by Alyson Belle
BECOMING SWEET GIRLS
A 3-Book Gender Swap TG Romance Bundle
by
Alyson Belle
Copyright © 2020 Alyson Belle
All rights reserved. This book or any portion thereof may not be reproduced or used in any manner whatsoever without the express written permission of the publisher except for the use of brief quotations in a book review.
All characters in this book are over the age of 18 (18+ only). All characters, locations, and situations are entirely fictional representations and any resemblance to real world scenarios are entirely coincidental.
You can see more of Alyson Belle’s work, get in touch, and follow her blog on AlysonBelle.com.
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Finding You (Book #1)
FINDING YOU
by
Alyson Belle
Copyright © 2020 Alyson Belle
All rights reserved. This book or any portion thereof may not be reproduced or used in any manner whatsoever without the express written permission of the publisher except for the use of brief quotations in a book review.
All characters in this book are over the age of 18 (18+ only). All characters, locations, and situations are entirely fictional representations and any resemblance to real world scenarios are entirely coincidental.
You can see more of Alyson Belle’s work, get in touch, and follow her blog on AlysonBelle.com.
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Sign up today for Alyson’s newsletter to receive an exclusive FREE story, Forbidden Flirtations!
Your contact info will never be shared with anyone.
Like Alyson on Facebook and follow her on Twitter @Alyson_Belle!
Chapter 1
A cool Autumn night-time breeze blew across the lonely bridge, bringing with it a chilling hint of the winter to come. A shiver ran down Jamie’s spine as the breeze slid into the crack between his brown leather jacket and the light cotton t-shirt he wore beneath. Still, he stood waiting and staring at the rippling water of the river far below, shifting black currents illuminated by the pale silver light of the moon’s reflection.
Why do I still come here? he wondered. What am I waiting for?
It wasn’t a question he’d ever had an answer to, in all the years he’d been coming to stand here on the precipice of the old stone bridge, with its low, pock-marked railings, but it was a question he’d asked himself many times before.
He hunched his shoulders, slid his hands deeper into his pockets, and leaned forward against the waist-high barrier which separated him from a drop that was almost certainly lethal.
The bridge’s actual name had been forgotten by everyone but a few stodgy city planners in the small Northwestern community where Jamie lived, but there was only one high bridge like it in the city, and it didn’t require any name other than “the bridge” for locals to understand what you were talking about. It was accessible only by a footpath, part of the city’s many nature walks, and known both as a place for young lovers to sneak off and catch a stolen summer moment on one of the many benches, and very occasionally, the sad destination of a person who had given up on happiness, given up on life, and consigned themselves to the cold embrace of the river’s dark waters in a final, fatal leap.
There had been times over the years when Jamie himself had balanced on the precipice of the railing, considering such a jump, shaking and crying, but always, always he would find himself stepping down away from the ledge in those fraught, desperate moments. At times he thought it was bravery that pulled him back down onto the solid ground, and at other times it felt like cowardice.
Tonight, however, was not one of those nights. Tonight was simply chilly, the moonlight was pretty on the water, and Jamie stood calm and watchful, waiting as he had on hundreds of the other nights that he’d been inexplicably drawn to this spot in the decade since he’d started coming here.
He knew he shouldn’t stay long. There was work in the morning, a presentation for the graphic design company which employed him, and as usual, he’d lingered too long and procrastinated on his submission, but last-minute designs were often where Jamie discovered his best ideas: the perfect arrangement of color and style that always delighted his clients, who would praise his creative genius and his keen eye while he would bashfully look down at the floor, feeling uncomfortable at the praise since it never felt like it was really him who had come up with the ideas—his inspiration seemed to come from somewhere deeper inside himself, something essential that he could only touch in fleeting moments of happenstance. He’d learned to follow his instincts that came from that place inside himself over the years, to go where his heart led him, even when it led him to the strangest things; the faded bomber jacket he always wore that his friends made fun of, or this bridge, for example.
Jamie suddenly became aware of another man on the bridge with him, disturbing his thoughts, and his muscles tensed beneath his jacket for a brief moment. It wasn’t unusual to find other people here, though he usually avoided them, allowing them their privacy, but for the time of year and the chill and the late hour, it was a little strange to find someone who would also brave the high bridge like this. The man’s presence was an unwelcome intrusion in Jamie’s private moment of reflection, and though crime was uncommon in their community, he suddenly became very aware of how alone the two of them were here on the moonlit bridge—how despite his best efforts to remain fit, Jamie was on the short side of average and had never developed the impressive muscles that the more aggressive, athletic men he’d known displayed, making him feel keenly vulnerable in situations like this and setting his pulse racing.
The stranger approached the railing perhaps fifteen feet away from him and now leaned against it just as Jamie did, staring at the water. As he did not seem especially interested in him, Jamie slowly relaxed and allowed his pounding heart to calm, and soon his earlier wariness gave way to curiosity. The man was older than Jamie, perhaps in his early 30s, and stood on the tall side of average. His warm brown hair curled slightly around his ears, and he had both the strong, sharply-defined type of face and clean-cut style of dress—with a light gray sweater and clean, dark jeans—that Jamie had always thought to be attractive in men, not that he’d often had the courage to act on that attraction. Romance was a confusing, difficult topic for him, uncomfortable to consider, and something best shuffled away whenever it flitted across his thoughts. He’d kissed men before, just as he’d kissed women, and while it had been enjoyable in both cases, something about those exchanges had always felt wrong in a way that he couldn’t quite put his finger on.
