"It's too… bright in here," I state, studying the blank white walls. "These walls need some color. What do you think?"
I look over to see Jax is already passed out. His big ass body barely squeezed onto the lounger, feet hanging over the end, same as mine.
Needing a few more minutes to wind down, I pull my phone from my pocket and check once again to see if Ella has responded. She hasn't. I didn't think she would have but my heart can't help but hope.
I open my camera and flip through pic after pic, taken over the past few months. There's a ton of selfies of the two of us, some of her posing for me, and countless candid shots I snuck in when she wasn't paying attention. I watch her transform before my eyes. She was smiling in the beginning. She seemed happy, but the further I go, her smiles change, reaching her eyes. Her face radiates pure joy. She doesn't just seem happy in the later pictures, she is happy. Probably for the first time in her life.
Now, thanks to me, that's all gone. She's once again broken and alone, and I don't have the first clue how to find her. I swipe my thumb softly across her cheek on the screen, my guilt eating me alive. "I'm so sorry, sweetheart," I whisper into the quiet room.
When I make it to the end of my camera roll, I watch the videos of the two of us together. Her trusting eyes and carefree laughter send chills down my arms. How can I possibly ever get her back? I pray she gives me a chance.
I scroll through YouTube, searching for a song to tell her how much I love her, how much she means to me. When I find the perfect one, I send it to her with another text.
My head's already pounding and after sleeping on this lounge chair, I'm going to have one hell of a hangover tomorrow. After I sleep it off, I'll rope Jax into helping me paint this house. We'll start by taping off all the rooms. That should keep my mind busy for a while.
"Damn, it's going to be a long ass weekend," I mutter, passing out soon after.
23
Ella
My navigation system has me pulling up to Reed's place by mid-afternoon. I forgot to set an alarm and woke up just ten minutes before time to check out of the hotel. I washed my face and brushed my teeth before hitting the road, stopping only once to fuel up and grab a few snacks to stave off the dizziness.
I park my car along the curb and pull my bag from the back before walking quickly to the front door. Reed steps out, wrapping me in the familiar safety of his strong arms before I can knock. I feel a sense of home against his firm chest, yet I'm homesick at the same time. I have been since pulling out of Gram's drive.
"You made it." Reed gushes, pushing back to look me over. "It's good to see you, Ella Bella."
"It's so good to see you, too." I note his brown hair's a little longer than usual, as his whiskey colored eyes assure me everything will be okay. "I've missed you," I say, going in for another hug.
"Here, let me take that for you," Reed says, taking the bag from my hand. "Come on, let's get you inside."
I follow him into the two-bedroom duplex. He shows me to the spare room and sets my bag on the bed.
"This is it. Get settled in and meet me in the living room. Bathrooms across the hall if you need to freshen up."
"I'll take you up on that. I didn't have time for a shower this morning."
"I thought I smelled something." He wrinkles his nose.
"Hey!" I pick up a pillow, throwing it at his face. He blocks it easily while laughing at my failed attempt.
"I'm kidding! Geez, woman!" he says, throwing his hands up in a faux defensive gesture. "Seriously though, take your time and make yourself at home." He turns to walk out the door, "Oh, and the sheets are clean, washed them myself this morning," he smirks.
"Ugh! I don't want to know, do I?"
"Nah." He cringes. "Probably not." With that he retreats down the hall leaving me alone.
I make quick work of putting my things away in the tall chest of drawers, leaving out a change of clothes for after my shower.
Once in the bathroom, I take my time, standing under the hot spray of water until it runs cold. Even then, I stand there, trying to remember one specific thing about today. I couldn't recall how I got here if I had to, nor one single thing I saw along the way.
My mind's a complete fog, a flood of jumbled emotions, sadness the most substantial of them all. I've got to pull myself together, try to categorize these emotions. I shake my head in a failed attempt to clear my thoughts.
