She gasped. Matt wasn't sure if it was because of what he'd said or because his voice had sounded so cold when he'd spoken.
He pinched the bridge of his nose. "I'm sorry if I upset you," he said. "I probably should have mentioned something to you sooner. I wanted to be sure this was what I really wanted. What we all really wanted."
"And is it?"
"Yes." The cold edge to his voice vanished, replaced by something warmer and deeper. He felt a sense of contentment despite the hostility in the air between them. He did want to be with Seb and Connor; nothing would change that.
She nodded, and a look of resignation settled on her face. She looked wearier and older than she had done a few minutes before. "I see." She sat at the table, leaning her elbows on it. "I suppose I'll have to get used to it, then."
"Thanks, Mum." He wasn't sure what else to say.
She waved her hand absently. "Apologise to Connor for me. What I said was cruel."
"You could apologise yourself. He'll be outside." As far as Matt was concerned, an apology had to come from her to mean anything.
"I don't think so, Matt." She brushed her hair back from her face. "I want to be clear about this: I don't like what the three of you are doing. I don't think it's right. But I will accept it if that's the only way I can keep a positive relationship with my only son."
Anger flashed through Matt. He forced himself to breathe in slowly. No matter what he thought of her at that moment, she was still his mum, and he didn't want to push her away. At least there was a chance she'd come round eventually. For now, her grudging acceptance and partial apology had to be enough.
He walked round the table to kiss her cheek. "I'm going to go now. I'll see you soon."
She nodded stiffly. "Call me?"
"I will."
He paused in the doorway, looking back at her. She was lonely and still burdened with grief. As much as he wanted to be mad at what she'd said, his anger was draining away. She'd concocted a dream of him getting married and having grandchildren to fill the void in her life, and he had ripped that away from her. He almost stopped to point out to her that they could adopt, but he had no clue if Seb or Connor would want that or if it would even be possible. He held his tongue, knowing he shouldn't give her even a shred of false hope.
"You can call me too," he said instead. "Whenever you want."
"I will," she said, smiling wearily. "Go on," she told him. "Go to your friends."
Still, he lingered, his heart aching. Only time and mutual understanding would make things right between them, but he'd do his best to make sure it happened, one step at a time. After giving her one last reassuring smile, he left the dining room, closing the door softly behind him.
CHAPTER TWENTY-EIGHT
Connor
"You should have stayed with Matt," Connor said as Seb got into the passenger seat. "I should have stayed." He smacked his palms against the steering wheel.
Seb squeezed Connor's shoulder. "Matt and his mum need to sort things out. Us being there wasn't going to help, it would have only added fuel to the fire." He paused. "You weren't planning on driving, were you?"
Connor shook his head. "Give me some credit."
He was too angry to drive. He clenched his jaw, allowing the sensation to ground him.
"Are you okay?" Seb asked.
Connor nodded. "She's right. What would I know about normal?"
"Don't take this the wrong way," Seb said, a smile in his voice. "But I think your life has been pretty normal for several years now." He curled his fingers into air quotes as he spoke.
"Sort of, I suppose."
"Sort of? You have a good job, a flat of your own, some great friends… What's missing?"
"Parents?" Connor asked with a mournful sigh. "Any semblance of a relationship. Until now," he added hurriedly.
"You weren't ready to have a relationship. That doesn't make you any less normal. And anyway, normal is kind of boring anyway."
That made Connor laugh, which eased a little of the painful tension in his chest. But it returned the moment his fleeting laughter ended.
"I hate being reminded about Dad."
"Mrs Tuke was being cruel," Seb said. "Targeting you in that moment was easier than lashing out at Matt. And for the record, your dad didn't walk out on you. He walked out on your mum's illness."
"He walked out on us both," Connor said bitterly. "He could have taken me with him."
"Would you have gone?" Seb asked quietly.
Connor sighed. "No, of course not. I couldn't have left Mum. Not like that." He gazed out of the window at the quiet street. Christmas decorations were visible everywhere, some houses more decked out than others with reindeer made of flashing lights, or large inflatable Santas. "But if he'd at least asked…" He curled his hands around the steering wheel. "I'd have known that he gave half a crap about me. He didn't even hang around after the funeral, Seb. I was sixteen years old, and I needed my dad." His voice broke, and he was forced to blink back tears.
"It's not the same, but you had us."
"I know." He swiped at his eyes. "And I am so fucking grateful for the two of you, Seb. But you're right… it's not the same. He abandoned me when I needed him most. Not once, but twice. I just…" He tipped his head forward against the steering wheel.
"You're scared we'll do the same?"
"No!" He breathed out slowly. "Yes."
He sucked in a shuddering breath, trying to stave off the onslaught of tears. Thinking about his dad was crippling. Thinking about what his future might hold even more so.
Seb's hand closed over his, squeezing gently. "We won't. Not ever. You're stuck with us."
"There were times when Mum remembered him," Connor whispered, shocked at how distant his voice sounded. "She'd look at me and not have a clue who I was and ask me where Dad was. She'd sob and sob because he wasn't there and she didn't understand why. Why did she remember him and not me?"
