by S S Bazinet
Forty-Three
ROLPHE WALKED THROUGH his apartment and paused outside the guest bedroom. With William and Arel gone, the place felt empty. It was a feeling he knew all too well. After he lost his family, it swallowed him up, heart and soul. He was a ghost who walked through life. As a vampire he became a monster who killed without remorse. Nothing mattered to him. Eventually, the killing stopped, and he purchased the blood that sustained his physical form. But he didn’t stop killing because he’d reformed. He just got tired.
Now, he was tired again. His steps were labored as he wandered into his studio. When he looked at the painting on the easel, one of Gabriel, he wanted to weep. He grabbed a sheet and covered the portrait. Without inspiration, he had no desire to paint. All he wanted to do was to go back to his bed again. As he started for the studio door, his eyes drifted to one of his other paintings.
Arel and William stared out at him from a large canvas. He’d portrayed them as he often saw them in his mind’s eye. There was a glow around them, a golden aura that infused the picture with a feeling of heavenly beings. But in the real world William looked like he’d just been through purgatory. When he left Rolphe’s apartment, his glow had been replaced by a grim pallor.
Rolphe remembered Arel’s explanation. Rolphe had been ignorant and meddled in William’s life. “And I almost destroyed him with that meddling,” he groaned to himself.
Rolphe turned to the door again, but his breath caught. Michael stood in the doorway, smiling.
“I thought I’d ask how you’re doing,” Michael said. “I know you’ve been through a lot with Arel and William’s recent visit.”
Rolphe squinted back. Most of the time, he was able to relax a little in the angel’s presence, but not this time. Rolphe’s inner vision was wide open. It enabled him to see Michael’s glorious nature. Waves of brilliant, golden-blue light radiated from Michael’s person. It contrasted sharply with how Rolphe viewed himself. He didn’t feel worthy of Michael’s light or his love.
When Michael’s love penetrated Rolphe’s chest and stirred within his heart, he had to stagger back. It felt like a great fire burned inside of him. Rolphe knew that Michael was there to help him, to bring a loving presence into his dark world, but he couldn’t allow that to happen. He didn’t deserve to be blessed in such a way.
As soon as he made that decision, his chest exploded in pain. It was so great that Rolphe fell to his knees, begging the Creator to take him once and for all. He needed to leave the earth and put an end to all the misery he’d felt in his long life.
* * * * *
Arel shut the front door and smiled. He and Elise had spent a pleasant hour in the kitchen. Elise drank tea and chatted while Freddie slept in a make-shift bed that Arel had put together. He’d borrowed a large basket that Michael used when gathering flowers from the garden and lined it with a soft blanket. He also added some bits of carrot, one of Freddie’s favorite treats. Freddie wolfed down the treats and then decided on a nap.
Elise seemed pleased with Arel’s ingenuity. She’d confided that when she took Freddie to someone’s house, the puppy was constantly exploring. It was a relief for her to see him so content. The visit was also filled with small talk. They chatted about Elise’s writing, her move and other mutual interests.
After Elise left, Arel closed the front door feeling satisfied that Elise could appreciate something he did. He was still smiling when he went back into the kitchen to tidy up. He was surprised to see Carey standing by the back door. “Well, Carey, after all my complaining, I’m sure you’re thrilled to see things are headed in the right direction. William is with Annabel, and Elise seems like she’s doing well.”
Carey continued to stare out at the back garden. “Have you forgotten about Rolphe?”
Arel put Elise’s tea cup in the sink. “Rolphe? Why would I think about him? He’s fine.”
Carey turned around and sighed. “Are you sure about that?”
Arel hesitated. Carey’s youthful face was normally cheerful, as if the angel had a smile hidden just below the surface. Now, his smile was missing. “I didn’t think I had to. He keeps himself busy with painting.”
Carey pulled out a chair and sat down. “I know you’ve had very strong opinions about Rolphe. But he did try his best to make amends. Have you ever forgiven him?”
