“I’m so sorry, Celia. I didn’t know how to tell you, and I wasn’t sure. I didn’t want to make accusations that weren’t true, but I knew Keith was a player and that he and his brothers were fairly… kinky. I thought maybe you knew. Or that Keith had gone straight, finally.”
She paused, dug out a bottle of scotch and poured two glasses. I gulped it, hungry for the delirium it gave so many. I wanted to pass out and forget the terrible words that Rachel had spewed at me and the guilty look on Keith’s face.
Or had it been Keith? How was I to know? They were identical triplets, weren’t they?
Becky gave me a can of cold Coke and I used it to wash away the heat of the scotch, but it didn’t really help. It didn’t occur to me to ask how an 18-year-old had a bottle of expensive scotch, or to tell her it was illegal for us to drink it. I just drank it and didn’t think.
I’d downed three shots before she closed the bottle and put it down. “That’ll do for now. Come on, Celia. Talk to me. You can’t keep this bottled up.”
“If I talk about it, I’ll have to think about it, Beck,” I said grimly, and then looked into those light green eyes, full of sadness for me. Pity.
I closed my eyes to block it out, to block out the word fool that kept playing over and over in my mind. “Another!”
I held out the glass she’d given to me and she did me the honor of listening to me. I downed the double shot and then kind of wobbled over to the couch she had. It was huge. One of those that has multiple sections that fit together and she’d put it in place to make an alcove that looked like a living room, instead of one large room. I sank down onto the white velvet and pulled my boots off. I didn’t want to mark the white carpet that also served to mark the section out as a different room.
“What am I going to do?” I finally sobbed. “I don’t have any clothes; all of my stuff is at his…” I shook my head about my words as the reality hit home, “No, their house.”
“I’ll go and get it. You can stay here with me, rent-free. I don’t mind.” She sat down beside me, my forgotten Coke and one for her in her hands. “I’ll go over and tell them to hand over your belongings. Or better yet, they can deliver them here.”
“Thanks.” I sank back into the plush sofa and tried to make my mind blank. The scotch had hit me hard, and the room span a little but then it calmed down. “I’m so fucked.”
“You aren’t, Celia. You have me and that’s all that matters. For tonight, you can sleep in one of my nightgowns, and you can have the extra room. It has a bed in it, so you’re ready to go.”
“I thought he was going to propose,” I whispered and moved forward to grab the can and take a drink. “I really thought that’s what he was starting to hint at. Not that he wanted to tell me that there were three of him.”
“Was he?” she asked, surprised. “So, you didn’t know?”
“No. Apparently, I live in a fucking bubble.” Although, if I was honest with myself, I’d started to think he had a personality disorder. He was so vastly different sometimes that I’d started to wonder if he had multiple personalities all named Keith. As it turned out, there were three Keiths but they all had different names. In real life. Not imaginary people or personalities, but triplets. Fuck.
I turned my face away from Becky to hide my tears, but she took my hand and tugged at it. I sank down to her lap and she pushed off the stupid helmet I’d forgotten I still had on. Once that was gone, she brushed at my hair with gentle fingers and started to sing a song. I didn’t know the song, but it was pretty.
I wasn’t really comfortable, not in that mostly metal top but Becky’s care made me feel loved. I wanted to run home. To my mom, aunts, and Gran, but Becky did what she could for me. She did her best to comfort me until I fell asleep.
The scotch did its job and left me in peace for a little while. A few hours later, I woke up because my boob was vibrating. It freaked me out until I realized it was my phone. I knew who it was and didn’t bother to look. I turned the phone off and sat up. I was still at Becky’s apartment and looked around. There was a large white nightgown on the coffee table, big enough to fit almost anyone and I saw she’d turned on the bedside lamp in the bedroom.
I went into the unfamiliar room, looked around at the sea of white and closed my eyes. There was no window in the room, so it was dark when I turned off the light. I couldn’t see a thing. I took off my costume, slid on the gown and slipped into the cold sheets of the bed. I pulled the covers over my head, and let the world slip away.
