Hold the Forevers

by K. A. Linde

  “I see you approve,” Cole said, slipping his hands into his pockets with a self-satisfied grin.

  “You volunteered us because of this.” My hand swept out to the field.

  He nodded. “I knew they were your favorite.”

  “I never told you though.”

  “I pay attention. You freaked out about them in your mom’s garden on one of my visits to Savannah this summer.”

  “Oh yeah.”

  “Your mom told me they were your favorite.”

  “Of course she did.”

  “She totally winked at me, too.”

  I practically cackled. “That is so my mom.”

  “Hey!” a chirpy voice said as she hopped out of her truck. She was a curvy girl with waist-length curls, smooth brown skin, and makeup I’d kill to be able to put on. “I’m Annabelle Rodriguez. You must be Lila.”

  “I am,” I said, shaking her hand.

  “It’s such a pleasure to meet you. You two look perfect for this shoot. Gah, I can’t wait to get started.” She grinned up at Cole. “Thank God we took that photography class together a year ago.”

  Cole ducked his head as if he hadn’t wanted Annabelle to admit that.

  “You took photography?” I asked.

  “What? He didn’t tell you? He was the best in our class.”

  “Ah, don’t exaggerate,” he said.

  “He has an eye for it,” she explained as we started out into the field. “If he didn’t sports balls all the time, he’d probably be even better.”

  “Sports balls,” I said with a giggle.

  “I’ll leave it up to the professionals,” he said.

  “Aye, aye,” Annabelle said with an eye roll. “Now, go frolic.”

  I caught Cole’s eye, and then together, we frolicked through the field of sunflowers. He twirled me in place, dipping me until my head was almost on the ground. I couldn’t stop smiling or laughing through the whole thing. At one point, he lifted me into his arms, one of my legs bent as he kissed me.

  At the end, we flopped back into the flowers, our limbs tangled.

  He pulled me closer and brushed a heated kiss against my lips. “I want it to always be like this.”

  “Running around in a field of sunflowers?”

  “That’s what it’s like to be with you, Lila.”

  My heart thudded at the words.

  “I always thought that rainbows and sunshine shit was fake. Just some Valentine’s Day–esque marketing objective to get people to watch shows and buy candy. I didn’t quite realize the truth until you.”

  “Like you’re giddy and you can hardly breathe and everything feels right in the world?”

  He plucked a sunflower and placed it behind my ear. “Like I’m finally living.”

  The pictures came back a few days later.

  Cole framed his favorite, us lying down and him tucking that sunflower behind my ear. He brought it over with another bouquet of flowers and a note.

  Here’s to really living, sunflower.

  —Cole

  12

  Athens

  September 26, 2008

  “Cole?” I asked as I slipped into his house.

  “He’s out back, on the phone,” his roommate Tony told me.

  “Thanks.”

  I dropped my overnight bag at the bottom of the stairs and went to find my boyfriend. Cole was leaning against the back deck railing with his iPhone pressed to his ear. He smiled when he saw me. He pressed a kiss into my hair, and then held up one finger to say he’d be just a minute.

  “Yeah, yeah. I don’t think that should be a problem.” He chuckled softly. “I know, and I do appreciate that. Sure, yeah, I’ll see you later. Bye.”

  Cole hung up and then tugged me into him. “There you are!” He dropped his mouth onto mine. “I thought you were coming over right after class.”

  “I would have come over earlier, but I had to pack first.”

  “For what?”

  “I’m staying the weekend, remember?”

  But he clearly did not remember. His face was blank.

  “I knew that you’d have people in town, but we didn’t discusse you staying here.”

  I stayed here all the time. Most weekdays, I was here, locked away in his bed after classes, dance rehearsals, and football practices were over. I didn’t know why he was being so weird about it.

  “Well, yeah. I figure the apartment is going to be packed. I’d rather stay with you.”

  He ran a hand up the back of his neck. “Actually, Jess is coming back into town for the game, and I told her she could stay here.”

