“I know, I’ll talk to him soon. I promise.”
Our journey to the church is in silence. Bailey holds my hand the entire way and never once lets go.
My best friend might be all kinds of crazy at times, but I’d never swap her. She’s… incredible. I never would have got through any of this without her. She’s like my guardian angel.
“Thank you,” I whisper, turning to her.
“What for?”
“This,” I nod to our joined hands. “Everything. I just need you to know that I really appreciate it.”
“I know you do, sweetie. I also know that you’d do the exact same thing for me.”
I smile at her. I’d do anything for her.
The second we’re out of the car, I’m pulled into her parents’ arms. Sarah sobs as she holds me while her dad is more stoic, like always, when he wraps an arm around my shoulder.
They both speak to me, but aside from the standard ‘we’re sorry for your loss’ I don’t hear a word of it.
I’m too numb.
Rylee runs over the second she sees me and wraps her arms around my shoulders, holding me tightly. When she pulls back, her eyes are filled with tears.
“You’ve got this, Harlow.” She reaches down and squeezes my hand as Colton joins us.
I glance around the people loitering outside the church and find all their eyes on him. For once, I’m glad of his presence, even if I’m about to do something stupid, because it means no one is looking at me, waiting for me to break.
“Harlow, we’re so sorry for your loss.”
“Thank you. And thank you for being here. I really appreciate it, and not just because everyone is staring at you and not me right now.”
He chuckles, “I do aim to please,” he winks, and my face flushes beet red while Rylee slaps his shoulder.
“I can’t take you anywhere.”
Grateful that I was able to stay solidly on both feet and not accidently grope him, I make my excuses and wander over to see the vicar so he can talk through proceedings.
My aunt wasn’t an overly religious person, but this church was where her parents got married and the only place she wanted to say her own vows. There was no doubt in my mind that it’s where she’d want to be today.
With Bailey on one side of me and her mom the other, they hold my hands to try to keep my steady through the service.
It’s beautiful, it really is. And having organized it herself, I really feel her presence. I never would have done such a good job if I had to plan it all over the past few days.
All too soon, we’re forced to say our final goodbyes and are walking back out.
My legs move, but I don’t register that I’m going anywhere. The previous numbness has turned into total emptiness. All I want to do is go running back to my bedroom to hide.
There aren’t all that many people here. My aunt kept her circle quite small, but even still, it’s too many to deal with. Some of their interest in the celebrity in our midst has waned, and I’m feeling more eyes burning into me. Each pair is full of sympathy. I’ve no doubt they know my story if they knew my aunt.
“I’m proud of you,” Bailey whispers, coming back to join me. She’s hardly left my side, for which I’m grateful.
“He didn’t come.” I don’t mean for the words to come out loud, and I gasp when I realize that they do.
She reaches up and wipes a tear from my cheek. I didn’t even know it had fallen, it’s such a common feeling these days.
“Is that what you really think?”
What else can I? I’ve been looking around, hoping that I’d see him but knowing I don’t deserve it after shutting him out the past few days.
“Look up.” Bailey stands aside, and I gasp.
Right at the other side of the church, shadowed by overhanging trees, is a bench.
“Oh my God.”
As if he knows I’m staring at him, his head lifts from where it was hanging between his shoulders and our eyes connect.
Something crackles between us. Something I remember all too well even from that very first night.
He’s here. He came. For me.
“What do you want to do? We really need to be moving toward the wake.”
I’m silent for a beat, my connection with Corey as strong as ever, before I say words that gut me because all I want to do is run into his arms, feel his strength wrap around me, and hear promises that he’s never going to let go.
But I can’t. That can’t happen until we’ve talked, and that can’t happen until I’ve done this for my aunt. She deserves my full attention. Well, as much as I’m capable of right now.
“One thing at a time,” I say, repeating my previous words.
“Okay. So we go?”
“Yes.”
I hold his stare for one final second before breaking it and turning away from him.
A sob rumbles up my throat, but I catch it before it escapes. Everything feels wrong about walking away, but it’s all I can do right now.
“Everything okay?” I ask Bailey as she drops her cell back into her purse as the car pulls away.
“Yep. I’m good. You don’t need to be worrying about me.”
She takes my hand once again, and I blow out a breath.
Did I just make a mistake?
Chapter Twenty-Six
Corey
I fucking hate funerals. After the last one I attended, I told myself I wouldn’t go to another until it was for, God forbid, my mum or sisters. Everyone else, I’ll mourn from a distance, because even just sitting outside of one brings back haunting memories that I don’t need.
Yet outside of a funeral is exactly where I find myself.
It’s been over a week now since my last regrettable encounter with Harlow, and I’m fucking dying. My anger over what she did has somewhat diminished as my desperation has taken over.
Colton and Becks’ words from the other night are on repeat in my mind. I knew they were right the moment they said them. It’s the reason I’ve been standing on the wrong side of her front door for the past four days.
