Vet in Harness

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by James Herriot

into the beck whence it was retrieved with a certain amount of profanity

  by the invisible Maurice.

  An old farm man once said to me when describing a moment of

  embarrassment. "Ah could've got down a mouse 'ole.' And as I returned to

  my place in the field I knew just what he meant. In fact the bowler at

  the other end got through his over almost without my noticing it and I

  was still shrunk in my cocoon of shame when I saw Tom Willis signalling

  to me.

  I couldn't believe it. He was throwing me the ball again. It was a

  typ~cally magnanimous gesture, a generous attempt to assure me that I

  had done well enough to have another go.

  Again I shambled forward and the blue-shined lad awaited me, almost

  licking his lips. He had never come across anyone like me before and it

  seemed too good to be true that I should be given another over; but

  there I was, and he climbed gratefully into each ball I sent down and

  laid into it in a kind of ecstasy with the full meat of the bat.

  I would rather not go into details. Sufficient to say that I have a

  vivid memory of his red face and blue shirt and of the ball whistling

  back over my head after each delivery and of the almost berserk yells of

  the spectators. But he didn't hit every ball for six. In fact there were

  two moments of light relief in my torment; one when the ball smashed

  into the oak tree, ricocheted and almost decapitated old Len at the

  other end; the other when a ball snicked off the edge of the bat and

  ploughed through a very large cow pat, sending up a noisome spray along

  its course. It finished at the feet of Mr Blenkinsopp and the pour man

  was clearly in a dilemma. For the last hour he had been swooping on

  everything that came near him with the grace of the born cricketer.

  But now he hovered over the unclean object, gingerly extending a hand

  then withdrawing it as his earthier colleagues in the team watched in

  wonder. The batsmen were galloping up and down, the crowd was roaring

  but the curate made no move. Finally he picked the thing up with the

  utmost daintiness in two fingers, regarded it distastefully for a few

  moments and carried it to the wicketkeeper who was ready with a handful

  of grass in his big gloves.

  At the end of the over Tom came up to me. "Thank ye, Mr Herriot, but I'm

  afraid I'll have to take you off now. This wicket's not suited to your

  type of bowling - not takin' spin at all.' He shook his he,ad in his

  solemn way.

  I nodded thankfully and Tom went on. "Tell ye what, go down and relieve

  that man in the outfield. We could do wi' a safe pair of hands down

  there.'

  Chapter Twenty-Five.

  I obeyed my skipper's orders and descended to the ravine and when

  Maurice had clambered up the small grassy cliff which separated me from

  the rest of the field I felt strangely alone. It was a dank,

  garlic-smelling region, perceptively colder than the land above and

  silent except for the gurgle of the beck behind me. There was a little

  hen house down here with several hens pecking around and some sheep who

  obviously felt it was safer than the higher ground.

  I could see nothing of the pitch, only occasional glimpses of the heads

  of ve' zn rlarness 3U~

  players so I had no idea of what was going on. In fact it was difficult

  to believe I was still taking part in a cricket match but for the

  spectators. From their position along the wall they had a grandstand

  view of everything and in fact were looking down at me from short range

  They appeared to find me quite interesting, too, because a lot of them

  kept their eyes on me, puffing their pipes and making remarks which I

  couldn't hear but which caused considerable hilarity.

  It was a pity about the spectators because it was rather peaceful in the

  ravine. It took a very big hit to get down there and I was more or less

  left to ruminate. Occasionally the warning cries would ring out from

  above and a ball would come bounding over the top. Once a skied drive

  landed with a thud in a patch of deep grass and with an enraged

  squawking a Rhode Island cockerel emerged at top speed and legged it

  irascibly to a safer haven.

  Now and then I clawed my way up the bank and had a look at the progress

  of the game. Len had gone but the lad in blue was still there. After

  another dismissal I was surprised to see one of the umpires give his

  coat to the outgoing batsman, seize the bat and start laying about him.

  Both umpires were in fact members of the team.

