by Kelly Holm
“If you want, I know someone who can give you meds… you know, to sleep.”
“Thanks, but really, I’m fine.” She hoped that Molly would take the hint and switch topics.
“Don’t forget about Mr. Johnson in the conference room.”
“Thanks, I’m on it. I’ll be heading out for a listing appointment right after I’m done with him. I’m not sure if I’ll come back into the office or not. Oh, and keep me posted on the situation with Emily Rockman.”
When Larisa got home that evening, she poured herself a healthy glass of red wine and collapsed on the sofa. It had been a good day with only one panic attack. She had to figure out how to control these attacks; what if they happened while she was at a listing appointment or showing, that could be detrimental to her career. She couldn’t let that happen. She decided to find another therapist and get more medication.
Maybe I should ask Molly for the number of the person she knows, she thought. It could be a risky move since Molly isn’t the most discrete person in the world. How can I ask for the number without her knowing it’s for me? She wondered. Larisa couldn’t let this problem get out; if word got around town, she would have a much bigger problem.
That night, as she lay awake, waiting to fall asleep, her mind drifted back to when she met Lindsey Myers. She decided to let the memory run hoping maybe it would put her to sleep. Larisa remembered how after Lindsey Myers left the Sunshine Diner that day, she thought long and hard about her offer.
About a week after meeting Lindsey, Daisy decided to make another bold move and relocate to Los Angeles. She didn’t know anyone there, except for Lindsey, but she didn’t know anyone in Arizona either. At least in L.A., there was someone who was offering to help her. She decided to take a leap of faith and take Lindsey up on her offer.
Lindsey was thrilled to hear from Daisy and immediately found her a place to live; a good friend of hers had a vacant guest house that was perfect. She also offered Daisy a job as a receptionist at her agency. It wasn’t a high paying position, but it paid much better than her waitressing job did, and it was a lot more interesting. Then one day, Lindsey asked Daisy to go to lunch with her.
They drove to the Whiskey Lily Bistro, a popular lunch destination near the Santa Monica pier, and found a table on the patio. After sitting down and ordering, Lindsey pulled a manila folder out of her briefcase and handed it to Daisy.
“What’s this?”
“It’s your new life, Daisy, or should I say, Larisa Bergman?”
“Larisa Bergman? That’s such a grown-up name. Are you sure I can pull it off?”
“With my help; absolutely.”
“I like the name.”
“Good because I legally changed it and got you a new license. You are now Larisa Bergman. I thought after lunch, we could go shopping and get you some new, more professional looking clothes.”
“That would be amazing.”
“Have you given any more thought to what you might like to do, I mean, do you want to continue being a receptionist?”
“I think I want to get my real estate license. It’s been so interesting working at your agency; I think I want to pursue it further.”
“That’s great; I was hoping you would say that. I’d love to mentor you while you get your real estate license, and when you’re licensed, I’ll help you find clients.”
“Why are you doing all this for me? I mean, I’m incredibly grateful, but what do you want in return?”
“I don’t want anything except the satisfaction of knowing I helped someone who was down on their luck. I believe in paying it forward. When I first came to town, someone helped me, and I’ve always said, if I get the chance, I will pay it forward. Besides, I like you, and I think you’ll make a great agent, with my help, of course.”
“Thank you. I don’t know how I’ll ever repay you.”
“Make a happy life for yourself, and build a great career; then maybe one day, you’ll get the chance to pay it forward too.”
“I promise I will.”
She had a hard time feeling worthy of the kindness Lindsey was showing her, especially after what she did before moving to Phoenix. She knew Lindsey wouldn’t be this kind if she knew her secret. Daisy still believed that she was a terrible person, and couldn’t forgive herself, but sometimes, good things happen to bad people. She was desperate to start over, and now she had the chance. She vowed not to ever let Lindsey down, and she never did.
After Larisa got her real estate license, selling just seemed to come naturally to her; and just as she promised, Lindsey set her up with a few clients. Soon after, Larisa was finding her own clients left and right. Her business started to take off. Within five years, Larisa had gotten her broker license and had a small staff of her own. She had money in the bank, a charming apartment, and best of all, after changing her name and appearance, her terrible secret was buried forever, or so she thought…
Chapter 2
Mila Thorton got into her silver, 2004, Mercedes SLK 350, popped in Shinedown’s, Amaryllis cd, and started the drive back to Rockville, CA, which was about an hour and a half north from Santa Monica. The trip itself was all highways, but once she got into the mountainous area along the curvy Angeles Crest Highway, the views were almost breathtaking. However, today, Mila didn’t care much about the scenery.
It had been three days since her mother died; she was going home for the memorial service and to close up her childhood home. Mila wasn’t herself; she was consumed with grief. She hoped that maybe the drive would be therapeutic for her, give her time to clear her head and think; and it did just that. During the journey, she laughed at memories, cried, and even yelled a few times. There were so many emotions running through her she couldn’t keep track. One minute she was laughing, the next she was crying.
