“But will you help me?” she whispered, looking up at him, pleading with her eyes. “Please, Xairn!”
“We’ll speak of it later.” He slammed the door in her face and she heard the locking mechanism being punched in.
There was nothing in the small cell but a tiny triangular bench affixed to one corner and a harsh, overhead light. Trying not to cry, Lauren wrapped his cloak tighter around herself and huddled on the bench. Did Xairn care for her enough to save her from his hideous father?
She was afraid she wouldn’t find out until it was too late.
Chapter Twenty-six
“This is stupid,” Kat mumbled to herself. “Not…not gonna kill myself for pride.” Through a haze of pain, she fumbled for the button on her holo-link, which was sitting on the nightstand next to her bed. She wished she could use a Think-me, like Liv and Sophie did but as an unmated female, she wasn’t permitted to use the Kindred version of a telepathic cell phone. It wasn’t a sexist rule—more of a practical one. Without a Kindred mind bonded to and shielding her own, she might transmit her thoughts anywhere—including to the listening ears of the Scourge. Not that the AllFather wants to hear about my splitting headache, she thought wearily. He’s probably too busy cooking up his next nasty plot to care about one stupid Earth girl who accidentally got herself soul-bonded to the wrong guys by mistake.
She hated like hell to call Lock and Deep, but she could tell the pain wasn’t going away any time soon without them. Already it was almost as bad as it had gotten back in the cave on Twin Moons. And how was she ever going to get through the psychic divorce if she was completely incapacitated?
Maybe I’ll just call Lock. No, it’ll hurt him to touch me without Deep. But damn it, she really didn’t want to have anything else to do with Deep right now. Especially after their last encounter. Her finger was hovering indecisively above the send button when she heard someone pounding on the front door of her suite.
“Coming,” she groaned, dragging herself off the bed. “I’m coming, just hang on.” She slapped the switch and the door slid open with a soft whoosh to reveal a very worried looking Lock.
“My lady?” He came inside just in time to catch her as her legs collapsed. “Kat!” He looked at her anxiously. “Are you all right? I could feel your pain and distress—it worried me.”
Kat smiled at him weakly. “Just the same old thing. You’d think I’d be used to it by now.” She sighed. “Where’s Deep?”
Lock’s handsome features tightened. “I don’t know and I don’t care to know.”
“What? So you two really are fighting?” she asked as he carried her back to the bedroom and laid her gently on the bed.
“It goes beyond that.” Lock stripped off his shirt and climbed into the bed beside her.
Kat sighed in relief when she felt his warm hand on her arm. She didn’t even protest when he pulled her blouse gently over her head, leaving her bare from the top up except for her bra. “We should call him, even if you are fighting,” she said as Lock pulled her close, pressing his broad chest to her back. “Don’t want to hurt you.”
“The pain is nothing,” Lock assured her gently. “It’s more than worth it to be near you, my lady. Especially when…” His voice faltered for a moment. “When I’m going to lose you so soon.”
“Oh, Lock…” Kat could feel his sorrow welling up, a sense of loss so great it nearly smothered her with its intensity. Still, she didn’t draw back or try to get away. Instead, she turned in his arms so she was facing him and drew him into a tight embrace. “I’m sorry,” she whispered into his shoulder. “So sorry.”
“So am I.” It sounded like Lock might be crying. His large form shook against hers and Kat held him tighter, wishing she could comfort him better. “I love you, Kat,” he whispered brokenly. “And the idea of being torn apart from you tomorrow—of losing what little bond we have between us—it feels like death to me. Like the end of everything.”
“I love you too,” Kat admitted. “And…I feel like I could love Deep. If only he would let me. If only he wanted me to.”
Lock stiffened in her arms. “He won’t. He doesn’t. There’s no point in even considering it. No hope.” A low growl rose in his throat. “Gods, I wish I wasn’t tied to him.”
“Don’t say that,” Kat said softly. “You’re brothers—twins. You ought to be close.”
