“Sam, don't you think we have a little more to be concerned with at the moment? I find it a little more disconcerting that you don't remember where you've been for the past year and a half. Or what's happened to you during that time.”
He closes his eyes, his face a mask of conflicting emotion. The struggle to get himself under control quite visible. Finally, he opens his eyes again and the confusion and pain emanating from them nearly rips my heart out. Getting to his feet, he heads my way. His hands grip my shoulders as he pulls me close.
“I'm sorry,” he whispers. “I'm sorry I caused you so much pain and grief. You and Amy both. I'd give anything to take back the misery I've caused you these past months. I've no right to demand any answers from you. You did what you did to survive your grief, and I'm okay with that. As much as I hate Whitman's guts right now, I'm grateful to him for looking out for you.”
His touch soothes me like it's always done. Just being in his arms, I forget my apprehension about his unexplainable appearance. Like being in his arms wipes out anything remotely bad. I lay my forehead against his, happy for the contact.
“God, I've missed you so much,” I groan.
He sighs and a puff of air tickles my cheek. “I know. I'm sorry I wasn't there.”
“Where were you?” I pull back and look deep into his eyes as I feel his body go rigid. His solemn expression seems to beg for understanding. I can see his internal struggle. There's something he's not telling me.
“Bix—”
He's cut short as the door flies open, and Lewis makes his way in, followed by Luke.
“Must have left the keys in here.”
Lewis seems to be totally oblivious to my and Sam's embrace, but Luke stiffens.
“Sorry.” His tone is scathing. “Didn't mean to interrupt the reunion. We'll be out of your way soon.”
I pull away from Sam, squashing down the niggling feeling of disappointment. He was about to tell me something. I could feel it. But his moment of confession is forgotten as we watch Luke and Lewis barge around the room.
“Luke, you want me to go with?” Don't know why I ask because I know the last thing he wants right now is to be around me. But I know I don’t want him walking away in anger.
“No, no. You two obviously have a lot of catching up to do. Don't let me be the one to stand in the way of that. Just pretend I'm not here, like you always do where Sam is concerned.” His words are steeped in sarcasm. I know he can't help his anger, but his barb stings a little. Actually it stings a lot, because I know he's speaking the truth.
“Jesus, Whitman. Just cause you two have been sleeping together doesn't give you free access to treat her like shit.”
I close my eyes and groan at Sam's words. He has to bring that up now? He couldn't wait to approach this at a better time?
Lewis finally senses the underlying tension in the room and stops his search for the keys, eyeing Sam and Luke with undisguised interest.
“You told him? Christ, Bix. Don't you think you should have waited on that?” Luke ignores Sam, staring at me in disbelief.
“I didn't tell him,” I stress. “Gordo did. You know he's no good at keeping secrets.”
“True,” Luke answers, his voice filled with insinuation as he glances Sam's way. “Gordo can't keep a secret if his life depended on it. Unlike some I know.”
“You know, I'm growing real tired of your accusations, Whitman.” Sam steps in Luke's way, flexing his fists. Has he lost his goddamned mind? Luke has to have at least thirty pounds and three inches on him. What the hell is David doing picking a fight with Goliath?
“Both of you knock it off,” I intervene quickly. I can see this going nowhere good and fast.
“Why?” Luke surprises me with his question. “Don't you want to know the truth, Bix? Don't you want to know where Sam's been for the past year and a half? ‘Cause I sure as hell do. I think it's rather suspicious that they supposedly woke up from their 'amnesia' three weeks ago but didn't make any effort to contact us at the Grand. No effort to contact you or his sister. Why do you think that is? And I sure as hell don't buy the shit story that they had no memory of us before today. That sounds all too convenient of an excuse if you ask me.”
“Stop it, Luke.” My words come out a lot harsher than I intend for the simple fact that I've pretty much been thinking the same goddamned awful thing, even if I don't want to admit it.
“You're awfully judgmental for someone who's been sleeping with my girlfriend,” Sam snarls his way.
