by Sara Summers
I reached in front of him and unlocked the patio door, then tugged his arm until he followed me outside. After shutting the door as quietly as I could, I pulled him over to the porch swing that I had seen outside the last time we were there.
We sat down, and Sam looked out at the forest in front of him once again. He wouldn’t meet my eyes.
“Will you please talk to me?” I asked, trying to make my voice gentle.
“There’s nothing to say.” He said.
“Come on, Sam.” I leaned back against the swing.
“I told you, I have nothing to say.” Sam’s voice hardened.
“Alright.” I closed my eyes, leaning back and sitting next to him in silence.
“You’re not going back to bed?” he asked me. He sounded frustrated and maybe a little bit surprised.
“Why would I? I’m already up, and I don’t want you to be alone.” I folded my arms, though it was so dark he couldn’t even see me.
“Why do you care?” his voice dropped down to a whisper.
“Because whether you choose to be my soulmate or not, I’m yours. I can’t deny that any more than I can deny the royal symbol written on my side. I’m the queen of the mermaids, Alena is my sister, and you are my soulmate. Regardless of whether you want me or not, I care about you because you are the other half of me.”
Sam finally turned to me. Though it was dark and I couldn’t really see him, because of my connection with water I knew there were tears pooled in his eyes. I reached out and took his hand.
“My parents and older brother were in the military, too. They were positioned fairly high up and weren’t allowed to tell me anything about what they did. One day they left and didn’t come back. I joined after their funerals.” He shook his head. “I don’t know who I am without them or the military. I don’t know what I want to do or who I want to be.”
He looked out into the forest again.
“The anniversary of their death is today. Two years ago, today.” He said softly.
“I’m sorry.” I took his hand between both of mine.
“It wasn’t your fault.” Sam shook his head. “You know, that day on the beach?”
“Yeah.” I nodded.
“I felt like I was drowning. Every day I fell deeper and darker into this hopeless life that I didn’t want to live anymore. I was throwing rocks and calling out to God, or the ocean, or whoever was listening. I asked what I should do with my life, what I was supposed to become without any family to support me. I was so desperate and so… lost.” He stared at the dark trees in front of us. “I didn’t get an answer. But then, I guess I never really expected one. Like I thought, I’m alone here.”
“What if the mermaid was your answer?” I asked, my voice barely above a whisper. “What if this was the plan all along?”
“Maybe.” Sam sighed. “I have no way of knowing.”
“Do you think it’s a coincidence that I’ve been wearing these markings on my side since I was born?” I let go of his hand, folding my arms.
“I don’t know what I think.” Sam leaned his head back and groaned. “I just wish I’d gotten an answer. I wish I’d heard a voice tell me what to do, or seen something, or anything. I don’t know what to think.”
I stood up.
“Something inside you told you to rescue the mermaid, and the ocean told me to stay and watch. Maybe you did get a sign but you’ve been too blind to see it.” I started toward the door, then stopped before opening it. “I’m sorry about the people you lost, but even on this sad day you should know that I’m sitting here just hoping you’ll decide to build a new life and family with me. Goodnight, Sam.”
I went back in and took up my position on the floor once again.
“Is everything okay, Ava?” Alena asked in a sleepy voice.
“It’s fine.” I promised her, another lie to add to my list. That list had been growing too quickly.
“Okay. Sleep good. Love you.” Alena murmured before going back to sleep.
My face and heart softened at her words.
It was nice to have a sister. She cared about me for who I was then, rather than the for person I’d been in high school. Alena was my entire family, since Marie was gone. She just wanted to be my sister, and I just wanted to be hers.
I couldn’t fall asleep until Sam came in twenty minutes later. When I heard the door close behind him, my mind finally settled and I was able to go to sleep.
Chapter 23
The next day, Leah and Ty made breakfast for everyone. About half of us were leaving, so after breakfast, we all met in the living room for one last goodbye. Cosette shot a few quick video interviews for the YouTube channel before everyone started hugging.
Sam immediately went to Kennedy. While hugging my friends, I watched him talk to her from the corner of my eye.
He told her something, and she folded her arms. He continued speaking, and the more he said, the more upset she became.
When he finally came back over to me, she looked close to tears. But she held herself together, managing to smile at everyone and hug all the rest of the shifty girls.
“Everyone be safe.” Leah called out, waving from her position in the kitchen. “I’ll send out a text when I have the baby.”
“Babies.” Jazz corrected her.
Leah rolled her eyes at our cheetah friend, as usual, though I’d already confirmed to her that Jazz was right about it.
Alena, Sam, and I headed out to Sam’s truck. He put our bags in the back and then we all climbed in for the drive. It felt empty inside without Marie, but I knew she was back in the ocean, and there was nowhere better than that.
We drove in silence most of the time. We didn’t make any stops, and we didn’t have anything to talk about.
“Don’t take us back to the apartment. I can’t go back.” Alena said quietly from the back seat of the truck.
“No problem.” Sam assured her. “We’ll stop there and I’ll take your bags inside. I can hide a key under the mat or wherever so that when you do come back you can get in.”