“How can I want to be close to him when he’s killing the only relationship that ever mattered to me?” Lock demanded. “What he’s doing to you—to us…I cannot forgive it.”
“Of course you can’t.” The new voice startled them both.
Kat jerked her head up to see Deep lounging in the bedroom doorway, one broad shoulder pressed against the door jam. There was a mocking look on his dark face but his eyes were fierce. “Well, well,” he murmured. “You two look so cozy. I’d join you but I don’t think that bed is big enough for three.”
Lock sat up, shielding Kat protectively with his arm. “What are you doing here?” he snarled.
“The same thing you are, dear brother. Little Kat’s pain called to me—dragged me like a magnet all the way across the ship from the Unmated Males section.”
Lock’s brown eyes flashed. “What were you doing there? You’re not unmated!”
Deep raised an eyebrow. “I practically am. Anyway, why should you care?”
Kat looked back and forth between them uneasily. She wasn’t sure exactly what went on in the Unmated Males area—but she thought there must be some kind of sexual element to it. She’d never heard of prostitutes aboard the Mother ship but vague whispers and rumors seemed to indicate that there was some form of release available to the unmated warriors. Which made sense when you considered the uncharted amount of testosterone in the average alpha male Kindred.
“I care because it’s disrespectful to the lady Kat,” Lock growled. “But why should I expect anything different? You disrespect everything and everyone. You don’t care about anyone but yourself.”
Deep threw up his hands. “That’s me—I’m just a self-centered bastard, pissing on everything you hold dear. Ruining your life.”
“Yes, you are!” Lock’s hands were curled into fists and his normally mild expression had turned to one of hatred. He started to get off the bed but Kat stopped him with a hand on his arm.
“Don’t,” she whispered, shaking her head. “Please, don’t.”
“Let him.” Deep gestured to the half-healed bruises on his face. “If the only way he can express his emotions is through his fists. Why not?”
“Because.” Kat hated how weak she sounded, how her voice trembled. She wanted to say something cutting or witty. Wanted to defuse the tension somehow, the same way she had sometimes when she was a little girl and her parents fought. If you can make them laugh or make them hate you instead of each other, they’ll stop fighting, whispered a little voice in her head. And maybe they won’t hit each other anymore… But nothing came to mind. “Please,” she repeated softly. “Please, just don’t.”
“I won’t, my lady, forgive me.” Lock gathered her protectively into his arms. “I’m sorry we upset you,” he murmured into her hair.
Kat closed her eyes, feeling bombarded by their emotions. Lock was feeling sorrow/worry/protectiveness and Deep was filled with despair/rage/hatred.
No, not just hatred…self-hatred. Kat opened her eyes to see the dark twin smirking at her, an insolent expression on his handsome features. But underneath that look of indifferent scorn, she thought she saw a flash of something else. A sorrow so deep it was nearly unbearable. A desolation so dark it made her heart knot like a fist in her chest.
“Guess I’ll leave and let you two finish comforting each other,” he said.
“Wait!” The skin to skin contact she’d had with Lock gave Kat the strength to jump out of bed and run after Deep as he was turning for the door. “Wait,” she demanded again, putting a hand on his arm.
“What is it now?” Deep growled, turning to face her.<
br />
Now that she was facing him, Kat didn’t know what to say. She wanted to shake him, to demand he stop acting this way and admit his true feelings. But part of her was still shaken by the fight—or almost fight that had just occurred. Part of her was still the scared little girl, huddling in the corner, listening to hatred and insults fill the air and praying that the people she loved wouldn’t hit each other this time.
“Well?” Deep demanded and she realized she’d been standing there silent for too long.
“Don’t be this way.” She looked at him pleadingly. “Please, Deep. I…I know you care about me. And I know you love Lock—he’s your brother. Please don’t act like you don’t.”
He raised an eyebrow at her mockingly. “You think I care? How very touching. And, unfortunately, how very wrong.”
“You do care,” Kat insisted. “Why else would you take my pain? The scars on your back prove it.”
