“Uh, not that you should have sex with. Unless Willard is game. She joked about being hooked up with one of Zav’s brothers once.”
Zav stared at me.
“Dragons are sexy,” I told him.
“I know this.”
“I think Dr. Walker would be a better match for her though. I’m still trying to hook them up. If my mom can get a werewolf, Willard should be able to get a lion shifter.”
“And I should have many humans to mate with at your wedding.” Xilneth nodded, following his own special brand of logic. “You may also mate with me during your bachelorette party, Ruin Bringer. Is this not a human custom?”
“What?” Zav roared.
“I don’t think many humans mate with other people during their bachelor and bachelorette parties, despite rumors of promiscuity happening during them. I’m not planning to.”
“Promiscuity? Mating?” Zav radiated displeasure. “What is this bachelorette party?”
“A get-together a month or so before the wedding, but it’s very tame. Or at least mine will be. I’ll probably just have some sparkling water at the coffee shop with Willard, Freysha, and Amber. There’s a bachelor party for the groom too. It should also be tame.”
“Tame?” Xilneth said. “Water-drinking? This is not at all what I have heard described by humans. I was looking forward to a raucous event with much sex.”
“You’re a horny dragon, Xilneth,” I said.
“He is young.” Zav curled a lip in disgust. “And has been rejected by all available female dragons.”
“That’s not true.” Xilneth raised his chin. “I rejected some of them.”
“Lies are dishonorable.” Zav frowned at him.
“It is not a lie. Zondia’qareshi has complimented my magnificent wingspan and appealing musculature more than once.”
“My sister!” Zav was roaring again. “You propositioned my sister?”
“She is interested in me.”
“She is not. I will punish you for your impudence!”
Zav sprang for him, but Xilneth sprinted back to the tunnel. Zav raced after him, leaving me alone with Chasmmoor and Sindari.
“You are brave to wed a dragon,” Chasmmoor said.
I concur, Sindari told me. And not at all mediocre.
“Thanks, guys.” I had a feeling my wedding was going to be very memorable. I hoped I survived it.
Epilogue
After making arrangements with Chasmmoor to pick him up in a couple of days, Zav brought us back to Earth at my mother’s house so I could check on her. It turned out to be five in the morning Seattle time, but she was awake and at the kitchen table, drinking coffee and sharing a newspaper… with Liam.
They were both dressed, so I didn’t assume they’d been bed frolicking—though I supposed that was a possibility. Neither appeared flustered or embarrassed when I strolled in with Zav, not that many things embarrassed my mom. I wasn’t sure she was capable of the emotion.
She stood and hugged me—a rare gesture from her and a testament that she’d been worried.
“There is a werewolf in your food preparation area,” Zav stated.
“That’s my neighbor,” Mom said. “He’s been sticking around in case more of those weird creatures come.”
Zav eyed Liam. As far as I’d seen, Zav didn’t have an aversion toward werewolves or other shifters unless they were on his criminals list, but maybe he was concerned for my mother? So far, he hadn’t openly cozied up to any of my family members, but he had been willing to defend Amber from trouble.
“He has lustful thoughts,” Zav stated.
Liam blinked. So did Mom.
Good grief, was that what Zav had been checking?
“Not toward me, right?” I also eyed Liam, who had, at first, faced Zav’s scrutiny with equilibrium but now appeared flustered.
“Toward your mother,” Zav stated.
Mom set down her paper slowly, her mouth dangling open and her cheeks growing pink. Huh. It turned out she could be embarrassed.
“I think that’s allowed,” I said.
“I am unfamiliar with human-werewolf rules of propriety, but if he mates with your mother, he should be invited to the wedding.”
“Everyone else is coming,” I said. “He might as well. Though I trust the mating won’t be done at the wedding. After all, Mom has a sauna for that.”
“Nobody is mating,” Mom whispered harshly, her cheeks even pinker now. “We’re just having coffee.”
