With her undergarment rolled into a tight ball, she dashed up the steps to her chamber and quickly put herself back together. She wanted to see him again. She would invite him to dinner and they could talk, for heaven’s sake. Finally.
By the time she was ready, her sisters were already hovering around the door and grinning mischievously.
“What?” Noelle asked as she slipped on her cloak again.
“You don’t fool us one bit,” Eve smiled.
“Help us carry the food!” Holly snorted. “You want to see him again.”
Well of course she did. Noelle opened the door and stepped outside. “You would too if you were me.” She wanted to tell them everything but couldn’t be sure they wouldn’t be scandalized. Especially Holly, who hadn’t even been kissed.
The girls marched through the snow, arms locked and teasing one another as they went. When they reached the front door of the inn, they separated and entered one by one.
She was thrilled to see that she didn’t need to go searching for Dash this time, as he stood at the counter conversing with Mr. Rudolph.
“Welcome, ladies!” The innkeeper held out his hands with a jovial smile.
Dash glanced over and his eyes flared when they landed on her. Noelle warmed inside at the same time Eve approached the innkeeper. “It seems Cook has done it again,” she announced.
Mr. Rudolph laughed. “Well you’ve come to the right place. We’ve plenty of hot stew left over from lunch, if you’d like. His Grace was just telling me he’d not had such superior fare anywhere.”
Noelle smiled to herself when she imagined his mouth—and then she froze.
“His Grace?” Her eyes held Dash’s at the same time she directed her question to the older man. His own flared wide, his mouth parting.
“Why yes, your betrothed, the Duke of Dashlington.” The innkeepers voice rang out proudly.
She blinked. “Dashlington?” And then, “Dash?”
Chapter Nine
Dash’s stomach dropped as he froze, his gaze locked on Noelle. Her face had gone pale and her hands trembled as they covered her mouth.
“Noelle—” He reached out his hand.
She took a half step back.
“Noelle,” Eve repeated her name, placing a hand at her back. “Are you all right?”
The innkeeper’s smile slipped and he pressed his hands together as though that might alleviate the tension that had filled the air. “What is all this about now?”
Dash cleared his throat. “If you would be so kind as to give us a moment, sir.”
The man bounced on his heels. “Of course, Your Grace.” Then he disappeared, leaving Dash alone with all three Bailey women.
“Is it true?” Holly stepped in front of her sister, squaring her shoulders. “Are you a duke?”
“Now Holly. What I really need to do is talk to Noelle.” He inched forward as though too much movement would frighten them like deer and they’d startle and run.
Holly crossed her arms, pushing her ample bosoms up and lifting her chin. “Answer the question.”
“Yes,” he said, his jaw clenching. “I’m a duke.”
Noelle made a choking sound and Eve wrapped her arms about her, whispering soft words of encouragement.
Dash balled his fists at his side as the sisters surrounded Noelle, blocking him out.
He should have told her. His eyes squeezed shut. He’d been meaning to. But somehow, whenever he’d been with her, he’d been unwilling to do or say anything that might jeopardize those moments of…magic. And then they’d started touching and he’d lost all reason.
“You,” Noelle’s voice trembled as she stood behind Holly. “You lied to me.”
“Please,” he started, moving just a tad closer once again. “Allow me to explain.” God, he’d never meant to hurt her.
“Explain?” her voice caught but didn’t tremble with tears, rather the tone sounded harsh. Angry.
He swallowed. “Yes. Explain.” He glanced over at Holly, who was still glaring at him, and then Eve, whose eyes held equal accusation. “Preferably in private.”
“No,” Noelle said at the same time both of her sisters echoed the word.
He looked at the youngest Bailey, wishing she would disappear. “You’re not helping.”
Holly gave an indelicate snort. “At least I’m not a liar.”
“My aunt opened her home to you.” Eve spoke more softly but with no less scorn. “My sister rescued you in the dead of night—and you would lie to us, to her?”
