From: Heather Hall
Sent: Sun. 3/27 4:00 p.m.
To: Elizabeth Smith
Subject: I need you
Elizabeth, something terrible has happened. I don’t even know where to start. Phil is dead. We were skiing, and I saw him lose control. It all happened so fast.
I know you’ve been busy—probably with your new baby, right? I’m sorry I haven’t visited or even sent a present or anything. I’ve been so busy too. And now this.
I don’t know what to do, Elizabeth. You know me. I always know what to do. I’m a little lost. Can you come to Colorado? Please. I don’t know who else to ask.
Heather
ELIZABETH
Elizabeth landed in Montrose late Monday. After a fifty-minute drive, she steered her rented Jeep toward Heather’s Telluride home, which was a bit outside of town. Just like her getaway “cottage” in Carmel, the Telluride house featured the best of everything in its ten-thousand-square-feet sprawl. Unlike the pale, beachy vibe of the cottage, this home was distinctly earthy. The exterior was lined with beautiful stonework that blended seamlessly into the surrounding forest.
Elizabeth walked up to the front door and rang the bell a few times. Silence. She decided to see if it was unlocked. It was, and she opened it a crack and called, “Heather? I’m here.”
Still nothing.
I’m going in, thought Elizabeth, and she walked through the door to look for her friend. The interior of the house was as charming as its exterior. It featured dark wood beams, lovely handcrafted furniture in leather and natural wood, wool blankets, and even a standard-issue bear-skinned rug positioned in front of the large fireplace at the center of the living room. That’s where she found Heather, in the living room, lying on the couch in front of the fireplace. She wasn’t asleep. She was just staring at the fire.
If Heather had the wherewithal to make a fire, perhaps things were not as bad as she feared, thought Elizabeth.
“Hi,” Heather said flatly, without making eye contact.
“Honey, I’m so sorry,” Elizabeth said, and she moved quickly to envelop Heather in a hug.
As she pulled Heather into her arms, Heather lost her composure and began heaving with tears. Elizabeth held her for a few minutes until Heather seemed to calm down.
“Finally! I can cry,” said Heather with a relieved sigh. “I just couldn’t cry yesterday at all. I thought I was broken. Or just heartless.”
“You’re not broken. You lost your husband. You’re in shock. Let’s go in the kitchen and have some coffee and talk.”
“I’ll go to the kitchen, but only if we can have a drink,” replied Heather, and she gave Elizabeth a little smile. Okay, thought Elizabeth, she’s going to get through this.
“Deal. I want to hear all about your kids. We haven’t seen each other in so long. We are way overdue for a catch-up.”
“I know, that’s my bad. The book was so successful, and the time just slipped away from me. The kids are doing pretty well, everything considered. They’re so busy, and I think it helped them to just keep going with all their activities. Everybody is always busy.” Heather seemed to trail off, but then she refocused on Elizabeth. “But you must be so busy, too, with the new baby and all.”
Elizabeth stiffened in spite of the fact that she knew Heather would bring this up. She couldn’t fault her really; Heather was just picking up where they had left off, more than nine months ago now.
“Heather, I lost the baby last June. Right after I told you. After what happened with Lucy, I forgot to circle back with you. It was a bad time.”
“Oh God, Elizabeth, why didn’t you call me? I’m so sorry,” said Heather, taken aback.
“Well, I would have probably called eventually, but the summer flew by and then September came and, well, I read your book. I’m sure you can imagine how sad I was to lose the baby. Your book didn’t help.”
After an awkward pause, Elizabeth continued, “But, look, the book is a conversation for another day. Let’s talk about you.”
“No, no, I want to understand why the book upset you. You said that you couldn’t count on me. What does that mean exactly? I’ve always been in your corner,” Heather said slowly, looking confused. “Look, every bit of the book was true. I was very careful about that when I wrote it.”
