by Laura Brown
Nolan pushed thoughts of Izzy and Archie out of his mind. He had a meeting to focus on. An important one. The first board meeting since he started his job. It was his big chance to prove himself, and he had only two weeks to prepare. He lived one mistake away from being the screw-up again. One meeting, one chance. He couldn’t afford to blow it.
Distracted thoughts had no place. He needed to compartmentalize his life. Focus on the meeting while at work, figure out what to do about having a son after. The word still felt awkward and hollow. A son should have been someone he anticipated, waited to be born, held from that very first day. Not the smiling nine-month-old he’d seen only in a picture.
A son should be wanted by both parents, should have a father who knew the first thing about paternal love.
Nolan shook his head. Wrong path, don’t go there. He could be all of that as soon as he got his head on straight.
Izzy bustled into his office, sending his heart racing. She set a stack of papers down on his desk before brushing back her long hair. He had the urge to run his fingers through the dark wavy strands and—
The light by his voice phone flashed, and Izzy reached over and picked it up, lips moving in what he assumed was a formal greeting. She held the phone between her ear and shoulder. “Paper, pen.” He rummaged around his desk then handed over a yellow lined pad and pen. Izzy settled her hip against the desk, scribbling as she wrote. Her curvy penmanship had started to become familiar to him, a comfort almost. Even though they hadn’t interacted much beyond business, he’d still been able to get little hints into who this woman was, and each little nibble left him wanting more. Like how she’d tuck her hair behind her ear, revealing three small hoops. Why three? And had her hair bothered her or was it a subconscious act?
Shanice appeared at his door as Izzy hung up. “A woman named Gaby is here for you.” Nolan had no clue who this was, but Izzy hopped off his desk and hurried out of his office, following Shanice, leaving him alone and confused. He glanced at the paper, but her scribbles were a word here and there. The message seemed to be something related to Google, but that made no sense for a phone call, and he didn’t have enough information to decipher the rest.
With nothing else to do and idle curiosity taking over, he headed down to the front desk. Shanice had returned to her station. Izzy stood talking, not signing, to another woman, who held a baby who looked a lot like the image on Izzy’s phone.
Nolan froze at the sight of his son, there, in person, before him. Archie swung his head in Nolan’s direction, smile widening, drool sliding down his chin. His arms and feet flailed and it took everything in Nolan not to turn and look behind him. Surely a clown or train or whatever little babies liked stood behind him. No way could this kid want to see him.
But you’re his father. Regardless of that fact, Archie didn’t know him. The thought caused his heart to twist. This little boy held half his DNA and didn’t know him at all. History repeating itself in ways he never expected.
He swallowed, decision made. He’d find some way to be part of this kid’s life. Because Bodhi was right, and he refused to become his father.
The women played pass the potato with the baby, and the next thing he knew Archie had been settled against Izzy’s hip and a large bag with tiny dinosaurs on it had been shifted to her shoulder. The other woman waved and backed out.
Izzy turned and found him standing there like a lurker. Her eyes widened and he didn’t miss that she shifted Archie closer to her. Not the meeting either of them had anticipated. “My sister. She’s got a last minute meeting she had to go in for.”
She headed deeper into the agency, leaving Nolan to follow after. The kid watched him, and Nolan registered nothing of their surroundings, only this little being clutching his mother’s shoulder. Until they arrived in his office and Izzy set the baby on the floor, with the bag open for him to rummage through. She moved to Nolan’s desk and grabbed the yellow notepad, but he couldn’t take his eyes off the kid pulling out clothes and wipes and toys and strewing them across the floor.
Izzy turned, following Nolan’s gaze. “He’s fine. Do we have a Google business listing?”
Nolan scratched his head. Did they? He opened up his browser. “I don’t know.”
“Someone called, saying we needed to update it.”
Nolan paused with his hands on the keyboard. “Update a nonprofit that doesn’t sell goods?” He clicked to the page, finding all their details to be accurate.