  My eyes widened. “Jess … your ex-girlfriend?”

  “Yeah.”

  “And she’s coming by herself?”

  “Well, yeah.”

  “Is she still single?”

  “It’s not like that. You know that we’re just friends.”

  I did not know or believe that. Jess had graduated at the end of last year, but this wasn’t the first time that they’d hung out. I strongly suspected that Jess would do anything in her power to get her clutches back into my boyfriend.

  “So, I’ll stay with you in your bed, and she can crash on the couch,” I said with a shrug.

  He managed to look even more uncomfortable. “It’s actually her bed.”

  “Excuse me?” My voice was low and grating, full of incomprehension.

  “Well, when we were dating, she bought a new mattress. She left it with me. It belongs to her.”

  I blinked at him. “Your ex bought you a bed while you were dating and is now claiming that the bed still belongs to her? Is that what you’re saying?”

  “It does belong to her.”

  Wasps had invaded my stomach. “Let me get this straight … Jess is going to be sleeping in your bed?”

  “In her bed.”

  “And where are you going to be sleeping?” I asked, crossing my arms over my chest.

  “On the couch, of course, Lila. It’s not like that at all.”

  “Right. Sure. Not like that at all. Which, of course, you have to say out loud because it’s so damn obvious that she wants to fuck you this weekend.”

  “That is not what is happening. And I don’t even know why you’re upset about this. How is this any different than your ex staying at your house?”

  “My ex is staying on the couch with his girlfriend. Your ex is staying in your bed, and she’s single. There’s only one reason she’s doing this.”

  “I don’t see the difference.”

  I clenched my hands into fists. “If you were upset about Ash coming into town, then you should have said something two weeks ago. I double-checked with you to make sure it was okay. I would have told them not to come, but his girlfriend had begged me to let them stay.”

  “I’m not upset.”

  I almost rolled my eyes at the sheer gall of that statement. He was upset. I could see that now. He’d been so cool about it all, but it was a facade. And now he was bringing Jess in. Ugh, the whole thing was frustrating. Why couldn’t he have just told me?

  “This is a bad idea.”

  Cole shook his head. “It’s not a bad idea. You have nothing to worry about. I already told her she could stay.”

  “Then, tell her to stay somewhere else. She went to Georgia. Surely, she has other friends.”

  “Most of her friends have graduated, and it’s last minute.”

  He was resolute on this. I could see him stiffen up, as if he wouldn’t even listen to reason. But apparently, I wasn’t changing his mind.

  “Fine,” I spat.

  Barry had joined Tony on the couch to play video games when I stormed through.

  “Lila,” Barry said, raising his hand.

  I waved as I snatched up my bag off of the ground and stomped for the front door.

  “Everything all right?” Tony asked.

  “Ask Cole.”

  Then, I slammed the door in my wake, and Cole didn’t follow me out. He let me wa
lk away with this absurd problem between us. One I didn’t know how to fix.

  Channing was in the kitchen when I stormed into the apartment like a thundercloud. I threw my bag onto the couch and went straight for the fridge, pulling out a water and guzzling it.

  “Uh, everything all right, Lila?” Channing asked.

  “Cole is an asshole.”

  Channing laughed. “Uh, well, yeah, but I thought he was a sweetheart with you.”

  “He’s being a fucking idiot,” I growled.

  “I’m making stir-fry. Why don’t you sit at the table and eat something and talk to me?”

  I slammed my water down on the table and plopped into a seat. Even though all I wanted to do was pace angrily. Cole was infuriating. Yes, Ash was coming over tonight, but he wasn’t staying in my bed. I wasn’t even planning to see him. I’d been planning to be at Cole’s the entire time.

  Channing dished out stir-fry for both of us and then sank down. “So, what happened?”

  “Jess is staying at Cole’s this weekend. In his bed.”

  “What the fuck?”

  “Right.”