As she approached Rockville, she saw the large wooden welcome sign at the edge of town, ‘Welcome to Rockville home to 57 friendly residents’, it said, but the seven was crossed out, and someone had already written fifty-six above it. The sign was very weathered, and still had the small chip on the right side where Stacy Williams, a local resident, crashed her car back in 2008.
As Mila drove through the main drag of Rockville, she couldn’t help but smile even though her heart was broken. She had so many happy memories growing up here with her mom. As she passed Jake’s diner, where she had her first job, she remembered her first kiss in the back room with Bobby Sullivan. Then there was the ice cream shop where she and her friends would hang out almost every day after school; and just down the road, on the
outskirts of the town limits was Richmond High School where she
graduated with honors and a full scholarship to college.
Rockville, CA, was about half an hour to forty-five minutes inside the Angeles National Forest, depending on how fast you drove and weather conditions. It was a tiny town, the type you would miss if you happened to blink while you were driving through it. There were a couple of small towns around it, Freyhill and Stogie being the closest, but the rest was a very thick and dense forest. Rockville was secluded, but Mila never minded that.
Mila loved growing up in Rockville, the people were so friendly, and everyone knew everyone else. Her mom had lived there most of her life too. Her mother, Krystal Thorton, was an inspiration to Mila; proof that you could change your life if you wanted it enough. When her mother was young, she got herself into some trouble running with a rough crowd. She never told Mila the details, or what actually happened. When Mila would ask, Krystal would just say, ‘The past is the past, let it lie in peace.’
Mila could hardly believe her mom was gone, it happened so quickly; she never got to say good-bye. When she got Leo’s call, she almost let it go to voicemail, but something inside her told her she should answer. When he said that her mother suddenly passed away, she didn’t believe him at first. Why would she, her mother was one of the healthiest people she’s ever known. To think that she was gone forever was nearly impossible.
house, a mid-sized, two-story, green craftsman with cream trim,
and a covered porch, she saw Leo sitting on the front step. She didn’t know much about Leo except that he was her mother’s boyfriend and that he had been around Mila’s whole life. She and Leo were never close, but she knew that if she ever needed his help, he would be there for her.
He looked the same as always. He was a big guy, not fat, but very muscular and tall; Mila guessed he must be at least six foot three. He wore his long blonde hair pulled back in a long pony with several binders holding in line; and completed his look with a short beard and a long goatee. Today he was wearing his usual tee shirt, jeans, and boots. His face looked sad, and his eyes slightly red and swollen from crying.
Her mother told her once that Leo played professional football for several years, but he never talked about it. He always tried to stay in the present moment; Mila thought he probably did that to please her mother. He was very kind and caring and always treated Krystal like a queen and Mila like a princess.
As she put the car in park, Leo got up and walked towards the car. Mila quickly pulled the visor down to reveal a mirror. She smoothed her long, wavy blonde hair which was neatly pulled into a chignon, reapplied her lipstick and wiped the mascara from under her eyes. She didn’t want to look like she had been crying, but it was useless, her eyes told the story. Even with Visine, her eyes were still red and puffy.
“Hey Mila, nice to see you; so sorry about your mom,” he said, as he gave her a hug.
“How are you doing?” Mila asked.
Leo’s eyes were swollen like he had been crying too, but he did his best to hide it. She thought this must be very difficult for him; he had loved her mother for almost thirty years. She wondered how he was coping.
“I’m ok. Damn, I miss her so much,” Leo said, as he
choked back tears.
“Me too… so you were the one that found her…” Mila said as she and Leo went into the house.
“Ya, I talked to her earlier that day and told her I was coming by. She asked me to pick up some of those strawberry-rhubarb, cheesecake cupcakes at the bakery, she just loved those damn cupcakes,” he said, as he started to tear up again, but he quickly wiped the tears away and finished the story.
“When I got here, she didn’t answer the door, but her car was here, and I could hear Metallica’s “Master of Puppets” playing in the house, so I just went in, and that’s when I found her laying on the living room floor. I tried to wake her up, but she must have already been gone. I was just about to call the EMT’s, but they showed up before I had a chance. They verified that she was gone, and quietly loaded her into the back of their truck and brought her over to the hospital,” he said sadly.
“I’m so sorry you had to go through that. It must have been horrible.”
“Better me than anyone else, she would have wanted it that way. EMT’s said it was a massive stroke, she died instantly, so she never suffered.”
“I’m so glad she didn’t suffer. I just don’t know what I’m going to do without her,” Mila said, as tears started to form in her eyes and slowly trickle down her cheeks. Leo immediately put his arm around her shoulder to comfort her.
“It’s going to be ok. I’m here, and I’ll help in any way that I can, so don’t worry about anything.”
“You’ve always been so amazing to us. You know Mama loved you more than anything? She told me once that you were the love of her life, the only man she ever loved or trusted. You meant everything to her.”