Izzy leaned over his shoulder and he tried not to notice how close she was, how her breath nearly grazed his neck and how near her breasts were to his arm. He failed. In a wayward attempt at distraction, he glanced at the baby continuing to pull out items like a clown act, and any hardness in his pants went soft.
He could kiss the kid, instant control switch activated.
Izzy stepped away. “Looks fine.” She bit her lip and all of his control flipped on a dime, as though she had super powers that even a baby couldn’t deter. “Did I fall for a scam?”
A smile forced Nolan’s lips to turn upward, even as he tried to keep it tame. “I suspect so.”
Izzy’s lips moved in what he thought to be a swear. “Sorry about that.” She cringed, then turned to his door, and her mouth moved. “Shanice needs backup for a few minutes.” She glanced at Archie, then back at him. “He should be fine, but can you watch him for a minute?”
He nodded, kicking himself for not manning up and discussing something, anything, related to him being this kid’s father. Izzy hesitated, looking at Archie once more, before leaving the room.
Nolan and Archie watched her leave and he half expected the kid to get up and follow his mother. Or burst into tears. Neither happened. Archie resumed banging the bag around, and with the clutter all over the floor Nolan doubted anything remained inside.
Then Archie’s lower lip trembled and Nolan almost ran down the hall to get Izzy. Father or not, he had no clue what to do with a baby, especially this baby. Archie shoved a hand out, making a fist, eyes growing watery, and pure panic gripped Nolan by the balls.
A vasectomy was definitely in his future.
Archie flailed his hands, making double fists now, and something clicked inside Nolan’s thick skull. He got out from behind his desk and squatted in front of the baby. “Milk, you want milk?” he asked, signs slow and clear, recognizing the clenching movements as potential baby sign-babbling for milk.
The tears stopped threatening to spill, and Archie flailed his arms, smile now on his chubby little face. Milk. The kid was thirsty. And he’d just communicated with his nine-month-old son.
His. Strange.
Nolan crawled over a pair of baby pants and a stuffed dragon, and found a capped milk bottle still in the bag. He paused, hoping breast milk wasn’t anything like soda after being banged around, haunting flashbacks to his rocket mishap springing to mind. Before the thought could take root, little hands landed on his knee, Archie rocking forward, reaching for the milk.
Not knowing what to do, Nolan handed it over. Archie tried to put the bottom in his mouth, then his entire face crumpled when it didn’t work. Nolan bit his lip, determined not to laugh at a baby trying to figure out life. Heck, he didn’t have it much better at twenty-five. He took the bottle and opened it, praying nothing else needed to be done.
By now Archie had practically fallen into his lap. Nolan shifted the baby and held the bottle out the correct way. Little hands wrapped around the bottle, trapping one of Nolan’s fingers in place, as the tiny lips and throat worked at the milk.
Archie calmed down, and snuggled into Nolan’s embrace, and something tightened and loosened deep inside of him. The baby smelled clean and fresh and…baby related. Nolan had the sudden urge to kiss the top of his head, where a few light strands of brown hair sprouted.
He didn’t, of course, but the temptation welled deep inside, similar to when he loo
ked at Izzy. His life was out of control. He’d only ever really had his mother as a blood family member, and yet this kid in his lap shared his blood.
And Izzy’s eyes.
At that thought, Izzy appeared at the door and halted at the sight. Anyone would have. He sat on the floor, surrounded by toys and clothes and other baby belongings, with a baby in his lap, and a bottle being held by them both.
“He was hungry,” Nolan signed with the hand not currently held captive by Archie.
Izzy nodded and took a tentative step in, as though one wrong move would scare him.
“You’re teaching him ASL.” It wasn’t a question.
A small upward tilt graced her lips. “His father’s deaf. And so is my sister’s fiancé.”
That was news to him. “Who?”
Now Izzy smiled. “Levi Miller. He teaches Deaf Studies at the university.”
The name sounded familiar, but he wasn’t sure if their paths had crossed.
