“Yes. I was wrong.”
Cooper’s voice was a low rumble and my eyelids flew open. Never, in five years of our relationship, had I ever heard him say he was wrong. To anyone. About anything.
“I don’t…” I had to take a breath. “You don’t say that. What the hell, Cooper?”
My mind was spinning, because seriously, this could not be happening. Had he been replaced with a pod person? Was that why he was suddenly here, after three years, trying to make amends and saying things he’d never said?
His expression appeared sad, and he took a step toward me, but stopped when I held up a hand. He took a deep breath, and then another, and finally gave me a wistful sort of smile.
“When I broke things off, I thought I was doing the right thing. Really. I was getting deployed, into a warzone. Who knows what could have happened?”
I nodded and pressed a hand to my stomach. I started speaking in a low voice. “And you think it would have been easier if we weren’t together? To hear you had been hurt or worse? You think it would have been okay just because we’d broken up?”
By the end, my voice had risen and I was breathing hard. How could he just imagine that I’d stop loving him, and I wouldn’t have cared if something happened to him? Did he not know me at all?
“No, not that.” He huffed out a breath. “But I was going to be gone for two years. Unable to call home except for maybe once a month. Out of contact. That wasn’t fair to you.”
“I would have waited,” I whispered. “I would have waited and hoped and prayed.”
That very sad smile again. “I didn’t want you to.”
And that, right there, was the crux of it. He didn’t want me to wait for him. It was clear, just from that, Cooper wanted to move on. Which made his reappearance today feel hollow and insincere.
Whatever else he had to say, I didn’t want to hear it. I couldn’t. Without a word, I walked out of the kitchen, through the living room, and down the short hall to the bedroom I’d claimed as my own when I’d arrived. I shut the door harder than necessary, but it felt good to get out a little of the anger.
My heart was pounding so hard, it hurt. I paced, breathing fast and my mind racing. What the hell had just happened? I didn’t even know what to do with the thoughts and feelings battering me.
With a shaking hand, I pulled my phone from my pocket and called Ellie. It rang once, then went to voicemail. Oh, no she didn’t! Anger surging, I stabbed out a text.
Call. Me. Right. Now!!!
I waited, fuming, then finally the phone rang and my sister’s smiling face peered up at me. I swiped violently across the screen.
“Do you hate me now?” she asked in a small voice before I could even bark out a greeting.
“Yes. You’re fired as best friend and I’m starting divorce proceedings. You’re no longer my sister.”
She squeaked out a pained sound. “Really?”
I sat on the edge of the bed, then flopped backward and threw an arm over my eyes. “No, of course not. I love you. But really, El, what the hell?”
“He was so sincere and heartbroken, Jo. I just wanted to give him a chance. Mostly for you.”
I snorted out a mirthless laugh. “For me?”
She sighed, her sadness evident. “You need…closure. I mean, if it works out, great. You know I love Cooper, and you guys were great together. You love him. Or did, once. But if you can’t get back together, if that’s too much or too far…” I imagined her shrugging, because I knew her that well. And then she sighed again. “Closure, Jonah. I thought at the very least you could get that.”
I didn’t respond, because when it came right down to it, she was right. No matter what else, I deserved to have the full story and move on from Adrian Cooper. A part of my heart was still attached to him. And maybe it always would be. But if I heard him out, maybe that part of me could finally heal instead of seeping like a raw and infected wound.
Ugh. That was gross imagery. But accurate.
“Is it bad?” she whispered, pulling me out of my thoughts.
“Yes.” I swallowed. “No. Maybe? It’s…he said he made a mistake. That he was wrong.”
“Cooper said that?”
I had to smile, just a little, at her disbelief. At least her surprise validated my own. I shook my head and rolled to lay on my side. I tucked the phone between my ear and the mattress, even though that made speaking a little difficult. “Yeah, I don’t know what to do with it either.”
“Maybe you should talk to him?” she suggested tentatively.
