A few boats zip across the water in the distance, the buzz of their engines audible until the wind shifts. We’ll have a good life here. If only I could figure out how to mend this massive hole in my heart.
My hair drifts in front of my face, and I weave the ends together. An idea has been brewing I haven’t dared to voice. The proposal is desperate, but maybe that’s where we’re at. Finn’s bruised cheek appears every time I close my eyes. He’s not getting any younger. Neither am I. Life is slipping away from us.
Turning to Jay, I say, “There has to be a way to get Finn out.”
“You saw the shit he pled guilty to. Life sentence on top of life sentence on top of life sentence.” He gives me a side eye. “Please tell me you’re not considering a jail break.”
“I wouldn’t have any idea where to start.” I give him a sly smile. “Who could I possibly ask to help me acquire that information and those skills?”
Jay rubs his face. “Is this you asking me?”
I shrug. “Is this you telling me you can help?”
“I might have made inquiries a few months ago when this went down. At the time, I was wondering about getting you out. Thought for sure that’d be Finn’s solution if you pled guilty to even something so minor as jay-walking.” He chuckles.
“What’d you find out?”
“It’ll be hella hard.”
“But.”
“Not impossible. You got enough money and connections—”
“And nothing is impossible.” I smooth my hand over Lucas’s head, loving the softness of his fuzzy hair against my palm.
Lucas is living proof. Even if the route to motherhood wasn’t what I wanted, I’d never trade him or this experience. Finn turning himself in enrages me because I’m convinced we could have found a better path. But I understand why he did it. In some ways, I love him more.
Death or jail. He’d rather die than end up in prison.
Turns out he’d rather go to prison than see me or Lucas suffer. We are suffering, though, just in a different way. At least we have each other.
For nothing can be ill if she be well.
I close my eyes, and the sun kisses my face while I remember what it felt like to have him murmuring those words in my ear as he held me tight. I’d do anything to have him again—to be safe, protected, loved.
As I take a deep breath, the wind kicks up, stirring my partially braided hair. “This isn’t the end,” I say to Jay, my face turned to the sun. “It’s just the beginning.”
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