Izzy settled on the floor and held out her arms. Nolan transferred Archie, having to wiggle his finger out of the kid’s grasp. A sudden sense of loss hit him when the warm weight vanished.
Archie’s eyes were round as he continued to drink, following Nolan as he stood and wiped his pants. He headed for his desk to get back to work, even though he wanted to return to the floor and see if Archie would grab his finger again.
…
Izzy clutched Archie close, mind reeling from the image she walked in on: father and son bonding. She shouldn’t have taken Archie back, but she didn’t know what to do. The view had been so domestic that a possessiveness she hadn’t yet experienced reared its head. With Gaby or Levi, or even her mother, she still was the main parent, the sole parent. And now the only other person who held that claim had a bonding moment with her son. As much as she wanted to keep that sole parental control, she couldn’t ignore the stab of hurt with how quickly Nolan got up and moved away.
Maybe she didn’t really know what she wanted.
Baby steps, in some cases literally. She wouldn’t force Archie on Nolan, but a little bit of hope sprouted that maybe, just maybe, the two would have a relationship. And she’d find a way to deal.
Her eyes followed Nolan as he sat at his desk and scratched his chin. His blond hair meant the stubble wasn’t visible, but she caught it earlier, a light dusting on his jaw. The man probably skipped shaving that morning, and her fingers itched to feel the roughness against her skin.
He glanced up while she still traced his jaw with her gaze, and she stared into his brown eyes, caught. She hugged Archie a little closer, fighting the weird conflict of comfort and arousal. Granted, she hadn’t gotten laid since the night that created Archie, so she was clearly overdue by a long shot.
Nolan rose and returned to where she sat, folding his legs under him on the floor. She noticed that he didn’t bring any paperwork with him. He’d been keeping things professional, with little time for anything else, but there they sat, almost like the family they really were.
He didn’t sign anything, just joined her, and tears pricked at her eyes until she blinked them away. How many times had she wished someone had been there as support when she was awake in the middle of the night, nodding off to sleep, while Archie nursed? How many times had she needed support and didn’t dare ask Gaby or Levi for more than they already gave? So many times.
His gaze dipped to her lips and she involuntarily sucked her bottom one. Then those deep eyes were back on hers and if it wasn’t for the baby in her arms, she might’ve done something foolish, like crawl across the floor and mesh her mouth to Nolan’s.
The bottle pushed out of her hand and the spell broke. Izzy shifted Archie on her lap, the baby clapping and gurgling, and before she could react or remember to warn Nolan about the slight reflux problem their kid had, Archie spit up half the milk onto Nolan’s trousers.
…
Nolan blinked down at the warm regurgitated milk seeping through his khakis. Did that much milk exist in the bottle originally?
Izzy shifted Archie and grabbed a rag the baby had left on the floor. She swiped at the kid’s mouth—how was he still smiling?—before handing it over to Nolan.
“I’m so sorry. That happens sometimes.”
Nolan wanted to be mad, this milk didn’t smell too hot, but the look on Izzy’s face meant this was something she was used to. Which meant this had happened before, probably to her.
“Add V-I-N-E-G-A-R to your wash if it smells.”
Yup, she was used to this. He sucked it up and dabbed at the milk, not knowing how much it would really help.
Archie crawled over and plucked the rag from Nolan’s hands. Crawled. He hadn’t noticed the kid crawl before but Izzy hadn’t reacted. His kid could crawl. And spit up milk with alarming aim. Big smile on his face, Archie shoved the rag filled with regurgitated milk into his mouth.
Ew.
Archie paused and turned to Izzy, whose mouth had been moving. She snatched the rag from Archie and popped a pacifier into his milk regurgitation hole. Archie accepted it and sat, staring up at Nolan with those big Izzy eyes.
Nolan needed to get out of there. Out of his office that now held multiple baby items, a baby, and a whole domestic setup that he had not been prepared for. He stood and motioned to his pants. “I’m going to go clean up.” Then he left the room, left Izzy and Archie and everything else behind.