Fair points, he thought to himself as he realized he was going to need to bare his soul in front of all three sisters. Damn it all to bloody hell.
He hated the idea of it, but even more than that, he despised the thought that Noelle might disappear from his life. Already she seemed to be backing toward the door. Away from him.
How in the hell had it come to this? He’d never expected to become so attached to her. He swallowed hard and nodded, summoning words that he hated to dwell upon, let alone speak out loud.
“When I told you I was a baron, I didn’t know you at all.” He held her gaze, willing her to understand. “I had no idea that you would ask me for a boon.” His words were met with complete silence, which in his estimation was a vast improvement.
Noelle put her hand on Holly’s shoulder and stepped up to peak at him. “But still. You’ve had plenty of opportunity to tell me the truth.”
He gritted his teeth. “Apologies, my love.”
“My love?” She blinked rapidly and then lifted her chin. “This was never about love, remember?”
He straightened up and clenched his fists at his side. Somehow, those words cut into his chest. “No. It wasn’t.” Holly refused to budge, preventing him from moving closer to Noelle—from touching her. “Please? I want a chance to explain.”
Noelle shook her head. “It’s not wise that we be alone together. I need to think. And whenever we are, all reason leaves my head.”
That made him smile and for the first time since the innkeeper’s words had boomed through the common room, he felt some measure of hope. “True.” Then he cleared his throat. “My mother,” he began. He cleared his throat. “She never loved my father. In fact, I’m fairly certain she hated him, though to be fair, she only loves herself.” He hated that his own words gave rise to old resentments. Because it oughtn’t make any difference to him. He was a grown man, for God’s sake.
Her brow scrunched. “What does that have to do with us?”
He shook his head and reached out a hand, but Holly still stood firmly in his way. “I didn’t want a wife like that. One who cared more about being a duchess than my wife. And—”
She shook her head, stepping around Holly. “But that makes no sense. Ours was an arranged match.”
“Was?” he asked, any hope he’d been feeling dying.
Noelle straightened, her chin notching in the air. “That’s right. We both agreed that we wouldn’t expect…“ She faltered and for a moment she seemed to be fighting back tears. “It’s too complicated—too muddled. How could I marry a man who based our entire relationship on a lie?”
He reached for her arm, but she jerked away. “But that is what I am trying to explain. I’ve never felt love before. Didn’t even recognize the blasted emotion. I only understood that you were different from the current duchess and that—”
“That’s enough.” Her words cut through the air. Hell, they cut through his gut. “It doesn’t matter what you say because I now know that I never knew you at all. Everything was based on a lie.” Her lip trembled but her head held high. And then she nodded, almost to herself, as though she’d made her decision. “Goodbye, Duke of Dashlington. I hope you find the perfect bride.” She turned on her heel and left, marching back out into the square.
Holly was next, silently following her sister. Eve paused for just a moment. “I’m sorry,” she whispered. “I know what it means to care for someone and lose them. I—”
&nbs
p; He couldn’t hear any more of her words as pain radiated out from his heart. “I don’t need your comfort.”
She gave a single nod and then followed her sisters.
He lifted his hands and dug his palms into his eye sockets, squeezing his eyes shut. She was right, it had become muddled as hell. He should have known this was a doomed endeavor.
“Go after her,” Nick’s voice called from just behind him. “Her pride is hurt now but she’ll forgive you. Just give her time.”
He shook his head. “Time? I’ve been alive for eight and twenty years and my own mother can’t find it in herself to love me. Why should Noelle?”
Nick’s hand landed on his shoulder but Dash shrugged the other man off. “That is your mother’s flaw. Not yours and not Noelle’s.”
Dash wanted to believe those words but he just couldn’t, not with rejection stabbing at his insides. He dropped his hands in time to see the door to Lady Tannenbaum’s close behind Noelle and her sisters. Everything around him reminded him of her. It was as though Maybridge Falls existed to rub salt in his wounds. “I need to leave this place.”
Jack appeared in the doorway of the stairwell. “Leave? How the bloody hell are you going to do that?”
