by Kelly Holm
“Hey, Jessica, how’s it going?”
“Wow, you weren’t kidding when you said this was a full-time position in itself. I only get to see about three or four patients a day,” Jessica said, as she continued to work without looking up at Mila.
“Is it too much?” Mila was worried that Jessica might answer, yes, and then she would have to step in.
“Are you kidding, I’ve loved every minute of it; sure, it’s a lot of extra work, but I really don’t mind. I kind of like not having to see as many patients. So how was your trip?”
“It was incredible, but we can talk more about it later, how about we do lunch?”
“That sounds great. I suppose your itching to get your office and job back…”
“That’s what I’d like to talk to you about. How would you feel about taking over as head of the business?”
“Why, are you going somewhere again?” Jessica asked without looking up, while she continued to jot notes down in a patient file.
“No, I’m not going anywhere for a while. I just feel like I’ve had enough of this, and I want to concentrate on psychiatry for a while.”
Jessica stopped what she was doing and looked at Mila,
“Are you offering me the position, or are we just talking ‘what if’?”
“I’m offering you the position, what do you think?”
“Are you kidding me? I’d love to take over for you. Are you sure you really want to do this? What about the money?”
“I’m sure. I did a lot of thinking about it while I was in Thailand, and I think this is the best choice for me. I really appreciate you helping me out like this.”
“It’s been my pleasure.”
“Of course, we would have to set up a meeting with the
cartel and make sure they are ok with it, but I’m hoping that since you’ve been working with them for the past month, they won’t have a problem with it.”
“They stopped by while you were gone,” Jessica said, as she turned her attention back to her file.
“What do you mean, what did they want?”
“I think they just wanted to check me out. It was so weird, I walked out of the office to get some coffee, and when I came back, there were these two men in black suits sitting and waiting for me. I have no idea how they got in.”
“The same thing happened to me the first time I met them. Did the men say anything about me being gone, and you helping out?”
“Just that they liked my work, and they asked when you would be back.”
“What did you tell them?”
“That you would be back tomorrow; I knew today would be crazy, and you wouldn’t want to deal with them so soon after returning.”
“Thanks, I appreciate that. I’ve been pretty busy getting things organized again and such. So, I was thinking… maybe you could start now?”
“Fine with me, but are you really sure you want out? What about the money and the thrill of judging these scumbag people, and punishing them for doing the unspeakable acts they blame on their mental illness?”
“I think I want to try life without judging for a while. Maybe I’ll even help someone while I’m at it. I know it sounds boring, but it’s really something I need to do for myself right now. I hope that you can understand.”
“Hey, if it makes you happy, that’s all that counts. Do you want your office back?”
“You know, I’ll stick with the office down the hall. You’re in charge now, you deserve the big office.” Mila felt great as she continued to rid herself of anything that represented Dr. Irving Blackmore.
A couple of weeks passed, and Mila continued to feel better and happier each day. Of course, there were still some very trying days when she really wanted to judge, but she stopped herself; she was determined to change for the better. She definitely missed judging the scumbags and sentencing them to death for their selfish and disgusting acts, but it was more important to her that she keeps her karma clean. Mila reminded herself daily that judging her patients was wrong, and even though it felt great, she can’t be doing that anymore.
“Excuse me, Dr. Thorton; there is a Larisa Bergman here to see you. She doesn’t have an appointment, what would you like me to do?” The new receptionist asked.
“She’s a friend of mine; please show her back to my office.”
Mila hadn’t seen or talked with Larisa since that momentous day with Dr. Blackmore a couple of months ago. She hadn’t given much thought to building a relationship with Larisa, she had been so consumed with her own guilt and humiliation, but maybe now it was time.
“Hi Mila, I’m sorry to just drop in like this. Is it a good time? I promise I won’t stay long; I know you’re busy.”
“No worries; please come in and sit down. How are you?”
“I’m doing really well. Experts say the market is slow right now, but apparently, they haven’t mentioned it to my clients because I’ve been crazy busy. I wanted to meet with you a few weeks ago, but when I called, the receptionist said you were in Thailand.”
“Oh, she did, did she? Ya, I was there for a month, and it was amazing… life changing actually.”
“Wow, that’s terrific; and you look great. I know I should have tried to contact you sooner, but I thought you might want some time to process everything.”
“It took me some time, but I think I’m at peace with everything. How about you? It must have been quite a shock to hear that I was your daughter after you thought your baby died.”
“To be honest, it was a relief. I carried that guilt around for so many years; it’s incredible to be free of it. As long as we are on the subject, I think it would be best for both of us if I find a different therapist, no offense, but it would be a little weird… don’t ya think? Maybe you could suggest someone?”
“Sure, I’d be happy to refer you to someone, but let me ask you something. When was your last panic attack?”
Larisa sat quietly for a moment as she thought back.
“You know, work has been so crazy lately that I didn’t even notice; I haven’t had an attack since that day I was here.”