“The sauna…” Zav mused, brows rising as he peered out the window at it. Three minutes back in the damp November air, and he was already thinking of shedding his robe and going inside.
My phone buzzed, surprising me. Even though I’d avoided using it for much on Dun Kroth, I was surprised the battery wasn’t dead.
Have you returned from your adventures yet? Nin texted. We must have a meeting at the coffee shop this morning.
Adventures, right. A near-death experience was more like it. Maybe Mom hadn’t told Dimitri that I’d been slurped into a box alongside a dastardly enemy. Or maybe she had, and Dimitri hadn’t thought much of it and only told Nin that I’d been out of town.
I’m out at my mom’s place, I texted her. I can be there in an hour or two.
Good. It is important.
“We need to go to the coffee shop,” I told Zav.
“I require food.”
“We can find a drive-through on the way.” I glanced at the clock. “One that opens early. How do you feel about breakfast burritos?”
When we had our morning meals together at home, Zav usually had more of what he’d had for dinner. Ribs, hamburgers, and other types of meat. Since cereal, toast, and oatmeal were of no interest to him, I hadn’t bothered taking him out for breakfast before.
“What are breakfast burritos?” he asked.
“After you’re done incinerating the burrito part and the non-appealing interior bits… eggs.”
“Eggs are acceptable but small. I will need a great many.”
“I have no doubt. It’s hard work killing a lich.”
Mom’s and Liam’s eyebrows lifted.
“Also satisfying my mate in the nest. Great vigor is required.”
The eyebrows climbed higher.
“It was a cave, not a nest,” I muttered, my own cheeks heating.
“Next time it will be our nest.” Zav wrapped an arm around my shoulders.
“Here on Earth, we call it a bed.” I decided I wouldn’t bring up Zav’s tendency to add blankets around the edges and turn the bed into something like a nest. Changing the subject, I nodded to Mom and Liam and said, “You two are welcome to join us at the coffee shop. I trust your one cup hasn’t suitably caffeinated you for the day.” I waved to the pair of mugs on the table.
Liam started to shake his head—most werewolves tended toward being reclusive, and his remote home on this dead-end street suggested he was that type—but Mom said, “I’ll come.”
“As will I,” Liam said.
“You owe me a bag of beans,” Mom told me.
“I do?”
“Your goblin ate mine.”
“He’s not my goblin. And he installed magical yard art for you. I saw the gargoyles on either side of the driveway.”
“I’m your retired mom, Val. You’re supposed to give me gifts.”
“Oh, okay. Will you wear shoes?”
“No.”
“You’re not like other moms, you know.”
“You’re not like other daughters.”
My phone buzzed, another early bird. It was Willard wanting an update on Li. When Willard said update, she meant a thorough report of no fewer than ten pages.
“How did everyone hear so soon that I was back on Earth?” I muttered.
Zav rested a hand on his chest. “I have been informing people that we vanquished our enemies, that you will soon have a tutor to instruct you about your sword, and that the wedding can proceed soon.”
I looked at
Zav. “So you’re the reason I have to write a report this morning?”
“I do not know about reports, but I require eggs now.”
“Of course you do.” I patted his stomach. “Mom, know what you’re getting into if you date someone who isn’t fully human.”
“A werewolf isn’t quite the same as a dragon,” Liam murmured.
“You better measure your kitchen and see how many commercial appliances you can fit in,” I told her. “Have you ever used a smoker?”
“We’re just having coffee,” she insisted, though her cheeks were pink again.
Better hers than mine.
It was light out by the time we made it to Fremont and found parking a block away from the coffee shop. Liam and I, like normal if slightly magical people, were wearing boots. Mom was barefoot, despite the chilly autumn puddles proliferating the sidewalks, and Zav wore his Crocs, though they were scuffed and charred after his dealings with the lich.
Maybe they would fall apart, irreparable even by dragon magic, and he would be forced to select new footwear. I still had the fantasy of having some shoes made for him, but I hadn’t had any time to shop, nor did I know where to go for custom footwear. Maybe Amber would.