Stepping out of the shower, I grab my towel from the counter and dry off before walking across the hall to the guest room. I dress in the yoga pants and the soft tee I laid out on the bed. I braid my hair and pull my journal from my bag, it's time to work on me.
An hour later, I'm feeling half human again. I roll off the bed and pick my journal up to tuck it safely back into my bag. Just as I'm about to slip it inside, a flash of bright yellow catches my eye. Scanning the floor, I find the sunny yellow envelope that contains the letter my mother left me. Huh. I forgot it was in there. I took it from the box a couple weeks ago, toying with the idea of opening it. I had gone to my spot at the river that day and held it in my hands, imagining the words written inside. In the end, I chickened out, tucking it into the back of my journal. I had planned to return it to its concealed bin when I got home but Gram asked me to go to the store for her and I forgot. Now, it's staring me in the face once again, evoking anxiety of the unknown.
If I read it, will it give me the answers to all my problems or only create more? I just don't know. Now isn't the best time to decide either. I pluck it off the floor and slip it back into my journal, tucking it into my purse before joining Reed.
I find him in the kitchen. He opens the freezer as I walk in, pulling out two containers of Ben & Jerry's. "Brownie Batter or Chunky Monkey?" he asks, waving a pint of creamy goodness in each hand.
"Why not both?" I shrug.
"Both it is. Let me grab some spoons, then we'll sit on the couch and you can tell me what has you so heartbroken."
I pout all the way into the living room and plop down on the couch. It's not that I don't want to tell Reed, I'm just not looking forward to reliving the moment. The pain on Kohl's face when I glanced back to see him still kneeling at the river yesterday, haunts me as much as learning that his dad is responsible for my father's death.
A minute later, Reed joins me on the couch. I spend the rest of the afternoon telling him everything that has happened the past couple weeks. The most shocking being what happened yesterday. He's speechless by the time I'm finished with the last detail.
"Ella, I…" he pauses, blowing out a long breath. "Want me to kick his ass?" he offers.
"Noooo," I whine. "I don't know what I want honestly. I'm so hurt that he lied to me. I mean, he lied, right? And if he lied, does that mean Gram lied, too? I think everyone lied, but at the same time, it's kind of my fault. I told them I wasn't ready to talk about my parents much. But something like that… it's different." I shake my head, totally confused yet again. "I don't even know anymore."
"Damn, I just… I'm so sorry you're going through this. I wish I could tell you what to do, but I'm afraid I don't have the answers this time," he says, sympathetically.
"I thought I was figuring things out, you know? I was in a good place. I was happy, Reed. Like really happy, for the first time ever. Now, I'm left with even more unanswered questions. I don't know what to do, what to think. I mean, how can Gram even speak to that family, much less sell them the company my grandfather had built for he and my dad? And she said Jack was working with my grandfather when he died. How could they have both forgiven someone that killed their son? I don't understand," I cry. "I don't understand any of this. I'm lost, Reed, I'm so lost and I don't have a clue where to find myself again."
"I'd give anything to fix all this for you, Ella. I may not have the answers, but I promise to be here for you, no matter what. We'll work through this together. If you want me to go back to Kentucky with you, I will. We can talk to your Gram together. Even Kohl and his dad if yo
u want to. You just say the word, you don't have to go through this alone."
"No, I can't let you do that. You can't miss school because of me, you just started a week ago. I just want to hide out here for a while if that's alright with you."
"You're welcome to stay here as long as you want. You don't have to ask, you know that. You're family, Ella. Always have been and always will be. We may not share blood but you're my sister in every sense of the word," he says, wrapping his arm around my shoulder and pulling me into his side.
"Thanks, Reed. I really don't know what I'd do without you. You've been my saving grace practically my whole life."
I'm sitting on Reed's couch watching Friends reruns. I've been at his house for over two weeks now. The first few days, I did nothing but lay on the couch and wallow in self-pity. If I wasn't doing that, I was in the bed sleeping. To make matters worse, I started my period my first night here. Reed had to make a late-night trip to a twenty-four-hour pharmacy for me. On my fifth day here, he'd had enough. He drug me out of bed and tossed me into a cold shower. All the while telling me he wasn't going to let me sleep another day away, that I was too strong to be acting so weak.
