“How can you not know?” His voice was hoarse and he sat there unmoving before her, his hands on his thighs. “We share emotions, remember? We feel each others feelings constantly.”
“But all I ever feel from you are negative emotions—anger, pain, sorrow, irritation…” Kat shook her head. “Lock tried to convince me that you cared about me, but you weren’t admitting it to yourself. Except, I don’t know if I can buy that. How can you not let yourself feel if you care for someone?”
Deep scowled and looked away. “Feeling too much can be a dangerous thing, little Kat. Especially if you know the other person doesn’t feel for you as well.”
“You have to give the other person a chance to feel.” Kat couldn’t believe she was having this conversation with him, but somehow the words kept coming out. “You have to let them believe you could ever be interested in them.”
He gave a short, sharp laugh. “How could anyone not be interested in you? You’re an elite with curves like a goddess.”
“Which is exactly why plenty of the guys on my planet wouldn’t be interested,” Kat said quietly. “I don’t know how much you understand about Earth but most cultures there—especially my culture—don’t go for full figured girls in a big way. They want skinny women—the skinnier the better.”
“What?” Deep stared at her, obviously startled. “So they reject you because of your curves instead of revering you for them?”
Kat couldn’t help smiling. “I know—it’s bizarre, isn’t it? I mean with a body like this, you’d think I’d have the world at my feet.” She made a gesture at her full hips and breasts.
Deep’s gaze flickered over her body hungrily. “That’s exactly what I would think.”
She laughed. “I was being sarcastic.”
“I wasn’t,” he said softly.
“I can tell.” She looked at him seriously. “Look, I’ve been plus-sized all my life. And barring some miracle breakthrough in skinny drugs, it looks like I’m always going to be a size eighteen instead of a size eight. But that’s okay, I’m used to it. I’m just…not the kind of girl you and Lock would be dating back on Earth. You’re big, muscular, good looking guys—you could have your pick. And I guarantee it wouldn’t be me.”
“If you think either one of us would rather be with some stick-thin bag of bones—”
Kat laughed again. “Hey now, no need to get down on the skinny girls. They need love, too.”
“Not from me and my brother.” Deep looked at her, a small frown on his face. “Kat, you’re beautiful—gorgeous. Is that really so hard for you to believe?”
“Not as much as it was,” she said carefully. “But then, I’ve always known you and Lock found me attractive. I could, uh, feel it pretty clearly when I was between you.”
“You mean the way our bodies react to yours,” he murmured. “Of course. How could we help it?”
Kat cleared her throat. “To be perfectly honest, I wouldn’t kick you two out of bed for eating crackers either. So the physical aspect isn’t an issue.”
Deep shook his head. “I don’t understand your reference. Are you trying to say you find my brother and me attractive?”
“Very much so.” Kat ducked her head, having a hard time looking him in the eye. “But you already knew that.”
“I knew that your body reacted to ours,” he said softly. “But physical attraction doesn’t always equate with compatibility.”
“Exactly.” Kat took a deep breath. “Which is why I still don’t know why you took that beating for me. Did you do it out of a sense of duty? Or just because you wanted me—felt lust for me? Or was there another reason?” she said, before he could answer. “A deeper reason?”
“Come here.” He reached for her and Kat went willingly into his arms. He was so tall that, even though he was still sitting and she was standing, they were pretty much eye-to-eye. “You have to understand,” he said hoarsely. “You’re so beautiful…so high above me. What good does it do a male to love a goddess? I might as well love the sun or the stars or anything else that’s forever out of reach.”
“I’m not completely out of reach,” she said quietly. “I’m just frightened. Feeling your emotions all the time—that’s pretty overwhelming. And you…you can be pretty scary sometimes.” She lifted her chin. “Not that I’m afraid of you.”
He studied her for a long moment. “Maybe I’m afraid of you—did you think about that?”
“Why?” Kat frowned. “You’re a hundred times stronger than me. You could probably break me in half with your pinky finger.”
“It isn’t physical pain that frightens me,” he said hoarsely. “That’s nothing. It’s—”
At that moment five or six of the pink-skinned natives came into the cave, voices echoing in the darkness with their strange language. Kat caught parts of several different haikus, though none of them made much sense.
“Deep,” she said apprehensively.
“Stay behind me.” Deep dropped her hands and stood protectively in front of her. He was so big she had to peer around him to catch sight of their captors.
Suddenly a new voice rang in the cave. “It’s all right. Deep—Kat—don’t worry.” Lock suddenly appeared behind the armed natives. “It’s all right,” he said again. “They’re just moving us to the guest hut.”
“The guest hut?” Deep sounded skeptical. “Why are we going there?”
“I convinced the chief that we’re not going to run away.” Lock reached them at last. Then he nodded and said something to the natives who grunted back and began to lead the way out of the cave.
“So are we stuck here?” Kat started to head for the entrance but her foot slipped on a loose stone and she nearly fell. “Whoa!”
“Be careful!” Deep caught her by the arm. “Are you all right?” he asked frowning. “Still weak?”
“A little weak but I’m fine,” Kat assured him.
“Perhaps I should assist you, just in case.” Lock came up on her other side and took her hand.