I dreamed nightmares this time, however. It wasn’t the sweet unconscious nothing that I’d had before. I dreamed of Rachel as a giant that stood over me, her finger an accusation that nearly obliterated my head. She laughed, and the crowd that milled around her legs laughed. Then there was fire, and I tried to run but at every point, Keith blocked my way. Only it wasn’t Keith. There were three of him, then six, then nine and it kept going until the crowd that laughed at me was made up only of replicas of Keith.
I screamed, tried to break away but they held me, pushed me, deeper into the middle of them all, until I fell, curled up into a ball, and cried as I pleaded with them to stop. Celia, they called my name, over and over, until it was a blur, a slur that repeated in my head.
“Celia! Wake up, girl, you’re having a nightmare!” I jerked awake to see Becky stood over me, her face concerned.
“Becky? What?” I sat up in bed, remembered what had happened and closed my eyes. “Sorry, I didn’t mean to wake you.”
“You didn’t. It’s time for class and I was awake anyway. It’s so dark in here you can’t tell what time it is. Are you going to class?” She looked like she knew the answer to that already.
“I don’t have any clothes, and while this nightgown could hold three of me, I don’t think I’ll go out in public in it. Or any of your clothes, either.”
“Don’t worry, I’ll sort something out for you, and I’ll hunt Keith and his brothers down to get your stuff. There’s food in the fridge and I’ll be back at lunchtime, okay?”
I got out of bed and hugged her. “Thank you. You’ve saved me. You really have.”
“You don’t need to thank me; you’d do the same for me. Just rest, regroup and get your head straight if you can. I’ll be back soon.”
She hugged me back and then she left me there, alone. I knew she had to go to class. I needed to as well, but I had no clothes. And I’d been humiliated enough for one lifetime already.
I glanced at my phone and bit down on my lip to keep the tears at bay. I would not turn it on. I knew it would be full of texts and missed calls. But I didn’t want to talk to him. I didn’t want this to be real.
Right now, I was in a bubble where reality was outside, and here in Becky’s home, the outside didn’t exist. Turning on that phone would bring the outside in to me which I dearly didn’t want to do. In here, I didn’t have to cry. I didn’t have to remember the faces that laughed at me, in real life, not the nightmare. Because they’d all laughed as I ran away. They’d all joined Rachel in her triumphant cacophony of laughter.
She’d finally bested me, and it was all because Keith had wanted me and not her. She’d humiliated herself with that admission, but that wouldn’t matter to the world. She’d broken me. She’d torn away the only comfort I had and she’d won. But here, I didn’t have to think about that.
Chapter Thirty-Two
Celia
I turned my phone on two days later. As I expected it buzzed so long with notifications that it nearly drained the battery. I swiped to clear all the notifications and then started to delete my accounts on my social media. I’d make new ones later, for now, I took the apps off my phone and enjoyed the silence.
Becky had been true to her word and went over to get my stuff. They brought it over in Becky’s car and the car owned by the Bentley brothers. They put it all in the elevator, sent it up, and then left me in peace. They knew to leave me alone now, at least. Becky had told them I didn’t want anyth
She’d told me about the conversation when she came up with the last load of my belongings. That load had increased in my short time with the boys. I’d gone from a few possessions to boxes full of it. I had new clothes they’d bought me, new bedding and a lot more. I didn’t want to look at it all, I just wanted my clothes, books, and my computer.
When I turned my computer on, my email notifications were full too. Only, most of those were about my classes, or from other students that wanted to laugh at me. Some called me vile names, and I soon deleted everything in my inbox and closed the browser. I had homework to do, and this wouldn’t help.
I was on the verge of losing my job, my life was in tatters, and now I could barely show my face in public. At least it was winter, I could hide in bulky clothes and scarves, with hats to hide my recognizable hair. I wanted to crawl back home, but I knew I had to face up to this monumental mistake I had made and get on with my life.