“That’s terrific; I think you’ve found the reason behind them, and I don’t think they are going to come back.”
Mila was happy that Larisa stopped by. She had been thinking of calling her but wasn’t sure if Larisa would like that.
“Do you mean I might be cured?” Larisa asked with a huge grin.
“I think you might be cured. Congratulations. Do you still want me to refer you to someone?”
“Maybe not right now; let’s see how long it lasts.”
“That sounds like a plan.”
It was still a little tense between them, but they both hoped that with time, they could forge a friendship.
“Did you hear about Leo?” Larisa asked proudly.
“No, I’ve been so busy with work I haven’t had a chance to call him. What’s going on with him, I hope he’s ok.”
“He’s better than ok, he’s terrific. A couple of month’s ago, he went on this reality tattoo show, Tat King, and he won!”
“Seriously, that’s amazing! What kind of competition was it?”
“It was a tattooing competition. Leo competed against tattoo artists from around the world. He said each day they had to do two or three tattoos, and they were judged on all of them. He said it was very intense, but he loved every minute of it.”
“And he won? Wow, that’s amazing! What did he win?”
“Besides the prestigious title of Tat-King, he won a million dollars. He said he’s planning on using the money to open his own shop here in L.A. so he can be closer to us; and I think he might also want to be a little closer to your assistant, Sofia. He didn’t say that, but I could see the way he was looking at her.”
“That’s amazing, I’ll have to give him a call and congratulate him.”
“I think he would really like that. You know, he still feels so guilty for not telling you everything sooner.”
“He really shouldn’t, I know he was just honoring my mother’s wishes. I’ll give him a call and clear the air. So how are you doing otherwise?”
“Great actually; I met a man, and we’ve started dating. It’s been so long since I’ve met someone I liked enough to spend time with. He’s in real estate too, so he gets the weird hours. I’m really excited, I know we’ve only been dating a little over a month, but I think he might be the one.”
“That’s fantastic Larisa, I am so happy for you.”
“I also stopped by to see if you had any questions, you know, about how things went down all those years ago. Some of it is still a little foggy, but if there is anything I can clear up for you I
would really like to. I’m sure you are wondering who your father is.”
Mila didn’t say anything, she already knew. She wanted to see if Larisa knew too.
“I only went on one date that year; it was my first and my last for several years. His name was Kurt Nettle; he was the captain of the football team and very handsome. Unfortunately, I heard he was killed in a car accident a few years after graduation. He never knew about you.”
Mila thought about telling Larisa that Kurt Nettle wasn’t the father and that she was already pregnant when she went on that date, but she didn’t. She felt that Larisa was at peace and didn’t need to know that she was artificially impregnated by that monster, Dr. Blackmore. Some things just don’t need to be told.
“Thank you for telling me. I feel so blessed that I have this new family. I really hope that you and I can get to know each other better and become friends.”
“I’d really like that,” Larisa said, as she glanced at her watch, “Oh, I didn’t realize the time. I won’t keep you any longer; I know you have a full patient list today, but maybe we could get together next weekend. I’d love to hear all about your trip and see your photos from Thailand.”
“That would be great, I would really like that. I’ll give you a call early next week, and we can make plans.”
Larisa left, and Mila prepared for her next patient to arrive. Mila was so proud of herself; she was doing so well. It was still quite a challenge for her to stop judging her patients, especially when she heard some of the incredibly heinous thoughts that came out of their mouths, but she was doing it.
When the demon in her head starts spewing its lies, softly at first only to get louder the more she ignores him, she reminds herself that her patients are sick and don’t mean to do the horrible things they do. As time passed, much to her surprise, Mila was starting to find more and more pleasure helping them rather than judging them.
“Dr. Thorton, your next appointment, Brittany Bakerstrut, is here. Would you like me to bring her back?”
“Yes, that would be fine.”
Brittany Bakerstrut was seeing Mila because she had some seriously unwanted sexual thoughts about her fifteen-year-old
stepson.
“Hello Brittany, please come in,” Mila said, as she watched the young woman with short spiky multi-colored hair, dressed in jeans, a Mötley Crüe T-shirt and flip flops walk in. As the young woman plopped down in the chair, she pulled one leg up and put her foot on the chair she was sitting in.
“You have to help me doc; I can stop thinking about boning Antonio, my fifteen-year-old stepson,” she said, as she stood up and started pushing her hips forward and making grunt-like noises to show how she wanted to have sex.
“Are you having the thoughts more often than before?”
“I’m having them all the time, especially when I’m around him.”
“Remember, these are just bad thoughts, and you can turn them off if you want to.”
“I can’t turn them off; in fact, they are getting louder in my head. I want to take him and rip his clothes off and lick his whole body,” she said, as she leaned forward and licked her lips like she just ate the most delicious thing.
“Brittany, look at me, these are just thoughts. You don’t have to act on them. I know they seem very strong and enticing to you, but you can control them if you want to.”