“Not right now. Maybe later. Or in the morning. Before I leave.”
“Uh…Jo?”
Uh oh. What was that in her voice? I sat up fast and squinted. “What?”
“There’s, um, a huge storm. Like, travel bans and everything. No unnecessary travel for about seven counties. You’re right in the middle of it.”
“What?” I shrieked.
Pounding feet, then a knock on the door. “You okay in there Jojo?”
“Go away!” I shouted at Cooper.
“Ow, that was loud,” Ellie said.
“Tell me you’re okay, and I will,” Cooper directed.
“I’m fine. Go away.”
Cooper didn’t say anything else, and after a moment, I heard him leave. I shook my head again, confused and upset, then flopped backward once again. “Ellie!” I whispered harshly, not wanting to draw Cooper’s attention. “What am I supposed to do?”
“Well, you’re stuck there until it passes, because it’s supposed to dump at least twenty-four inches of snow in the next forty-eight hours. After that, you’ll have to dig out. But the roads should be clear.” She made a sympathetic sound. “You can deal with it for that long, can’t you?”
“I don’t know,” I said honestly.
We were both silent for a few, long moments. Then finally Ellie spoke. “I’m sorry, Jo. I know I was being sneaky and underhanded—”
“You really were.”
“But,” she continued as if I hadn’t interrupted, “maybe it’s a good thing. If you’re stuck there, you have to talk to him, right?”
“Not right. This house is pretty big. And with the cell tower, I have access even with the storm. I could work for three days straight and stay hidden in my room.”
She clucked her tongue. “But you shouldn’t.”
“You’re not the boss of me.”
“Yes, I am.” She laughed.
“Ellie. I don’t…”
“Yeah, I know. Honey, just talk to him. It doesn’t have to be tonight. You’re both going to be there for a few days. Get your thoughts and feelings in order. And then talk.”
“We’ll see.”
She sighed heavily. “Jonah…” She made a noise. “I love you, yeah?”
“Yeah.” I smiled in spite of…well, everything. “I love you, too.”
We ended the call, and I tossed the phone onto the bed. Fuck a duck. My emotions were in turmoil, but I was going to take one bit of her advice. I certainly wouldn’t be talking to Cooper tonight.
I changed out of my jeans and into a pair of sweatpants, then slid beneath the covers and did my best not to think.
Chapter 4
The smell of coffee lovingly pulled me from sleep. I stretched and sniffed, confused about who the hell could be making the delicious brew in my house. But then I remembered. I was at the cabin, and Cooper was stuck here with me. I contemplated going back to sleep, or at least pretending, but my growling stomach and full bladder wouldn’t allow it. Reluctantly, I got out of bed, visited the bathroom, then shuffled into the kitchen.
Cooper stood at the stove and gave me a wide smile when he noticed me. Then his eyes heated, and I dropped my gaze and beelined for the coffeepot.
“I always did love you all rumpled from sleep.” His voice was deep and growly, the way it used to get before he fucked me senseless.
The thought made me jerk, and I splashed hot coffee over my hand. I yelped and quickly
set down the pot, lifting my burned hand to my mouth.
Cooper was at my side in a flash. “Here. Let me see.”
I backed up until I hit the counter, pulling my hand out of his reach. “I’m fine.”
He studied me a moment, peering into my eyes, then nodded once and stepped back. “Okay.”
“Thank you.” For the first time, I was glad he understood me, because I didn’t know how to put into words how much it hurt when he got like that. I picked up my mug and crossed to the table, sitting in the chair furthest from him. “You’re cooking?”
“I figured you’d appreciate a break.”
“Thanks,” I said again, feeling foolish. I cleared my throat, and sipped from the steaming mug, relishing the slight burn as the coffee slid down my throat. “Have you checked the weather? How bad is it?”
“Pretty bad.” He flipped a pancake with practiced precision. Cooper wasn’t a great cook, but he excelled at making a few dishes including pancakes, so it didn’t surprise me those were on the menu this morning.
