by Berri Fox
As I sit in the back room of the bookstore wallowing in my own self pity, I try to think through yesterday’s interaction with Sara. She seemed sympathetic enough to my situation at first, but then I completely blew my chances. I shouldn’t have come on so strong.
I adjust myself on the couch and pull the blanket tighter around myself. It’s so unlike me to be so melancholy, but I can’t help but regret pushing Sara away. Sure, I've had a crush on her for two years, but now I'll never get my chance.
“Here’s your coffee. Let me know if you need anything else.” Heather places a steaming cup on the side table, her face filled with pity.
Taking a sip, my mouth instantly twists into a frown. “What did you put in here, toilet water?”
Heather crosses her arms. “I’m not a coffee drinker, okay? If you want something better then make it yourself.”
I shake my head, forcing myself to take another sip. “Never mind. Thank you.”
She nods, waiting a moment before moving to sit beside me. “You’ve been curled up on the couch all day looking glum. There must be something else on your mind besides the coffee.”
“It’s nothing. I’ve just had a lot on my mind lately.” I lie.
Heather isn’t satisfied with my answer, but she shrugs, knowing I’m not going to say any more. “Alright then. Well I have to go stock some new books, just holler if you need anything.”
“Mhm.”
After she leaves, pulling the break room door closed, I stand from the couch and toss the blanket aside. I can’t sit here feeling sorry for myself any longer. With the terrible coffee in hand, I slide over to the desk to begin recording a list of fake wives Aunt Adelaide would approve of.
“It has to be someone attractive, someone she would believe I would go for. Someone sweet and passionate, someone who loves children, and someone who would create an image of an ideal family.” It doesn’t take long for me to realize I’m describing Sara.
With a sigh of frustration, I push my empty list aside and cradle my head in my hands. If I wasn’t such an idiot, I wouldn’t be in this predicament. Maybe if I approached the question differently, Sara would have agreed.
I don’t have much more time to sulk over what might have been because in the next instant, Sara herself comes bursting through the door.
“Sorry to interrupt.” Her cheeks are stained with tears, and her sparkling brown eyes are bloodshot. “Heather said I might be able to find you in here.”
I straighten up, blinking a few times to ensure I’m not imagining her. “Are you alright? What happened?” Without taking my eyes off of her, I move back to the couch and throw the rumpled blanket aside.
She wipes at her already irritated eyes and forces a smile. “Not really. But I’ll be okay.”
“Sounds like you and I are in the same boat.” I gingerly pat the couch and Sara sits beside me. “Look, I’m sorry for yesterday, I was out of line.”
“No, don’t apologize. I was just worried about the children.” Sara sits, looking somewhat unsure if she should allow herself to be this close to me. “I love doing kid’s corner, but there’s so much going on right now I’m not going to be able to participate next time.”
“That’s not a problem, I’m sure one of the others would be able to cover for you.” It hurts me to see her in tears, and I restrain myself from throwing my arm around her trembling shoulders. Instead I offer her a tissue, which she shyly accepts.
“Yeah, I actually spoke to Cody. She’ll cover for me, but only because I’m a crying mess and she couldn’t say no.” Sadness and guilt consume her, and I push to know who’s to blame for her current state.
“If it’s not our conversation yesterday that’s bothering you, what is it? Something I could help you with?” My instincts win over, and I clasp her delicate hand in mine.
Sara’s face reddens, but she squeezes my fingers as more tears fall. “I’ve fallen on hard times lately. With the twins depending on me, I’ve come to realize that I was too harsh yesterday when I turned you down.”
I can’t believe what I’m hearing. Is this gorgeous woman beside me about to solve all of my problems? “Are you saying you’ve reconsidered?”
My breath hitches in my throat as I await her response. The future of my inheritance depends on her answer. “Yes, I want to make sure that the girlfriend offer is still on the table.”
Overjoyed and extremely shocked, I bring her hand to my lips. “It most certainly is.”
Sara blushes again, smiling before pulling her hand away slowly. “If it’s still on, then I accept. But we will have to establish some ground rules.”
“Absolutely!” I grab my blank list from the desk and take out a pen. “What are your terms?”
Putting a hand to her chin, she thinks. “First of all, this will be a purely professional arrangement. We can fake some affection in public, but privately, we must act like business partners.”
I scribble down her stipulations, feeling slightly saddened by the rules but grateful she accepted at all. “Got it. Business partners.”
“That means no kissing unless it’s around family. And absolutely positively no sexual interactions.” She seems slightly embarrassed as she mentions the last rule.
“Agreed.” I sign my name at the bottom of our makeshift contract, holding the paper out to gather her signature. “We can discuss payment details later, but I assure you this will be worth your while.”
“Thank you, I really appreciate it.” She smiles, shaking my hand before signing her name below mine. “You’ve just saved my boys.”
“No, thank you. You have no idea.” Aunt Adelaide will be more than pleased to see me with an entire family.
I can tell that she’s warming to the idea of pretending to be my girlfriend as she grasps my hand once more. “No problem, darling.”
We both laugh, although something within me wants to ask her to bend the rules we’ve just established. Her smile is infectious, but I force myself to back down. She’s catered to me enough already.