I need to see her. I need to hold her. Tell her that I’m here for anything she needs right now. But Bailey successfully kept me away. Only once did she allow me inside, and that was only because I turned up at the same time as a flower delivery.
Knowing that she’s lost someone important to her put the issue with my flat and the money into perspective. Money doesn’t matter, not in the grand scheme of things. But family, people you love? They are everything.
She doesn’t see me before the service starts, as per my intention. I need to be here for her, but equally, I don’t want to be a distraction. She needs to say goodbye and do what she needs to do. There’s time for us after.
I’ll be waiting.
I’ll do whatever it takes, because while I might have tried to turn a blind eye to what was developing between us while we were spending time together, it was impossible to ignore when it was gone.
I’ve missed a lot of things in my life. My family when I was on tour. My boys after the accident. My mum and sisters now. English chocolate. Fry-ups. But none of it compared to the massive hole she left when I ruined what we had. It was like a dark crater I was teetering on the edge of.
I’d been in that dark, lonely place before. It was not somewhere I was going to fall willingly this time.
I had to fight.
So, I’m here.
Waiting. Giving us a chance. Because, hell, we both deserve it. We’ve only skimmed the surface of my issues, and I fear the same can be said for Harlow. But together, we just make sense. We see the darkness within each other’s souls, and we understand it. We accept it. We embrace it. And fuck, I need that back.
My heart is damn near beating out of my chest when people start emerging from around the back of the church. My palms begin to sweat as I wait to see her once again.
I was here when she first arrived. Although she looked exhausted, devastated about all of this, sh
e was also just as beautiful as she was the first night I laid eyes on her. My need for her has only grown stronger as our time together has gone on.
I don’t miss her looking around as people try to engage her in conversation.
Is she looking for me? Did Bailey tell her I’d be here?
I get my answer when Bailey leaves her little choice but to find me. Part of me wants to run when our eyes lock, but my muscles turn to stone as we stare at each other.
My fists clench.
Fuck, I need her.
I’m just about to push from the bench and walk over to take her in my arms when she turns away from me, dismissing me without a second thought.
Pain sears through my chest. I know that she has no idea how hard just being here is for me, she has no reason to, but still, fuck. It hurts.
I lift my hand to rub at the ache in my chest, hoping that it will abate, but it never does.
My phone vibrating in my pocket distracts me and I pull it out.
A little hope creeps in when I find Bailey’s name staring back at me.
Self-preservation. Be at the house later. She’s ready.
Fucking hell, I hope she’s right.
I’ve no idea what I’m meant to do to waste the day, but an hour or so after Harlow walked away from me, I find myself standing at my aunt and uncle’s front door. The camper that I have such fond memories of is sitting in the driveway, and I can’t help but remember that night.
My chest aches as it hits home just how much I’ve missed her.
Somehow in only a short amount of time she managed to find a place in my heart that I wasn’t even aware existed.
I ring the bell and wait.
“Corey!” my aunt announces in surprise when she pulls the door open to greet me. “Shouldn’t you be at work?” she asks before realising what she’s just said and corrects herself. “Not that I don’t want you here, of course. Come in, come in.”
The scent of her home cooking fills the house, and my stomach grumbles loudly.
“Perfect timing. I’ve just pulled fresh sausage rolls out of the oven.”
I want to tell her that food isn’t what I came for, but the second my eyes land on the golden, crisp pastry sitting on the counter, I can’t.
“Would you like a coffee too?”
“If you don’t mind.”
“Of course, I don’t mind, silly. Take a seat.” She rattles around, sorting everything out. “I’ve got a cake in the oven too. It’ll be ready in a few minutes.”
“Sounds fantastic. Thank you so much.”
She brings everything over and takes a seat opposite me.
“So to what do I owe this pleasure?”
I shrug, wondering exactly what to tell her. “I… um… I’m having a rough day.”
“Is everyone okay?”
“Yeah, yeah, everyone is fine. I… I met someone.”
“The girl Austin mentioned when you were here last?”
“Yeah. Harlow.” I can’t stop my lips curling at the mention of her name, and if the delight that appears on my aunt’s face says anything, she didn’t miss it.
“Okay, so what’s happened?”
“I fu—I screwed it up.”
She reaches over and squeezes my hand that’s resting on the table. “I’m sure that’s not true, Corey.”
“She did something really nice for me, and I freaked out. Now she’s lost someone close to her and she’s not let me anywhere near her to support her and…”
“You’re in love with her?”
“Um…” My heart pounds and my head spins, but I know that I need to stop running from this.
“Yeah, I think I am.”
“Oh, Corey,” she sighs. “Relationships are hard. Especially the beginning. Trying to figure out who each other is, all their little quirks.” She smiles fondly as she reminisces. “But if you think she’s worth it, then you’ve got to fight.”
“I know,” I mutter, ashamed that I haven’t fought harder for her.
“So why are you here?”
“It was the funeral today. I sat outside the church so I could be there for her. I’m planning on going to her house once she’s home. I just needed… I don’t know. But being at that funeral, it’s the first one since…” My words falter, and my aunt reaches for my hand once again.