“Fuck,” I whispered.
He shot me a grin. “It’s coming down hard with no plans of letting up. They’ve closed the highway to all vehicles except emergency.”
“That’s just great,” I muttered.
Cooper filled a plate with freshly golden brown pancakes. He set it down before me. Though he’d already put butter and syrup on the table, he stayed close. Finally he reached for my cheek, but I moved away before he could make contact.
He let his hand drop. “Is it really so bad? Being stuck with me?”
I opened my mouth to tell him it was, but what came out was, “I don’t know.”
“I’ll take it.”
A few minutes later, he joined me at the table with his own stack. He began eating, and within a few bites, he’d cleared half his plate. I would have laughed, remembering all the times he’d devoured his food, but that was yet another memory I didn’t want right now.
Without my permission, my mind wandered back to our first morning together. We’d hooked up a few times by then, but neither of us had stayed the night. The first time he’d slept over, I’d been expecting him to leave in the early hours. But I’d woken with him still wrapped around me. We’d had another round of fucking, then showered. While I’d brushed my teeth, Cooper had headed into my bedroom
“Hey,” he had called. “Mind if I borrow a pair of socks? I can’t seem to find mine.”
I’d chuckled, almost choking on toothpaste, and spit into the sink. “Sure. In the top drawer.”
I’d just set my toothbrush on the edge of the sink, when panic set in because I remembered what was also in my top drawer.
I’d raced into the bedroom, only to find him staring at the contents. My heart had pounded hard enough to break my ribs, and I’d tried to get my mouth to work, but I hadn’t known what to say. In the end, it hadn’t mattered. Cooper just picked a pair of socks and shut the drawer and—
“Hey, you okay?”
“Hmm? What?” I blinked, trying to focus. His voice pulled me out of the memory, and suddenly I was back in the kitchen and staring at his concerned expression.
“You stopped eating and were kind of zoned out. Are you all right?”
Did I tell him what I’d been thinking about? I couldn’t seem to bring myself, so I nodded. “Got lost in thought for a moment. Thank you for cooking. These are good.”
“You’re welcome.” Cooper still eyed me, as though expecting me to have an attack or something. “I’m glad you like them.”
We finished the meal, and when Cooper insisted on cleaning up, I didn’t protest. Instead, I wandered to the front door.
As soon as I opened it, I regretted it. The snow was at least a foot deep and still falling so hard and fast I couldn’t see the trees. I shut the door again with a loud snap, and barely refrained from cursing. How was this my life?
“Hey.”
I jumped because I hadn’t heard Cooper come closer. I turned and there he was, hands shoved into his pockets and looking nervous. It felt odd to see that expression on his face. He was a captain with the US Army, and I’d never seen him anything other than completely confident.
“Yes?”
“Jonah, look, can we talk?”
But I wasn’t ready. My insides remained in turmoil. And I still wasn’t sure I wanted to hear whatever he had to say. I stared at him as my thoughts chased each other. “I…I have a lot of work to do. You know how it is.”
“Jonah.”
But I was already racing down the hall, escaping the whole situation like the coward I was.
* * * *
I really did try to work. First, I had to leave the safety of the bedroom because I didn’t have a place to set up my laptop and the reception was spotty. But even after I set up in the kitchen, my focus was shot. Cooper was being a good boy, sticking to the living room and letting me work. But the downside of the open floorplan was that I could still see him.
He’d stretched out on the couch with his e-reader propped up on his belly, one arm bent behind his head so his biceps bulged enticingly. I caught myself staring more than once. Not just at the beautiful picture he made, but also because of the memories. How many times had we spent evenings just like this? Whenever he didn’t have to be on base, he’d been at my house, reading while I worked until it was time for us to crawl into bed.