After I screamed my head off and had a good cry, I got up, showered and got dressed. He had my purse and shoes waiting on me when I walked into the living room. He told me we were going out to eat. He was done supplying me with pizza and ice cream.
I didn't argue. It wouldn't have done me any good anyway. When Reed makes up his mind, there's no changing it. I could have protested but he would've just carried me to the car kicking and screaming if need be.
So, that was the start of him dragging me wherever the hell he pleased. Since then, we've eaten out every night, he's even taken me to a couple parties. I've basically stood next to him and sulked at those, he knows I'm no party girl, but he insisted I get to know his friends.
I know he's just trying to get me out and about, so I don't completely give up. He's been here for me, same as always. We've had long conversations almost nightly, except for the few nights he hasn't come home until the wee hours of the morning, smelling of perfume.
I've also started writing in my journal every single day again and that's helped as much as anything, seeing my thoughts processed on paper.
It's been good being with Reed again, I didn't realize just how much I had missed him until I got here. I have to admit I'm homesick though. I miss Gram and our house so much. I miss the little town of Gale, Jessa and all my regulars at work. I even miss Kohl. I'm still mad and hurt and downright clueless what to do where he's concerned, but I miss him all the same. I don't see how I'll ever be able forgive him, but my heart still longs to see those pale green eyes staring into mine. I hate myself for it.
Reed and I are going to dinner with a couple of his friends tonight. After that, I'm going to tell him it's time I go home. I'm leaving tomorrow morning, so I can make the drive all in one day.
I raise my head up as I hear the front door open. Reed walks in, his signature sexy smile stretched across his face.
"Oh, quit with that damn smile! You know good and well that doesn't work on me, it just grosses me out. Besides, can't you see I'm already up and ready to go?" I roll my eyes.
"I can see that. I appreciate your cooperation, too. Makes my job much easier," he chuckles.
"Whatever. Get a shower and let's go. I'm starving."
"Give me ten minutes," he says kicking off his shoes.
"Must be nice," I mumble after he leaves the room. "Took me over an hour."
I go to the guest room and repack all my clothes back into my bag while Reed showers, leaving out some pajamas, and comfy leggings for the drive home tomorrow. I'm finished by the time he's ready and meet him back in the living room.
He drives us to the Mexican restaurant in his Jeep. We enjoy a delicious meal with his friend John and his girlfriend Alicia. It makes me happy to know he's making new friends and developing close relationships here. People are always naturally drawn to Reed, so it's no surprise. It's always been easy for him to make friends.
Soon we're saying our goodbyes and heading our separate ways. I reach over and take Reed's arm, laying my head against his bicep as we walk to the parking lot.
"I think I'm going to go home tomorrow.
"Yeah? You think you're ready for that?" he asks. I can hear the concern in his voice.
"I think I'm as ready as I'll ever be. I believe I've mended as much of my heart as I can here," I explain as we stop outside his passenger door. "There's so much I don't know, and a lot of it's my own fault. I wasn't ready to hear it at the time, but I am now. It's the only way I can start to heal and move past it all, you know?"
Reed nods his head in agreement. "I just hate the thought of you doing it with me so far away from you. What if you need me?"
"You're just a phone call away. Besides, I know my way to your place now. There's no stopping me if I need to come for another visit." I elbow him in the side.
"Come here," he says, pulling me into a hug. "You know you're always welcome. My home will always be your home, come whenever you want, as often as you want."
"Thanks, Reed. I love you," I say, squeezing him extra tight.
"I love you, too, Ella Bella," he returns, kissing the top of my head.
I hear a loud feminine gasp behind me. Reed's entire body stiffens before he releases me, stepping quickly to the side. I turn to see a beautiful girl with long dark hair, her blue-gray eyes are rimmed with tears and filled with hurt.