But even more than his physique, it was the man’s expression which intrigued Jamie: a tightness in his mouth, a drawing-down of his brow, a far-off gaze that didn’t quite seem to fixate on anything in particular. The whole of it suggested a deep longing to Jamie, or perhaps a deep sadness, and he suddenly found himself wanting to speak to the man… to reassure him somehow, though of what, he wasn’t sure. He felt the intense need for this man to notice him, to see him as more than just a stranger passing in the night, which was a bizarre desire that he’d never experienced before and couldn’t begin to make sense of.
The man turned abruptly to meet Jamie’s searching gaze, as though feeling the weight of that strange emotion, which was of course impossible, and in those cool, blue eyes Jamie saw a flicker of surprise that shifted quickly to wariness.
“I’m not looking for company,” the man said gruffly, and Jamie became mortified as he realized what was meant by
that statement and saw that now he was the one who had become an intruder on someone’s private moment.
“I-I’m not either,” he stammered back, feeling a hot flush creep up his neck. “I was just… I’m not used to seeing other people here at this time of night.”
The man regarded him silently, cocking an eyebrow ever so slightly, and Jamie’s neck grew even hotter. He dropped his gaze and stepped back from the railing, turning away so the man wouldn’t see how embarrassed he was. It was true that he’d been bi-curious his whole life, but he’d never been the type of person to go seek casual sex like that, not because he thought it was wrong but because it just didn’t feel right for him. No one had ever felt right enough to him to go very far in that way.
“I’m sorry,” Jamie murmured. “I’ll leave you to your evening. I didn’t mean to intrude.”
He’d already turned and began to walk away when the man’s voice broke the still night once again: “Wait. No, I’m sorry. That was rude. I shouldn’t have made an assumption.” Jamie hesitated, and the man hesitated, and then the words spilled out of the stranger in an almost-pleading tone of voice: “Can I ask… you haven’t seen anyone else here tonight, have you?”
Jamie turned back, hands deep in his pockets. “Seen anyone? Like who?”
“A girl… A woman, actually. I just…” He chuckled sadly. “She’s supposed to be here. She’s never here when I come, though.”
It was a strange thing to say. Jamie returned to his prior spot and leaned against the railing once again, intrigued by the man’s sudden willingness to talk and overcome with curiosity to learn more. He’d always been a sucker for a good story, and he knew if he walked away now without hearing more, the mystery would eat at him for weeks.
“Not tonight. But I come here a lot,” Jamie said carefully. “What does she look like? Maybe I’ve seen her before.”
The man’s eyes grew distant once again, and he slipped his hand into his pants pocket to fidget with something inside. Once again, Jamie was struck by how sad the man seemed… like he’d lost something terribly dear to him and carried the weight of that loss like a heavy load on his shoulders. He heaved a heavy sigh and slumped a little.
“I wish I knew,” he said so quietly that Jamie wasn’t sure he’d heard correctly. Before he could ask another question, though, the man shook his head and straightened. “Look, she’s obviously not coming tonight if she’s not here now. I feel like a jerk, and I actually am in the mood for company, now that I think about it. My name’s Liam. Can I buy you a cup of coffee and we can both warm up a little? I’ll tell you my story and you can tell me if you’ve seen anyone who might fit the bill. Fair?”
The man stepped closer and extended his hand in a gesture of friendship, and Jamie tried to decide what he should do. The late hour and his overdue presentation both nagged at him, and if he drank coffee now he’d be up all night long, not that that would be too much of a problem if he spent it working… but the lack of sleep would wreak certain havoc on his mood tomorrow, and it’s not like he owed this Liam guy anything. Still, he found himself more curious than ever about the man now that Liam had offered to share his story, and there was something about the stranger that made him feel… something. Warmth, familiarity, maybe admiration? Which was all ridiculous considering that he’d met the man five minutes ago. Jamie kept still and asked the little voice inside himself what the right thing to do here was, and was surprised to find that it urged him overwhelmingly to go and hear this man’s story.
“All right,” he said, deciding suddenly that he would do just that. “I’m Jamie, by the way.”
He took Liam’s offered palm to shake it, and as their hands closed together, something passed between the two of them that surprised them both—an energy and an excitement that neither of them was willing to acknowledge or give name to, and which sent another rippling shiver down Jamie’s spine.
“Just friends having coffee,” Liam added, drawing his hand back a moment too quickly.
“Of course,” Jamie agreed, his cheeks flushing once again. This time, however, it was more than just embarrassment that caused it, and he was grateful to be able to hide his sudden surge of complicated feelings about this stranger in the shadowy cloak of the night as the two men left the bridge in silence, together.
Chapter 2
“So you’re meeting a girl at the bridge, but you don’t know what she looks like or if she’s going to be there at all. Are you sure you’re not a stalker?”