Memories assailed me. We’d had a lot of good years together. At first, we’d had to keep things quiet because “Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell” was still in effect. But we’d been together for almost a year when it had been repealed, and Cooper had come blazing out of the closet. He even had the bi flag tattooed next to the eagle on his back. He’d proudly shown me off, taking shit from his fellow soldiers, but never letting them go too far. Adrian Cooper, then a first lieutenant, hadn’t shied away from his sexuality. He’d even insisted I attend his promotion ceremony when he made captain, still one of the proudest moments of my life.
We’d been really and truly happy. And that day, when he told me we had to talk, I’d been foolish enough to think we were finally going to discuss marriage. Instead, he told me his regiment was being deployed and that we were through.
But now he was here. And I owed it to both of us to stop hiding and have the conversation.
I closed my laptop with a snap, loud enough to make him look up. He watched me over the top of his tablet as I crossed to the fridge and pulled out two beer bottles. I left the caps on the counter, and walked over to him.
He sat up, making room for me, and took the bottle I held out. And kept staring, not speaking as I sat down.
“Okay, Cooper. Let’s talk.”
“Finally,” he whispered.
Chapter 5
“It’s your show, Captain. The floor is yours.”
Yes, I was ready to have this conversation, but that didn’t mean I was going to make it easy for him. This had to be on him.
“What do you want me to say?”
I shrugged and leaned back, then took a long pull from the bottle. “I don’t want you to say anything but the truth. About what happened back then and why you’re here now.”
“I’m here because I missed you. Because I was wrong to push you away and break things off. I knew by the time we went wheels up that I’d made a huge mistake.”
“But you didn’t say anything. You could have right then. But you didn’t.”
“No, I didn’t.” Cooper leaned forward, resting his forearms on his thighs and dangling the bottle between his knees. “I was still being deployed. I was still going to be gone for two years. My heart was broken, but I hoped you would move on and find happiness with someone else. Even though when I thought of this unknown man, I wanted to kill him.”
I offered him a tiny smile, mostly because I knew that statement was true. “You walked away, Cooper. You don’t have the right to kill my boyfriend.”
His head snapped up. “Ellie said you weren’t…I mean, do you have someone?”
>
For just a second, I thought about making him suffer. But I’d never lied to him, and I wasn’t about to start.
“No.” I didn’t elaborate. I didn’t tell him I’d had only a handful of dates in the past three years and that no one had caught my interest for long. I didn’t want him to think it was because I was pining for him. And while that maybe had been true in the beginning, it wasn’t anymore.
He blew out a relieved breath. “Okay. Because I wouldn’t have tried if you were happy. I wouldn’t be here if you were dating someone. All I’ve ever wanted was for you to be happy, Jojo.”
I let the nickname go and instead focused on the rest of it. “And that’s why you broke my heart? Because you wanted me to be happy?”
“Jesus, Jo. Okay. Of course you weren’t happy then. But after. I didn’t contact you the whole time I was overseas because I’d hoped you’d moved on. I was shitty for ending things, and I wanted you to…” He waved his hand in the air, as though he couldn’t find the words.
“Did you really think about me, Cooper? Or is it that you’re stateside again and I’m here and available and easy and comfortable?” I did my best to keep any accusation out of my tone, because the truth was, I could understand that. We had a lot of history, he and I, and it would make sense that he’d want that.
His eyes blazed and he breathed hard through his nose. “Not think of you? Christ, Jonah. You were all I thought about!”
I dropped my gaze but didn’t respond. I couldn’t trust that statement. There’d been a time when I’d have believed absolutely anything that came out of his mouth. But we’d been apart a long time, and I wouldn’t put it past him to say all the right words just for another chance. The trust we had between us was gone.
Soft fabric hit me in the face, and I reared back, realizing it was his shirt. My gaze shot to his.
“This is how much I thought about you!” His words sounded harsh, guttural, and it took me a moment to realize he was pointing at his chest.
I was distracted for just a moment by his defined pecs and the smattering of dark hair across them. But then my breath caught in my throat. Right over his heart, in elegant script, was my name.
Jonah and Cooper Page 2