Arel put down his dish cloth and stiffened. “Forgiveness is tough. Maybe I still harbor some resentment when I think about what he did to William.” He sat down too and drummed his fingers on the table. “And now that he’s been interfering again—”
“Do you blame him for William’s current condition?”
“Why shouldn’t I? William got a call from Myra, and he went to Paris to see if Rolphe was sick. After five minutes with the man, William went into a tail spin. I didn’t know if we’d even get William back.”
“Are you sure that William went to Paris out of concern for Rolphe?”
“What are you getting at?” Arel asked.
“Perhaps you could think in terms of Rolphe’s welfare too.”
Instead of responding, Arel studied the table mat. There was a single crumb sitting on the linen fabric. It was from the cookie that Elise had eaten. He picked it up and carried it to the sink. “I don’t want to think about Rolphe. Is that a crime?”
Carey stood up and started out of the room. “No, it’s not a crime,” he said quietly.
Arel followed Carey into the living room and targeted him with an irritated scowl. “I’m sorry if my feelings aren’t in line with yours, but from my vantage point, Rolphe is still a menace.”
Carey’s gray-blue eyes shifted in Arel’s direction. “Isn’t he entitled to a life, too?”
“All I know is that he was an ogre who fed on William twice and nearly killed him both times.”
“Fair enough, but do you really think he meant to harm William recently?”
“Does it matter? Whatever Rolphe’s intention, William almost died again.”
“He played a role, a very difficult role.”
“What do you mean?”
Carey’s gaze met Arel’s and softened. “You’ve talked about angels and how we approach life differently, and you’re right. We can only do so much. For instance, Raphael tried to talk to William about the issues he was facing, but William wouldn’t listen. Rolphe’s approach was much harsher. Perhaps it was a negative method in your estimation, but it goaded William into facing a scary part of himself. Now, he has a much better chance of integrating that part.”
Arel frowned back. “So you’re saying that Rolphe did William a service?”
“I’m not recommending his approach, but Rolphe does care about William. He did his best with what he had to work with. In his visions, he understood William’s early life and his trauma. Rolphe experienced something similar as a boy. And after all he’s been through, he also knows about true power. To wield it properly, a person needs a proper foundation. They have to integrate all aspects of themselves to be truly free and happy.”
Arel sat down in his recliner, clenching his fists and trying to find a way out of his bias. “I guess I’ve been so busy trying to protect William that I haven’t been looking at the big picture.”
“We both know that William has been stuck for quite some time. He’s even talked about checking out.”
Arel sighed. “From everything I know, William has been very afraid of being vulnerable again.”
“Yes, and Rolphe knew that William believed that control was the answer.”
Arel thought about Claire and how she needed everyone to conform to her ideas. He also thought about the crumb he’d removed from Elise’s place mat. He was guilty too. “It’s called the human condition, Carey.”
“Perhaps, but Rolphe could feel William’s desire to be free. In fact, he was willing to have both William and you despise him if he could expose the lie William had bought into. What Rolphe didn’t know is that even a lie can help a person hold on to life.”
&nbs
p; Arel rubbed his temples. Carey was making a good case in Rolphe’s favor. “When I was young and suicidal, William tried the same thing with me. As a result, I was forced to live, but I hated him for what he did.”
Carey smiled broadly. “Yes, but you did survive, and you finally asked for our help.”
Arel looked up and sighed. “It was quite the surprise when Michael appeared at my door. Then you came along.”
“Believe it or not, people and angels are all working together. We all have gifts to offer, but at times, one gift works better than another. Rolphe used the only gift he thought he had. He shared the vision of William’s childhood. But he never meant for William to get lost.”
Arel looked away, still trying to assimilate Carey’s take on Rolphe when his phone rang. He glanced at the phone, then at Carey. “Can you believe it? It’s Rolphe’s girlfriend, Myra.”
A couple of minutes later, Arel pocketed the phone and shared Myra’s message. “Rolphe’s girlfriend sounds very upset. Today Rolphe asked Myra to keep his cat, Dantella, permanently. Then he hung up on her.”