  “And you’re just going to let this happen?” she asked, seething. “Who lets their ex stay in their bed? Is he staying in the bed with her?”

  “Supposedly, he’s taking the couch.”

  “They’re going to fuck.”

  “Don’t you think I know that?” I snarled. “I’m not stupid. Jess is clearly out to get him.”

  “And he just doesn’t care?”

  “I don’t know. He said they’re just friends and I have nothing to worry about.”

  Channing rolled her eyes. “He’s naive if he thinks that Jess isn’t going to put the moves on him.”

  “He wants me to trust him.”

  “You do. You don’t trust her.”

  I dipped my head back in frustration. “I don’t even know why they broke up.”

  Channing’s eyes rounded, and she looked down at her stir-fry, moving it around on her plate. “Well, I might know that.”

  “You said their relationship went down in flames, but I never pressed for information. You or him.”

  “Maybe you should ask him about it.”

  “Maybe I should,” I said, still staring at her.

  “What I heard might not be true.”

  “What exactly did you hear, Channing?” I was getting nervous.

  “Well, I heard that they’d been dating for almost a year, and then video footage leaked of some guys … running a train on her.”

  “What?” I gasped.

  “And it was sent to Cole.”

  My jaw hit the floor. “Holy shit!”

  “I heard that Cole got into a fight he couldn’t win, and the rest of the team jumped in. The coach had to break them up, and he almost suspended Cole and the other guys from playing because of the fight. I don’t know how they worked it out.”

  My mind was whirling. “Why the hell would he let someone like that stay at his house? Why would he still be friends with her?”

  Channing shrugged. “I don’t know, Lila. But a girl like that isn’t going to be afraid to go after what she wants.”

  I dropped my forehead onto the table, my stir-fry forgotten. I felt sick. Truly nauseated. “Fuck.”

  Channing ran a hand down my back. “Just talk to him. It’ll be fine.”

  “Thanks, Chan.”

  “Anytime. Mary Elizabeth’s sister is coming into town, and I’m supposed to meet her at her place in fifteen. Are you going to be okay?”

  I sat up straighter and wiped a hand down my face. “Yeah. I’ll be fine. Go see your girlfriend.”

  “Call me if you need anything.”

  “I will.”

  Channing left to go see her girlfriend, leaving me very much alone in my apartment. I should have called Josie or Marley and talked my way through this, but it was too fresh. I couldn’t believe what Jess had done. Maybe it was just a rumor? Why else would he still talk to her after she cheated on him with a bunch of other guys and filmed it?

  I cringed. The whole day was a disaster. It couldn’t get any worse.

  Then, there was a knock at the door.

  I closed my eyes. I’d spoken too soon. I peeled myself off of the chair and opened the front door.

  Ash Talmadge stood on the front step in all his glory.

  “Hey,” I said, holding the door open.

  He entered, carrying a duffel bag and messenger bag. I looked past him in confusion.

  “Where’s Charlie?”

  Ash waited for me to look at him before responding, “We broke up.”

  “On the way here?”

  “Yesterday.”

  He was so calm. But today was not the day. I was furious about Cole and Jess and everything I’d learned. I couldn’t deal with Ash too.

  “And you’re here, why?”

  Ash shot me that confident smile that normally worked quite well on me. But right now, it made me see red.

  “What? I can’t stay?”

  “No,” I snapped. “No, you can’t stay. The only reason I even let you come up is because you had a girlfriend.”

  “Is there a reason I can’t stay now that I’m single?”

  I glared at him. “Don’t. Just fucking don’t. I was being generous because I liked Charlie. I don’t like you.”

  He didn’t even look offended. He didn’t believe me. “Come on, Lila. I thought we were past that. Friends.”

  “We’re not friends. You know we’re not. Go stay with one of your other friends.”

  “Their places are full. That’s why I needed to stay here.”

  “Why Charlie needed to stay here! This has nothing to do with you.”