Elizabeth didn’t think this was the time to get into this with Heather. Her old friend’s lack of empathy (not to mention lack of imagination) was astounding, but this wasn’t the moment to point it out. She had just lost her husband.
“Look, Heather, let’s talk about the book another time.”
“No, I want to talk about it now,” Heather said with some of her old confidence. “I’m the one with the dead husband, so I get to decide.”
“Heather, I’m not sure I can be polite about it yet, regardless of the fact that you lost your husband. I really think we should save the conversation for another day. The harm is already done anyway. There’s nothing either of us can do to change it now.”
“I’m not taking no for an answer, Elizabeth,” Heather replied, looking for a second like the world-beating Heather.
Okay, thought Elizabeth. Here we go.
“Fine. The book really hurt all of our feelings, Heather. You just don’t go telling other people’s secrets like that.”
“Come on!” Heather started defensively, leaning away from Elizabeth and crossing her arms, her bright blue eyes flashing with annoyance. “I didn’t write anything that wasn’t true, and there wasn’t anything in there that everyone in the world doesn’t already know. I get that no one likes to have their mistakes pointed out to them, but I wrote the book for the young girls coming up in the workplace now. And for our children. And no one even knows I’m talking about any of you, anyway. I anonymized it.”
Elizabeth took a deep breath. Heather was all the way up her own ass. This might take some time.
“Heather, first, just because something is true and obvious doesn’t mean you have to say it, particularly if it’s hurtful. Knock yourself out writing about your own mistakes, but you should think twice before you sit in judgment of others. Second, you did disclose information that was private. I hadn’t told anyone at work that I was pregnant again. Or that I lost the baby, for that matter.”
“You can’t hold the pregnancy thing against me. That was your fault for not telling me.”
Elizabeth ignored her and kept going.
“The stuff about Mark was also out of bounds.”
“Please,” said Heather, rolling her eyes. “If I can’t call out a guy like Mark, then the sisterhood is really dead. And everyone knew what he was up to. It wasn’t a secret.”
Elizabeth pressed on, “Third, even if we could get comfortable with your idea that we need to share our mistakes with the next generation, I am in violent disagreement with your entire thesis that women should follow a prescribed path to be successful. Life is full of things we can’t control and shouldn’t try to. Look at what just happened to you.”
“Well, I am also—how did you put it—‘in violent disagreement’ with you,” Heather said as she made air quotes with her fingers. “I will be able to handle this situation better because of all my planning.”
“We’ll see,” Elizabeth responded tightly. “By the way, Heather, I hope that you recognize that the outcomes of our lives aren’t fixed at forty. When you wrote the book, we may have been struggling at that particular point in our lives. Just so you know, some pretty great things have happened for us all since then. Carmen will be graduating with her MBA soon. I’m planning to open my own law firm with Carmen as my partner. Sara has gotten a big promotion at work. And Martha and Robert are adopting a baby from China.”
“That’s wonderful to hear,” said Heather. “But you haven’t changed my mind. Wouldn’t you agree that all of that success happened in spite of your choices, not because of them? Think where you might have been if you had been successful from the start. Th
ink about your lives in that context. I mean, when you compare your lives to my life, it’s pretty clear, right? Be honest, Elizabeth.”
“No, Heather, I wouldn’t agree at all. Some of us just dealt with our share of adversity earlier than you did. That’s the only difference. But we are succeeding, too, just in our own time and in our own way. And we’re helping each other do it. Your adversity just arrived. Are you so sure you’ll come out the other end beautifully? Especially going it alone?”
“Please,” said Heather, “don’t insult me.”
This is getting out of control, thought Elizabeth. Time to back off.
“Heather, you just lost your husband. I’m not here to insult you or judge you. I’m here to help.”
“Well, I’m just fine. I’m going to go home and sort everything out. I have to admit, Phil chose a spectacularly bad time to die. FLASH has been getting some heat on our labor practices. I think it’s just disgruntled workers bitching, but this is the kind of stuff that really throws a wrench into operations when it goes sideways. In any case, everything will be fine. I actually don’t need help from any of you. You guys clearly have your hands full as it is. And besides, if I need help, I can hire it.”
