"You could have not kept me at all."
Caius reached for one of the scones and gently tore it in half. With the knife, he spread jam on it and savored it. "Our past is a tale of woe," he finally said. "I think we can both agree. I suppose what remains to be seen is how the future will be. I think neither of us wants a similar future."
"The future," she said absently, not understanding what her emotions were right then. "Truthfully, I have been more concerned with the here and now than I have with the future."
"I can say the same. But now I find I have to consider the future. So does Lord Fortescue, I would think."
Eliza had known this would come up at some point, and now they were having this conversation. She was curious what he would say. "I cannot possibly say."
"I think it takes a man with intention to visit a lady during illness."
"You did." She knew she was deflecting the conversation back, because she didn’t want to talk about Lord Fortescue and how curious she had been about him. Still was to some degree, but Caius refusing to divorce her was changing things in that regard. How, she wasn't sure yet. She wasn't sure how she felt, or what she wanted for her future. For a while, she’d seen potential with Lord Fortescue, but did she see it the same now that Caius refused to end their marriage? It was a question she’d been avoiding.
"The need to tend to you returned," he said.
"Your intentions were quite firmly to divorce me at that point."
"I learned you were sick and I rushed to find you." Color was creeping up her cheeks. These revelations were uncomfortable.
"And found someone else had rushed ahead of you. I gather you presumed he was my paramour."
"I knew he wasn't."
"You knew he wasn't, but you didn't know Rosie wasn't my child, let alone yours."
"I was irrational, and it was fairly easy to establish that Lord Fortescue wasn't your lover."
"How did you establish that?"
"Your manner and distance said so."
"And you have also said you will not interfere if that changes."
A tight smile ghosted across his lips. "I did." His words said so, but his expression said he wouldn't be quite so welcoming of the development. "I am not sure either of us will find it so easy to put aside our marriage vows."
Was he trying to guilt her into not considering Lord Fortescue? "In that case I don't think you entirely understand the status of our relationship."
"Perhaps. But as angry as I was, when you needed me, I came running."
"But I didn't need you."
"Clearly," he said tartly. "But dropping everything to find you felt like the only rational thought I’d had since the moment I stepped foot on English soil. Every emotion I had ignored for years all returned, but when I worried for you, it all melted away."
"And you assume I would come running if you were ill in return?"
"No, perhaps not, but I am not sure that matters."
"It should matter. As far as I’m concerned you’re the one that broke the marriage vows. Nowhere in the vows we made did it say we should desert each other if we were disappointed, or if unscrupulous persons cast accusations. And you have promised me that you will not interfere with the decisions I make."
"That is true. But I am only voicing what I feel. Simply the truth. Do you wish for me to lie to you?"
"No."
"Then we agree to tell the truth, no matter what it means."
Nerves clenched deep in her stomach. "I have never not told the truth."
"Then we continue in that fashion."
"Fine," she agreed.
Chapter 28:
ANGRY SILENCE EMANATED from Eliza throughout the rest of the carriage ride. Exactly what she was angry about, he couldn't pinpoint. There were so many things she was angry about and he couldn't blame her.
Toward dusk, they were turning into the road that led to the Sunderstone estate, lined with trees, leading to a large house with neat rows of windows and a jumble of chimneys. The parklands extended far and a manicured garden surrounded the house. Not one for informal and romantic gardens, it seemed. More influenced by the French.
"It's a magnificent house," she said, looking out the window.
"I think you would like Bickerley Hall." In their time together, she’d met his uncle, but never visited Bickerley.
Sitting back in her seat, she didn't respond for a moment. "How do you feel about inheriting it?"
"I suppose I always knew I would, but it was still a shock when it happened. But as for the house, it's lovely. It needs some repairs, but it's been well managed."
Saying that, he wanted to invite her to come see it, but knew she wouldn't be welcoming of such an invitation right at this point, but maybe that would change.
The carriage came to the house and the deep gravel crunched under the wheels as they drew closer. A retainer came to greet them and it felt like a blessing to leave the carriage behind, but he could tell that Eliza was nervous. She'd been away from this kind of company for six years, and so had he. "I'm afraid we might both be a little rusty when it comes to etiquette," he said as they walked up to the house. "And unknowing for any of the current iterations."
"Yes," she agreed.
The house was sumptuous, more elaborately decorated than the houses in his family. The white curved staircase had marble statues along it and a glass dome over the entrance hall. The Sunderstone family had built a house to impress. A house told a great deal about the cares and ambitions of a family, and the Sunderstone family wanted to impress.
"His lordship is in the parlor," the man said, taking their accompaniments and directing the way.
They walked into a thickly carpeted room with silk-covered walls. It was warm and a number of people were present. It occurred to him that he should have gotten Eliza a better dress, but it hadn't entered his mind. Mostly because she looked stunning as she was. Even so, it wasn’t a dress to the standard displayed here.
"Ah," Lord Sunderstone said and came over. "Lord Warwick, such a pleasure you could join us. And this is your wife. We haven't met. I believe I would remember such a beauty."