"I don't know." Seb's words came out as a tremble. A few moments passed before he spoke again. "She was sick, Connor, confused. She might have been remembering a version of him from before you were even born. I know it must have hurt and it probably still does, but she loved you. I have absolutely no doubt about that. I remember the times I watched you brush her hair… there would be this look of absolute contentment and trust on her face. She looked peaceful. She loved you, even though she might not have always known who you were."
Connor would have started sobbing then if the back door hadn't opened. He lifted his head and looked at the reflection in the rear-view mirror as Matt ducked into the car. He sat in the centre of the back seat and placed a hand on each of their shoulders. He didn't speak either. Connor could see that Matt was also holding back tears. His eyes were red-rimmed, his cheeks blotchy.
"I'm sorry," Connor said quietly.
"No," Matt said. "I'm sorry. She shouldn't have talked to you like that."
"How did you leave things?"
Matt shrugged. "Not great. She promised backhanded acceptance rather than understanding. She told me to apologise to you, Con."
"It's a start," Seb said.
"Yeah," Matt agreed gruffly. "I suppose it is."
"She'll come round." Connor believed it. He knew Mrs Tuke. She wasn't the unreasonable monster she'd just acted like, but she was in shock. It had to be a lot to take in. Hell, it had been a lot for the three of them to get their heads round. It seemed strange that it was only a few weeks ago that they'd all been in denial, fighting the reality of their attraction to each other and brushing it off as curiosity.
"You'll make things up with her," he carried on. "She loves you."
They sat there for were several more minutes until Connor's tears had dried up and he felt like he'd be able to drive safely. Even then, he didn't put the keys into the ignition.
"Do you think people will give us a hard time?" he asked in a quiet voice.
The question had been turning round in his head since Mrs Tuke had spat her wo
rds at them: It's wrong. What he had with Matt and Seb didn't feel wrong, not in the slightest, but he had to admit they'd been stuck in a bubble of private solitude, enjoying their relationship behind closed doors, far from prying eyes and gossiping mouths.
"Maybe," Seb said slowly.
"Fuck 'em," Matt hissed.
Connor twisted in the driver's seat to look at his friend. It didn't feel right to continue the conversation with eye contact made through the rear-view mirror.
"Like you said to Mum, what we do isn't anyone else's business. If other people choose to have a problem with something that doesn't affect them in any way, fuck them."
Seb grinned. "That is an attitude I can get on board with."
"No one gets to decide how I live my private life," Matt said. "No one gets to dictate what should or shouldn't make me happy and fulfilled. No one gets to tell me who I can and can't love or how many people I should or shouldn't love."
Connor tilted his head a little. He was in awe of Matt's attitude, and he did share it, but that didn't stop him being a little scared.
"It might be hard," he said.
"Perhaps," Matt agreed. "But we'll be there for each other, just like we've always been." He grasped both their hands. "I know this is still new, but it feels right, doesn't it?"
Connor nodded.
"Then fuck everything else," Matt said. "Either people will accept us, or they won't, and we'll realise they were never that supportive of us anyway." He squeezed Connor's hand.
Connor nodded and then laughed lightly. "I'd rather not fuck anyone else," he said. "Only you two."
His words brought instant relief to the tension in the car. They all laughed, holding each other's hands as the playful sound filled the small space.
"I love you both," Connor said. "That's all that should matter."
He meant it. They were too wonderful a part of his life to give up for any reason.
"We should go out tonight," Seb said. "To a club or something. We could go out for dinner, if you want." His stomach rumbled, as though agreeing with the suggestion.
Matt laughed. "None of us got to enjoy that amazing meal my mum cooked." His voice held a note of bitterness, coupled with sad resignation.
It made Connor's heart ache for his friend.
"What do you say?" Seb asked. "Let's go out, as a thruple, heads held high."
"Thruple?" Connor asked.
"That's not a fucking word," Matt said.
"Sure it is." Seb's mouth twisted. "Okay, so thruple isn't in the Oxford-English dictionary—yet—but people definitely say it. It's less of a mouthful than saying we're in a polyamorous relationship, don't you think?"
Matt snorted out a laugh.
"I like it," Connor mused, turning the word over and over in his head. Thruple. It was a warm word, comfortable to say and think about.
"Fine," Matt said, rolling his eyes at them both. "It's official. We’re a thruple, and we're going out on the town tonight." He tapped Connor's shoulder. "And you're leaving the car at my place."
Connor wasn't going to argue. A night out, with a few drinks and great company, was exactly what he needed.
CHAPTER TWENTY-NINE
Seb
Getting called into work during his week off had sent Seb into a tailspin. He had no clue why any of the partners would want to see him. It didn't help that he was feeling more than a little worse for wear. Going out clubbing had been great. The three of them had been able to let loose completely. No one had cared that they'd danced together, let alone that they'd held and kissed each other. He'd danced too much, drunk too much, and had fallen asleep as soon as they'd tumbled into bed together. Now he was nursing a hangover, dressed in a hastily pressed suit, about to walk into his boss’s office without having any clue as to why.