After that quick stop, he took us right to the place that I couldn’t wait to be:
The ocean.
When I saw that great body of water, I knew that everything would be okay. I just knew that it would.
“I’ll wait on the beach, Ava.” Alena told me, walking slowly down the empty sand.
I turned to Sam, who took his time walking around the truck to where I was standing.
“Are you ready to try to get rid of your tail?” I forced a very small, very fake smile onto my face.
“Not quite. It’s an honor to be a shifter, and I think I’ll stay this way for at least a little while.” He put his hands in his pockets.
“Alright.” I nodded, folding my arms over my chest. “Thank you for coming to the summit and playing along. Sorry for the danger you were in.” It was another awkward conversation. I didn’t know what I was supposed to say to him. The truth wasn’t what he wanted to hear, so I just filled the void.
“I’m glad I did it.” Sam gave me a small smile. “Look, Ava,” he began, and my heart started to sink a little. I knew what he was going to say, and no amount of wishing it wasn’t so would change the words that I knew were coming.
“I’m sorry that I’m not everything you wanted me to be. I’m sorry that I’m not what you hoped for or expected, and I’m sorry that I can’t accept a tail as the answer to all of my problems.”
“You don’t have to say anything. It’s fine.” I stepped away, but Sam held out a hand to stop me from going any further.
“Yes, I do.” He scolded me. “You’ve been waiting for your soulmate your entire life, and you found out you were stuck with me. That sucks, and I’m sorry. If I could go back and change it, I would. I’d let you save the mermaid, I’d let your council give you whatever mate they were planning on giving you. At least then, you would have a chance at love.”
It felt like his words were trying to cut straight through
my heart, but I refused to let them. I wouldn’t break no matter how sharp they were.
“I wish I could be someone else, but I’m not. I’m just me.” He shrugged.
“I don’t wish that.” I stepped forward, this time moving closer to him. “I don’t want you to be anyone else. Whether you were born a merman or not, you’re my soulmate. Whether you want to be it or not, it’ll still be true. You can travel the world and marry some beautiful human girl who doesn’t have the responsibilities I have, but you will still be the other half of my soul and I will still be the other half of yours.
“I’ll just be the mermaid queen, swimming around the ocean and spreading peace. Thanks for giving it a try, Sam. Good luck with everything. I’m really glad that we met.” I stepped closer one last time, pressing a kiss against his cheek.
With that as my final goodbye, I walked down the beach and to my sister, who was already waiting for me. She took my hand when I reached her, and we entered the water together. Our clothes would vanish, but that didn’t matter—we were mermaids.
As we swam through the city, a few more of my tears slipped in to join the rest of the pain that made the ocean’s water salty. I cried for the future that would never be, I cried Marie, and I cried for the soulmate that I had lost but never really had. Alena held me while I cried, hugging me and crying with me.
And when I was done crying, together, we swam back to Capitol City to take our places as the head of mermaid-kind.
I held my chin high when I told the council that I was a queen who didn’t need a king. I kept it raised when they blubbered at me, yelling,
“What the hotdog?!” three different times.
I held my ground until I had showed all of them that I planned on staying true to everything I had just told them, and then when I got back to my room, I broke down and cried once again.
Even a queen could only be so strong for so long.
Chapter 24
The next few days passed as if they were a dream. Alena and I swam through Capitol City, meeting people and talking to them, announcing ourselves as the queen and princess. Mermaids and mermen both were thrilled to see us out and about like we weren’t royalty, and we had fun talking to them all.
We went to a bunch of shops, admiring the jewelry and hair-decorations that they offered. We bought a few different things with the money the council had finally told me belonged to the rulers, out of an obligation to support local shopkeepers of course.
We met fish herders and spoke with castle guards, making friends with everyone. When they asked about my soulmate, I told them he was on land, finishing up school. When they asked more than that, Alena helped me change the topic of the conversation.
We had fun together every day, and I loved those days.
Still, every night I went back to my room. Every night, I felt lonely. I missed Sam taking up his side of the bed, and I missed clinging to the edge of my side so I wouldn’t accidentally touch him. I missed him trying to keep me safe, and I missed his constant presence.
A week and two days passed by like that.
When Alena told me it was almost the end of the month, I knew that I needed to go back to the land once again. I had to clear out the apartment and let the managers know that Marie didn’t need the space any more. There were things to do, and I… well, I had to do them.
Chapter 25
I needed a ride to get to Marie’s apartment, so I borrowed Alena’s phone to call Kennedy. She was living in Poulsbo for the summer, I knew.
She agreed to come pick me up, and I met her at the beach she decided on.
“Hey.” She smiled at me a little as I slipped into her little old car.
“Thanks for picking me up.” I thanked her. We had never been best friends, but we were close enough to count on each other if we needed anything.
“No problem.” She nodded. Kennedy seemed a little upset, but I wasn’t sure it was my place to ask her about it.
She drove us right to the apartment, knowing where it was after so many years in high school of picking me up and dropping me off.