“A good idea, Brother,” Deep said, letting her go at once. “Be certain she doesn’t trip—the ground here is treacherous.”
“Yes, it’s very dangerous.” Kat reached for the dark twin and took him by the hand. She saw Deep’s startled look as she entwined their fingers and she gave him a tentative smile in return. “So dangerous that I need both of you to help me.”
“If you’re certain…” Deep looked down at their hands as though he couldn’t believe she was touching him when she didn’t have to.
Kat could scarcely believe it herself. Now that all three of them were touching skin-to-skin, she could feel the familiar tingle of sexual electricity traveling through her body. But strangely enough, she had no urge to pull away and end it as she always had before. Instead she held both brothers’ hands tightly and smiled at both of them as they exited the cave.
It wasn’t far from the rocky cave in the hillside to a small village of grass huts, enclosed by a high wall of sharpened green stakes. Their captors led them past the gates and through the middle of the native town.
Kat tightened her grip on the twins’ hands and tried not to notice how people were gawking at them. Apparently having strangers in town was big news—especially if they were aliens from another land. She saw family units, all with two males and one female, and numerous pink children running around and playing in the lush belsh that carpeted the ground. The women stopped drawing water from the well and the children ceased their chatter as Kat and her men walked past. Well, I always did want to be a show-stopper, she thought wryly, smiling at one of the many children who were staring gape-jawed at them.
At last they reached a circular grass hut near the outskirts of town and their guards motioned for them to go in.
“Thank you.” Kat ducked inside, grateful to be out of the public eye. She wanted to explore the grass hut they found themselves in but she was already tired again. “So what kind of deal did you make with the chief?” she asked Lock, as she sat on a straw-stuffe
d cushion covered in the same velvety belsh as the ground. “God, I’m wiped.”
“Are you all right?” Deep, who had been checking the hut, his eyes narrowed for possible threats, looked at her with concern.
“Fine.” She waved a hand at him. “Still just a little tired, that’s all.”
“You mean weak.” He came to sit beside her and nodded at his brother. “Lock, come. Kat needs both of us now.”
“With pleasure.” Lock settled himself on her other side. “Is there a problem?”
“Kat’s weakness and pain will come back if we don’t touch her enough,” Deep explained.
Lock looked worried. “Mother L’rin told me that might happen but I had hoped she was wrong.”
Deep frowned. “When did she tell you that?”
“When we first brought Kat to her. While you were being—” Lock seemed to catch himself just in time. “When you weren’t there.”
“It’s all right, Lock,” Kat said in a low voice. “I know about what Deep did for me and he knows I know it.”
“You do? Good.” Lock looked relieved. “I’m glad not to have to hide it anymore.”
“I think the three of us should stop hiding a lot of things from each other,” Kat said firmly. “For instance, I notice that you still haven’t answered my question—what kind of deal did you make with the chief?”
The light twin looked uncomfortable. “Tomorrow night is their full moons festival. I had to promise that we would make a sacrifice to their gods.”
“A what?” Deep frowned. “Brother if you think—”
“Not a sacrifice of blood,” Lock interrupted. “Don’t worry about that—no one needs to get hurt.”
“Then why are you feeling so upset about it?” Kat asked. “Just tell us, Lock—how bad can it be?”
Lock blew out a breath and raked a hand through his dark blond hair. “I’m upset because I know you’re going to be upset, my lady. I…I had to promise them a sacrifice of pleasure. We’re going to be acting out the courtship of the sun and the moons for the, ah, private edification of the chief.”
“Lock!” Deep looked angry. “Couldn’t you offer them anything else?”
Lock turned on his brother. “Not without spilling blood! We trespassed on their holy meadow—we’re lucky we’re not all dead right now.”
“Okay, all right you two.” Kat held up her hands. “Look, it’s a lot more comfortable being between you when you’re not angry with each other.”
“I hope you’re willing to be between us in a much more literal sense then, little Kat,” Deep growled. “Because that’s what my brother has promised these savages.”
“What?” Kat went cold all over with apprehension. “What do you mean?”
Lock sighed. “It has to do with the legend of our sun, Nyra, and her two lovers the moons, Dakir and Lanare. She had to choose between the two of them.”
“Oh?” Kat raised an eyebrow, her heart pounding. “And which did she choose?”
Deep gave her a level look. “Both.”
Chapter Nineteen
“I want to hear more about your home world. More about Earth.” The words were demanding but his tone was soft and his blazing red-on-black eyes were almost gentle.
Lauren was so relieved to see him again, to hear his deep voice, that she didn’t care what he asked her. As long as he talks to me. As long as he comes back.
For a time the tasteless nutra-wafers had been brought to her by strange, emotionless creatures that scared her. They had flesh and gray skin like Xairn’s but they reminded her of robots out of a science fiction movie. Their eyes were dead—both the white and the iris were bottomless black pits and when she looked into them, she saw nothing. Nothing at all.
Pushing away the awful memory, she concentrated on the man in front of her. “What do you want to know?”
“Tell me about your life, your…family.” He frowned. “Is that the correct word for the people you live with?”