“They prove nothing, other than my honor as a warrior,” he snapped. “I couldn’t let a female whose safety I’d been charged with die. That is the only reason I did what I did. Nothing more.”
Kat felt herself freezing inside. Despite her outward self-confidence, she’d suffered a lot of rejection in her life. It was hard—incredibly hard—to stand there, insisting that a huge, gorgeous, muscular man who would have been dating a supermodel if he was human and lived on Earth—loved her. Especially when he was saying in no uncertain terms that he didn’t.
Still, she tried one more time.
“I know something bad happened to you in the past,” she said quietly, meeting his eyes.
“Oh you do, do you?” Deep’s black eyes blazed. He looked up at Lock. “Thank you, Brother, for revealing my most private and painful shame.”
“I said nothing,” Lock growled.
“I’m just saying that I know about it, not that I know any details or that I judge you for it,” Kat said hastily. “I was thinking that whatever it is, maybe it had something to do with the way you’re acting now.”
Deep shook his head. “What happened is in the past—over and forgotten. It has nothing to do with what I feel for you, little Kat.”
Kat lifted her chin, her heart pounding. “And what do you feel for me?”
Deep leaned down until they were almost close enough to kiss. Looking into her eyes, he murmured, “Nothing. I feel nothing for you.”
Kat sucked in a breath. It felt like someone had punched her in the gut and she couldn’t get enough air. “Oh,” she whispered.
Deep nodded and straightened up to his full height. “Are you satisfied now, sweetheart? Can I go?”
“You can go, all right.” Tears of pain and rage filled Kat’s eyes but she blinked them back fiercely. “Go straight to Hell!”
Deep winked at her. “I prefer the Unmated Males section. There are so many more…distractions there.”
“I don’t care where you go—as long as you’re back in time for our trip tomorrow.” Kat kept her voice steady though she wanted to sob. “So we can go get this damn bond cut once and for all.”
Deep grinned insolently. “I wouldn’t miss it.” He sauntered out of the bedroom and through the suite.
Kat held herself in until she heard the front door whoosh shut behind him. Then the tears came—tears of shame and pain and embarrassment. Tears of rejection that stung worse than all the others put together. He really doesn’t care. Doesn’t want me. Putting a hand over her mouth, she sobbed.
Lock was there suddenly, enfolding her in his arms and raining soft, consoling kisses on her hair. “Oh my lady,” he whispered brokenly. “I’m so sorry. So very sorry.”
“I shouldn’t let him get to me.” Kat blotted her eyes against the back of her hand. “But I feel so stupid. Liv kept saying tonight that maybe he was just afraid to love me or that he felt unworthy.” She shook her head. “I’m the unworthy one.”
“No, you’re not!” Lock took her face in his hands and looked at her earnestly. “You’re beautiful and intelligent and perfect. If only I could be free of him, I would bond you to me as quickly as I could. If you’d have me, that is.”
Kat sniffed and straightened up. “Thank you, Lock. I wish I could,” she whispered. “But I can’t be with a man who doesn’t want me and there’s no way to separate the two of you. I’m sorry.”
A look of sorrow passed over Lock’s face. “Will you let me hold you tonight, at least?” he asked softly. “Since tonight is the last night I’ll ever be able to do so?”
Kat knew by now that he didn’t care about the pain the physical contact would cause him. “Yes.” Turning her head, she kissed his broad palm. “Yes, I’d like that very much.”
“Thank you, my lady.” Lock swung her up into his arms and carried her back to bed.
Kat laid her head on his shoulder and closed her eyes, trying to forget the hurt and humiliation she’d endured. But in her mind’s eye, she just kept seeing Deep’s mocking grin and hearing him say over and over, “Nothing. I feel nothing for you.”
She wished she could say the same about him.
Chapter Twenty-seven
Deep didn’t go to the Unmated Males area. In fact, he barely made it back to the suite he shared with Lock. Just inside the front door, he collapsed, sliding down the wall to sit with his knees drawn up to his chest.