That’s what I told myself during the day. At night, I ached for Keith’s touch, for the way he made me feel so safe. But he wasn’t a ‘he’, he was a ‘them.’ I realized now that I’d known all along. My body knew each one’s touch was different. My body could recognize which one I was with, even if my brain didn’t want to believe it. I still didn’t know which one was which, although Becky had explained to me the difference in their personalities. Colin was the serious one, Grant the romantic and Keith, the consummate player, definitely able to give a girl a good time.
I thought I knew which was which by the third day and had worked out that I’d been in love with each for different reasons. Sure, they were all different men, and I had them at different times, but together, they really had made the perfect man.
In my less lucid moments, I’d think about what life would be like with them, how would we go on? I’d wonder if they drew straws to see which one had me for the day, or if they had a chart. How would that work in the future, if I’d agreed to the relationship?
At other times, I tried to focus on my job and school. A week passed and then two. The hate mail and nasty texts began to slow down and then disappeared. I developed some kind of stomach flu that wouldn’t go away by the third week and became more than a little depressed.
Becky did her best, and she gave me a lot of support, but even she couldn’t help me in this situation. Thanksgiving break began, and Becky surprised me. She’d bought me tickets to go back home for the holiday.
“I’m going to be with my family. You should go to, Celia. I can’t stand the thought of you being here alone.” She’d hugged me tightly, then run off to catch her flight.
I’d stared at the tickets, unable to believe it, and then I’d called my uncle. We wanted to surprise Mom, so he didn’t tell anyone he was coming to pick me up. I met him at the airport, where we hugged and he called me ‘munchkin’ the way he always had, and then I nearly threw up on him.
The nausea passed and he took me to the car, concerned that I was sick. I told him I thought it was my gall bladder or something. It happened when I ate spicy food or oily stuff and I’d had a load of onion rings at the airport in New York.
Becky had given me some money for traveling expenses. I’d found it tucked into my pocket after she’d given me a hug and left, so I’d splurged on onion rings. I regretted it now as the car sped towards my mom. It finally settled down about five minutes before we got home and I was so relieved, I nearly laughed.
It wasn’t just my gall bladder, I thought, but I couldn’t tell my uncle that. It was stress. I’d been so distraught that I’d missed my period too. I knew stress could do that and with exams, the shit with my ‘boyfriend’, and Rachel, well, my body was in chaos and telling me it needed a break.
My uncle parked at his trailer, and then we walked over to my Mom’s. I knocked on the door before I opened it and she stood there in the kitchen, her jaw dropped and her eyes wide. “Baby girl! What are you doing here?”
“I needed my Momma,” I said with a sob and fell into her open arms. This is what I’d needed more than anything.
“We’ll, uh, we’ll have dinner ready at six, you two. Take some time, and then come on over.” I smiled at my uncle, tears running down my face and mouthed a thank you. He knew we needed some time together.
“Tell me, baby, come on. Something’s wrong or you wouldn’t be here.” She was so concerned, so soft and sweet and so full of the smell that was my mom, that I nearly fell. I hadn’t realized just how much I’d missed her.
I clung to her tightly, sobs an awful strain that wracked my body as I let it all out at last. I told her everything that had happened. I’m sure she didn’t understand it all, but she didn’t judge me or push me away She just smiled and told me how much she loved me. How proud she was.
“You stood up for yourself, baby. That was so brave of you.” She looked at my pink hair and smiled. “I hate that that little bitch ruined your hair, but I love the pink.”
“Everybody does,” I said and wiped my face with some paper towels. We weren’t the box of tissues kind of family. “I’m sorry I cried all over you like that.”
“It’s what I’m here for, baby girl. Now, what are you going to do about those men?”
“I have no idea.”
“It sounds to me,” she said carefully, her eyes on the picture of my Dad on the wall, “that you loved them all. And like they were about to tell you before this Rachel girl spoiled it all.”