Luke takes a step toward him. “I don't think abandoning her for eighteen months counts toward your good boyfriend status any longer, McKinley.”
“Okay, you two. Enough is enough. Give up the machoism and stop beating your chests at each other. We don't have time for that bullshit.” I step between them, hoping to prevent the confrontation. “Luke, get on the road with ass-st....Lewis and get our bikes. Sam, get your ass on the radio with the Grand and talk to your sister. You've kept her waiting long enough. She deserves to hear from you.”
I can see the vein popping on the side of Luke's neck, so I'm left flabbergasted when he actually turns and leaves with Lewis in tow and without another word. Being the voice of reason is not in my usual repertoire.
A silence descends over the room after the echo of the slamming door fades away. Sam stands still as a statue, staring after Luke with a look of absolute hatred on his face. A look I've never seen before, and it scares me to death.
“Sam?” I question and touch his arm lightly, but he pulls away from me like my contact scorches his skin. As if he suddenly realizes it's me, he runs a shaky hand through his dark curls and gives me a tiny, forced smile.
“Sorry. You're right. I need to talk to Amy. Kip has a radio room. I should go.”
“I'll go with you.”
“No!”
I step back at the vehemence in his voice.
“I mean, that's okay. I'll get Badger to break the news gently. You...I need to go.”
He walks away, leaving me standing there with no idea about what just happened. After all the dreaming and praying and hoping for our reunion, this was not what I was expecting. Not fucking at all.
CHAPTER ELEVEN
The rest of the day passes in a blur. Luke has been gone for hours and Sam, after talking to Amy and Liv, totally disappears. I'm left in a limbo of sadness, doubt, and guilt. Only highlight to the day was Amy's reaction to finding out her brother was alive. As much as he didn't want me to go with him, I made sure I was in the room when he spoke to his sister. After getting over her shock, the joy in her voice was unmistakeable. I think if it were possible, she would have hitched a ride on the radio waves to get here. Sam had been himself while carrying on the conversation with Amy, but now that it’s over, he's clammed up again. Giving me some shit excuse about needing to think things over, he'd gone off to sulk in a corner. How the hell had this day gone so wrong? And it’s made even worse by Luke's absence. If there was ever a time I needed his support, it’s now.
And the icing on the top of this shit cake? I’m the one stuck explaining and detailing everything that happened so far to Cooper. He attacks Sam's return with relentless questioning like I knew he would. And like me, he’s totally skeptical on the amnesia thing. He’s no more satisfied with their answers than I am. Plus I have to listen to him rant about Gordon and Evie following us. Like I’m to blame for that? But I bite my tongue and take it because it’s Coop. As much as I’d like to argue with him, I don’t. Total respect.
After sulking myself for a bit, I decide to do something about the questions swirling in my head. The whole thing is driving me nuts. And if Sam isn't willing to give me any answers, then I'll go to the other person that can.
After asking around, I'm told where Melissa might be. I find her back in the fields, underneath the pine tree where we first saw them earlier today. Being as it's early evening, the rest of the workers are already gone...wherever it is they go. Mess hall, bunkhouse, not sure. But
I'm glad she's alone. I don't want anyone else around for this conversation.
She's glances up from the book on her knees at my approach and a look of panic distorts her features before she manages to conceal it. Why would my presence make her panic? Not like she has anything to hide, right?
“Hey, Melissa,” I say casually and flop down beside her in the shade of the tree. “Hope you don't mind some company.”
“Actually—”
“Good,” I cut short her reply. This is happening whether she likes it or not. “We need to talk.”
Her dark eyes flit across the field, and I can see the cogs turning. She's trying to think of an excuse. A chance to escape. I'm not about to let that happen.
“I'm really happy to see you guys back.” That part is true. I'm not lying. “But I'm damn curious as to where you all were. And I'm sorry but I can't wrap my head around this whole amnesia thing. You guys have to remember something. Where were you?”
I could have eased into this I guess, but I'm running out of patience.
“Why don't you ask Sam?” Her voice is a mere whisper.