When we stepped inside, the coffee shop was as busy as usual, but the two police officers standing with Nin and Dimitri in the back were not usual. With a surge of guilt, I realized I’d forgotten all about Dimitri, the door knockers, and the murder investigation.
Nin spotted us, hurried over, and patted my arm. “You must do something, Val. I have explained to the detectives what I believe really happened, corroborated by accounts provided by the neighbors, but they insist on arresting Dimitri. Our business cannot run without the CEO and majority shareholder here to supervise.”
“Dimitri is the CEO? Did we have a meeting to decide that? Because I have concerns.”
“Val, you must be serious.”
The detective handcuffed Dimitri. This was further along than I’d realized.
“Zav?” I touched his arm. “Can you help? Dimitri is in trouble.”
“You wish me to scare away those uniformed men who wish to incarcerate him?”
“They’ll only come back if that’s all we do.”
“I cannot incinerate members of a sentient species, and if these are not criminals, I cannot take them to the Justice Court for punishment and rehabilitation.”
“Uh, no, that’s not what I want. Probably.” Was it wrong to fantasize about the detectives being dragged off to face Zav’s huge, angry, scaled mother? “Convincing them to listen to and believe Nin would be best. Can you do that?” I looked hopefully at him.
He’d once nearly convinced me to do things on his behalf, when we’d first met and before I’d informed him how annoying that was. Surely, he could mentally nudge the officers into deciding Dimitri was innocent… and ideally into forgetting this coffee shop existed.
Zav studied the men thoughtfully. “Their minds are simple, as with all humans on this world.”
“So simple you could gently convince them to leave Dimitri and the shop alone without putting up a fight?”
“Hm.”
Did that mean he didn’t know if he could, or he didn’t know if he cared enough to try?
The police had succeeded in cuffing Dimitri—his shoulders were slumped, and he didn’t protest until they were ushering him toward the door, and he saw me.
“Val!” he blurted. “Can you do something about this? Please? Convince them I didn’t have anything to do with that guy’s death.” He looked toward Chopper’s hilt poking over my shoulder, and I had a feeling he wanted me to convince them with force rather than words.
“Val?” Nin looked imploringly at me and then more hesitantly toward Zav. She didn’t presume to ask him for a favor.
“The coffee shop is named after you,” I murmured to Zav. “It would be unseemly if you let the owner be arrested.”
“It is named after a weasel.”
“Only the color. The dragon part is definitely you. There aren’t any other dragons who come here.”
“They would not dare. I have magically marked this establishment and claimed it.”
Nin blinked at this revelation. I’d assumed the magic that kept most mundane people from wandering in had been Dimitri’s enchantment, but maybe not entirely.
“Good.” I pushed Zav into the path of the policemen. “Protect Dimitri, please. I need him for the wedding. He plays an important role.”
“Oh? Very well.” Zav lifted his hands, magic ebbing from his fingers, and the policemen lurched to a halt.
“I should have started with that,” I muttered.
“I am Lord Zavryd’nokquetal.” He put his fists on his hips and blocked the exit while facing the men. “You will not remove this human from the premises.”
I thought they might scoff at him, but he radiated power, and people at nearby tables picked up their coffees and got out of the way.
“Explain his innocence,” Zav told Nin without looking away from the officers. They were gazing at him, their jaws slack, their eyes unblinking.
Nin hurried forward and spoke, sharing everything she’d learned from the baker’s neighbors and even more information that I hadn’t heard yet. She zipped through how she’d researched the dead man, found he had a history of abusing women, and believed it was very likely that the distraught baker had arranged for his death, since he refused to leave her alone.
“If you question her, you will get the answers you need, and learn that Dimitri had nothing to do with the death,” Nin told them. “She was the one to modify the door knocker. Search in the basement. You will see that she has tools that she used.”
“We will question the baker and search in the basement,” the officers mumbled in unison, their eyes still glazed.