“So what do you think you should do?”
Arel stood up. “What can I do? I suppose I better pay Rolphe a quick astral visit.”
Carey stood up too. “Do you want me to come along?”
“No, stay here in case Annabel or William need something. I’m sure I can handle Rolphe. He probably just wants some attention. He’s always going on about missing his boys.”
* * * * *
Arel sat in his downstairs bedroom and contemplated visiting Rolphe again. Even though Myra told him that she was very worried about his old nemesis, Arel felt no bond to Rolphe. No matter what Carey said, a long and complicated past still haunted Arel. And it all started with Rolphe.
In his youth, William had acquired Rolphe’s blood. He thought the blood would give him the power he needed to control his world. William then forced that blood on Arel, using it to keep Arel on the earth. Of course, the blood didn’t really make them vampires. It contained a virus that triggered certain effects that mimicked a vampire-like condition. The virus also extended both their lives. For Arel, that wasn’t a good thing. He’d fought his condition every waking moment. The passing years felt like an eternity of misery. It was only Michael’s blood that brought his suffering to an end.
But maybe Carey was right. According to the angel, Rolphe was a transformed man who deserved more than Arel’s condemnation. It was a point that was backed up by Rolphe’s actions. After William was lost, Rolphe had done his best to rectify his mistake and get William back.
Thinking about Rolphe’s rescue efforts, Arel let out a heavy breath. It was filled with obligation, but little consideration or kindness. He needed to lighten his mood. The next breaths were used more constructively. They were slow and steady as he prepared himself for an astral trip to Paris.
As he lowered his shoulders and thought about how happy Annabel and William were, his body responded and began to calm down. With more breathing, he was able to clear his head of thoughts. He drifted into a pleasing, neutral state where he simply sat and observed. Within a few minutes, his etheric form slipped out of his body.
Being free of his physical vessel, Arel enjoyed a sense of lightness and ease. So little effort was required when he was in his astral body. In that realm, it was all about one’s attention and focus. Combined, they became a powerful force that propelled a person wherever they intended. It felt effortless to travel to Rolphe’s apartment.
Arel soon found himself standing in Rolphe’s living room, but he knew something was wrong. He tried to turn around to get his bearings and couldn’t move. Everything felt claustrophobic, as if some great weight was pressing in on him from all sides. When he shifted his vision and allowed it to operate more fully, he could see the heavy, dark energy that surrounded him. Then he thought of Rolphe and his anger took over. His eyes filled with fresh resentment. He’d come on an errand of mercy and been slammed with more of Rolphe’s unwanted negativity.
“So Carey, I listened to you and this is my reward! Thanks a lot,” he grumbled.
Carey’s response was immediate. Arel could hear the angel laughing. He paused again, tempted to let Carey’s levity feed his anger. Then he smiled too. Carey was trying to help him understand how to help himself. He needed to relax and stop fighting the situation.
Arel was reliving the past. He still associated astral travel and Rolphe’s apartment with a hostile enemy. As soon as he thought of Rolphe’s prayers and how the man had helped William, Arel felt better. He was even able to move again. The apartment was still infused with a heavy vibration, but unless he bought into it, it couldn’t harm him or keep him trapped.
It was a pleasing thought to feel free again. “Maybe I am becoming more like your kind, Carey.”
As he started towards Rolphe’s bedroom, he waded through the muddy energy without a problem. He called out to Rolphe as he went forward. With Rolphe’s psychic gifts, he knew Rolphe should be able to hear him. When he reached Rolphe’s bedroom, the door was open, and he looked in. He wasn’t prepared for the heat and flames that greeted him. He jumped back into the hall, thankful that his astral reflexes were better than his physical ones.
His first thought was to contact the fire department. A moment of panic followed when he remembered that he probably couldn’t interact with physical matter. He’d only managed such a feat one time on a very special occasion. So what could he do to help?
