"I will end this war today. You've done well so far. Together we can reach for greater heights. Just take my hand."
Hotaru took a shaking step toward her, his feet like lead, and his sword hung loosely at his side. She smiled at him in triumph as he took her hand.
"You're doing the right thing," she said.
Hotaru plunged his sword into her heart. "I would rather die than join Yuki's murderer."
Blood poured from the wound and she stumbled away from him, clutching the sword which was embedded in her chest. With both hands she yanked it free and dropped it to the floor. A trickle of blood seeped from it as the wound knitted itself closed. But as it did, the color started to fade from her hair and gray streaks showed through the black. Crow’s feet crept in around her eyes.
She might not be entirely human but she was not without limitless energy. She could be killed. He lunged for her again, prepared to strangle her with his own two hands if he must. She ran away from him, out into the courtyard. He chased her but she disappeared in a puff of smoke.
When she was gone, he collapsed onto his knees, overcome by grief. Head tilted backward, staring up at the gray sky, he unleashed a horrible shout, a mangled sound that brought his servants running to him.
He had left Yuki behind because he thought he was protecting her. Instead he had doomed her with his own selfishness.
28
The shrine sat on top of a hill, guarded by barren trees which stood like sentinels along the perimeter. The bright red rooftops were a beacon against the otherwise barren landscape. Crisp white ofuda hung from the tori arches and fluttered in the breeze. The temple had been transformed over winter, and here the first hints of spring could be seen. Green buds were waiting to burst to life along the trees.
A woman with auburn hair swept the main courtyard, humming to herself as she worked. At a glance her fox ears blended in with her auburn hair. The hair was unusual in itself, and most visitors to this foothill shrine never saw her at all. The only reason he could see her in her real form was because he knew the truth about her. She turned as she swept and caught sight of him.
"Hotaru, what brings you here? The spring festival isn't for another couple weeks." Seeing as he was alone, she frowned.
Seeing his brother's wife reminded him of what he'd lost and grief burned deep in his gut. His throat was tight. Coming here was difficult. Hotaru had taken the rule of the Kaedemori clan from his older brother. Though they'd made peace between them, they'd never been close. He had to swallow his pride to ask for help. He'd tried doing everything on his own and it had gotten Yuki killed. If anyone knew how to defeat the witch, it would be Rin.
"I need your help." The words got tangled in his throat.
Rin tilted her head in confusion. "You need my help?"
"What is this, brother?" Hikaru strode forward, wearing the white haori and black hakama of a priest, and a tall black hat on top of his head. In one hand he held a branch. Hotaru must have interrupted a ceremony of some kind. He couldn't face Hikaru, knowing what a mess he'd made of things for the clan since he'd taken over.
"Nothing." Hotaru turned to leave.
Hikaru chased after him, grabbing him by the arm to keep him from leaving.
"You wouldn't have come here if it was nothing," Hikaru said.
Hotaru took a deep breath and then fell to his knees on the cold stones, his head parallel to the ground.
"I am a wretch who doesn't deserve your kindness, but I have a favor to ask of you."
Hikaru waved his hands. "There's no need for this." He grabbed Hotaru by the shoulders and guided him to stand. "You're my brother, you don't need to beg me to assist you."
"I've made a terrible mistake." Hotaru kept his head lowered. "I made a deal with a witch to try and protect the clan." He caught himself and then corrected, "Lord Fujikawa came to me after his daughter disappeared. He wanted answers and I had none. Things escalated from there and we're at war. I made a deal with a witch to defeat him and she—" Hotaru choked on the next words. "She killed the woman I loved in exchange for power."
Complete silence followed. The only sound was the whistle of the wind. Hikaru would likely deny him. His greed should be punished. This was Hotaru's fault after all. Had he not desired what did not belong to him, the clan would not be in danger.
Hikaru squeezed his shoulder. "I think we need to talk."
Hotaru lifted his head. Rin frowned. Hikaru rubbed the back of his neck. They brought him into their home where Hikaru served him tea. Rin sat to one side, glaring at him. He didn't blame her. Once the tea things were set out, Hikaru took a seat across from him.
"I think there are things you ought to know."
Hikaru shared his story, about the witch and her plot to destroy their family. And like a fool, Hotaru had fallen right into her trap. It seemed she had been plaguing their family for generations.
"This war is partially my fault. I should have intervened sooner..." Hikaru trailed off.
"But you're no longer an elder!" Hotaru protested.
Hikaru shook his head. "I ran away from my duty, and left you with the burden. It wasn't fair. I will plead with the forest guardian Akio, whom I serve. He will give our clan protection, but it will come at a price."
"What sort of price?"
Hikaru waved his hands in front of him frantically. "Nothing serious. He will likely want the family to make him their deity. We would be expected to give offering to him."
"Done. Whatever it takes to keep the family safe from the witch." His stomach twisted with worry. He trusted Hikaru's judgment, but he couldn't help but wonder if he were making the right choice. He'd been wrong before.
"I'm sorry. I should have been there for you," Hikaru said, placing his hand on his shoulder.