Elizabeth wondered if Heather believed any of the bullshit she was spewing. Especially about the timing of Phil’s death. That was cold. She made one more try to bring Heather back to earth.
“Heather, we have all been friends too long for us not to forgive you. All you need to do is say you’re sorry. Hired help is not the same as family.”
“You don’t get it, Elizabeth. I’m not sorry. My book is my gift to the world. I wish you guys could be proud of it, too, instead of jealous. I’m so happy that your lives are on track now, truly. But you all really did make mistakes. We owe it to our daughters to be honest about them.”
Elizabeth sensed she wasn’t going to get anywhere today, maybe ever. Maybe it would just be better to leave and try again tomorrow. She had booked a hotel in town in case the conversation with Heather went south. Good instincts, she thought.
“Heather, I’m going to go back to the hotel. I’ll be there tonight and most of the morning before my flight. Please call me if you change your mind,” Elizabeth told her, walking toward the front door.
“Ditto,” called Heather somewhat coldly, but then she seemed to deflate a bit and followed after Elizabeth.
“Elizabeth, please wait. I am so sorry about your baby. Truly.”
Elizabeth grinned and said, “Don’t worry about me, Heather. I’m actually pregnant with Carmen’s baby now. Life is good.”
And with that, Elizabeth pushed on her aviators, turned quickly away from a confused and slack-jawed Heather, and returned to her rental car.
As she drove back to town to find her hotel, she thought about Heather’s arguments. No, Heather is just wrong this time, she decided. Maybe they wouldn’t be friends anymore after all. It wasn’t her choice, but it was her reality. People do change, she supposed. Or maybe we start to see them for who they really are as we age, as opposed to who we want them to be. The truth is often painful—just another one of the realities of turning forty, she decided.
Elizabeth waited by the phone all night and all the next morning for the call from Heather that never came.
CARMEN
Paul had sweet-talked Carmen into spending a week with him in San Diego. Carmen had never been to that part of California, and Paul had successfully convinced her that it was a must-see. Not that it was a particularly hard task when the ocean (and Paul, of course) was involved.
As they drove their rented convertible over the Coronado Bridge, Carmen had to agree with Paul’s assessment. The view from the two-mile bridge that connected San Diego Bay with Coronado Island was uniquely spectacular; they could see the San Diego skyline, sailboats in the harbor, and the vastness of the Pacific Ocean in the distance. Paul said that at night you could see the lights of Tijuana, and Carmen made him promise that they would make time to drive back over at night. Breathing in the sea air, Carmen slipped into an even deeper state of relaxation.
She loved this new life. Mark was gone, forever. Good riddance. Avery, on the other hand, was closer to her than ever. She was blossoming into a really wonderful adult. And Carmen may have lost her marriage, but she wasn’t wanting for romantic love. Not even close. Paul was becoming an integral part of her life. She didn’t want to marry him, though. She just wanted to be with him.
Carmen wasn’t sure she would ever be interested in marriage again. She was just starting to get to know herself again, and she didn’t want anything to get in the way of that. Besides, she thought, marriage wouldn’t be right for Paul either. Paul had lost his first wife to breast cancer, just as they were planning to start a family. Carmen would never want to replace her in his memory. No, she and Paul were going to enjoy each other and keep things simple.
After a bit longer in the car, Carmen and Paul pulled up to a beautiful beachfront resort on Coronado Island. The large resort was decorated in the traditional wooden Victorian style of beachfront resorts of the past. It was love at first sight for Carmen.
Paul insisted that Carmen have a drink at the bar while he checked them in. She thought about arguing and then decided that was the old Carmen talking. Instead, she ordered a glass of champagne at the comfortable lobby bar and settled in to enjoy the ambiance of the hotel.