“I’ll wait here.” She said softly.
I nodded, sliding out of the car. I felt strange, walking up the stairs I had used so many times throughout my life. Knowing it was the last time I would ever walk up to the apartment…
I wasn’t sure what to think.
I pulled the key out from under the doormat and unlocked the front door. It swung open, and I looked out at the furnished apartment in front of me.
The furniture was the same it had always been, the smell was the same too. It reminded me so much of Marie that my heart ached.
I closed my eyes and took a moment to remember her. She had been good to me in so many ways. I wished I had snuck back to see her throughout my year as the queen, and I wished I could go back and realize then how quickly I would lose her.
I grabbed a pair of clothes for Alena and I, planning on stashing them somewhere accessible for the next time we needed to pass as humans. The rest of the stuff, I was giving away.
The apartment owner’s phone number was on a sticky note on the fridge, the same place it had always been. I called him and explained the situation. He gave me his apologies, and told me not to worry about paying next month’s rent.
I thanked him and hung up, then headed into Marie’s room.
While I didn’t have many objects that were important to me, Marie had a few. I knew the box she kept them in, and I couldn’t just let them get thrown away.
So, I grabbed the fancy box (it and everything inside was waterproof, courtesy of a friend of hers) and headed out. I looked over my shoulder, one last time, at the place I’d grown up in. It was weird, because while I was completely different that place had stayed exactly the same.
I locked the door for the last time, placing the key under the mat for both the people coming to take everything to a donation center and the owner.
My heart was heavy as I walked back down those stairs, but at the same time, I knew it was the right thing to do. My place was in the ocean, and Alena’s was too.
Kennedy looked up from the book she had been reading when I got back in the car.
“Get everything figured out?” She asked.
“Yeah.” I nodded and sighed.
“I feel like that too.” She leaned back against her seat and closed her eyes. “Sometimes I just wish I was a human.”
“You do?” I frowned.
“Yeah.” Kennedy nodded. “Bree can choose any man she wants. She can fall madly in love with him and he can sweep her off her feet and spoil her with love letters and romance. I’m just sitting here, waiting for a man who knows exactly where I am but wants nothing to do with me.” She closed her eyes.
“Sam told you?” I sighed again, this time for my friend. She deserved to know, but at the same time, that was an impossibly hard thing to deal with.
“I’m glad he did. At least now I know that I won’t have a prince charming. I can try to make it work with a human.” She perked up a little.
“It wouldn’t be worth it.” I shook my head. “Believe me, I’m in the same position as you. My soulmate doesn’t want to be with me, but he’s still my soulmate. No one else in this world could have the other half of my soul the way he does.”
“I’m sorry. I really thought he was going to decide to stay with you.” Kennedy shrugged sadly. “But I can’t live a life without love. I need someone, and if my soulmate doesn’t want me, I’ll find someone else. I don’t want to be alone forever.” She turned the car on. It sputtered a little, but started.
“Thanks again for the ride.” I told her, since it was apparent that her opinion wasn’t going to change.
“I’m happy to help.” She said, pulling out of the parking lot. “Do you need somewhere to keep your clothes? You could put them in the back seat if you want, I don’t mind the mess, and I can move them somewhere else before I go back to school in the fall.” She offered.
“That would be gr
eat.” I nodded, a little surprised with the offer. “Thanks.”
“No problem.” Kennedy gave me a wry smile.
I leaned back and tucked mine and Alena’s clothes under one of the seats. They were out of the way enough that I didn’t think she would mind them there.
We were at the beach two minutes later.
“You’re a good friend, Kennedy.” I gave her one last smile.
“Thank you.” She forced a smile.
“And for what It’s worth, I’m sorry that your soulmate doesn’t feel good enough for you. If there was anything I could do, I would do it.”
“Thanks.” She nodded. “It sucks, but sometimes that’s just how life goes.” She sighed and leaned back against her seat. “Be safe out there, Ava.”
“You too.” I gave her one last smile before heading back to the ocean.
I walked down the beach, feeling the cool water brush against my toes. Humans would’ve thought it much too cold for swimming, but then, I wasn’t a human.
I waded further out and swapped my legs for a tail. Carrying Marie’s box of memories, I started swimming toward Capitol City.
When I realized that I wasn’t ready to go back yet, I changed course, swimming toward my lookout seat instead. It was the place I had been sitting when I met Sam, so it seemed like a fitting place to sit while I worked through the emotions he’d given me.
The water raised me up to usual seat on the edge of the cliff, leaving me to sit and think. The warm, salty air teased at my cheeks and hair, making me smile.
I remembered back to that day, the day I met Sam. It had only been what? A week and a half? Two weeks, more like it? Maybe a little more?
Still, it felt like a year.
I had been okay with giving up my soulmate. I was about to let the council change my cotie to match me with someone else. I planned on letting go of the hope for love and instead, accepting the idea of spending the rest of my life with someone who wasn’t the other half of my soul.
And then I met Sam, and lost Marie. Everything changed because of the two of them.