  It was after a long spell of inaction and when I was admiring the long

  splash of gold which the declining sun was throwing down the side of the

  fell when I heard the frantic yells. "Jim! James! Mr Herriot!' The whole

  team was giving tongue and, as I learned later, the lad in the blue

  shirt had made a catchable shot.

  But I knew anyway. Nobody but he could have struck the blow which sent

  that little speck climbing higher and higher into the pale evening sky

  above me; and as it began with terrifying slowness to fall in my

  direction time came to a halt. I was aware of several of my team mates

  breasting the cliff and watching me breathlessly, of the long row of

  heads above the wall, and suddenly I was gripped by a cold resolve. I

  was going to catch this fellow out. He had humiliated me up there but it

  was my turn now.

  The speck was coming down faster now as I stumbled about in the tangled

  vegetation trying to get into position. I nearly fell over a ewe with

  two big fat lambs sucking at her then I was right under the ball, hands

  cupped, waiting.

  It fell, at the end, like a cannon ball, heavy and unyielding, on the

  end of my right thumb, bounded over my shoulder and thumped mournfully

  on the turf.

  A storm of derision broke from the heads, peals of delighted laughter,

  volleys of candid comment.

  "Get a basket!' advised one worthy.

  "Fetch 'im a bucket!' suggested another.

  As I scrabbled for the ball among the herbage I didn't know which was

  worse - the physical pain which was excruciating, or the mental anguish.

  After I had finally hurled the thing up the cliff I cradled the

  throbbing thumb in my other hand and rocked back and forth on my heels,

  moaning softly.

  My team mates returned sadly to their tasks but Tom Willis, I noticed,

  hngered on, looking down at me.

  "Hard luck, Mr Herriot. Very easy to lose t'ball against them trees.' He

  nodded encouragingly then was gone.

  I was not troubled further in the innings. We never did get blueshirt

  out and he had an unbeaten sixty-two at the close. The Hedwick score was

  a hundred and fifty-four, a very useful total in village cricket.

  There was a ten minute interval while two of our players donned the

  umpires' Coats and our openers strapped on their pads. Tom Willis showed

  me the batting list he had drawn up and I saw without surprise that I

  was last man in.

  jute ver In marnes;Y "Our team's packed with batting, Mr Herriot,' he

  said seriously. "I couldn't find a place for you higher up the order.'

  Mr Blenkins
opp, preparing to receive the first ball, really looked the

  part, gay cap pulled well down, college colours bright on the broad V of

  his sweater. But in this particular situation he had one big

  disadvantage; he was too good.

  All the coaching he had received had been aimed at keeping the ball

  down. An 'uppish'stroke was to be deplored. But everything had to be

  uppish on this pitch.

  As I watched from my place on the form he stepped out and executed a

  flawless cover drive. At Headingley the ball would have rattled against

  the boards for four but here it travelled approximately two and a half

  feet and the fat lad stooped carelessly, lifted it from the dense

  vegetation and threw it back to the bowler. The next one the curate

  picked beautifully off his toes and flicked it to square leg for what

  would certainly have been another four anywhere else. This one went for

  about a yard before the jungle claimed it.

  It saddened me to watch him having to resort to swiping tactics which

  were clearly foreign to him. He did manage to get in a few telling blows

  but was caught on the boundary for twelve.

  It was a bad start for Rainby with that large total facing them and the

  two Hedwick fast bowlers looked very formidable. One of them in

  particular, ~ gangling youth with great long arms and a shock of red

  hair seemed to fire his missiles with the speed of light, making the

  batsmen duck and dodge as the ball flew around their ears.

  "That's Tagger Hird,' explained my nearest team mate on the bench. "By

  gaw 'e does chuck 'em down. It's a bugger facie' him when the light's

  getting bad.'

  I nodded in silence. I wasn't looking forward to facing him at all, in

  any kind of light. In fact I was dreading any further display of my

  shortcomings and I had the feeling that walking out there to the middle

  was going to be the worst part of all.

