It made her feel precious, which made it hard for her to cling to her feeling of rejection after James had made it clear he wouldn’t be touching her in any intimate sense.
His face had all but disappeared as night set in, the carriage now having nothing more than its lamps for guidance. Winter’s days were always short.
Under the blanket, she found his hand fisted with a tension that she could easily imagine set in his features. She curled her fingers around it.
“There is no need to worry. They will come around. As you said, my family is close. They love me. They’ll learn to be happy for me.” She believed it completely. “And my mother adores Lady Macy but disappointed the woman with her marriage to my father. She’ll understand, and we’ll use your connection to my aunt to bring the family together.”
He uncurled his fist and took her hand in his own. “That is if Lady Macy can forgive me for reading her mail.”
Kim smiled in the dark. “I am very glad you read my letter.”
“And I won’t let you regret it,” he whispered.
She trusted his words. She trusted him entirely. It was so strange to do so, yet she knew it to be right. “Nor I you. Thank you for coming for me.”
“If you are ever in need of anything, all you must do is ask.”
She moved closer and leaned her head against his arm once again.
One question already rested in her mind.
She wanted a true marriage with this man, but she knew now wasn’t the moment to push for it. Still, in a way, he’d just given her permission to bring it up again.
She’d wait.
Though Leeds was considered north, they were still days away from Gretna Green and somewhere along the way, Kim fell asleep once more, only rousing slightly when they made it to an inn.
James assisted her from the carriage and into the quiet inn.
Inside, all was quiet, but the owner greeted them warmly before showing them to separate rooms.
Kim hardly remembered crawling into bed but was aware of James removing her boots and pulling a blanket over her before leaving the room.
It was as though he didn’t trust anyone else with her care. She would clearly be valued in their coming marriage, which gave her hope.
James was obviously a man who hadn’t known happiness for some time.
She would give that to him, she vowed. She’d make her husband the happiest man in all of England. She’d care for him. Protect him. Give him everything he was giving her and more.
And with that in mind, she smiled and quickly fell asleep again.
∫ ∫ ∫
1 4
“Coffee, my lord?” the inn owner asked as he helped a servant set the table in the private dining room.
“Yes.” James took the cup of coffee another servant offered him. He’d just overseen the packing of his and Kim’s trunks before slipping in through the backdoor and into the private area without any of the guests having glimpsed his face.
This was his first time using an inn since he’d started hiding at Noxgrove Manor. Noise on the other side of the private dining room made him nervous. The establishment was busier than James had originally thought last night.
He’d almost told his driver to continue on through the night but had been unwilling to put Kim in harm’s way. Between the fatigue of the driver and the danger of highwaymen, he’d been forced to stop.
But now it was morning. The day was bright, and he was without shadows to hide his scars. He could not have stood out more if he’d donned a mask.
A maid, who’d been unwilling to look at his face as she’d spoken, had informed him earlier that Kim was awake. Their journey would soon be underway again, and James intended to get to Scotland tonight.
“Will Miss Clemens be joining you?” The innkeeper, unlike the maid, seemed unable to look anywhere but at James’ face, his eyes wide in wonder and fear. James had made note that none of the women—aside from the maid who’d come to him at Kim’s request—had dared serve him.
Only manservants circled about, though he knew there were women. He’d seen them when he’d come in through the back door.
Everyone feared him, which James thought good. There was another reason he was nervous.
He’d been taken from an inn when he’d gone missing. His food had been drugged, making him incapable of defending himself.
He doubted any harm would come to him now. It was likely the innkeeper wished James gone as quickly as possible.
James frowned. He hadn’t spoken to Kim himself that morning. He wasn’t sure if she would come down for breakfast. “Perhaps we should prepare for her.”
“Or perhaps, she would like to take it in her room,” the owner offered.
Because she couldn’t bear his face?
James glared.
The innkeeper’s eyes widened before he shuffled back.
The door opened, and Kim came in. “Good morning.” Her smile was more radiant than the sun and slipped into his bones with a heat much stronger than that of the fireplace.
She walked with an elegant grace to the table. Her dress was velvet blue, but the color had been worn with time. The sleeves were also slightly too short. James had already made plans to get his wife a new wardrobe, one that would make every woman in the realm jealous.
He tracked her with his eyes just as every other man in the room did.
James watched their expressions and noticed the curiosity. They wondered how he’d manage to get a woman like Kim to agree to marry him.
Looking at her, he was nearly jealous of himself that she was his.
He shot to his feet and moved to stand behind Kim’s chair. One of the servants could have easily seen to it, but James didn’t want anyone near her.
She stopped before him, and her smile became one that lacked modesty. Nearly coy. Her eyes seemed to hold a secret. “Thank you, James. You’ve been quite wonderful to me. I can’t imagine where I would be without you.”
He wouldn’t allow her to ever find out.