“But that’s my problem, I don’t want to anymore. Last night, I snuck into Antonio’s bedroom while he slept. I pulled the covers off of him and stared at his nearly naked body. I almost
climbed in bed with him, but I was afraid he would wake up and just start screaming like he sometimes does.”
“Why would he start screaming?”
“Antonio does that, his brain isn’t right, you know what I mean?” Brittany said, as she moved her pointer finger in a swirling motion by her head, “he’s a little cuckoo.”
“Are you saying he’s mentally challenged, you never mentioned that before.”
“Mentally challenged… cuckoo…retarded… call it what you want, but his brain doesn’t function right, never has, I guess. You’d never know it by looking at him, but if you try and get him to talk, well that’s a whole different story. I’ve lived with Antonio for two years, and I’ve never heard a word come out of his mouth.”
“Was your husband home when you snuck into Antonio’s room?”
“You mean Alejandro?”
“Yes, your husband.”
“Naw, he got deported about a week ago. He left for work one morning and never came back. He called a couple of days later, and he said he was back in Guadalajara, Mexico. I asked him about Antonio, he said to keep him.”
“Didn’t Alejandro have a green card? Or how did he work?”
“No, he didn’t have a green card; he thought he was above the law. He always said, ‘They’ll never catch me…’ well, they did, and now I’m stuck with the retarded kid.”
“What about Antonio’s mother, where is she?”
“That whore? She’s probably still working the streets somewhere in Mexico. She doesn’t want anything to do with
Antonio; never did. She left shortly after he was born when she realized he wasn’t normal. Alejandro was raising him by himself.”
“Is the boy a U.S. citizen?”
“No, he was born in Mexico too. Look, Doc, where the kid was born isn’t the issue here. I need to know, if since I am now this kid’s legal guardian… can I fuck him?” Brittany was sitting forward in her chair anxiously waiting for Mila to tell her it was ok.
“First of all, unless you and Alejandro took legal steps to make you the legal guardian, you aren’t this boy’s legal guardian, and you should immediately send him back to his father. Secondly, this in no way means you should ever touch Antonio sexually, he’s a fifteen-year-old child, not to mention that he is mentally challenged.”
“So, I’m not his legal guardian…”
“Not unless Alejandro had you legally appointed.”
Brittany sat back and thought for a moment, “Well, that’s even better. So, since I’m not his legal guardian, that means I can fuck him…right?” she said, as she smiled wickedly.
“No, he’s still a minor child and don’t forget he’s mentally challenged so he might not understand your advances. If he was eighteen rather than fifteen, it might be a different story, but he isn’t. So, you cannot have sexual relations with him.”
The hairs on the back of Mila’s neck were standing at full attention. She knew Brittany had gotten worse since they last talked. Mila wondered if Brittany really would go through with her thoughts and start making advances towards her stepson or if it was just talk. Mila was concerned. Her first instinct was to ask Brittany if she wanted a glass of water so she could find out what her truth was, but she didn’t do that anymore.
Mila did her best to ignore the demon inside her mind telling her to judge Brittany, but its taunting was getting louder by the minute. It reminded her just how much she missed the thrill of judging her patients. She quickly pushed the thought from her mind and continued with talk therapy.
As she was formulating her next question in her mind, she noticed out of the corner of her eye a silhouette, it was very faint, but she could see it in the chair next to Brittany. Mila closed her eye
s and shook her head, I’m better now; I don’t get hallucinations anymore… what the hell is going on in that chair… she wondered.
Mila blinked her eyes several times again to try and see straight, but each time she opened her eyes, there he was again, her demented dead husband, sitting in the chair next to her patient with that stupid grin on his face, and he was waving at her. Mila did her best to ignore him, but he was doing his best to get her attention.
Brittany noticed that something was going on with Mila and asked…
“You ok there, doc?”
“Hugh? Oh, yes, I’m fine…”
Mila was embarrassed; how could this be happening? She couldn’t let Brittany know that she wasn’t listening because she was trying to figure out how to get rid of her dead husband’s ghost; which happened to be sitting right next to Brittany. She quickly pulled herself together and asked her next question.
“What is it about Antonio that makes you want to sleep with him?”
“He’s a dude… a young, fresh, tight dude. Yummy,” she said, as she licked her lips with anticipation, “plus, he doesn’t talk, he just likes to lift weights, and I like to watch.”
“He’s also a mentally challenged minor. You do understand that having sex with him is wrong, don’t you?
“Kind of, I mean, what is age… isn’t it just a number? He’s much more mature than a normal fifteen-year-old, at least
physically. I can’t help it if I like them young. Besides, if he were just a few years older, would his age even matter?”
“Yes, it would.”
“Why?”
“Because he’s mentally challenged, and you’re his stepparent.”
“So, he’s a little slower than the other boys, at least he isn’t talking my ear off constantly. You should see when he works out, those lean young muscles dripping with sweat; I just want to melt myself down into butter and slather myself all over him.”
