by Hart, Emma
However long he’d felt the things he felt right now, this was it. This was the release of all those feelings. This was the dam that broke and flooded the whole damn river.
We staggered back toward the bookcase, and for the first time in my life I was glad it was bolted to the ground. The shelves pressed against my back, but I didn’t care. I could feel nothing but the ferocity in Josh’s kiss.
This was wrong. My brain was screaming at me to stop, but my body wouldn’t let me. There was no possible way I could pull away from him right now, especially since I’d technically instigated it.
I was on fire everywhere.
Head. Toes. Fingers. Shoulders. Thighs.
Clitoris.
Hey, I said everywhere.
We shuffled to the side until there was no more bookcase but there was plenty of desk. I fell backward like the awkward turtle I was, and before I knew it, my ass was planted on the desk and Josh was standing between my legs as my dress rode up my thighs indecently.
The chill sent more goosebumps over my skin, but the sensation of his rough palm running along my skin dispelled them quickly.
I cupped the back of his head and kissed him with the same hunger he was kissing me with. My body had taken full control now, and it didn’t matter how many times my brain whispered that this was wrong and this was Josh and this was wrong wrong wrong wrong.
I no longer had control of myself.
And I’d never been more thankful of that.
Kissing Josh was… God. It was the kiss I’d waited my whole life for. It was the kiss I’d read about a thousand times over in my books. It was the kiss that romance novel heroines said was everything and more, the one they felt in their bones, the one that would stay with them for the rest of their life.
But quite simply, kissing Josh was one thing.
It was right.
The situation may have been wrong but kissing him was oh so right.
It was shelter in a snowstorm. Dry socks after wading through a puddle. Sunlight breaking through clouds after the rain. Reading in front of the fire. Marshmallows in hot cocoa. Chocolate on strawberries. Cheese in sandwiches.
The click of your key as your front door unlocked after being at work all day.
Kissing Josh was like coming home.
The safest space you could ever have, the one place you felt truly happy.
That was it.
That was how I felt right now.
As his fingers probed my skin and his erection pressed against my clitoris through his jeans and his tongue stroked mine and my entire body went into wildfire mode, I knew.
This was right.
It would always be right.
“Oh, shit!”
At the sound of Holley’s voice, we broke apart like we’d literally set fire to one another.
She stood in the doorway with her phone in her hand, staring at us wide-eyed as her wide-rimmed glasses fell down her nose. “I just—”
I opened my mouth, but nothing at all came out.
Josh did the same.
“Hello,” Holley finally said after a moment of the world’s most uncomfortable silence. She fought to contain the smile that was stretching across her face, but she wasn’t doing a very thorough job because she lost.
Josh rubbed his nose. “I… I should probably go.”
Wide-eyed and wide-smiled, Holley nodded in agreement.
I didn’t move. I couldn’t. Had we been so caught up in kissing that we hadn’t heard her come in? Was that possible?
Damn it.
I was so screwed.
Josh grabbed his jacket and bolted out the back door, and I yelled a very succinct, “Coward!” after him only to be rewarded by the sound of his laughter.
Holley slid her gaze to me. “Put your damn dress down.”
I shoved it down and hopped off the desk. “It was an accident?”
“I’m sure it was,” she drawled. “At least you got most of the boxes sorted before your teen orgy session.”
“I can explain.”
She looked at me, adjusting her glasses before she tightened one of her pigtails. “Kins, you don’t owe me an explanation for anything. Besides, Saylor told me everything she knows last night. This just happened a little faster than I expected.”
I paused.
“If you’re about to ask me if I’m going to tell your brother, the answer is no. I’m no snitch.” She tilted her head to the side. “Knowing Josh, you’ve got more than enough issues in that department.”
I got up as my shoulders sagged. If only she knew. None of that would have happened if I hadn’t forced it, but I didn’t blame him for it.
I guessed.
I understood where he was coming from, but that didn’t mean I was willing to let some years’ old pact control my life.
I had a say in it, too.
“Is this his lunch?” Holley dug into the bag. “Smells like steak.”
“I don’t think he’s coming back for it right now,” I said, grabbing my own sandwich. “Go ahead.”
“At least he moved all the boxes before he let his dick take control.” She raised the sandwich. “I’ll eat to that.”
CHAPTER FIFTEEN – KINSLEY
rule fifteen: don’t kiss and tell. ever. unless your best friend sees you, then you don’t have a choice.
More than twenty-four hours after what I was referring to as the incident in the bookstore, I hadn’t heard from Josh.
Now, don’t look at me like that.
It wasn’t like I’d reached out to him, either.
It was all well and good for kissing and yelling to happen when you were all kinds of frustrated and annoyed, but it was another thing to have to deal with the aftermath.
Especially when I was faced with the reality that I maybe hadn’t been as understanding as I should have been.
Josh and Colton had been friends their entire life, and if they’d made a promise to each other that they wouldn’t cross the line with each other’s sisters, then maybe I had to respect that.