“I’m a duke, aren’t I?” he straightened and crossed the room to slam the door closed, blocking out the sight of this godforsaken village. He wanted to hit something. Anything. “Innkeeper,” his voice boomed through the common room. “How much to purchase your sleigh?”
“But where will you go?” Nick asked, his hands coming to rest on his hips as he stared at his friend. “And don’t you think you should wait another day at least? Allow things to settle?”
Dash shook his head. “Why, so I can pile hurt on top of hurt?” The innkeeper appeared from the kitchen and Dash looked to both of his friends. “I’m going home, to London. Are either of you coming with me?”
After a tense silence, Jack nodded. “I will.”
Dash looked over at Nick but the other man shook his head. “I’ve unfinished business in Maybridge Falls.”
Very well. Dash gave a single jerk of his head. It was time to retreat from this fairy tale he’d been living in and return to reality.
A half hour later, Dash paced back and forth across his room tossing various items into his trunk. He balled up a cravat and smashed it into the scattered contents, scraping his knuckles across the hard bone of a comb and swearing loudly for his trouble. “Bloody hell.”
He pulled his hand out to see several scrapes already forming blood on his hand. Good. Blood somehow seemed appropriate for the situation he currently found himself.
“Dash,” Nick called from the doorway. “Are you all right?”
“Fine,” he clenched his teeth. Not because of the pain. He actually liked the sting of the cuts, they were…distracting. But he didn’t want to speak with his friend now. “If you’ve come to convince me to stay, you can save your breath.”
“But I have so much of it, you see, why would I want to save it?” Nick stepped into the room, closing the door behind him. “You should know that by now.”
Dash frowned, giving his friend a fierce scowl. “Did no one ever bother teaching you when to leave well enough alone?”
“Oh, certainly,” Nick crossed the room and tossed himself on the bed, lacing his hands behind his head that he propped against the wall. “And as your friend, I’ve come to the conclusion that now is not the time for me to leave anything alone. This is most decidedly the time for me to talk.”
Dash’s fists clenched at his sides. He’d like to hit Nick right in the stomach. He wouldn’t do any real damage and he might feel so much better. “If you don’t get out—”
“Easy,” Nick placed his hands in front of him, palms up. “I wouldn’t want to have to beat you after the day you’ve had.”
The idea was so absurd, he nearly laughed out loud. Then he paused. A fight might do him some actual good. “Perhaps we should take this outside.”
“Another time,” Nick put his hands back behind his head. “Right now, we’re going to discuss a particularly pesky four-letter word.”
“Which one?” Dash said through clenched teeth a fog of anger and hurt clouding his every thought. “What a pile of absolute shit you are? Or how I’m going to f—”
“Not that one, you ass,” Nick sat up then, swinging his legs back over the bed and resting his elbows on his knees. “I meant love.”
“No.” The single word pushed from his chest with a force he didn’t believe possible. “I owed her a boon and we made an arrangement. That is all.” The words tasted bitter on his tongue and he knew they were a lie. He’d been picking about the edge of his feelings and like a bolt of lightning striking in his mind, he realized that he did love her. That he’d grown to care for her more than any other person he’d ever met and he’d ruin it with a lie. Of course, she didn’t love him back. Who could ever love him?
“I heard you say it, man.” Nick’s eyes grew dark, his face drawing into unusually tense lines. “I heard you utter the word love. So, don’t bother denying it now. The sooner we start discussing the truth, the more productive this conversation will be.”
A growl of dissent rumbled deep in his throat. He knew how he felt, but he didn’t need Nick poking around in his affairs. “What do you know about anything?”
Nick shook his head. “I know when a man is about to make the worst mistake of his life.”
“You don’t know that,” Dash gnashed his teeth together. “You don’t know anything about it.”
Nick was silent as he looked at Dash. For several seconds the sound of nothing swelled between them, filling the air as Dash shifted to alleviate the discomfort. This wasn’t like his happy-go-lucky friend at all. Finally, Nick sat a bit straighter, pointing his finger toward Dash. “I know plenty. You know my trip to France?”