“I did. And he's still giving me the cock and bull story he told us earlier. That you guys didn't remember us until you saw us. I don't believe that's true. I can see it in your eyes. You remember what happened. Don't you? No matter what Sam says, you knew us as soon as you saw us today. You remembered us long before we got here. So if you knew about us and the Grand, why didn't you try to contact us? You must have people back at the Grand you consider friends and family. Why let us think you were dead when you've been here for the past three weeks?”
“I don't remember anything,” she answers stubbornly. “I didn't remember any of you until I saw you today.”
“We both know that's not true. You can tell me,” I say, keeping my voice gentle and trying to earn her trust.
“The last thing I remember is leaving the Grand on our mission and then waking up along the side of the road,” she repeats the line like it’s something she's practiced over and over again in her head.
“Think hard,” I urge. “There has to be more than that.”
“That's all there is.” She clamps her lips tight like she's refusing to say anymore.
“No, you're lying.” My patience has finally given out, and my voice hardens. “Now tell me the truth. We deserve to know the truth. The rest of your missing crew deserve to have the truth be told.”
“No...”
“The truth, Melissa.”
“I can't!” She flings the book my way, and it strikes me square in the chest. “We can't...I don't remember. Leave me alone.” Before I can stop her, she leaps to her feet and scurries away like the devil is on her heels.
I think about running after her. Maybe shaking her until the truth comes out. This not knowing is killing me. But I don't. Sam will tell me the truth when he's ready. He has to. I just hope it's sooner rather than later because the ideas growing in my head and gnawing at my brain are terrifying.
The thrumming of an approaching engine lets me know Luke and the rest are back, and I mentally gear myself up for the next conversation that I know has to take place. Luke and I parted with some bad mojo earlier today. I don't like it. Something has to be said.
I wander toward the army truck, watching as my crew unload what looks to be our intact supplies. Good. No one found them then. Not like there was much in Maple Haven besides leeches, but you never know who's traveling the roads. Better to be safe and bring them here until Badger is cleared to leave than just let them sit in that garage, free for the picking. Maybe Kip will be kind enough to add to our supplies. A few slices of bacon thrown in with some pears and cheese wouldn't hurt anyone.
As I get closer, I can hear the rumble of conversation along with a higher pitched laugh. Robyn. I'd know that cackle anywhere. She's standing in the rear of the truck, and I watch as she tosses Barney to Luke. Just the sight of her manhandling my bike causes irritation to start curling in my stomach. Luke catches it without effort and puts it to the side with the other supplies that Mike and Kelly are looking over. As he turns back to the truck, Robyn pretends to stumble off the tailgate, aiming straight for him. The move is deliberate, and she literally falls into his arms and they stagger back since Luke is unprepared to catch her. He trips over my bike and lands on his back, pulling Robyn on top of him. Face to face they lay there as I overhear her throaty apology.
“Oh, I'm so sorry. I tripped. Are you okay? Did I hurt you?” She runs her hands down over his chest and stomach, apparently looking for injury, because, yeah, falling on your back would injure the chest and pelvic area, right?
“I'm fine.” Luke responds. “You okay?”
I roll my eyes as I pull up beside them. Is he seriously falling for this?
“I'm fine now,” she purrs, and I have to stop myself from gagging. Or ripping her eyeballs out. I’m not sure which I want to do the most.
“You pull a groin muscle catching Bertha here?” I ask, interrupting their moment and staring pointedly at her hand uncomfortably near his crotch.
Both sets of eyes turn my way. I ignore the killing glare from one and concentrate on the cool aloofness of the other. I knew he’d still be upset with me, but that look is like a punch to the gut.
Luke rolls over her and leaps to his feet with all the grace of a sleek cat, pulling her with him. Her claws hang onto his arm long after they get to their feet, reminding me of some hybrid's talons. Sticking to him like glue. Staking her claim. She couldn't be any more obvious. He ignores my sarcasm.
“Anything happen while we were gone? Any miraculous memory returns?”
“Nope. Although I had to endure an hour interrogation from Cooper. Thanks for leaving me with that, by the way. I feel like I've been mind fucked.”