“Does she know?” I shake my head. “If you think she’s the one, then you owe it to her to tell her everything.”
“I know,” I whisper. “It’s just finding the words. She’s been through so much herself, and I’d hate to burden her with more of my baggage.”
“If she feels the same, then your past won’t feel like baggage. It will help her get to know you, know what’s in there.” She nods down to my heart.
“To be honest, I didn’t think there was anything in there until I met her.”
“Sometimes all it takes is the right person. Some just have the ability to see inside us and help take the weight of the things that weigh us down.”
I stare at my aunt, wondering for the first time what her story might be. She shakes her head, clearly sensing where my thoughts are at.
“You need to go to her tonight and tell her, show her how you feel. And when she’s strong enough, you need to tell her everything.”
The buzzer on the oven beeps and she jumps up. “My cake!”
We chat about much more mundane things until my uncle comes home and I end up eating with them. The cake my aunt had made for dinner is out of this world, but I struggle to focus on it, knowing that my time here is coming to an end.
“I should probably head out,” I say after being forced to stay where I am and not help with the cleaning up.
“Would you like to borrow the camper?”
“That would be fantastic, are you sure?”
“Of course, keep it for the weekend if you like. Make use of it.”
Walking over, I pull my aunt into my arms. “Thank you,” I whisper in her hair.
“You’re welcome. If you ever need anything, you know where I am. Your mother would never forgive me if I weren’t here for you.”
As always at the mention of my family, guilt twists my gut. I probably should have called my mum for advice right now, but the thought of putting more on her plate puts me off, so when we do talk, I skim the surface of my issues right now.
After she hands me the key to the camper and I get my uncle’s speech once again about looking after his baby, I climb inside and head towards the place I want to be more than anything but am equally terrified of.
I sit out on the street outside Harlow’s for long minutes. I’ve had a message from Bailey to say that they’re home but nothing more.
After giving myself a pep talk, I climb from the car before collecting the doughnuts I stopped to pick up on the way over. I wanted to buy more flowers, but after seeing her living room the other day, I already know she’s got enough of those.
With the box in hand, I make my way over. I don’t get a chance to knock on the front door, because it’s pulled open before I even come to a stop.
“I didn’t think you were going to come in.” I look back at the camper, my cheeks heating knowing that Bailey’s been watching me think this over.
“Sorry, I… uh… had a call?” I don’t mean it to come out as a question but it does, nonetheless. She quirks an eyebrow at me, clearly not believing a word that’s coming out of my mouth.
“Come in. Harlow’s asleep on the sofa. She’s really not in a good place. I hope that seeing you will help. She keeps telling me she doesn’t want to, but I know her better than she realizes I do.” The box of doughnuts is lifted from my hand and I can’t help wondering if I’m going to see them again with the way she’s staring down at them.
“If I didn’t freak out, then none of this would have happened.”
Bailey reaches out, and I still when her hand lands on my forearm. She stares up at me, and I’m unable to react. I’m too desperate for the bit of insight to Harlow that
I sense is on the tip of her tongue.
“My best friend is complicated, but her heart is always in the right place. She keeps a lot of stuff about her life hidden, although I think really that she’s just trying to hide it from herself. All of it reminds her too much of her parents. But there would have been no ulterior motive behind what she did. She genuinely just wants to help.”
I nod at her, because although I lost my shit when I found out about the money, I knew deep down that there wasn’t anything malicious about it. Harlow doesn’t have a malicious bone in her body.
“I’ll make myself scarce, but holler if you need me.”
“Thank you, Bailey. I really appreciate it.”
She nods before heading up the stairs with the doughnuts.
She didn’t give me a great impression when I first met her, but I fear I might have Bailey all wrong. Maybe her and Harlow’s friendship makes more sense than first appeared.
Sucking in a deep breath, I walk through into their living room.
I scan my eyes around the mass of flowers and sympathy cards covering every surface before I find her curled up on the end of the sofa.
Dropping to my haunches in front of her, I allow myself a couple of seconds to take her in. Her red hair hangs in curls around her shoulders and her make-up is smudged around her eyes from where she’s been crying today, but her complexion is paler than I remember and the circles under her eyes darker.
My heart aches for what she’s been going through for the past week or so, and I kick myself for not being more forceful and making her see me so I could look after her.
She shifts in her sleep, and I can’t help wondering if she’s uncomfortable with her head at such a weird angle.
Making a snap decision, I stand and slide my arms under her slight body. It takes hardly any effort to lift her into my arms. The second she’s against my chest, she nuzzles her cheek against me and moans lightly.
Does she know I’m here? That she’s in my arms?
“Corey,” she moans. Every muscle in my body freezes, but when I look down I find her eyes are still closed with sleep.
As smoothly as I can, I walk us up the stairs and to her bedroom. I manage to pull her sheets back before lowering her to the bed.
Inked: A Driven World Novel (The Driven World) Page 23
