Late on Wednesday afternoon, Eric left the studio, finding Renee and Lynne in tears together in the sunroom. Neither woman tried to hide their wet faces, but Eric sensed their moods weren’t connected to a baby still under wraps. Dressed in work clothes, Renee gripped Eric’s hands, then cleared her throat. “I just stopped by to issue an invite. Sam’s been busy with the vets, but he wants to fix dinner for everyone. Lynne says you’re free on Saturday, and Sam’s dying for some of that peach pie.”
Eric nodded, then hugged Renee. As they broke apart, Eric smiled. “Peach pie you say? Yeah, I think Lynne can rustle up one of those.”
Lynne smirked at him; she was making one tomorrow morning for Marek. Then Lynne motioned upstairs. Eric wasn’t sure if Renee had planned to see Jane that day, but the baby was quiet, and Eric didn’t want to upset the moment. He was so pleased to have Renee back in this home, but a key element of Eric’s family was missing. Then he took a deep breath; would news of the coming baby again set off Renee? As he exhaled, he could hear faint squeals that quickly grew loud. Eric glanced at his wife, Lynne gazing toward the living room stairs. She began walking from the sunroom, then Renee turned to follow.
“Do you mind if I go with you?” Renee asked.
Lynne stopped at the doorway, facing her friend. Upon his wife’s face Eric noted slight uncertainty. Then she smiled, grasping Renee’s hands. “Of course. Although she sounds pretty cranky.”
Renee nodded, then gazed at her shoes. Then she went to Lynne’s side. “I suppose she won’t remember me, but….”
Eric joined them, tenderly putting his arm around Renee. “You might be in for a surprise. Let’s go see.”
The trio took the stairs and by the time they reached the nursery, Jane was screaming. Lynne entered, followed by Eric, then Renee. As Jane spotted her parents, she stopped crying, then stared at the extra person in the room. Lynne lifted Jane from the crib while Eric moved back, still with paint on his hands. Renee remained still, arms at her sides. Lynne spoke softly to Jane, that Auntie Renee was there to see her, yet Lynne didn’t offer the baby toward Renee.
In those fleeting moments, Eric so wished for a sketch pad and pencil, yet he accepted that not every event needed documentation. Very slowly Renee extended her right arm, her fingertips almost, but not quite, reaching Jane’s hair, which now hung to her shoulders. Lynne had been uncertain whether or not to let it keep growing or to trim it now. Eric liked the idea of long hair, but that was the artist in him. He didn’t have to wash Jane’s tresses or comb them out.
Now Renee stepped closer to mother and daughter, but she remained silent. Jane babbled, having had a good rest. Lynne was the only one to speak, that Auntie Renee had been very busy, and of course Jane had been on vacation. Lynne didn’t imply any more than that and Jane didn’t seem bothered, for she smiled and cooed, then began leaning toward Renee, her chubby arms outstretched. Eric breathed very quietly, wondering what Renee would do.
Jane seemed perfectly aware of who Renee was, which didn’t shock Eric. She had quickly taken to Laurie, then Stanford, and when the family returned from Queens, Jane acted as if Uncle Laurie should have gone with them. It had been several weeks since Jane had last seen Renee, but as Jane continued reaching for her godmother, it was apparent that no distance would keep this little girl from a woman deeply entwined within Jane’s life. Finally Renee collected Jane, at first holding her as if Jane had a messy diaper. She might, Eric allowed, but he didn’t smell anything unpleasant.
It took a few seconds, but soon Jane was set upon Renee’s left hip. Then Renee readjusted her grasp, pulling Jane upwards where they could look into each other’s eyes. Now Eric was dying for pencil and paper, but he hoped his memory would suffice. Jane was lost in Renee’s enigmatic irises, just as Renee was hypnotized by a little girl’s blue eyes. They were still the same color as Sam’s, Eric smiled to himself, but he wasn’t sure if that was why Renee stared so intently into Jane’s face.
Eric wouldn’t hesitate to guess, too many issues from which to choose. He simply appreciated how closely Renee held his daughter and the loving words she now couldn’t keep back; how pretty Jane was, how big she’d gotten. How long was her lovely hair, how strong was her grasp, as Jane had grabbed a fistful of Renee’s hair. As Lynne pried loose Jane’s hand from Renee’s tresses, Renee merely chuckled, noting that Jane liked bright colors. Then Renee stroked Jane’s cheek, noting how blue were the baby’s eyes. “The exact same color as Sam’s,” she said quietly. “But then I told him they weren’t gonna change.”