Cold hard dread trickled down Dash’s spine. “What about it?”
“I was running from love too.” Nick slashed his hand through the air, coming to stand next to the bed. “Worst mistake of my life. I hurt her. I hurt me.” Nick scrubbed his hands through his hair. “Don’t do this. Don’t leave. You’ll regret it for the rest of your life.”
Dash shook his head. “You don’t understand anything. Not really.” He slammed the lid of his trunk closed. “I am not a man meant for happiness. I don’t get a happily-ever-after.”
“You’re wrong,” Nick said with such vehemence that Dash actually stepped back. He wasn’t afraid but surprised to hear his friend speak like this. “She loves you too. That’s why your betrayal hurt her so damned much. But stay and prove you’re not that man. Don’t run.”
Dash shuddered, looking at the floor. “I’m not the man you think I am.” The real reason he’d arranged a loveless match with a woman he owed a boon was because it kept him from having to face the truth. No one would ever truly love him.
“You are,” Nick answered.
But a knock interrupted the conversation as Jack entered the room. “The sleigh is ready.”
Nick stepped in his path. “We’re not done talking.”
“We’re done,” he said, stepping around Nick and walking over to Jack. “You’re not going to try and convince me to stay too are you?”
Jack straightened up, crossing his arms. “Hell, no.” He drew in a deep breath. “I’ve my own reasons for needing to leave this village and it’s none of my business if you want to ruin your life.”
“Enough,” he cut his hand through his hair. “When did you two become like a couple of old hens clucking about feelings and settling down?” He picked up his trunk, not wanting to bother waiting for a servant. “We travel about doing debaucherous deeds while we get drunk. It’s who we are.”
Nick shook his head. “I have a suspicion those days are done.”
Jack cracked his neck, the only sound that broke the silence.
Deep in his stomach, something churned. Perhaps Nick was right. He likely could never kiss a woman ag
ain who didn’t taste like gingerbread. “Well,” he looked to Jack. “Are you done carousing forever?”
One of Jack’s shoulders rose and fell. “I…I…don’t know.”
Dash shook his head. “Let’s get out of here. Perhaps we’ll start thinking straight after we’ve put this village far behind us.”
Jack frowned. “Perhaps. Let’s go.”
Trunk in hand, they started down the stairs and, blessedly, Nick didn’t follow. Dash couldn’t take any more tonight. The problem was Nick’s words had started to make sense and he wasn’t certain if that was grief, or desire, or reason talking.
Stepping out into the cold, the innkeeper took his trunk and started for the sleigh. He watched the trunk be loaded into the back and for a moment he froze. Did he stay and attempt to woo his little gingerbread cookie again?
Pain slashed in his gut and he held his hand to his stomach. She’d never change her mind. He’d only gain a wife with a boon or an agreement, or because he was a duke. Deep down, he knew, she’d never care for him the way he did her.
With that final thought, he started for the sleigh, climbing onto the seat. Reaching for the reins, he grabbed them up in his hands, Jack lounging back in his seat. “You’re ready?”
Was he?
He looked back at Lady Tannenbaum’s home on the square. In one of the upper windows, he could swear he saw the shadow of a woman. His breath caught. For one shining moment, he thought he’d found love.
But he was broken and Christmastide miracles were not meant for the likes of him.
The curtain fluttered and Dash held his breath as his heart clung to one last morsel of hope. Come to the window, Noelle. Come back to me.
The horse pawed at the snow as Dash waited for a sign.
Chapter Ten
“Are you sure you want to be alone?” Holly brushed a tear away, seemingly as upset by all of this as she was.
Eve had taken hold of Holly’s arm, however, and was drawing her toward the door. “You’ll understand someday, Holly. There are times in a lady’s life when no one can say a single word that will make it better. When all she needs is time, and perhaps a good cry. Maybe even more than one.” She smiled weakly at Noelle.
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