About fifteen minutes later, a butler approached her and said he was there to escort her to her room.
Weird, thought Carmen.
The pair made their way to the ocean suite Paul had booked. When they arrived at the suite, the butler opened the door and quickly slipped away.
“Paul? Did you get a load of my escort?” Carmen laughed as she walked into the suite. She caught her breath as she saw their stunning view of the Pacific Ocean for the first time. And then she saw Paul, kneeling with a small box in his hand.
No, no, no, no, no, thought Carmen.
“Carmen, I know you said you didn’t want to get married again. And I get that, after what happened with Mark. But I wanted to bring you here this weekend to convince you that you are wrong. I’m not Mark. I don’t believe that marriage is about money or babies or obligation. That may be what Mark thought it was about, but he was wrong. And it’s not about sex or travel or fun either. Marriage is about picking a person to be a witness to your life, whatever that life looks like. I didn’t think I would ever find a person I wanted to share the rest of my life with again after losing Jill. But then you walked into my office, and here we are. Carmen, will you marry me?”
Carmen sucked in her breath, slowly exhaled, and pulled Paul to his feet. His surprised and disappointed expression made her heart hurt.
“Paul, let’s not ruin what we have. I do love you, completely. And I love being with you. I want to share our lives. But you don’t need to marry me. I don’t want to replace your wife.” Now she was going to say the difficult stuff. “You should think long and hard about the future you want. You’re only thirty-nine. You could decide that you want a family someday. If you marry me, that’s probably not in the cards. Let’s just enjoy the time we have,” she said with a sad smile.
“No, Carmen, I don’t accept that. I will have a family with you. I want to have a real relationship with Avery. I want to be the grandfather to her babies. Hell, we can adopt if you want. That part isn’t what this is about. Let me at least show you the ring.” And with that, he started opening the box.
“No, Paul, stop. This isn’t about a ring. Or Mark. Or even you. This is about me. I’m still recovering and getting to know myself. I’m not ready for marriage. I might never be. Please don’t show me the ring. I might not have the strength to say no.”
Paul flashed her a smile, but she could see the sadness behind it.
“Look, if that’s how you want things, okay. It’s not what I want, but I’ll take what I can get, I guess.”
Paul tucked the box back into his pocket and turned to start unpacking t
heir luggage. Carmen grabbed his arm and pulled him to her. She hoped he would not see the tears in her eyes. She thought she was doing the right thing, but it sure felt wrong.
Carmen wondered if she was making a mistake, but she knew that whether it was one or not, her chance for a fairy-tale ending was probably over now.
MARTHA
Martha was also on a trip, not that any of her friends would know about it. They were trying to pull off a perfect family week in Paris.
They were staying at a small boutique hotel in the sixth arrondissement. She loved that section of Paris—the architecture, the history, the food. It was a perfect little corner of the world. Even better, the hotel offered a babysitter, and Martha and Robert had taken advantage of the service so that they could go for a walk. They were all still a little jet-lagged, and Martha was looking forward to her favorite Parisian walking route along the Seine from the Louvre to the Eiffel Tower, unless they were too tired to make it all the way there.
They walked in silence for the beginning of the route, enjoying the calm and cool of March before the tourists descended in earnest. As they approached the Champs Elysees, Martha was ready to talk.
“Thanks for doing this, Robert. It’s really perfect.”
“It’s been more fun than I thought,” he agreed. “It’s funny. I’ve been here so many times for work, but this is the first time I’ve really seen Paris, you know?”
“I love that. And I think the boys will remember this.”
“God, I hope so, after you made me climb to the top of the Eiffel Tower,” he teased.
“You know, this might be our last trip together as a foursome,” Martha pointed out.
“I hoped they would be able to fast-track our application and home study.”
“Well, you were right about that. And if you are right about the overall timing, it will only be a few more months until we get her.”
All the Right Mistakes Page 17