Her tone was brassy but tender and Eric’s heart thumped in his chest. He gazed at Lynne, tears falling down her face. He knew what she ached to say, but perhaps not yet. This moment was for Renee and Jane. Maybe on Saturday night the Snyders would tell the Aherns that another baby was on the way. Best to inform Marek first, Eric decided, nodding at his wife who wiped her face, also nodding her head.
Renee didn’t see Lynne’s gesture, still staring at Jane. Eric stepped their way, standing beside his daughter, who didn’t do more than glance at him. Jane was fascinated by Renee’s eyes, reaching for them. Renee laughed, then sighed. “She sees my crows’ feet, poor girl. It’s been so long since….”
“She sees the most intriguing eyes I’ve ever painted,” Eric interrupted. “Although, I will say I think I’ve done them justice.”
Renee looked at Eric. “I think Pastor Jagucki’s eyes are more interesting than mine.”
Eric chuckled as Jane laughed with him. “Well maybe, but not the shade.” Eric kept his voice light, but was caught off guard by Renee’s statement. “If nothing else, I highly doubt I’ll ever paint eyes the same color as yours.”
“Well yeah, probably not.” Renee now gazed at Jane. “But hers are just like Sam’s. I’ll tell him that tonight.” She smiled, then kissed Jane’s cheek. “He’ll be glad I stopped by, inviting you all to dinner. Oh, Fran and Louie are coming too, I forgot to mention that.”
“Well, Lynne might need to make two pies then.” Eric looked at his wife, who had composed herself, although her face showed concern. Did they want to tell the Canfields at the same time as the Aherns? Eric wasn’t sure he wanted to tell Renee without Sam being present. Maybe the Snyders could pop over to the Aherns on Friday, or Eric could call Sam tomorrow while Renee was working, or….
Before Eric could decide, Lynne had reached for Renee’s left hand. Silently the news was shared as Lynne placed Renee’s palm where the new baby rested. Eric watched as Lynne nodded at Renee, who made no sounds, but she trembled. Eric’s hands weren’t clean, but he was prepared to catch his daughter if Renee happened to drop her. Then Renee began to nod, her sniffles apparent. Wordlessly she handed Jane to her father, then seemed to fall into Lynne’s waiting embrace. Eric stepped toward the clinging women, both in tears just like he had found them in the sunroom. But this time a different tenor arose, that of apologies extended and forgiveness proffered. And as Eric bobbed Jane in his arms, those sentiments weren’t simply from Renee to Lynne, although Eric didn’t feel Lynne needed to apologize, unless she felt the timing was amiss. Eric wasn’t sure when would have been best, then he glanced at his wife, who caught his gaze. Call Sam, Lynne mouthed. Eric nodded, then headed downstairs, Jane jabbering in his grasp.
When Sam arrived, he rushed through the front gate, nearly running to the house. He was at first surprised that Renee had stopped at the Snyders, he truly hadn’t expected her to run that errand. It had been more of a small seed planted, that one day she’d be able to visit there on her own. But Eric’s news about another baby had caused Sam to drive at somewhat high speed. As he reached the kitchen door, he didn’t knock, bursting into the house unannounced. Everyone was seated around the table, although Jane was in her high chair, laughing at what Sam wasn’t sure. Lynne looked teary, Renee’s face was a red, splotchy mess. Eric wore paint-spattered clothes, but the mood wasn’t subdued as Sam had feared. Eric stood, coming to where Sam had been stopped in his tracks. The
Snyders were having another baby, although it was early days. Yet Sam couldn’t think negatively. As Eric sought an embrace, Sam complied. Then Sam went to where Renee still sat, on Lynne’s left. He knelt by his wife, stroking her wet face. Her eyes were bloodshot, but looked to be free of pain. His heart throbbed, for this was so much coming on how hard she had wept not that long ago in this very kitchen. Was this news too much for her, Sam wondered, kissing her cheek, then grasping her hands, which were warm to the touch. She nodded at him, her mouth quivering, yet not in anguish. Closing his eyes, Sam prayed that Renee could take this on board gently. She was still so vulnerable, he felt, as he opened his eyes, finding more tears falling along her face. Yet she smiled at him, nodding her head like she knew what he had just set before Christ. Eric put a chair near Sam and Sam sat in it. Then he looked around the room, taking a deep breath. Not two weeks ago he had wondered if Renee would ever be able to stand in here, much less around the Snyders, who were now expecting a second child. Then Sam gazed at Jane; she had been asleep when he’d collected this family from the airport and he hadn’t gotten a good look at her. Her hair was so long, he thought, then he found himself lost in her eyes. The color hadn’t altered; in all probability she would keep those kingfisher peepers. Then Sam stared at Lynne; what color eyes would the next child possess?