He shrugs. “Only right that you had to handle it. Sam's return is more your concern than mine.”
Touché.
We stare at each other in silence. I ignore the obvious interest of the two crew members now totally pretending to be focused on looking over the bikes. Their pretense of indifference is almost funny.
“I did have an interesting talk with Melissa.” I eye the brunette still attached to his arm before turning my attention back to him. “I'd like to talk to you about it, in private. If you're not too busy.”
“We are busy,” his barnacle confirms.
“I was talking to Luke.”
“I don't think privacy is necessary. Whatever you want to say to him can be said in front of us all. We are a team, remember?” Oh boy, she's not even trying to hold back. I guess Sam being back means it's open season on Luke and I don’t fucking like it.
“I don't recall asking your opinion,” I throw at her coldly. “She's making your decisions now?”
He sighs and removes Robyn's hooks from his arm. “Come on. Make it quick. I have things that need to be taken care of.”
I follow his broad back toward the field that I just came from, ignoring the stare piercing my shoulder blades like a knife.
He stops by a towering pine, out of earshot of the others, and leans against it with his arms and legs crossed. His hair is disheveled from his romp on the ground with Robyn, and I have to stop myself from reaching out and adjusting it. Like I normally would have done before today. The brown eyes that used to regard me with amusement or desire are guarded now like he's already building this wall between us. Protecting himself from unavoidable hurt. The look wounds me to my core.
“So, what's so important you had to drag me away?”
Now that I have him here, I'm not quite sure what to say. To be honest, Melissa told me nothing. She denied my accusation and told me the exact thing Sam did. Yet I feel her unsaid words spoke volumes. I just don't know if I'm ready to express my gut instinct to Luke.
“First, I need you to be honest with me. I know Sam isn't your favorite person at the moment. That ghost you always said came between us is now back in the flesh, so I understand you’re not happy with him bein
g here. What I don't understand is why you don't believe him. Why is it so hard for you to believe they have amnesia? What makes you think they stayed away from us and the Grand on purpose?”
I don't know why I ask him that since I think I already know the answer. I guess I just need to hear him say it.
“You know why, Bix, so why you even asking? They were missing for eighteen months. You expect me to believe they remember nothing from that time?”
“If it's what they say, then maybe we should give them the benefit of the doubt.” I can tell my words fail to convince Luke.
“You don't believe a word coming out of your own mouth. Who you trying to convince? Me or yourself?”
I close my eyes and take a deep breath. Dammit. Why is he always able to read me like a book?
“I think...I think you're right. I spoke with Melissa, and I think they're covering up where they've been and what happened to them, but the question is why?” The confession comes out of me in a rush, but Luke doesn’t bat an eye.
“Why do you think?” he asks.
I turn my gaze from him and look over the fields on the other side of the fence where the leeches shamble about, enticed by the smell of animal blood and entrails. The sight of them makes my blood run cold, and I don't want to say what's in my head. Like saying it out loud will make it true and I don't want it to be true.
“I don't know,” I whisper.
“Yes you do,” he insists.
“But they seem fine. I don't know why they're lying.”
“Admit it, Bix.”
“Ugh. It's not fair.” My whine sounds childish, even to my own ears. “We got them back. I should be ecstatic. Everything should be perfect.”
“But it's not. You know something's wrong. You can sense it, same as me. Admit it.”
“Why do you want me to fucking say it?” My confusion and hurt manifests as anger like always. “You already know what I'm thinking. Why do you want me to say it?”
“Because admitting it is half the battle.”
“Fine,” I huff my response. Hands on my hips, I stare past Luke's shoulder as I gather the thoughts in my head. Trying to make them coherent. “I think they were captured when they disappeared, held in those pods like the people in the warehouse we found. What else would explain their disappearance for this long? They've been alive all this time and haven't made their way back to us? Something extremely drastic kept them away, and for some reason, they don't want us to know that. Makes sense, right?”
Strain of Defiance (Bixby Series Book 2) Page 13