"I didn't take you for a cheat, I've been hearing it, but I didn't want to believe it about you. I had to come see for myself. I thought I meant something to you, Reed," she says, her voice shaking with anguish as she speaks.
"You don't understand. It's not what you think. Emerson—"
"Just stop!" she shouts, cutting him off. "That's what they all say. You're no different than everyone else," she cries.
"Emerson, please, just give me a chance to explain," Reed begs. He takes a step forward and reaches out for her, but she turns and flees, leaving him shouting her name as he chases behind her.
I'm left speechless, all I can do is stand there, trying to figure out what has just happened. Reed returns after a few minutes, looking totally dejected.
"Fuck!" he shouts, kicking his tire. "She got away from me, just turned a corner and disappeared into thin fucking air. Fuck!" he repeats.
"I'm so sorry, Reed. I didn't mean to cause you any trouble. Who was that anyway? Is she your girlfriend?"
"She's… hell, I don't know. We've been seeing each other for a while now, pretty much since I moved down here. She's always so skittish. She refuses to, 'put a label on it,' so I really don't know what we are." He sighs.
"Do you care about her?" I ask.
"Yeah, I do," he nods his head, "more than I'd like to admit."
"Well, then let's go find her. We can drive to her place and I'll go in with you and explain who I am and what I'm doing here. Okay?"
"It's worth a try. Dammit! Why did she have to run away like that?" he growls, running a hand roughly through his hair.
"She's hurt, Reed. It was written all over her face. Now, come on, we're wasting time. Let's go get your girl."
Reed drives like a bat out of hell to her dorm on campus. We make our way inside as a group of giggling girls exit, each staring at Reed unabashedly. He doesn't seem to notice, his face still etched with worry.
"What floor is she on?" I ask.
"I don't know honestly."
"What do you mean you don't know? Haven't you been here before?"
"Yeah. I mean, not inside though. She always makes me drop her off outside."
"You mean to tell me you've been seeing this girl for months and not once has she invited you up to her room?" I ask in total disbelief.
"No, she hasn't. Her roommate doesn't want any guys in their room, so we've always gone back to my place," he shrugs.
"Here comes someone. Let's ask her if she knows whic
h floor Emerson's on." So, we do. We ask her and about ten others. Each telling us the same…'there's no one by that name that lives here.'
"Do you know her roommates name?" I ask Reed. I don't have a good feeling about this, something isn't adding up.
"I know her first name is Jules."
"Okay, let's ask around and see if anyone knows her."
This time we have better luck. There's only one girl by that name that lives there and the first girl we come across not only knows what floor she's on but her room number. Jules answers on the first knock.
"Hey, can I help you?" she asks, sounding confused.
"Hi, I'm Reed, Emerson's… boyfriend. She got upset earlier and took off on me. I was hoping she had come back by now," he explains.
"Come back?" she asks.
"Yeah. This is her room, isn't it?"
"No." Jules shakes her head. "Emerson doesn't live here. I never know when she's going to drop by. She visits every now and then, but I haven't seen her in a while. I'm not sure where she lives, but it's not here. She can't live here, she doesn't even go to school here."
"Wh—what?" Reed asks, confusion dripping from his words.
"I'm sorry, she doesn't live here. We met at a coffee shop off campus about six months ago. We used to meet up and hang out every now and then, but I haven't really seen her these past couple months. I'm sorry, I wish I were more help."
Reed stands there not saying a word. His brows drawn together, a faraway look clouding his face.
"It's okay," I speak up. "Thanks anyway."
I take Reed by the arm and guide him back down the stairs. We drive all the way back to his place in total silence. He doesn't say a word until he's about to walk through his bedroom door.
"Don't leave without saying goodbye," he mumbles.
"I wouldn't," I promise him.
The next day, he seems just as removed. I tell him I'm going to stay a few more days to help him figure this whole thing out, but he insists I go on home as planned. I'm sick with worry as I pull away from his house.
Heartfelt Lies Page 23