She met his gaze with a wide smile, then a hint of apology. Sam grinned, still grasping Renee’s hands. “Well congratulations are in order I do believe.” His voice was soft, but joyful. He had no idea what Renee might have said, but it couldn’t have been bad, for they were seated together as if the last year was…. It was over, Sam felt, as Lynne nodded while Renee gripped Sam’s hands with a loving, necessary pressure. Last year was behind all of them as Eric pulled up the chair on Lynne’s other side, sitting next to her, putting his arm around her while Jane babbled in the background. There might not be any coffee or pie waiting, but for the first time in many months, Sam felt all was right in the world, and where else would be better than in this house where a part of him had been revitalized. All the healing he’d earned when Jane was born wasn’t gone, as Sam had so feared while the losses had mounted. He took a deep breath, feeling no tightness in his chest, only great freedom. As he exhaled, he wanted to laugh. Instead he smiled, gripping his wife in his right arm, then meeting Eric’s gaze. “So, when’s the baby due?”
“Next January.” Eric chuckled, then kissed Lynne’s cheek. “Probably around the middle of the month. Jane won’t quite be two, but….”
“But that’s good,” Renee warbled. Then she cleared her throat. “They’ll be close in age, plus Jane will never remember being an only child.”
“Yeah, we didn’t wanna put too much space between them.” Eric looked at Sam. “We only found out for certain last week. We were gonna tell you on Saturday, but….”
Eric’s voice trailed off, which Sam thought was fine. It didn’t need to be stated why the Aherns were only learning now, but now was better than on Saturday in front of the Canfields. Then Sam wondered who else knew; were the New Yorkers aware, or Marek Jagucki? Maybe Laurie and Stanford, Sam allowed, probably not Marek. Sam wanted to ask, then wished to kick himself. Then he sighed as Renee blew her nose. It was enough that his wife was in that room with such wonderful news being shared. It was terrific, Sam felt utterly pleased for Eric and Lynne. And for Jane, who Sam ached to hold. She looked so much bigger, not the baby he remembered from last month. And in just a few months, another would arrive, making her seem even more grown-up. Then Sam found himself detaching the high chair tray, lifting Jane from that seat. She clapped her hands and squealed as Sam put her on his lap. She was heavier than he recalled, but she happily leaned against him like she knew this man had been a part of her entire life. Again Sam closed his eyes, but this time his petition was less clear. It centered on children, happiness, and completion. When Sam opened his eyes, he saw Renee staring at Jane, who gripped Renee’s fingers. Renee’s smile was beatific and Sam’s pulse raced. Could this kind of life actually be possible for them?
Usually chatter would accompany these sorts of gatherings, but no one spoke, other than Jane, but her language was garbled. Yet it carried a distinct purpose, like she was reintroducing herself to her godmother, this version of Eric and Lynne’s offspring not the same as Renee knew previously. Now Jane was on her way to becoming someone’s big sister, she had traveled across the country, she was so seasoned. Sam smiled, thinking of her in that manner. Her longer tresses weren’t those of an infant, and how she chuckled was richer, like she had gained valuable insights in New York City. Sam looked at her parents, still nestled against each other. Eric and Lynne looked altered too, in part from the coming baby, but in another manner which eluded Sam. He wanted to ask Eric what else was different, had they learned something about Seth, or was it from one of the many letters Eric had received, or had Stanford said something about the European exhibit? Then Sam realized how much time had passed since all five of them had been together without any clouds to darken the skies. Suddenly Sam felt young, or at least not as old as he’d been feeling. Maybe he wasn’t too old to experience what Eric and Lynne knew, and would soon know again. Maybe there was still time for him and Renee to….