“Thank, Krystal was the love of my life too,” he replied as
he smiled to himself. Soon it was time to go to the memorial service at the old funeral home on Bleaker Street. Leo had put together a series of photos of Krystal’s life for the service, and Mila was impressed with his choices. The turnout was great; almost everyone from town made an appearance or sent flowers. Mila could tell that her mother was very much loved.
After the service, everyone went back to Maggie Pachool’s house for refreshments. Maggie was a long-time friend and co-worker of Krystal’s. She was very distraught by Krystal’s passing, but she did a great job covering it up. Mila was grateful that Maggie offered to host; Mila just didn’t feel up to it.
When Leo dropped Mila off at home after the service, he offered to stay, but Mila wanted to be alone. It wasn’t the first time in her life that she felt alone, but this time, she really was alone. She wasn’t sure how she was going to get through this, but she knew her mother would be with her in spirit.
As she walked around the house, floods of memories came back to her. The marks on the side of the kitchen entryway showing how she grew over the years, the pictures of her and her mother being silly for the camera hanging on the wall, and the purple crocheted blanket her mother always had draped over the side of the recliner. It felt like her mother would walk around the corner at any time.
After she took a long shower and had a good cry, she put her pajama’s on and went downstairs. There was a lot of stuff, she realized, that would have to be packed up in the next few days. Since she wasn’t at all tired, she decided to get started boxing some things up.
As she walked into her mother’s bedroom, she could smell her mother’s perfume everywhere. Just the smell brought Mila to tears. She wondered if it might be too soon to pack up her mother’s life. As the tears started forming and gently falling down her face, she tried to wipe them away, but they just got stronger until she was sobbing face down in her mother’s pillow.
The next morning, Mila woke up in her mother’s bed. At first, she forgot why she was in her mother’s room and not her own, but reality soon hit, and she remembered, so she decided to go downstairs and get some breakfast. Everything felt so surreal; as she walked down the stairs, she could almost smell her mother’s famous French toast, but as Mila neared the kitchen the smell went away as she realized that her mother wasn’t there and there wasn’t anything but cold cereal to eat.
After eating a little cereal, and drinking a large cup of coffee, Mila began boxing some of her mother’s personal items up. She started in her mother’s bedroom. It was difficult, but Mila knew it had to be done, and she was the only person who could do it. When she got most of the clothes out of the closet and into boxes, she noticed a large box that said ‘Mila’ on it. She pulled the box out and quickly opened it.
The box was filled with memories from Mila’s past. There was the clay handprint ashtray that she made in kindergarten, several pieces of art that Mila had drawn over the years, some locks of hair, and some old photos of Mila when she was a baby. At the bottom of the box, she found a copy of her birth certificate. She quickly looked at it, hoping it would tell her about her father, but it only listed Krystal’s name.
Mila thought for a long time that Leo might be her father, but Krystal made it very clear that he was not. Her mother told her that her father was killed before she was born, and she never wanted to talk about him. It was always a sore subject when Mila
brought it up to Krystal, and after a while, Mila just quit asking. She didn’t feel like she missed anything; if she needed a man’s opinion on something, she could always ask Leo, and he was more than happy to help. She put the top back on the box and moved it
to the side. She could go through that one later, she thought. When she pulled the box labeled ‘Mila’ down, another box had fallen, and some of the contents spilled out. They looked mostly like legal papers and relevant documents that her mother kept over the years. She tried to pick up as m
uch as she could and put it back into the box. When she finished, she looked into the closet to make sure she got it all.
Suddenly, she heard a glass of water spill behind her. When she looked up, she saw it was Smokey, her mother’s cat, who knocked over a glass of water on the nightstand.
“Dammit, Smokey!”
She quickly grabbed a blue checkered shirt off the bed and tried to mop up the water from the top of the nightstand. She knew this nightstand was meaningful to her mother because Leo had made it for her.
“I was wondering when you would come back Smokey, maybe next time be a little more careful,” she said jokingly, as Smokey jumped down and ran out of the room.
Mila was wiping the top of the nightstand down when she noticed some of the water dripped down one of the sides. She quickly took the shirt and wiped it off, and then suddenly, a little drawer on the side popped open. All these years, she never noticed the secret drawer before.
“What is this?” she asked as she slowly opened the secret drawer. She reached inside and pulled out what looked to be some type of book, maybe a diary or journal, Mila thought. It was beautiful. The leather was aged and mocha brown with an embossed Moroccan design on the front of it. The spine of the book had a darker piece of leather with lighter pieces placed in all the right spots. There was a small brushed silver lock that looked like it could be from the seventeen-hundreds on it keeping all her secrets safely inside. It looked like a diary or journal; she never knew her mother kept one, and she thought she knew almost everything about her mother.
She tried to open the lock, but it wouldn’t budge, it required a key. She put her hand in the secret drawer again and started to feel around. As she reached in, all the way to the back of the drawer, she pulled out a small trinket box.
The box was beautiful, carved out of wood; it looked like someone may have made it for her. On the bottom was an inscription. It was a little hard to read, as it was very faded, but she was able to make it out. It said, ‘Forever yours, L.’