The man considered her as Caius introduced them and a spear of jealousy hit him. Not at Lord Sunderstone's regard, but more at the sweet nothings Lord Fortescue was probably whispering in her ear. An urge to bundle her up and hide her clawed through him, but it was unreasonable and irrational. There was that irrationality that only she brought out of him.
"I am pleased to make your acquaintance, and thank you for inviting us to your marvelous home," Eliza said with a smile. This wasn't the Eliza he knew. This was the proprietress of her business in action. It was the reason they were here.
She kept her assured smile as they were introduced to all in the party, and he certainly didn’t need to interfere with her charm in introducing herself. Eliza knew exactly what to do and how she wanted these people to perceive her. These were her customers.
"Now, my dear Lady Warwick, do you play cards. I'm not sure I dare play with your husband. I suspect he might fleece me."
"Caius does have a way with cards," she said and gave him a look before she walked over to the card table with their host, leaving Caius to regret finding himself alone in this room. The invitation in some of the women's eyes were a little too strong and he retreated to converse with a man he didn't know, who turned out to be Lord Sunderstone's cousin, Harold Marsham, who was inordinately interested in the geological history of Britain, it turned out.
Well, that should teach him to approach the man no one else talked to. Often there was a reason, but the conversation gave him ample opportunity to drift his attention away to watch Eliza, who was charming Lord Sunderstone.
One truth he had to face was that as opposed to what he said, he couldn’t tolerate Lord Fortescue buzzing around her, and he even contemplated rough means of chasing him away. His years in the military had introduced some forceful ways of dealing with people. Had seen them utilized more than done so hi
mself, but in this case, he might make an exception.
"Lord Warwick," a woman said, approaching them. "I believe we met some years ago. Josephine Wellsted."
"Yes, of course, a pleasure to see you again," he said and kissed the hand she extended. "How is Richard?"
"Well as I understand it. He's in Egypt at the moment, but it's too hot there right now for me to join him."
"Yes, I understand the summer months can be uncomfortable."
"We are so pleased you could join us. It has been some time since you’ve been seen in society. I understand you have been out serving the benefits of the empire. Did your wife join you?"
"No, unfortunately, but she tends to focus quite heavily on her charitable work when I'm away."
"Oh," the woman said as if that was unusual. It was unusual. Everything about their relationship was unusual, but they had to make it sound perfectly reasonable. "Quite the beauty, isn't she?"
"Yes," he agreed.
"One has to say that time apart does make the heart grow fonder. I find I miss my Richard inordinately when he's away. I am quite sure we would have gotten bored of each other by now otherwise."
Getting bored of Eliza wasn't something he could imagine, but he hadn't allowed himself to miss her for a moment he'd been gone, and he’d been quite successful at blocking her from his mind. It had been necessary, he suspected.
It grew dark quickly and supper was being served. The butler who'd let them in directed them into the dining room, which was white with soaring ceilings. An ornate chandelier hung from the ceiling. No expense had been spared on this room, but Caius saw no reason why he would consider redecorating Bickerley. Nothing in him sought to make the kind of impression Lord Sunderstone did.
Likely that expanded to his charity work. Caius expected it was done for the impression rather than any real concern for the people in his care. It was a point that might put Eliza at odds with the man, because her care was for the children, but then the proposition had the benefits of being impressive. Educating children was an accolade this man would like to claim, so perhaps there was no reason to worry.
Eliza sat across from him. Harriet Benkworth sat to his right and Jasper Partridge to his left. The table accommodated twelve people, so there were quite a few at this party. It seemed not everyone had been present in the parlor when they'd arrived.
Lord Sunderstone had plied Eliza with sherry and Caius knew she wasn't used to it. Her drink was now being consumed very slowly and a blush colored her cheeks, and her eyes were glassy. She couldn't possibly look more charming than she did at that moment, his chest actually constricted—a feeling he'd felt before for her, but quite some time ago.
He burned to kiss her, but he couldn't. She wouldn't accept it. But he had gained her favor once, he simply had to do it again. Every moment together was an opportunity.
Unfortunately, Mr. Partridge was curious about his military career and asked him endless questions, but he did notice that Eliza paid attention.
There was definitely hope here, he concluded. Octavia had been right in that Eliza not being indifferent meant there were still feelings there. If only he could stop making her cry. That would be a good start. So, he had to charm her the way she charmed Lord Sunderstone. They both had an objective for this visit. Ideally, they would both be victorious.
The supper went on for hours. It was the main event of this party, but eventually people grew tired of sitting and they returned to the parlor.
Eliza declined any further drinks and he could tell she was growing tired, and it pleased him that she sought him. "Is it too early to retire?"
"Yes," he replied. "A tad. We should stay for at least another half hour. Give them a little more time to get drunk. Then I can inquire about our room."
She nodded and stayed with him, because she had no more conversation in her, and them together like this looked so natural. It even felt natural.
"Now, as I recall, you are a whiskey man," Bertie Colston said as they stood by the fire.
"You have an excellent memory."
The man drew the attention of the butler. "Two whiskeys. Or perhaps I shouldn't assume and should ask if you want one, Lady Warwick."
"No, thank you," she said with a smile. "I leave the whiskey drinking to Caius."