“Is there anything I should know before we begin?”
My mind runs on my homophobic family, and I almost feel guilty for subjecting her to their hatred. “My family isn’t the nicest lot of people, they were awful to me for a very long time.” I say honestly, hoping that my truth isn’t enough to send her running.
“I’ve had my own problems with family.” She assures, rubbing my back sympathetically. “It’s nothing I can’t handle.”
Her touch is beginning to drive me wild, and I hold myself back. “What happened to the no affection in private rule?” I tease, hoping she won’t take me too seriously.
“Just trying to be the best girlfriend ever.” She gazes into my eyes, locking me in. “I know you have issues with your family, but I promise to be the best girlfriend I can be.”
“Thank you.” I can’t think of anything to say to her besides thank you, although it does not do the situation justice. I might have helped her out, but although she doesn’t know it, she saved me too.
Seven
Sara
I feel a huge weight lifted off my chest when Lucille is still eager for me to pretend to be her fiancé. I haven’t been able to sleep properly for months because I’m always so worried about what will happen to me and the kids, but now there seems to be a sliver of hope on the horizon.
I’ve always admired Lucille, and we became good friends over our time working together at the bookstore. It’s going to be hard for me to keep a professional distance from her when we’re pretending to be in love, but I’m going to have to make it work. Lucille is such a kind and amazing woman, and she deserves something good to happen to her.
“Sara,” I look up as I hear my name, and Lucille presents me with a check. I glance down at it in confusion and have to do a double take to make sure I’ve read the number correctly.
“What are you doing?” I ask, my voice slightly panicked. “Why are you giving this to me?”
Lucille raise
s her eyebrow, and I chastise myself for finding it so utterly hot. Now is not the time to start fantasizing about her. She pushes away my hand when I try to hand back the check.
“It’s too much!” I protest.
“No it isn’t,” she replies simply. “Now, go shopping and get yourself and the boys a whole new wardrobe. If you run out of money, call me.”
I try to mumble that I would never run out, but Lucille was using that stern, dominating voice that always turned my knees to jelly and made my heart hammer wildly in my chest.
“I’ve got some stuff I need to do in the city but I’ll meet you back here and we can head up to the Estate together,” Lucille says, smiling at me and pulling me into a hug. “I’ll see you soon.”
I feel giddy. I’ve never known anyone who uses “Estate” before, and I’m nervous that I might not live up to what everyone is expecting from Lucille’s new “girlfriend”.
As I head back up to the shop I run into Tasha who’s visiting.
“Tash!”
“Hey Sara! How are you? You’re blushing.”
That makes me blush harder and I try to cover my cheeks as Tasha laughs.
“I’m about to go shopping to get me and the boys some new clothes. Do you think you want to come with us?” I ask her, finding the boys and holding onto their hands firmly.
She eagerly agrees and we head out together. Along the way, she fills me in on everything that’s been happening with her and Juliet. I’m so happy for Tasha and am always excited when she pops by the bookstore for a coffee and a chat.
We pick up some nice new clothes for me first, colorful tailored trousers, cute tank tops and a burgundy leather jacket. I hope they’re presentable enough for Lucille’s family.
Next we head to the children’s department and pick out jeans and new shirts for the boys, a new pair of sneakers for Lucas after he ruined his by jumping in puddles, and some special toys and treats for them.
“So something’s happened since you last came by the store,” I say casually to Tasha as we browse the aisles of stuffed animals. I want to casually float the idea that I’m now dating Lucille to see how Tasha reacts. I need to know if my story comes across as believable or if I need to work on it.
“Ooooh, do tell!” Tasha exclaims. She’s not a huge gossip but the “heroic bookstore lesbians” as she has taken to calling us always have dramatic stories to retell to her when she stops by.
“Yeah. So, it’s about me and Lucille.”
It takes a moment for me to notice that she’s no longer browsing with me and has instead stopped in the middle of the aisle and is staring at me with a weird hopeful glee in her eyes. I turn around and pretend to be considering a huge cuddly lion with Liam so that I don’t have to look at her.
“Well we’ve sort of decided to start dating.”
I wait for her to reply, and frown when she’s silent. I turn around again and see her furiously messaging on her cell phone.
“Um, Tasha?” I venture. “Did you hear me?”
She looks up sharply. “Oh! Sorry, yes I heard you, I was telling the others.”
I’m confused. “Telling what others what?”
She rolls her eyes at me and picks a small elephant down off a shelf, handing him to Lucas. “Telling the Lucara group chat what you just told me.”
“What’s Lucara?” Lucas pipes up, cuddly the elephant firmly. I have a feeling we won’t be leaving the store without it.
“Lucille and Sara,” Tasha replies, looking me in the eye.
“You…have a group chat about me and Lucille?” I ask weakly.
“All the girls from the bookstore, me, even Juliet’s joined it now. We’re all extremely excited that you two have finally decided to stop being oblivious and finally get together.”
I’m in shock. I can’t believe all of our friends have a group chat dedicated to discussing whether me and Lucille will get together! They’re all going to be sorely disappointed when this is all over and they find out the truth.