Hotaru stared at the cook-fire in front of him. "I wanted to lead; this is the cost. I'll find a way." Hotaru looked into his teacup. Steam rose in thick tendrils up from it. The clan would find a way, they always had. But would he ever recover from the loss of Yuki?
Hotaru headed back to the palace on foot. The sun was starting to set and the sky was painted with reds and oranges. He thought back to that day in the forest with Yuki and grief washed over him once more. Like a punch to the gut, he stumbled a bit and leaned against a nearby tree, taking a shuddering breath. Only when he was alone would he let the loss overwhelm him.
He took a moment to compose himself and grasped onto the tree trunk tightly. As he stood upright once again, he noticed a tanuki sitting along the side of the road. It was a ragged mess, its fur tangled and dirty. But despite that, it stared at him with clever black eyes.
"Are you one of hers?" he asked.
The tanuki watched him, unblinking. I'm being ridiculous, they couldn't have followed me here. And besides, she's dead. He kept walking back toward the palace, but as he did, the tanuki limped along after him. He turned around and stared at the tanuki who stared back.
"What do you want? I already know she's dead. Don't come here and taunt me."
The creature did not respond. He picked up a nearby rock and tossed it at it. The animal did not budge, even when the rock nearly grazed its head. Hotaru ran toward it, flapping his arms. It scurried off then, into the nearby bushes. Hotaru watched it walk away, his heart constricting. He took a few steps before turning back around to see the tanuki lying in the middle of the road.
Without a second thought he rushed over to it, picking it up in his arms. The animal was breathing heavy, and seemed to have been wounded by something. The palace was far away, and no place for a wild animal. Perhaps if he brought it to the shrine? This might be his last link to Yuki. He couldn't let it die.
Hotaru ran back to the shrine with the tanuki cradled in his arms. As he arrived in the courtyard, Rin and Hikaru came out.
Rin saw it straight away. "What happened to this child?" She took the small tanuki into her arms. The animal raised its nose and growled. Rin nodded her head as the animal spoke in some way only she cou
ld understand.
"That's not a regular tanuki then?" Hotaru asked.
Hikaru watched the conversation between Rin and the tanuki, his head tilted to the side as he frowned and tried to discern what was being said.
The tanuki finished speaking and Rin said to Hotaru, "He came here to find you. He says Yuki is alive and she needs your help."
"Who’s Yuki?" Hikaru asked.
Hotaru ignored him and moved closer to the tanuki. Hope was blooming in him again. "She's alive? Where is she?"
Rin put her ear closer to the tanuki. It had closed its eyes again and was breathing slowly. Its voice was barely a squeak.
When he was done speaking, Rin said, "He says at the guardian's place. I don't know what that is."
"I do," Hotaru replied.
He ran for the stairs as his brother called out to him. Yuki was alive!
29
It took nearly a day to get to the hidden forest shrine. Riding through the night, he nearly exhausted his horse in the process. The day was dying as he arrived, and the sound of night insects filled the air. Hotaru approached the water where the guardian's shrine stood.
Floating on the surface of the water was a small boat made of twisted vines, and tethered in place by reeds. A latticework of branches covered the top, and he could see a small flash of white beneath it.
The remaining six tanuki sat at the water's edge, kneeling in prayer, their tiny paws pressed together and their heads bowed. When they noticed him, they swarmed around him, their small voices chirping.
"Save her!" they cried.
Now that he was closer, he could see Yuki's profile through the branches. She lay as if sleeping, hands folded on her stomach. Pale and serene. Seeing her like that felt like a punch to the gut. He had done this to her, but perhaps there was something he could do to reverse it.
Hotaru gently pushed aside the tanuki before wading into the water toward Yuki. The glowing lights he had seen before swirled around her sleeping form, but as he got closer they scattered and hovered just over his head like hundreds of twinkling lights.
The gaps between the branches were small, and he could barely fit his arm through. He cupped her cheek and found it was ice cold.
"How do I wake her?" he asked the tanuki.
"She's lost her spark," one of the tanuki chirped.
"You have to find the spark!" a second added.
The tanuki continued their chatter but none of it made sense. He would find the witch and destroy her if that was what it took. He brushed his hand against her cheek. I am sorry for everything Yuki. I'll do anything to make this right.
"Do you sincerely mean that?" a voice brushed against his skin.
The guardian sat on the top of the shrine. His outline was pale and translucent, made up by the hundreds of floating lights which all coalesced into one place.
"I would do anything to save her," Hotaru replied.
The guardian regarded him for a moment, his expression bland. From what Yuki told him, he often ignored her cries for help. But he had to help. They were one, weren't they?
"The witch has stolen my energy out of her, and it cannot be recovered. The witch is already beyond your reach."
"I'll chase her to the ends of the earth if that's what it takes," Hotaru replied.
The guardian shook his head. "Yuki's time already runs short. She will not make it to the next sunrise."
"You have to do something! You saved her once, can't you do it again?"
He shook his head, the blue lights dancing around him as he did. "I cannot spare her. I gave up my earthly body to save her once. Now in the heavenly realm, I can only guide you."
"What can we do?"
"You must think hard on your choice. There is no going back once it is done."
"Whatever it is, I will do it."