But I also didn’t like the fact decisions like that had been made for me.
It wasn’t like I was a naïve fifteen-year-old girl doodling names on my math book. I was a twenty-six-year-old business owner and capable of making my own decisions.
Not that I wanted to date Josh. The semantics of the whole thing gave me a headache. He’d been so adamantly against it until I’d crossed the line and kissed him that the thought of taking anything any further just felt like a huge angst fest.
I liked angst in my books, not in my real life.
I didn’t have the patience for it in real life. Although, judging by how many books I’d thrown at walls, I didn’t have much for it in fiction, either.
But still.
I was getting off topic.
Josh and I had to talk about this. We had to address what had happened and what it meant before anything else could happen, and that was exactly why I was standing outside Bookworm’s Books with my phone in my hand and my thumb hovering over his name.
It was easier said than done.
Instead of calling him, I took the wimp’s way out and texted.
ME: We need to talk.
I would stand here for ten minutes, and if he didn’t reply, I’d get in my car, pick up my pizza, and go home.
If he agreed, I’d pick up my pizza and head to his place.
A part of me was hoping he wouldn’t. That he wouldn’t text back. That he would never speak to me ever, ever again.
I mean, I’d practically been dry humping him.
I didn’t know what the etiquette was for a conversation after dry humping someone,
Not to mention that the person who was supposed to help me with those things was the person I’d dry humped.
What a clusterfuck this was.
My phone buzzed in my hand, and I tilted it to see the notification.
JOSH: We do. Are you at home?
ME: No. I just finished work and am
grabbing food. I can bring it over.
JOSH: I don’t mind coming over.
ME: Pizza is closer to your place.
JOSH: And you can’t run away when it inevitably gets awkward if we’re at your house?
ME: Exactly.
Well, this was going to be horrible, but at least we both had the same expectations of the conversation.
I tossed my phone in my purse and exchanged it for my keys. I was only parked a few feet away since I’d opened this morning and got the coveted front parking spot, so I got into my car and headed in the direction of Hot Stone Pizzeria.
Now I was really glad I’d thought to add a few extras onto my order.
When I got there, I only had to wait a few minutes for everything to be boxed up. Since Josh lived in the new build neighborhood nearby, it only took a few more for me to turn out of town and head in that direction.
His truck was parked in his driveway, but there was enough space for me to pull up behind him, so I did just that.
Josh was already at the front door when I got out of the car, and I groaned silently. He was wearing a white t-shirt and gray sweatpants.
Literal porn for a woman right there.
As if this situation wasn’t hard enough, I was going to have a lady boner the entire time.
I should have brought alcohol instead of pizza.
“Let me take that.” He cut me off halfway to the front door and took all the food.
“Thanks.” I locked my car and followed him inside, closing the door behind me. He led me down to his man cave basement where I said, “Ooh, the man cave. Must be serious.”
His chuckle lessened the tension somewhat. “There’s a dart board down there. I thought you could throw darts at it when you get mad.”
“Any books?”
“Absolutely not.”
“Then what makes you think I’m going to throw angry darts at a board instead of you?”
He stilled, and I almost walked into him. “You’re right,” he said. “Not a good idea.”
Laughing, I gently nudged him in the back. “Keep going.”
We walked down the remaining stairs to the basement. It’d changed since I’d last seen it after he’d bought the house. The barrel stools had been replaced with actual stools, even though the barrels remained as what looked like side tables. There still wasn’t a sofa, which meant we had no choice but to sit on the stools.
Josh set the food down on the bar and walked around it. “Drink?”
I scanned the bottles. It was mostly hard liquor, and that was going to result in one of two things: rapping Kanye or doing something I’d regret. Since I’d already done the latter—and the former actually counted as a regret, too—I decided not to add any more things onto Kinsley’s List of Big Mistakes.
“I’m not sure any of that is a good idea.”
He gave the bottles his own glance. “Good thinking.”
Together we opened the boxes, filling the room with the rich, cheesy scent of pizza and spiced potato wedges.
I didn’t know how to start this conversation and judging by the way the uncomfortable silence thickened the air, neither did he.
But it had to be done.
We both started to speak at the same time.
Josh grimaced. “Go on.”
“I’m sorry,” I said, wiping my fingers with a napkin and not making eye contact. “I never should have pushed you yesterday morning. I should have respected your feelings and your loyalty to my brother. I just want to clear the air so we’re on the same page and we can move on and put it behind us.”
He nodded slowly, an action I caught out of the corner of my eye. “I appreciate the apology, even though it’s unnecessary.”
“No, it’s not. You made a promise to my brother, and I made you break that. I said some dumb stuff I never should have said, and I just want you to know that I didn’t mean it.” I peered up at him, letting my hair fall down as a sort of curtain over one eye. “I would never tell Colton what happened. Aside from it being between us, I can’t imagine how I’d begin to broach the subject of me practically dry humping you with him.”
His tongue flicked out and wetted his lower lip as he fought back a smile. “Not exactly one for the dinner table, is it?”