She hates me now. Utterly and without a doubt. Hates me. Well good—that was what he’d wanted. Wasn’t it?
Self loathing rolled through him in waves like nausea until he knew he was going to be sick. Heaving himself to his feet, he just made it to the bathroom in time to void the contents of his stomach.
When he was empty, he splashed water from the sink in his face and rubbed his cheeks and mouth vigorously with a towel. Looking up into the viewer, he saw emptiness—a male with nothing left to lose. Nothing left because he’d just thrown away the most precious thing in his life. Thrown it away like a piece of garbage to lie rotting and festering in a dump.
“I killed it,” he said aloud, addressing the hated face in the mirror. “Anything she felt for me is dead now.”
But that was good—that was how it had to be. Closing his eyes, he remembered again the moment of total panic he’d experienced when she fainted during their love-making. I would have hurt her. Would have been the death of her—the same way I was with Miranda. She’s better off without me. Better off with Lock.
Yes—that was the truth of it. The real heart of the matter. Deep knew he didn’t deserve to love and be loved in return by such a beautiful, intelligent elite female. But Lock did. And Lock would take care of her, he would shelter Kat and protect her from the fiercest danger. He was the one she needed to be with. But how?
I know a way. Deep thought of the schematics for the Scourge torture device called the psychic knife. He’d been studying them before he was called away by Kat’s pain. When he’d first suggested using it, Deep had fully intended to simply sever himself and Lock from Kat once and for all. But after reading over the specs, a different plan was emerging in his head.
Forgive me, little Kat, he thought, wiping his face one last time and going in to the bedroom to study some more. Forgive me for hurting you but you’ll see—it will be for the best in the long run. I promise it will.
* * * * *
Kat was dreaming. At least, she thought she was—she seemed to be floating disembodied in an empty room. Where am I? she thought, looking around. The room seemed familiar—the large leather sofa built for three, the small, cozy fireplace, the pictures on the wall of a world with golden oceans… Deep and Lock’s suite, she thought. But what am I doing here?
Her question seemed to be answered when Deep walked in and settled himself at the desk in one corner of the room. Opening a drawer, he pulled out a long, thin tube and unrolled it to form a personal memory pad. Kat watched with interest as the liquid crystals within the pad’s black surface came to life and began to form shapes. What was he doing? The dark twin didn’t strike her as the introspective ty
pe—the idea that he might keep a memory journal surprised her greatly. But then, a lot of things about Deep surprised her. And not all of the surprises were pleasant.
Deep looked over his shoulder for a moment, almost as though he could sense that someone was watching him. Then, having satisfied himself that he was alone in the room, he leaned closer to the pad. “Enable memory five-two-six. Replay nonstop. Allow no interruptions,” he murmured.
There was a soft clicking and then the display screen enlarged substantially as the crystals expanded. By the time the memory began, it was large enough that Kat could have seen it from across the room.
The memory looked like a scene shot with an old fashioned handheld camera. It was clearly from Deep’s point of view and seen though his eyes because Lock was walking right beside him and they were talking in low voices. They appeared to be moving down a clean white sidewalk along a row of well cared for houses.
The neighborhood could have been in any town in America, as far as Kat could see. The houses looked to be upper middle class—prosperous without being gaudy. There were luxury cars and minivans in the driveways and the lawns were green and well tended. All the houses were quiet and peaceful…except for the one at the end of the block.
It was a white two story house with green gingerbread trim and a green door to match. But the white gravel driveway was crowded with emergency vehicles, their lights flashing. People in official looking uniforms were swarming over the neatly mown lawn.
“Is that the place?” Lock asked, pointing to the house. “You always see it so much clearer than me in the dreams.”
“That’s her house.” The point of view moved up and down, as though Deep was nodding.
“What’s going on?” Lock asked.
“I don’t know. But it doesn’t look good.” Deep sounded grim.
“Maybe we should go back to the HKR building. Come again later. Or send the draft officers for her instead.”
Sought Page 24