  But meanwhile I couldn't help responding to the gallant fight Rainby

  were putting up. As the match went on I found we had some stalwarts in

  our ranks. Bert Chapman the council roadman and an old acquaintance of

  mine strode out with his ever present wide grin splitting his brick-red

  face and began to hoist the ball all over the field. At the other end

  Maurice Briggs the blacksmith, sleeves rolled high over his mighty

  biceps and the ,bat looking like a Woolworths toy in his huge hands,

  clouted six after six, showing a marked preference for the ravine where

  there now lurked some hapless member of the other team. I felt for him,

  whoever it was down there; the sun had gone behind the hills and the

  light was fading and it must have been desperately gloomy in those humid

  depths.

  And then when Tom came in he showed the true strategical sense of a

  captain. When Hedwick were batting it had not escaped his notice that

  they aimed a lot of their shots at a broad patch of particularly

  impenetrable vegetation, a mato grosso of rank verdure containing not

  only tangled grasses but nettles, thistles and an abundance of nameless

  flora. The memory of the Hedwick batsmen running up and down while his

  fielders thrashed about in there was fresh in his mind as he batted, and

  at every opportunity he popped one with the greatest accuracy into the

  jungle himself.

  It was the kind of innings you would expect from him; not spectacular,

  but thoughtful and methodical. After one well-placed drive he ran

  seventeen while the fielders clawed at the undergrowth and the yells

  from the wall took on a frantic note.

  And all the time we were creeping nearer to the total. When eight

  wickets had fallen we had reached a hundred and forty and our batsmen

  were running .

  ; 1

  whether they hit the ball or not. It was too dark by now, to see, in any

  case, with great black banks of cloud driving over the fell top and the

  beginnings of a faint drizzle in the air.

  In the gathering gloom I watched as the batsman swung, but only managed

  to push the ball a few yards up the pitch. Nevertheless he broke into a

  full gallop and collided with his partner who was roaring up from the

  other end. They fell in a heap with the ball underneath and the

  wicketkeeper, in an attempt at a run-out, dived among the bodies and

  scrabbled desperately for the ball. Animal cries broke out from the

  heads on the wall, the players were all bellowing at each other and at

  that moment I think the last of my romantic illusions about cricket

  slipped quietly away.

  But soon I had no more time to think about such things. There was an

  eldritch scream from the bowler and our man was out L.B.W. It was my

  turn to bat.

  Our score was a hundred and forty-five and as, dry-mouthed, I buckled on

  my pads, the lines of the poem came back to me. "Ten to win and the last

  man in.' But I had never dreamed that my first innings in a cricket

  match would be like this, with the rain pattering steadily on the grass

  and the oil lamps on the farm winking through the darkness.

  Pacing my way to the wicket I passed close by Tagger Hird who eyed me

  expressionlessly, tossing the ball from one meaty hand to another and

  whistling softly to himself. As I took guard he began his pounding run

  up and I braced myself. He had already dropped two of our batsmen in

  groaning heaps and I realised I had small hope of even seeing the ball.

  But I had decided on one thing! I wasn't going to just stand there and

  take it. I wasn't a cricketer but I was going to try to hit the ball.

  And as Tagger arrived at full gallop and brought his arm over I stepped

  out and aimed a violent lunge at where I thought the thing might be.

  Nothing happened. I heard the smack on the sodden turf and the thud into

  the wicketkeeper's gloves, that was all.

  The same thing happened with the next two deliveries. Great flailing

  blows which nearly swung me off my feet but nothing besides the smack

  and the thud. As Tagger ran up the fourth time I was breathless and my

  heart was thumping. I was playing a whirlwind innings except that I

  hadn't managed to make contact so far.

  Again the arm came over and again I leapt out. And this time there was a

  sharp crack. I had got a touch but I had no idea where the ball had

  gone. I was standing gazing stupidly around me when I heard a bellowed

  "Come on!' and saw my partner thundering towards me. At the same time I

  spotted a couple of fielders running after something away down on my

  left and then the umpire made a signal. I had scored a four.

  With the fifth ball I did the same thing and heard another crack, but

  this time, as I glared wildly about me I saw there was activity

  somewhere behind me on my right. We ran three and I had made seven.

  There had been a no-ball somewhere and with the extra delivery Tagger

  scattered my partner's stumps and the match was over. We had lost by two

  runs.