“That’s a little creepy,” Liam whispered to my mom.
“You get used to it,” Mom surprised me by saying.
“You will leave now and not return to this structure.” Zav lifted a hand, and the bracelet that I’d suspected allowed one of the detectives to sense this place floated off his wrist. It plopped down into someone’s coffee mug.
The two policemen marched toward the door with the stiffness of robots, Zav stepping aside so they could exit. Their stiff gaits continued as they walked down the street to their car, got in, and drove off.
“Thank you.” Dimitri slumped in relief, then lifted his hands. “But, uhm, they forgot to unlock these. Do you think you can…?”
Zav incinerated the handcuffs with a puff of smoke. Impressive since they were made of metal. I would have guessed metal had to be melted instead of incinerated, but dragon magic was amazing.
“Thank you,” Dimitri repeated, though he winced as he rubbed his wrists, which were perhaps now lacking in arm hair. “I owe you a big favor. Is there anything I can make for you? Or do for the wedding?” He looked at Zav and me.
I started to say no, but a familiar voice spoke from the doorway. “He needs a bachelor party.”
Willard stood there and smirked when I looked over at her.
“What are you doing here?” I asked, though I could guess.
From Mom’s house, I’d texted Willard to let her know I was back, the thief was dead, and the lich controlling the dwarven world was no more. As I’d suspected, she had asked for a thorough report for her records, and I’d made the mistake of saying I hadn’t been on assignment for her and therefore wasn’t required to write up a report. I suspected she’d come to get that report in person.
“Bachelor party?” Zav frowned. “This is the event you discussed with Xilnethgarish? With promiscuous mating?”
“No, no.” I lifted my hands. “Like I told him, it’ll be a sedate gathering of friends at the coffee shop.”
“I do not like coffee.”
“You can have sparkling mineral water.”
“That is sufficient.”
“That’s not quite the description of bachelor parties I’ve
heard.” Dimitri scratched the side of his head.
“Dragons are special and need special gatherings.” I made a cutting motion with my hand, hoping he wouldn’t go into more details about bachelor parties.
“That’s a given. I guess I can figure something out.”
“It doesn’t have to be as sedate as Thorvald suggested.” Willard stepped up to my side. “Her bachelorette party won’t be sedate.”
“I was thinking I wouldn’t have one of those.” I was too old for raucous parties, wasn’t I? And what did I need male strippers for when I had a sexy dragon?
“Think again.” Willard’s eyes were still twinkling. Wedding planning sure brought out her light side. “I have ideas. I’ll tell you about them after you give me your report.”
“Won’t that be fun?” I muttered as she headed to a table.
Zav touched my arm and pointed to Dimitri. “What role does he play?”
“What?”
“You said he has a role to play in our wedding.”
“Oh, he’ll probably be your best man, unless you’re able to convince a male dragon friend to do the job.” I hoped not. Everything would be confusing enough without any more non-humans playing important roles in the wedding. “Xilneth, perhaps?”
“I do not know what a best man is, but Xilnethgarish will not be it.”
“Dimitri will be tickled to know he has the job.”
Dimitri arched his eyebrows but didn’t protest, given that Zav had just saved him from being arrested.
“Hm.” Zav didn’t yet appear convinced.
“Maybe we should start with the party.” Dimitri grabbed a pen and notepad off a counter. “What kind of mineral water do you want? And do you care if other people drink? I have a feeling the party will go over better with the guests if they’re drunk. Should we invite the goblins?”
“I’ll leave you two to figure out the details.” I patted Zav on the shoulder and headed over to join Willard.
Before I reached her table, my phone rang.
“Hey, Amber. Everything okay?”
“You didn’t show up for the second dress fitting.”
“Uh, was that yesterday?” I didn’t know what day it was or how long I’d been on the dwarven world. The days and nights there had been long.
Secrets of the Sword 2 (Death Before Dragons Book 8) Page 27