"Seb." Brenda smiled warmly at him, which had to be a good sign, didn't it? "Take a seat. Good Christmas?"
"Yes, thanks." Seb wasn't one for small talk at the best of times, but he fired the question back at Brenda, anxiously waiting for the real reason he'd been called into the office.
"No need to look so worried," Brenda told him. "Obviously you know that Daniel's opening a new office in Bristol?"
Of course he did. Everyone knew. Daniel, one of the founding partners, had decided to move there with his family. The law firm as a whole had a good reputation; Daniel had a great one. It made sense for him to open a new branch rather than starting from scratch, so both offices could continue to reap the benefits of being associated with one another.
"And I'm sure you also know that Ella was going to go with him for a few months to help him set up, but she's just discovered she's pregnant and doesn't want to spend that long away from her husband." Brenda looked at Seb expectantly.
"You're looking for someone else to go?" Seb asked, feeling a little witless.
"We're hoping you will."
They wanted him to go to Bristol—three hundred miles away—for a few months.
"It's a wonderful opportunity," Brenda went on. "You'll be Daniel's right-hand man down there. Who knows, if you make a good impression on him, he might invite you to be a partner. He'll be needing one as business picks up."
Partner. It was what he wanted, eventually, but in Bristol? It would be a permanent move. He wasn't sure what a short-term move would mean for his relationship with Matt and Connor, let alone a long-term one.
"Whilst your salary will stay the same, we'll cover the costs of temporary accommodation for you—within reason of course—and one meal a day," she went on. "Also travel expenses once a month so you can visit home."
He smiled and nodded, trying to take it all in. It was an amazing opportunity, but there were a lot of downsides, too. He'd probably end up working much longer hours, especially in the first couple of months. Getting home would take several hours, even by train, and with Connor working most weekends, he couldn't expect his lovers to come to him with any regularity.
"You don't want to pass this up," Brenda told him.
She had to be taking his silence as reticence. He was reticent, even though he was being handed his future on a plate.
"It's not something I was expecting," he said carefully. "It's come out of the blue."
Ella had been with the firm longer than him. She was more experienced, older… and pregnant. If she didn't want to be away from her husband before the baby arrived, there was no chance she'd want to be once her maternity leave was over. There were other people the partners could have chosen, but they'd decided to ask him.
"Does Ella know you're asking me?" He didn't want to piss his co-worker off by taking this chance from her. She gave it up, he reminded himself.
"Ella suggested you," Brenda said.
Seb raised his eyebrows.
"She'd been trying for a baby for some time. Now that it's happened, she's made the decision to put family above her career for the time being. That's completely her choice, and I respect that."
Would she respect him in the same way if he turned the opportunity down because he didn't want to leave Connor and Matt? Probably not.
"When do I need to give you my decision by?"
She stared at him for a few seconds. Clearly, she'd been expecting him to fall all over himself to say yes, not to ask for time to think about the offer.
"Yesterday," she replied, her voice and face completely deadpan. "What's there to think about, Seb?"
"I'm in a fairly new relationship."
She lifted her eyebrows a fraction. "I thought you were seeing…" She paused and pressed her thumb and forefinger together, thinking. "Carl." She clicked her fingers.
"Craig," Seb corrected. "We broke up a while ago."
"Oh. I didn't know. I'm sorry."
He didn't exactly broadcast details of his love life around the office. He answered questions if he was asked, but never volunteered information, hence no one had known he and Craig were no longer together.
"And your new relationship… is it serious enough to turn
down a career-making opportunity?"
Seb tried to speak, but only a small whimper came out of his constricting throat. He wiped his hand over his face, giving himself a couple of seconds to regain his voice. "I just need to talk to them before I commit. Can you give me until tomorrow?"
Brenda's eyebrows shot higher up her forehead. "Them?"
Seb lifted his chin a little. "Yes. Them. I'm seeing two great guys."
Her mouth twitched a little. "You'll give me an answer tomorrow?"
"Yes."
"All right, then." She motioned for him to leave, but spoke again as he reached the door. "Accepting this chance will be the best decision you've ever made, Seb. Think very carefully before you turn it down."
He nodded and shut the door behind him. It would be the best decision he could make for his career, but that didn't make it the right decision. The funny thing was, had he still been with Craig, he knew he'd have accepted it without a second thought.
***
Matt greeted Seb with a kiss the moment he walked in and shut the door.
"Everything okay, babe?" Matt asked. He was smiling, but his eyebrows were drawn down slightly, clearly sensing the tension Seb was carrying.
"Yeah," Seb said, clasping his hands at the small of Matt's back. He leaned forward, resting his cheek on Matt's shoulder. "Even better for being home."
He felt Connor's arms wrap around him from behind, and he let out a loud, contented sigh. He felt like he truly belonged there, with their arms around him, enveloped by their warmth.
"Are you going to put us out of our misery?" Matt asked. "Why did you get called in?"
"For a quick meeting with one of the partners."
"We know that." Matt laughed. "Why?"
Seb extricated himself from between them and moved to flop onto the sofa. "One of the senior partners is setting up a new office, and they want me to help."
I Wished For You Page 17