“I think they were. But I can’t forgive them, can I? They played me for an idiot.”
“I know, honey, but they also seemed to have chosen very carefully. They didn’t just pick you because they wanted to play with you, it sounds like they wanted something real. Different but real.”
“I can’t believe you’re defending them.” I wasn’t angry, just shocked.
“I know, it’s weird, but I learned a lot from your dad. He was a little wild too before he got sick. I’ve never been a prude, you know that, but, well, honey, sometimes people make the worst mistakes with the best intentions. Which has probably just confused you even more but think about what you’ve told me. They treated you like a princess. And more importantly, with care. And as someone who lost her one and only far too soon, I can also say, if you can have three of the same one, well have it. You’ll never be alone.”
I couldn’t believe what she said. My mom, the saintly woman that hadn’t remarried, wanted me to make up with the Bentleys?
“Wait, who’s this guy you’ve been seeing? And what’s he done to you?”
“Oh, Tom? Well, he’s taught me a thing or two. I’m not too old for a good time you know?” She winked at me and I nearly fell over and died.
“Momma!” I said, shocked. “You slut!”
“Only with him.” She threw her head back and laughed, and despite myself, I laughed with her. Good for her.
She deserved some happiness and a little bit of love in her life.
The fact that she wanted me to take the boys back made me wonder about her sanity, but then I wondered if she wasn’t looking at it all practically. There would be three men to provide an income, three men to love me, and take care of me. And as she’d said, I’d never be alone. I had three men to love.
I pondered over it all as we went to my uncle’s for Thanksgiving dinner, and I watched my family as they celebrated my success so far. I hadn’t exactly made a good name for myself at school, but my grades were good, and I hadn’t failed out or been fired yet. Mom kept my business to herself, as I knew she would, and we had a nice time.
Becky had been right; I’d needed to be home with my family. I’d have to pay her back, somehow, but this was the best thing that could have happened to me. My mom had shown me the commonsense side of things, and the reality of life. As a child, she’d told me about her fairy tale romance with Dad and I’d wanted that same kind of life.
One man, one woman, college, marriage, babies, and happily ever after. I wanted what she hadn’t been able to have. But that wasn’t the only option in life. Yes, the boys had humiliated me with their little game, but had it really been a game?
If it had been, would they have carried it on as long as they did? I didn’t think they would. I was quiet throughout the weekend that my tickets allowed me to be home, so I soaked in all the family time that I could. I talked with my cousins and held the babies a few of them had already given us to love. I took it all in, and when I went back to New York, I had an idea of what I really wanted out of life now.
I’d gone to New York totally naïve, maybe even a little vain about myself. I’d considered myself above the other kids, in a way. I was more romantic, not sex-starved as I thought they were. Now that I’d experienced intimacy, I knew that sometimes you just needed to fuck. At other times, you needed that connection. I’d been wrong to judge the other kids as I had.
I left my mom’s again and cried on the plane home, though I’d never tell her that. I hid beneath the blanket the stewardess gave me and tried to stop the tears. I hated leaving my family again, but my life was in New York now. Becky was there, my classes, and my job was there, and my future was there.
I wasn’t little Miss Perfect, at all. I knew that now. I’d made my own mistakes. I’d walked blindly into a relationship with a man I barely knew. Okay, three men I barely knew. I hadn’t known they were three men, but that wasn’t relevant. What was relevant, was the fact that I’d chosen to date him, I’d chosen to sleep with him, and I’d chosen to blind myself to the truth. I remembered now, all the times I’d caught them out, but they’d managed to play it off. That time I came home from school early, the coughs I’d heard when I was ill, that delirium dream, which had probably been real, minus the dog part. So many times, but I’d talked myself out of the truth.
Because I loved who I was with them, how I felt with them, and what my future could be with them as my mates. No, it wasn’t conventional, it was insane, but people broke the rules all the time. My family had, but we’d stuck together. They’d stand by me if I chose to continue with this relationship. Even if nobody else would.
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