“Well I don’t live with anyone right now,” Lauren said cautiously. “And I don’t have a whole lot of family—really it’s just me and my mom. But we’re very close.”
“You…love her?” He said “love” as though it was a word in a foreign language that he didn’t fully understand. It probably is, Lauren told herself. I’m lucky he speaks English at all.
“Yes,” she said softly. “Yes, I love her very, very much.”
“And she feels the same for you?” He was leaning forward now, a look in his strange red-on-black eyes that was hard to define. Hunger? Need? Longing?
“My mom loves me more than anything else in the world,” Lauren said with unshakable certainty. “She would die for me without thinking twice.” And she’s probably dying a little every day right now, wondering where I am.
She could imagine her mother’s frantic, worried face, could picture the way she was probably searching everywhere to find Lauren. Everywhere but in the right place. Because how could she ever suspect what had happened? Oh Mom, I miss you so much! A sudden longing to see her mother, to hear her familiar soft voice and know that everything was okay, came over Lauren so strongly that tears rose in her eyes.
“If she has so much love for you, why are you crying?” He still pronounced “love” like a foreign word but the look he was giving her was one almost of concern.
“Because I miss her. And I know she’s probably looking everywhere for me. She’s probably frantic with worry and I…I’ll probably never see her again. ”
“It would hurt you that much to be forever separated from her?” He sounded curious.
“Of course it would!” Lauren blotted her eyes on his cloak and took a deep breath, trying to slow the tears. She knew from past experience that crying was a sure way to drive any man away and she wanted Xairn to stay. “I’m sorry, but wouldn’t you be upset if you were never going to see your father again? I mean, I know he’s really scary and weird but he’s still your dad. Right?”
Xairn looked away. “I feel nothing for him. And he feels nothing for me.”
“Oh.” Lauren bit her lip, uncertain what to say. “I…I’m sorry.”
“Don’t be.” He shook his head. “It has always been so.”
“But don’t you…” Lauren hesitated, uncertain of how to phrase her question, afraid she might drive him away again. “Haven’t you ever had anyone love you? Or had anyone to love?” she asked at last.
“Once.” His deep voice was remote. “It doesn’t matter now.”
“It does matter,” Lauren said earnestly. “My mom always says that everyone just needs three things to be happy—something to do, something to look forward to, and someone to love.”
He laughed tonelessly. “Why would you think that happiness is a priority aboard the Fathership?”
“I guess it’s not.” Lauren twisted her fingers together. “But don’t you want to be happy?”
“I don’t want anything.” His voice sounded dead. “I merely exist.”
Lauren wanted to point out that “merely existing” was no way to live but she sensed this was no time to trade philosophy with him. If I want to keep him with me, I have to keep him interested. It made her think of Scheherazade, the heroine from The Arabian Nights, which she’d read as a little girl. Scheherazade had been married to a king who took a new wife every morning and killed her every night. But she told the king stories every night, stories that led into other stories and kept him too interested to kill her.
I have to be like that, Lauren told herself. I have to keep him interested.
She cleared her throat and smiled at Xairn. “Let me tell you something else about Earth. Have you ever heard of ice cream?”
* * * * *
Xairn listened to her speak, her soft, harmonious voice rising and falling as she told him about her world. She talked on and on, about the strange foods the humans ate and the soft white sands and warm waters of the beaches in the place where she lived. She talked about entertainments called movies and plays
and explained that they read stories called “books” for pleasure.
The concept was foreign to Xairn. He knew how to read in two hundred different languages and dialects, including her own English, but the idea of reading something for anything other than information was a novelty to him.
Lauren answered his questions about books and then spoke about her childhood, growing up alone with only her mother for company. Much as Xain had had only his
father—the AllFather. But it soon became clear that their childhoods had nothing else in common. She spoke with love and tenderness about her mother, talked about how she had taken care of Lauren even in difficult circumstances. As far as he could tell there had been discipline, but nothing like the kind of punishments the AllFather could devise. Lauren had never known cruelty or hatred from the one who was supposed to love and care for her.
Xairn wondered why his heart throbbed while he listened. It was a weakness, he supposed—the same weakness that had caused him to come see her again, even though he had sworn not to. But still, he lingered and he listened, unable to pull himself away.
At last he realized the time. It was late—much later than he’d intended to stay. Already he had missed some crucial tasks for which he would doubtless be punished.
“I have to go.” He rose as he spoke and her eyes—lovely and golden in her light brown face—followed his movements.
“Do you have to?” Her voice was soft and pleading. “Can’t you stay a little while longer?”
Xairn shook his head. “I’ve already neglected several of my duties too long. I will probably be whipped—my father will order it done.”
“Oh no!” Lauren put a slim hand to her mouth. “I’m so sorry! I didn’t mean to get you into trouble.”
Xairn shrugged. “It doesn’t matter.”
“Yes, it does,” she insisted. “You’ll hate me for it when you’re being punished. And then you’ll never want to come see me again.”
“That’s not true.” Not knowing why he did it, Xairn stooped and placed a hand awkwardly over hers. “I take responsibility for my own actions,” he said softly. “I wanted to stay with you and so I stayed. I don’t hate you.”
Sought Page 17
