Eva shivered at this aspect of Caden. A side of him she knew only his enemies saw. Necessary as it might be, it still managed to strike fear into the heart of her. She almost pitied the poor bastard who'd been hunting them.