He needed another day to let this new reality settle, to adjust to the real-life concept of seeing his son. Then he’d talk with Izzy, see what she needed, and step up.
And on his way home he’d pick up some vinegar to clean his pants.
Chapter Six
Izzy sat on her sister’s bed, fighting off a wave of panic as Gaby pulled another colorful shirt from her closet. “Please don’t go,” Izzy begged, not caring one bit that she acted like a spoiled brat and not someone’s mother.
“You know I have to go. Big birthday celebration with Levi’s family,” Gaby signed and spoke. “They’ve got way too many people born the same month.”
Izzy turned her attention to the room, needing a distraction from the mounting fears that she couldn’t possibly do this parenting thing on her own. Dark wood furniture occupied much of the space, bold and masculine and very much from before Gaby had moved in. Her sister had added her own touches with a new multicolored bedspread, pillows, and accent pieces, filling the room with color she’d seen Levi refer to as “that Gaby touch,” proving how much he loved her sister.
“I’m scared,” she said softly, no signs, half hoping her sister didn’t hear her.
No such luck. The bed dipped beside her and she ended up engulfed in Gaby’s arms. “You’ve got this. It’s only a week. You’ve done weekends before.”
Izzy nodded into Gaby’s shoulder. “But I haven’t found anyone trustworthy to watch Archie. I’ll have to ask to bring him with me or get time off from work, and I just started.”
Gaby pulled back and rubbed her shoulder. “Have Nolan help.”
“He’s got two weeks on me, he doesn’t have time, either.”
Gaby shook her head and returned to her closet. “I mean, you can figure it out together. Archie is his son.”
Izzy ignored that comment. Giving Nolan time meant not springing childcare issues on him before he was ready. “I know you two are thinking of getting married in Maine, and I know I said I’d move out before you did, but I’m not sure that’s going to happen.” Izzy really did want to move out before her sister got married, give the newlyweds their privacy and space. But even with her new job she didn’t know when or how she’d be able to afford living on her own.
Gaby tossed a shirt on the bed and joined her sister. “You know you are welcome here as long as you want.”
Izzy nodded, but renewed determination lit her spine. She’d figure something out. She always had.
&
nbsp; Movement by the door caused her to look up. Levi stood there, eyebrows lowered, studying them. “Everything O.K.?” he signed.
Gaby stood. “We’re fine.”
“We have a small problem.”
Izzy didn’t miss that Levi had his gaze on her more than Gaby. “What’s wrong?”
“The kitchen upgrade I promised Gaby had a cancellation and can start next week.” He scrunched his face. “Fine for Gaby and me, since we’ll be in Maine, but…”
Izzy sighed. “You’re leaving me here alone with a baby and no kitchen.”
Levi cringed. “Sorry.”
“Maybe we need to stay and help out. We can’t leave Izzy alone without a kitchen,” Gaby said.
Izzy waved them both off. She was a fighter, it wasn’t that long ago that she made her meals with a dorm-sized fridge and microwave. “I’ll figure something out. As long as your freezer stays plugged in with all my breastmilk in it.” Crying over spilled milk was one thing, crying over destroyed frozen milk called for a toddler-sized meltdown.
“I’ll make a note of that and tell the contractors.”
“Are you sure? I don’t want to make things more difficult for you.” Gaby should be happy about her kitchen, not worried over Izzy.
Izzy pulled her sister into a hug. “You already do so much for me. I’ll survive. I always have.” She wasn’t sure how, but she could switch to store-bought food for Archie for a week and do takeout.
“O.K. then. I’m getting my kitchen upgrade.” Gaby did a little happy dance before wrapping her arms around her fiancé, kissing him deeply. They were perfect for each other, so completely in love, and Izzy didn’t know if she’d ever have that. At least in a romantic sense. She loved Archie to the moon and back, but relationships were exponentially harder now that he was involved.