Liam blinked at Jamie, his mouth hanging half-open in surprise, as the stir-stick in his coffee froze midway through its counterclockwise pattern. Jamie wrapped two hands around his mug and took a long sip of his hot, black coffee to hide his amused smile, simultaneously feeling embarrassed and pleasantly wicked at throwing Liam off balance like that. It was the first time either of them had spoken, other than ordering their drinks, since settling into the faded, private booth at a late-night diner they’d chosen.
Liam floundered for a moment, and then recovered his composure and burst into laughter. “I guess it probably sounds pretty sinister from the outside, doesn’t it? I’ll tell you all about her, and then you can judge me. Sound good?”
It made Jamie happy to hear Liam’s warm, deep laughter. It was the first time he’d seen the pain leave his eyes, however momentarily, since meeting him, and he wanted to put Liam at ease and help him relax a little after their tense exchanges on the bridge.
“Sounds good,” he agreed. “And I was just teasing you. I’m the last person who would judge someone for being strange.”
“No, no. That was good. I like that.” Liam chuckled again. “You remind me of her, a little bit, actually. She would have accused me of the same thing.”
“So don’t leave me hanging,” Jamie urged. “What’s the story? How do you know this mystery girl, who is she, and why are you looking for her?”
Slowly, Liam’s stir-stick resumed its pattern, churning the murky black of his coffee into a muddy light tan, and his eyes adopted that same faraway look that he’d had back on the bridge, when he was staring down at the water.
“It’s complicated,” he began. “I don’t know exactly what she looks like, but I know what her personality is like. She’s sweet and kind. Creative. Determined. Smart.”
Jamie took a long sip of his drink. “Sounds like the perfect girl.”
He’d meant it to be a joke, a little teasing even, but Liam’s reply was dead serious: “She is the perfect girl. There’s no one else I could imagine being with. And she’ll be looking for me too, even she doesn’t know it yet.”
It was a weird thing to say, but Jamie believed in giving people the benefit of a doubt, and Liam sure seemed pretty put-together for a crazy guy. “You mean like… she’s your soulmate?”
Liam chuckled. “I guess you could call it that. Do you believe in soul mates?”
Jamie’s eyes narrowed. “I’ve always thought it’s a nice concept, I guess. Someone out there who’s perfect for you, and only you, right? But as for actually believing in them…” He shrugged uncomfortably. “I don’t know. It seems… horribly sad, in a way. What if you go your whole life without finding that person? What if you marry the wrong person first? What if life just gets in the way of you being together?”
“It’s part of the package, isn’t it? But I’m not worried about missing this woman. I know she’ll come to me sooner or later.”
“How can you be so confident?”
Liam shrugged and gave Jamie a sly smile. “She always has before.”
“What?” Jamie cocked his head in confusion. “I thought you said you’d never met her.”
“Never mind. It was just a joke.”
“All right,” Jamie said, humoring Liam and warring against his own common-sense inclination that this guy was just a crackpot. He didn’t seem like a crackpot, though. There was something incredibly earnest and vulnerable about the man’s demeanor, and Jamie found it captivating. “Go on. How do you kno
w she’s your soul mate? And do you know anything else about her?”
Liam sighed and poked his coffee as though trying to decide exactly how much he wanted to share with a near-stranger. “Look. I just met you. I don’t want to burden you with all the details of my problems. I just wondered if you’d seen any girls wandering girls on the bridge, looking lost and lonely.”
“Oh come on,” Jamie protested, annoyed at the seeming change of attitude and worried that he’d done something wrong. “I’m putting off work for you just because I’m curious about your story. Make it worth my while and indulge me! I came with you here, so dish!”
“Okay, okay. But just remember you asked for this. I know this is all going to sound kind of crazy, but… I’ve had dreams about this woman for nearly a decade. Dreams that I’m convinced are too real to just be figments of my imagination, nearly every night. It’s the two of us, me and her, together in past lives.”
Jamie wasn’t sure what he’d been expecting, but it wasn’t a story about past lives. Liam didn’t seem like the type to go in for that. But it made Jamie even more curious about him. He sipped his coffee and waited for Liam to continue. Once Liam saw that Jamie wasn’t going to ridicule his claim, he plunged ahead.
“Usually we’re both incredibly happy. She’s always the most beautiful woman I’ve ever seen and perfect for me in every way. And then when I wake up from those dreams, I have the overwhelming feeling of being incomplete, and that she’s out there somewhere for me in this life, too… out there and waiting. I was certain she’d be at that bridge tonight. Absolutely certain. Somehow I just knew… and when she wasn’t, well… it crushes me every time that happens. I need to find her. She needs me, every bit as much as I need her. I genuinely don’t believe I’m going to be happy without her, nor she without me.” He frowned and shifted in his seat, as though fending off imaginary objections Jamie hadn’t even raised. “Trust me, I know how ridiculous I sound. You’re not the first person I’ve told about all of this, but you’re the first in a while, and I just… I have to get it off my chest. I don’t care if it sounds crazy. It was so hard to show up tonight, and then to walk away empty handed once again. The dreams feel so real to me. She has to be real. She has to be out there.”