He stilled as her fingers came up and touched the underside of his chin.
A shock roared through his body and nearly made his bones shake.
He was aware of the silence and inactivity in the room.
Every eye was upon Kim.
She grinned, as though fully aware of the utter destruction she’d just wreaked within him.
He had to force his eyes open to keep them from closing so that he might savor the caress. It had been years since a woman had touched him in such a way. Years.
But he knew within his heart that the touch hadn’t been from any wanting on her part, but to make a statement to the other men in the room.
She was trying to save his pride.
It was a kind gesture, but one he would not tolerate in the future.
He could not afford to let himself to get used to such tenderness. It would blur the lines of their relationship and make it harder for him to deny himself of what he truly wanted from her.
After helping her into her seat, he retook his own.
Servants quickly brought out their meal. The innkeeper departed after that, leaving one manservant behind.
Kim asked for marmalade. The man was gone before Kim asked, “How far are we from Scotland?” She took up a bit of her eggs and began to eat without a care in the world. She glanced at him when he didn’t answer.
James adjusted himself in his chair. “Not far. It won’t take but the day to get there.”
The servant returned. “It was the very last of the marmalade, miss.” Which explained why the serving was very small.
Kim smiled brightly at the offering. “Thank you.” She placed some of the bright yellow concoction on her toast and took a bite. Her expression showed herself to be pleased.
She had no issue eating with him at the table.
With that settled, James began to eat.
“Would you like some?” she asked him a moment later. “It’s very good.”
James
shook his head and cut into his meat. “There’s barely enough for you as it is.”
“Oh, but you must at least try it. Here.”
He looked up and was astounded to find her offering her bread up to him. The treat was raised to him, poised in her hand in a height and position that said she wished to feed him.
He’d never seen anyone do such a thing. Normal married couples didn’t even display this much of a liking for one another.
James' heart slowed painfully as he found it also quite hard to breathe. “No. That’s all right.”
Her eyes widened. “I insist. Come now. You said you’ve give me anything I wanted. I want this.”
James glanced over at the only servant left in the room and though the boy’s gaze was down, he knew he was paying attention.
Didn’t she know that others would be aware that her actions were all done in pity? Was she trying to embarrass him?
James sighed and bit into the bread. “Leave,” he told the man, ignoring the fact that his mouth was full.
Not even the marmalade’s pleasant sweetness cooled his growing anger.
The boy rushed from the room.
“There will be no more of that,” he said, once they were alone again.
“Of what?” She bit into her bread, her teeth sinking right where his had been. Those startling jade eyes held him firmly in her sights.
She couldn’t have aroused him more if she’d blown a kiss.
His blood battled, unsure of where to rush. Did it feed his anger or desire?
He blinked and put down his fork. “Enough of this.”
Her tongue slipped out to graze her lower lip. “Of what?”
He slammed his fist on the table, causing the china to tremble. Anger and desire had to share the moment.
Kim’s eyes widened at the action, but she didn’t move. There was no fear in her gaze, w
hich he was strangely glad of.
She reached for her glass of water and took a sip, her eyes half-mast over the rim.
He’d never seen a sight more beckoning.
He groaned. ‘Kim, there is no one else in the room but me. You can cease your little performance.”
She lifted a brow. “James, I’m not doing anything.”
He frowned. “You are, and you know it.” He would not be made a fool, not even by her. Especially by her.
She put down her water with a small thump. “James, I may have been putting on a show when there were servants in the room, but I stopped once they were gone.”
He narrowed his gaze and wondered if she were telling him the truth.
She leaned forward and whispered, “I’ve no reason to lie to you.”
He relaxed and then shook his head. If this was what eating alone with her would be like, then James was bound to lose his mind. “Never do what you did again.”
“I will do it if I feel the need to.” With that, she returned to her meal.
James blinked at her defiance. “I do not need your pity.”
“No, but you need my protection.” She put her fork down and glared at him. “I will not tolerate anyone looking down on you.”
Breathing became a struggle once more. Her protection? He was lost. He swallowed. “Kim, your kindness is most appreciated, but you cannot protect me from this. People will always look at me with fear and disgust. Look at me.”
Her gaze continued to burn with rage. “I believe I am quite finished with this conversation.” She turned back to her meal.
James studied her and tried to understand where his anger had gone and where hers had come from.
∫ ∫ ∫
1 5
Kim’s throat was dry. She desperately wanted to sip her water but was unsure if her hands were steady enough for it at the moment. She was so angry but knew that in reality, she’d only chosen to be angry so that she wouldn’t cry.
Her James. He’d given up on himself. She hadn’t known the depth of his self-loathing until that very moment. She’d understood his thinking that others wouldn’t be able to handle the sight of him, but she hadn’t known he couldn’t handle the sight of himself.
Look at me.
Those words caused her eyes to burn. But she would not weep. Instead, she would find a way to help him accept himself once again.