I open my mouth to protest out of instinct, but then quickly stop. They all already believe this is a real thing. Maybe this whole “pretending to be together” lark is going to be easier than I thought.
By the time we’ve paid and left the store, all four of us are weighed down with bags. Lucas is still clutching the elephant, and Tasha’s phone pings constantly as the others respond to her update on me and Lucille.
By the time we get back to the bookstore I find that I’m really enjoying myself. That enjoyment only grows as I spot Lucille waiting outside the entrance of the store.
She’s wearing an expensive leather jacket not unlike the one I bought myself, which makes me more confident that it’s acceptable family-meeting clothing, and is standing beside a large, flashy classic car. She spots us and waves excitedly, her face lighting up. I feel my heart skip a beat and try to rally myself, not noticing Tasha’s proud smirk from beside me.
Eight
Lucille
N erves twist through my stomach as Sara pulls into the parking lot with the boys. Tasha jumps out of the car first and sends a knowing look my direction. She leans her head back into the car and says something to Sara that I can’t quite make out before sending a wave my direction and disappearing inside the bookstore.
Sara gets out of the car and opens the back door. Two identical boys jump out, one after the other. Their hair is the same shade of auburn as Sara’s and I can see more resemblance to Sara in their facial features. If I didn’t know the truth, I would think she was their real mother.
“Hi,” Sara says, as she walks up to me. The boys walk hesitantly behind her, eyeing me uncertainly.
“Hey there. Thanks again for doing this.”
“You’re welcome,” she replies. She looks back at the boys. “Liam, Lucas, this is my friend Lucille. Lucille, this is Liam and Lucas.” She points first to one boy, then to the next.
I crouch down so I’m eye level with them and hold out my hand. “It’s very nice to meet you both.” Liam shakes my hand first and then Lucas follows his lead. “I guess we’d better head out,” I say, looking up at Sara.
She grabs booster seats from the back of her car and gets the boys strapped into mine. I help her transfer the bags from her trunk, before we both climb in.
“This is a fancy car,” Lucas muses.
“Thank you,” I say. I’m not sure why, but the fact that a six-year-old, that this six-year-old, approves of my transportation choice makes me feel all warm and fuzzy inside. There’s a part of me that really wants them to like me.
I’ve never spent much one on one time with children before. Not because I don’t like kids, but because they’ve just never fit into my lifestyle. I wasn’t sure what I was expecting to happen, but I’m pleasantly surprised by how little trouble these two are to hang out with.
The boy’s chit chat quietly amongst themselves most of the trip. Periodically, they throw a random question my direction. In between, Sara and I get a chance to chat. She has a lot of plans about how we can prove to my horrid family what an awesome person I am.
“They need to know what an asset you are to the bookstore and how much you help people.”
I’m touched by her sincerity. I never realize how much she was paying attention to me before now. Almost as much as I’ve been paying attention to her.
She’s so passionate and invested in making my family accept me, that I can’t help but smile. It feels as if, for once, everything is right with the world.
Between my conversation with Sara, and the entertaining questions from the boys, the drive ends up being a lot more fun than I anticipated. I’m surprised when we’re already half way to the estate, and Sara suggests stopping for dinner.
“Yay, I’m hungry,” the boys say in unison.
We pull into the next diner we see. “This might be a good place for a trial run of our relationship before we have to convince my family,” I say as we get out of the car.
Sara wraps her hands aro
und my arm and leans into me as we step through the door. The smell of grease hangs heavy in the air, and the atmosphere is upbeat and family friendly.
“Go ahead and take a seat in one of the booths by the window. I’ll be with you in just a minute,” says the waitress behind the counter.
The boys run down the aisle between the booths and hop into the largest one in the corner. “Can I get a chocolate milkshake, Aunt Sara?” Liam asks.
“I want a vanilla one, please,” Lucas chimes in.
“Milkshakes sound great,” I agree as Sara and I slide in next to each other.
“Aren’t you just the sweetest family,” says the waitress as she sets menus down on the table. “How long have you all been together?”
“Oh gosh,” I say, reaching over and brushing a few wavy strands behind Sara’s ear. “Sometimes it feels like forever.”
I lean over and kiss her cheek softly as I wrap my arm around her waist. The scent of vanilla and wisteria float across my nose and I inhale deeply. Her body leans closer to mine and the air fills with electric heat.
When I pull back, there’s a look of longing in her eyes that makes my breath hitch in my throat. I never imagined I’d get the chance to be this close to her, and I have to remind myself that we’re in public. Now is not the time to push further, besides, we have rules about taking this too far.
“Oh, dear lord!” The waitress fans herself with her order pad.
“Too much?” I ask grinning up at her.
“You might be overdoing it just a tad. Keep up all the lovey dovey stuff, and I’ll have to bring the fire extinguisher out,” she grins.
Lucas and Liam fall into a fit of giggles on the seat.
“What can I get for you fellas? I heard something about milkshakes,” She says to the boys.
We give her our order and she promises to bring our food out promptly. I’m not in a rush, though. My arm is still around Sara’s waist, and she’s sitting close, her thigh pressed against mine. I could stay like this forever.