"This child should never have lived. It was my divine spark that kept her in the mortal realm. But with it gone, her soul's fire is dying. The only thing that can save her is if it is reignited."
"How do I do that?"
"You must give up your own."
All the air came out of him in a rush. Either live without Yuki or die himself. He'd already felt what it was to lose her. He never wanted to experience that sort of pain again.
"How?"
The vines peeled backward, revealing Yuki lying on a bed of leaves, her ebony hair splayed around her.
"Breathe into her, and I shall do the rest," the guardian replied.
The guardian's form flickered and disappeared. Hotaru was left alone, waist deep in the water, his fingers curled around the edge of the boat.
He leaned forward and cupped her cheek, admiring her face and the soft brush of her eyelashes against her cheek. Her ruby red lips.
"I love you, Yuki." He pressed his lips to hers and he felt the breath of life escape him, flowing into Yuki.
As air filled her lungs, she gasped and her eyes flung open. Hotaru stared down at her, but already the darkness had begun to creep in around his vision. His hands were numb and he couldn't feel her skin against his fingertips.
"Hotaru?"
Their eyes met for one brief moment. It was worth it to see her one last time.
"Goodbye, Yuki," he said before he collapsed into the ground, water filled his lungs. As he lost consciousness he heard Yuki shouting his name over and over.
Live long and live well, my heart.
Yuki sat up. The boat she was lying in almost tipped over as she reached for Hotaru, who dipped down beneath the water. She clung onto him, pulling him into the boat with her.
She shook him. "Hotaru, wake up." But there was no response.
The tanuki were leaping up and down along the shore. She scanned her surroundings. What was she doing here?
"What did you do?" A tear rolled down her cheek. All she had wanted was to forget. The release of death had almost been welcome. And yet here he was, lifeless in her arms.
"He has given his life for yours," the guardian said.
Yuki turned toward him. The guardian was a pale, shimmering specter floating a few feet away.
"Why would he do such a stupid thing?" She brushed the hair away from his face, and stared into his slack expression as he grew colder.
"Because he loved you and he regretted what he did to you. This was his way of making amends."
"This can't be how it ends." Yuki turned to the guardian. "I can't let him die."
The guardian gave her a sad smile. "Both of you cannot live. Your life was given to you by my power, without it you were dying. He gave his life to you, so that you may live."
Yuki shook her head.
"I'm going to give it back then. I don't want it."
She leaned downward, pressing her lips against Hotaru's. They were cold and stiff. Hot tears rolled down her cheeks as she clung onto his lifeless body.
Don't leave me. I love you.
The forest was silent, not even the wind blew through the trees. Very faintly, Yuki felt the heartbeat of the trees, the song of the birds, the earth beneath her. A small part of the guardian remained in her, but it was only a speck. The witch hadn't taken it all.
In her mind's eye, she cupped that speck in her hands and held it close. Please, help me save him. Then like a seed burst from the soil it grew inside her, spreading outward, branching into every part of her. As the power grew it moved through her filling her with the guardian's holy energy. And then it poured out of Yuki past her lips and filled Hotaru's lungs.
He gasped and started to breathe again, though he did not regain consciousness. Yuki sat back, looking at the slow rise and fall of Hotaru's chest. Her eyes were covered with a gold sheen that was already starting to fade.
"I did it!" She cheered and looked toward the guardian. She could hardly see him at all now, he was nothing but a faint glimmer.
"My last gift to you, the seed of life. Now and forever your souls shall be bound together. Live well, Yuki, live well."
Along the shore, the tanuki waved
at her as they too faded from view. To save him, she used the last of the guardian's power and along with it her connection to the world of kami and yokai.
30
The ever-present feeling of oneness with the forest was gone, and as much as she mourned it, she was more relieved Hotaru lived. From the moment Hotaru had taken his first breath after she'd breathed life into him again, she felt his heartbeat echoing inside her chest. The guardian and the forest's presence had been replaced by Hotaru. Memories and images swirled around in her brain, replacing her awareness of the forest. It felt like she was in a waking dream. She wasn't sure what was real and what was fantasy.
Yuki paced outside the healer’s room. She'd been too underfoot and had been evicted. The door slid open and the healer came out. Yuki rushed toward him.
"How is he? Has he wakened yet? You can't keep me out."
He held up his hand to stop her barrage of questions in their tracks.
"You can go in now, he's awake," he said with the shake of his head.
She almost knocked the healer over in her haste to get to Hotaru.
Hotaru was sitting up, his face pale but he was alive and breathing. She flung herself into his arms. They collided and he made a soft oof.
She clung onto him as if were she to let him go she'd wake up in the forest once more, with his dead body in her arms.
"Yuki, I can't breathe," he gasped.
She eased off him and laced her fingers together to avoid the urge to grab a hold of him. His discomfort washed over her and multiplied within her. She was confused by the reaction.
"I didn't know you'd be coming to visit. I would have dressed up," he said, trying to lighten the tension.
He'd sacrificed himself to save her. She knew he loved her, but his emotions confused her. And she realized this connection might be unwanted by him. They'd parted on bad terms and there was so much left unsaid, where did they even begin?
Yuki: A Snow White Retelling Page 13