A strong masculine voice called out to him. “It’s not a physical fire,” Michael said.
Arel glanced to his side and saw the angel standing close. “Thank goodness you’re here! What’s happening?”
“Look more closely at the flames. They’re contained in the room. Notice that none of the furniture is burning.”
Arel stepped forward a little. Michael was right, the flames stopped at the open doorway, and even though the flames were everywhere, the fire wasn’t consuming anything. He had a moment of relief until his gaze settled on two boys who were standing next to the bedside.
Just as he was about to panic, Michael explained more of what was happening.
“Arel, it’s alright. The boys aren’t physical either. The children you see are Rolphe’s boys, and they’re trying to help him,”
Arel stared at the bed and realized that it was occupied by Rolphe. That’s when he finally understood what was going on. “Great, Rolphe has created this inferno, hasn’t he?”
Before Michael could answer, one of the boys appeared at the doorway. He was very young, maybe six or seven years old, but his stance was erect and fierce when he addressed Arel.
“Why are you here?” the boy asked. “Don’t you know how hurtful you’ve been?”
The child’s voice was angry, but there was also a deep sadness in it. The child was letting Arel know that he’d added to Rolphe’s extreme condition in a very significant way.
Arel tried to appease the boy. “I’m sorry—”
“You’re not sorry!” the boy screamed back.
Arel wasn’t prepared for the energy behind the boy’s statement. It struck him with a terrible force, a missile of blame delivered to his core. The blow was so unexpected that he decided to retreat. The trip back to his physical body was almost immediate. When he opened his eyes, he wasn’t alone. The boy from Rolphe’s apartment had followed him back and was hovering in front of him.
Arel had never come up against many ghosts, and even though this one appeared as a child, that didn’t make him less frightening. The boy’s glowing eyes were only inches away. They conveyed both fearlessness and a commanding presence.
“What do you want from me?” Arel asked in a hoarse whisper.
“We need to talk,” the boy said.
Arel automatically threw up his shields, not enjoying the idea that he was communing with one of the long-deceased children that Rolphe often talked about.
The boy eyed him with amusement. “Don’t worry. I’m not here to hu
rt you, only to give you fair warning.”
Arel tried to calm himself, but he was confused about what the child wanted. “What kind of warning are you talking about?”
“All your judgments about my father come from your ignorance. If you don’t free yourself from such limited thoughts, their harshness and condemnation will destroy your chance at finding what you desire most.”
Arel thought about his relationship with Claire and how much he’d wanted it to work. He’d thought Claire wanted the same thing. When they were alone in Paris, he’d felt her need for love. Sometimes, when she was in his arms, he felt a shudder go through her body. It was as if she was letting go of a great, invisible wall that she’d built around herself.
Arel knew about that kind of wall. As a child growing up, he’d suffered grievous hurts that others doled out. His need for safety and protection became greater than his need for affection. Loneliness gnawed at him year after year, but he’d been too afraid to take a chance on people again with the exception of Justina.
A barrier remained in Arel’s life until Michael showed up. Gradually, as Arel began to trust the angel, he began to take a chance on letting others come back into his life. But in Claire’s case, he could only guess that she wasn’t ready for that kind of trust. For some reason, she couldn’t give their togetherness a place to blossom in her heart.
“You’re right,” the child said in a soft voice. “Most humans take that wall to their grave.”
“That’s not what I want,” Arel replied insistently.
The child’s young face was suddenly sad again. “Don’t be too sure about that.” As his wispy form faded, his voice lingered in the room for a few moments. “If only you could have seen the goodness in my father instead of his past sins, things could have been different for both of you.”
The visit left Arel swimming in the heaviness again, but this time it wasn’t Rolphe’s energy, it was his own. He could only conclude that the child was right about his feelings. Michael and Carey had helped him with open hearts. Those angelic hearts were devoid of judgment. But he still wasn’t ready to extend that kind of help to Rolphe. He still had too much resentment weighing him down.