  "A merry knock, Mr Herriot,' Tom said, as I marched from the arena.

  "Just for a minute I was beginnin' to think you were going' to pull it

  off for us there.'

  There was a pie and pea supper for both teams in the pub and as I


  settled down w~th a frothing pint of beer the thought kept coming back

  to me. Seven not out! After the humiliations of the evening it was an

  ultimate respectability. I had not at any time seen the ball during my

  innings and I had no idea how it had arrived in those two places but I

  had made seven not out. And as tte meal arrived in front of me -

  delicious home-made steak and kidney pie with mounds of mushy peas - and

  I looked around at the roomful of laughing sunburnt men I began to feel

  good.

  Tom sat on one side of me and Mr Blenkinsopp on the other. I had been

  interested to see that the curate could sink a pint with the best of

  them and he smiled as he put down his glass.

  "Well done indeed, James. Nearly a story book ending. And you know, I'm

  quite sure you'd have clinched it if your partner had been able to keep

  going.'

  I felt myself blushing. "Well it's very kind of you, but I was a bit

  lucky.'

  "Lucky? Not a bit of it!' said Mr Blenkinsopp. "You played two beautiful

  strokes- I don't know how you did it in the conditions.'

  "Beautiful strokes?'

  "Most certainly. A delightful leg glance followed by a late cut of the

  greatest delicacy. Don't you agree, Tom?'

  Tom sprinkled a little salt on his peas and turned to me. "Ah do agree.

  And the best bit was how you got 'em up in the air to clear t'long

  grass. That was clever that was.' He conveyed a forkful of pie to his

  mouth and began to munch stolidly.

  I looked at him narrowly. Tom was always serious so there was nothing to

  be learned from his expression. He was always kind, too, he had been

  kind all evening.

  But I really think he meant it this time.

  Chapter Twenty-six.

  "Is this the thing you've been telling me about?' I asked.

  Mr Wilkin nodded. "Aye, that's it, it's always like that.'

  I looked down at the helpless convulsions of the big dog lying at my

  feet; at the staring eye the wildly pedalling limbs. The farmer had told

  me about the periodic a.which had begun to affect his sheepdog, Gyp, but

  it was coincir'e should occur when I was on the farm for another reason.

  afterwards, you say?' Seems a bit dazed, maybe, for about an hour then

  he's -mer shrugged. "I've had lots o' dogs through my hands ~0~;~; n

  plenty of dogs with fits. I thought I knew all the G ~,A,o ~?',* %'

  ding, distemper - but this has me beat. I've tried ~ ~ ~ ~0 ~

  ~ ~0 ~ " ~ A, '< Wilkin,' I said. "You won't be able to do much run`.~ ~

  ~, ~ ~ ~A ~ mind as .~, ~ ~ .P~A. o ~,A, `nal dog most of "'time.'

  accuracy into . , j;' ~There's nothing actually wrong with his It was

  the kin~ ~-' , Y>, ~ ~he cause is unknown but it's almost thoughtful and

  methoc~.~., 0> ~,~ ~ the fielders clawed at the u.~ %,~3 ~'at's a rum

  'un. If it's hereditary why frantic note..~0~ ' two years old and he

  didn't start That's typical,' I replied. "Eighteen months to two years

  is about the time it usually appears'

  Gyp interrupted us by getting up and staggering towards his master,

  wagging his tail. He seemed untroubled by his experience. In fact the

  whole thing had lasted less than two minutes.

  Mr Wilkin bent and stroked the rough head briefly. His craggy features

  were set in a thoughtful cast. He was a big powerful man in his forties

  and now as the eyes narrowed in that face which rarely smiled he looked

  almost menacing. I had heard more than one man say he wouldn't like to

  get on the wrong side of Sep Wilkin and I could see what they meant. But

  he had always treated me right and since he farmed nearly a thousand

  acres I saw quite a lot of him.

  His passion was sheepdogs. A lot of farmers liked to run dogs at the

  trials but Mr Wilkin was one of the top men. He bred and trained dogs

 

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