  “Well, there’s nowhere else for me to stay.”

  “Then, go home!”

  That must have gotten through to him. Because that delicious smile slipped off of his mouth, and I saw the other side of Ash that I’d always known was lurking underneath. The one who dealt with his hard, traditional father and drugged-out mom. The one who knew exactly where to push to get the reaction he wanted.

  “Why should it matter if I’m here? I thought you were staying with your boyfriend.”

  I clenched my hands into fists. “Change of plans.”

  I had no intention of telling him about Jess, but I didn’t want him here either. Even if Cole fucking deserved it for his bullshit.

  “Trouble in paradise, love?”

  “Go fuck yourself,” I snapped at him before turning on my heel and heading toward the stairs that led to my second-story room.

  “Wait, wait,” Ash said, softening.

  He grasped my hand, and sparks shot through my body. I hated that he could still draw that reaction from me. That the year apart hadn’t dampened anything between us. I yanked my arm back.

  “I already had a ticket to the game. I didn’t think it would be a big deal since you’d be with Cole. If it’s a big deal, then I can try to find somewhere else to stay.”

  “I’d appreciate that. If nothing comes up, you can crash. But it’s just the couch. There’s nothing … you know.”

  His eyes smoldered at the insinuation. “I do know.”

  Nothing would be happening with us. The whole thing would be easier if he wasn’t here. Because as much as I didn’t trust Jess with Cole, I didn’t trust myself alone with Ash either.

  13

  Athens

  September 27, 2008

  “This game is terrible,” Channing said. She leaned drunkenly on her girlfriend. “Mary Elizabeth, make it better.”

  I laughed hysterically. Channing and I had gotten way too hammered, pregaming all day for the Georgia–Alabama blackout game. We’d gotten up at the ass crack of dawn to get on College GameDay and progressively gotten more intoxicated all day, waiting for the night game to start. And now, we were losing.

  More than ninety thousand people in the stadium, the first official use of Georgia’s black uniforms, everyone screaming our head
s off, and none of it mattered. Alabama was still running over us. It was embarrassing. If I didn’t love my team so much, I might have left after it started to look bleak. Worse than that, Cole looked terrible. Completely off his game. I’d been to every game this season and sat through hours of footage of him playing. But damn, today, he arguably looked like shit.

  I wondered how much of that was due to our argument. If him dropping that last pass when he normally had sticky fingers was my fault. And if the whole damn game had gone to pieces over one stupid argument. I wanted to win. I didn’t want to be fighting with my boyfriend. But that was where we were. And frankly, there was nothing to do but sit by and watch the train wreck.

  By the time they called the game, everyone was as beaten down as the team. We streamed out of the stands and headed downtown to drink away our despair.

  “The rest of the girls said to meet them at Boar’s Head,” Channing said.

  Channing tugged us farther down Jackson Street toward Boar’s Head—an enormous bar with a two-story outdoor patio packed to the gills and an underground bar, complete with pool tables, shuffleboard, and beer pong. We took the stairs to the basement bar. Half of the dance team was in attendance, shaking their asses to the rap music. We joined them on the floor while Mary Elizabeth went for shots with her sister. They returned a few minutes later, holding out shots to us.

  “Here we are!” Mary Elizabeth cried.

  I held it up to toast as Channing shouted, “To still being better than Alabama.”

  The entire bar went up in a round of shouts and applause at her proclamation.

  “Hell yes!” I called and then tipped the drink back. It burned all the way down. I blinked back the tears in my eyes. “What the hell, Mary Elizabeth?”

  She grinned. “Four Horsemen.”

  “Jesus, no wonder I saw black.”

  I stumbled away from my friends to grab a drink that wouldn’t ruin my liver quite as fast. Who had let them choose the drink anyway?

  I leaned over the bar, waving at the bartender to get his attention. He tipped his head at me, and I called out for a vodka cranberry. Meanwhile, I held tight to the bar to get the spinning under control.