The man from the letters had indicated a confidence that she now only saw glimpses of.
Her poor James. She did pity him, but pity was not the strongest emotion her heart harbored for him. She truly cared for him. He likely thought himself undeserving of that as well.
The very thought made her burn hotter.
After everything he’d done for her, he deserved happiness. Admiration.
He would have it.
She would crush him with it.
“Kim, I believe that pig to already be dead.”
She looked up to find his expression worried and then looked down at her plate. She’d taken a knife to her ham and could barely remember doing so. Using her fork, she picked up a bit, and began to eat again and tried to distract her mind with the food.
“Kim,” he called again. “Why are you angry?”
“Don’t ask me that,” she whispered. “I swore I wouldn’t lie to you.” And if she spoke now, she would lie, because the truth would only hurt him further.
She took another bite of food.
“Very well,” he said slowly, as though trying to calm her.
It wouldn’t work. She needed to find a way to heal him from the inside out. But how could she heal him, when she, too, needed to heal?
They were both so very broken.
His hand suddenly covered the one she’d had rested on the table. Without gloves, she found the pads of his fingers to be rough.
She looked up into a face that was becoming less an oddity by the minute. It was not as bad as he made it seem. Perhaps before the wounds had healed, she would have found him hard to stomach. Now, he simply had indents where others had none. His eyes, nose, and mouth were still aligned.
But the furrowed brows drove her mad. “Are you upset with me?” he asked. She heard the vulnerability.
“A little.” She flipped her hand over and locked their fingers together. “I don’t like to see you hurt.”
He held her eyes. “This is nothing compared to what I’ve been through.”
“Will you tell me about it?” she asked.
He took his hand back. “If you wish it. Another time.” He finished his meal then.
Kim found her hand steady enough to finish her water.
“Thank you,” James said a moment later. His black gaze was unreadable. “You may think that I deserve happiness, but I don’t. I was never a kind person, Kimberley. People tolerated me at best.”
“I’m sure you had friends,” she countered, unable to believe his words.
He nodded and chuckled. It was the first time a shadow of a smile had appeared on his face. “I had… have friends, though I can’t imagine why they put up with me.”
“James.” She tried to cut him off.
He wouldn’t let her. “I was shallow, lacking depth.”
“No,” she tried again.
“They called me Den-shallow. I looked down on people who could never reach my ideal of perfection.”
She was struck silent by the words.
He stood, walked over to her and assisted her from the chair.
Once on her feet, she turned and found he’d not moved.
His hands rested on the back of the chair. “So, think on that while you consider the man you’re trying to protect.”
* * *
Kimberley was silent for all of five minutes in the carriage before striking up a conversation with him once again.
The topics were neutral. Politics. Literature. She’d wanted to know more about Noxgrove, her new home, and James had obliged.
But in the back of his mind, he’d been unable to forget his warning to Kim. He’d expected her to decide she no longer wished to wed him, but she’d walked
to the carriage without hesitation and had thanked Byron for his assistance up the step before she’d settled on the seat.
She’d even held part of the blanket up in open invitation.
He’d taken it, knowing she’d likely fuss if he decided to bear the cold.
He couldn’t believe she cared for him, but she’d said she’d never lie to him.
Did that mean he should interpret her actions as the truth as well?
She’d clearly decided to lie to the servants at the inn. He was still amazed by the way she’d flirted with him. The entire act would have been quite forbidden if they’d been in a formal setting. Even when James had been handsome, a woman had never outright led anyone to believe they’d dallied together.
And he was sure the innkeeper wondered if he and Kim had shared a room last night.
How he wished her actions had been the result of a woman well-loved in the sheets, but such would never be.
“I’ve never had a horse,” Kim said. “We could never afford it. There were the two for the carriage, but my brother could barely manage to care for their upkeep. I’m very glad he won’t have to worry about such things now.”
“You can have any horse in the world that you want,” James said.
She laughed. The sound was as beautiful as her song the previous night. “Certainly not any horse.”
He leaned toward her. “Any horse.”
She lifted a brow. “What if I want the queen’s horse and she is unwilling to sell it to you?”
“Then I shall have to steal it.” He was becoming more relaxed around her. With the way she looked at him, he nearly felt like his old self. When no one else was around, he could easily forget about his scars.
Her smile came slowly. “You speak of stealing me horses and in the same breath wonder why I care for you.”
“I’m not a good man,” he told her.
Her eyes glittered. “But you’re terribly good to me, and I’m selfish enough to not ask for more.”
He chuckled. “You’ve not a selfish bone in your body.”
“Oh, I don’t know.” She was closer now, the carriage’s rocking bringing them together. She watched him as she said, “Perhaps, you’ll have to search for it.”
Mark of The Marquess (The Valiant Love Regency Romance) (A Historical Romance Book) Page 7