"Wise choice," Bertie countered. "I recall it being said around the pubs in Oxford that he was formidable when it came to consuming alcohol."
"Many years ago."
"Yes, I couldn't function if I drank now as I did then. But what fun we had."
The butler returned with a silver tray with two generous portions in glasses. On taste, Caius knew immediately which distillery it had come from. A nice one, an expensive one, but an uninspiring one. "I am afraid my wife has reached her limit for tonight and we will retire."
Bertie was disappointed, because it seemed he wanted to speak more about their antics at Oxford. Maybe even drink like they were reliving it, and although that would perhaps be entertaining, it didn't align with Caius' objective for being there.
"Goodnight," Eliza said with a smile and took his offered elbow.
Chapter 29:
UNSUCCESSFULLY, SHE TRIED to hide a yawn as they walked up the stairs. This house was almost obscene in its luxury, but Lord Sunderstone had been very kind inviting them. And quite a charming man.
"Does Lord Sunderstone have some idea of why we're here?"
"I did mention something about you wishing to discuss charitable work with him."
Caius seemed to know where their room was. The idea of sharing a room with him was uncomfortable, but she did understand the reasoning. They were here for Lord Sunderstone's agreement and not to provide a spectacle with the state of their marriage. And now that she was here with these people, she fully understood the sentiment. This circle consisted of bored people and a spectacle would be exactly what they wanted to indulge in. So no matter how uncomfortable this was, they would share a room.
They stopped in front of a room and Caius opened the door to a bedroom as sumptuous as the rest of the house. It was large with a fire and thick carpets.
"After you," he said and Eliza felt a moment of nervousness stepping into the room, because getting her alone served Caius' purposes. Exactly what those purposes were, she couldn't pin down, because his opinion seemed to shift from: your life is yours, do as you please, to: it would solve all problems if we were together again.
Perhaps he was getting nostalgic about what had been, and it couldn't be denied that they had been perfect together. And now there was this new guilt descending on her, suggesting that she was the one that was keeping their reunion from happening.
It wasn't as simple as 'oh you were innocent, let's pick up where we left off.' She just couldn't.
Looking around the room, she sought an alternative place she could sleep. There was a settee by the window. It wasn't quite long enough, but it would be sufficiently soft if she curled up. "I can take the sofa," she suggested.
"That is unnecessary. I can be trusted."
For the most part, she knew that was probably true, but she wasn't sure she could sleep with Caius lying next to her. No, she would be more comfortable on the less than comfortable settee. "Uhm,” she said, looking at the sofa, while trying to pick her words. "I think I prefer some distance. It has been a long day in quite cramped quarters." And all day being surrounded by his scent, the sounds of his breath, his mere presence.
"In that case, I am quite happy to sleep on the floor by the fire."
"That isn't necessary."
"I suspect you simply won't be warm enough on the settee."
It was a good point. The blanket available probably wasn't thick enough to sleep by the window. It might be sufficient to sleep by the fire.
"I will sleep by the fire, you take the bed,” he reiterated.
It was a logical suggestion and she accepted it rather than stand there and argue about it. "Fine, thank you."
Now there was a moment of discomfort,
because she needed to undress, and no maid would come tonight as she was with her husband.
Caius took the blanket and one of the pillows. "Believe me, this floor is just as comfortable as a camp cot. I will feel quite at home."
So few times, she’d wondered how things had been for him in whatever far-flung location he’d taken himself to. From the sounds of it, not that luxurious. "How did you live where you were?"
"It differed. There is typically an officers' house where I would have rooms, but sometimes it was in camp with everyone else. Battles are rarely fought at convenient locations. I've often ended up in tiny cabins in ships. So I am used to sleeping in uncomfortable situations."
Listening intently, she watched as Caius undressed, not quite intending to, but he simply started undressing. It was a sight she hadn't seen in so very long. Then she realized that she should probably undress too. While her trunk was there, she chose to sleep in her shift, rather than take it off and pull on her nightgown, because that would mean standing here utterly naked for a moment, and that was not something she wanted.
Caius moved to the dresser, where their possessions had been neatly laid out, including both of their toothbrushes and powder. Caius brushed his teeth and the reminder of what had been hit her so hard, it was like a wall of sadness. They’d been so perfect and it had all been destroyed.
In all honesty, she wasn't sure she could pry her heart open again. It was simply too injured. Turning around, she surveyed the paintings on the walls to distract herself from her thoughts and emotions. A nice landscape scene of a summer garden.
It felt awkward preparing for bed in front of someone, because she felt his presence so keenly. Hurrying, she finished her preparations, then walked over to the bed, where she unbuttoned her dress and hung it over a chair. It was the nicest dress she had, but clearly subpar in this house. A few of the women had thrown her looks she’d clearly understood. How could she have been matched with a man like Lord Warwick.
Their admiration of him hadn't gone unnoticed, but he'd shown little interest in them. Maybe he was fully serious with his intent on staying within the confines of his vows. It wasn't something she asked of him, or even wanted, but he hadn't responded at all to those women's flirting, which had made them more ardent.
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