I battled my own laugh. “Not really. Just… As long as we both agree it was a stupid mistake and won’t happen again, it’s okay.”
“Is it?”
“What?”
“Is it okay?” He rested his forearms on the bar and leaned forward. The action made his biceps pop, and it was really hard to concentrate knowing he was wearing the equivalent of sexy lingerie back there.
I frowned. “Of course it’s okay. I was wrong to act the way I did, and I respect the pact you made with my brother.”
“So you don’t regret kissing me?”
Oh, boy.
That was a loaded question.
“I regret that my actions led to you doing something that you felt would betray your friendship with my brother.”
“That wasn’t what I asked you, Kinsley.”
I shifted. This wasn’t the way this was supposed to go. He was supposed to agree with me, shake my hand, and let me leave.
Not… this.
“Do you regret kissing me?” His eyes bore into mine, and the intensity of his green-gray gaze was electrifying.
I swallowed. “I don’t see how me answering that question furthers this conversation.”
“Because here’s the thing.” He straightened so his hands were flat on the bar and his entire upper body was tensed. “I’ve been thinking about some of what you said. You said it was wrong that you didn’t get a say in the pact we’d made, and you were right. Both you and Piper should have been told about it, even if you wouldn’t have cared then.”
It was my turn to nod. “It would have been nice to have been made aware.”
“And when we made that pact, we were young. If I knew then that one day I’d get feelings for you, I never would have made it.”
I jerked. “What?”
“I didn’t want to feel this way, Kinsley. Hell, I don’t even know how you feel about me. I’m not sure I want to know, if I’m honest with you. But this isn’t my choice.” Something flashed in his eyes. “And you were never supposed to find out. I was supposed to find you an Elliott that you’d be happy with and then I could move on, but it…” He trailed off.
“Didn’t work that way,” I finished for him softly.
“Exactly. It didn’t work that way.” His jaw ticked. “It didn’t matter than you didn’t have a say in the pact because you were never supposed to need one.”
I looked away from him for a moment before I flitted my gaze back to him. “And now? Do I need one now?”
“I don’t know. Do you?”
“Would it matter if I wanted one even if I didn’t?”
“If you don’t know if you do, then you don’t need one.”
“Damn it, no, don’t look at me like that.” I hopped off the stool and pointed my finger at him.
“Like what?”
“Like, like, I don’t know! Just this!” I threw out my arms, then jabbed my fingers into my own chest. “Do you know how guilty I feel? I know how much my brother and his friendship mean to you, and I was the person who made you do something that could compromise that. You’ve literally been best friends your entire lives, and I, me, my actions—my selfish, impulsive, thoughtless actions—made you do something you didn’t want to do.”
“I wanted to kiss you, Kinsley. Don’t mistake loyalty for a lack of wanting to do something.”
“Well, you weren’t being very loyal when you were grinding your erection against me.”
“Yeah? And you know what? If Holley hadn’t walked in on us, I’d have fucked you there and then on that table and not given a damn about anyone other than you.”
I froze. “You wouldn’t have.”
“I would have.” His fingers clenched into fists on the bar, his kn
uckles whitening. His jaw tightened and he looked away. “This conversation is going nowhere but in circles. Nothing is getting solved. Like you said, it’s probably best we write it off as a mistake and move on. Maybe you should go.”
“Uh-huh.” I stepped forward and grabbed my purse, turning toward the stairs to leave. The stupid lump that was forming in my throat was constricting my ability to breathe, and the deep sting at the back of my eyes told me I really had to go.
Now.
I needed to leave.
Something pooled in my stomach and tightened in knots. It was an unfamiliar feeling, but it didn’t take me long to recognize it.
It was the soul-sinking feeling that I would never again feel the way I had yesterday when he’d kissed me.
I would never feel that all-encompassing magic I’d felt when I’d been wrapped in his arms and his lips had been on mine.
And that?
That hurt a little part of me I didn’t know existed.
“Josh?” I paused halfway up the stairs, my fingers gripping the rail tightly as I looked to the open door at the top. “I’m sorry. I’m sorry I put us in this position because I let my temper get the best of me.”
He didn’t respond.
“And for what it’s worth,” I continued in a softer voice. “I wish I had a say.”
On those words, I ran up the rest of the stairs, desperately holding back the tears that threatened to form. This was so fucking stupid because it really wasn’t worth crying over. It wasn’t like we had anything beyond a kiss or anything that was worthy of tears.
But maybe that was worth some emotion.
The fact that we’d never get the chance to was pretty darn sad.
I dismissed the tears with a steely resolve, but that didn’t get rid of the ringing in my ears. I guess that was what happened—the emotion had to go somewhere, so why not my ears?
I pulled open his front door, but just as quickly as I had, it was shoved shut from behind me. Josh yanked me around and dipped his head to kiss me, circling one arm around my waist to hold me to him.
Shock jolted through my body, and I dropped my purse so I could hold him to steady myself. The kiss was hard and needy, but he softened it as I sagged against him.