“Here, give her to me.” Renee’s tone was soft but insistent, and Sam handed Jane to her godmother. The little girl cuddled against Renee, who tenderly kissed the top of Jane’s head. Then Sam glanced at Eric, who wore a grateful smile. The same look rested on Lynne’s face, as if they felt just like Sam did. Maybe for all of them the last year was a time of testing, albeit not so hard on the Snyders as on the Aherns. Or maybe Sam had it wrong, for Eric and Lynne had endured sleepless nights with an infant, as well as Lynne having lost touch with Renee. Sam didn’t feel Jane had suffered for her godmother’s absence. But as that girl settled in Renee’s grasp, she seemed to be reclaiming that spot within Renee’s heart. Renee crooned to Jane how much she was loved, how beautiful she was, and what a good big sister she would be. As Renee spoke those words, Sam leaned over, stroking his wife’s hair. He needed to touch her, like she required a shield. She met his gaze, her smile still shining. There was much Sam wanted to say to her, that he loved her, was so proud of her, and how much he’d missed her. This was the woman he had married, the woman Renee had been before Sam left for Korea.
This woman’s heart was unfettered, her smile free. This woman loved holding little ones, her softness and warmth fully exposed, also replenished by the reciprocation. It had been so many years since Sam had viewed Renee in this manner, he’d forgotten how easily she used to tote a baby, how readily she had changed diapers or fed bottles to tiny children. Their initial plan had been for Renee to work while Sam found a restaurant where his skills would flourish. They would start a family, then Renee would raise their children as Sam brought home the bacon. Maybe that was similar to how Eric and Lynne had assumed their marriage would progress, although his time as a hawk would always intrude. Sam wasn’t expecting a miracle; Renee would never have his baby. But maybe now they could explore what kind of family they might create. He scooted closer to her and she reclined fully against him, Jane starting to doze in Renee’s grasp. And for the first time, Sam realized they had never sat this way with Jane, never been so near one another, with no fears or pains between them. Sam detected no anxiety or ache from Renee, just the most loving woman he had ever known resting alongside him. He stroked her shoulder and she nodded her head as if acknowledging the same.
He winced, then sighed. She wasn’t the only one who had altered and he hoped they could talk about it, maybe later that night, or at least before Saturday. On Saturday, Sam was certain, the Snyders’ news would be shared with the Canfields. But before then, Sam needed to again apologize to his wife for having made her wait so long. He wouldn’t openly mention children, only note that he’d put distance between them, and for that Sam was still sorry. She felt so good in his arms, how could he have consciously disallowed this part of loving her? Perhaps Ren
ee wasn’t the only one who needed counseling. Maybe, Sam pondered, he would benefit from some as well.
“So, do you two have plans for dinner?” Eric’s voice broke the stillness and Sam met that man’s eyes. Eric’s smile was playful, then he laughed. “Not that we do, other than maybe sandwiches and canned soup. But it’s already after six and I’m starving and it’d be downright rude to eat in front of you without offering some grub.”
Renee turned to face her husband. “I’m hungry honey. Why don’t you see what you can rustle up?”
Sam smiled, in part from Renee’s tone; she sounded so young. Sam wondered if Eric or Lynne noticed, maybe Sam was the only one to tell. Slowly he nodded, then stood. “Lynne, you mind if I make some dinner?”
She giggled. “Not at all. Just toast for me actually.”
Now Sam chuckled. “Well that’s easy enough. Sandwiches for the rest?”
Renee nodded and Eric shot up his hand. “I’ll go wash, then you can put me to work.” Eric stood, then headed for the laundry room. “I know there’s tomato soup in the cupboard, I’d love some of that.”
Sam stepped to where Lynne kept her canned goods, pulling tins from the shelf. When Eric returned, Sam had two pots on the stove, lunchmeats and cheese on the counter. While the men fixed dinner, the women had pulled their chairs together. Renee still held Jane, but Lynne’s soft tone emerged, the conversation not one Sam needed to note. He was there, his wife not far, with their godchild on her lap. Then Sam wondered if they might be asked to be godparents again. He smiled at himself, a question for much later. Eric patted Sam’s shoulder while the women made chit-chat. Jane however was quiet, resting in the safety of her auntie’s arms.
Chapter 111
The Hawk: Part Six Page 13
