by A V Knight
Charlotte had hoped that Elizabeth’s acceptance of the necessity of this endeavor would allow them to return to their former intimacy, but that proved to be in vain. It appeared their detente only extended so far as Elizabeth’s begrudging presence and not to any word or action that might denote approval. Her marked displeasure continued not only through their preparations, but also through the travel, and the entire first day of visiting with the Gardiners. Dear Jane and Mrs. Gardiner were perfectly themselves, both fully aware of why Elizabeth was out of temper and so attempted to smooth things between the women.
Had Charlotte been less subjected to Lizzy’s disapproval over the last months she would have minded the current circumstance more than she did. As it was, she concerned herself not with subtle chiding to incite Lizzy into forgiveness, but with enabling Jane and Elizabeth to have the quiet moment together that they both so desperately wanted. There was nothing Charlotte could do about the Gardiner children and the way they clung to cousin Jane, but Mary she could distract. Perhaps a better friend would have concerned themselves only with providing an opportunity for the sisters to spend a few moments alone together after so long apart, but Charlotte was rather more concerned with bringing the sisters together because if there was one person who might be able to convince Elizabeth to support Charlotte in this endeavor, it was Jane.
So on their second and final day with the Gardiners, Charlotte agreed to accompany Mary to a music shop. While Mary’s younger sisters were prone to spending their pocket money on useless things like hats and ribbons at the slightest provocation, Mary would cling to her savings for months at a time, waiting for the opportunity to come upon new music. Charlotte had no desire to engage in what she considered just as silly an expenditure as Mary considered ribbons, but it was the only way to remove Mary from the house.
Rather than wondering about the conversation occurring at the Gardiners—which was proceeding just as she’d hoped—Charlotte concerned herself with the crowded streets of London. Though the music shop was small, it was located in a rather more fashionable part of town than Grosvenor Street. Considering nearly all the music in their family’s possession had been transcribed from someone else’s transcription, it was a bit odd for Charlotte to find herself in a place solely dedicated to the sale of music. The sheets in their neighborhood were passed from family to family, and to buy them new was beyond the incomes of either the Lucas or Bennet households.
The shop itself was admittedly charming, with that slightly musty smell of paper kept too long untouched in its rows. Despite her own mediocre playing, Charlotte was pleased with the prospect of touring the shop and wondering what she might have bought if she spent her money a bit more recklessly. She imagined that for Mary it must be a joy to choose music for herself rather than succumbing to her sisters’ preferences.
However, no one had ever accused Mary Bennet of an emotion so frivolous of joy. Charlotte should have anticipated that a certain amount of endurance was necessary when perusing in her presence. It seemed the girl was determined to spend hours leafing through music, not as a pianist looking for something that appealed to her, but as a critic offended by everything she considered unworthy of the paper it was printed on.
Several customers made their way in and out of the store during Mary’s lengthy examination, though the shopkeeper quickly realized that Mary considered his presence unnecessary and left them be. Though several young ladies came and went, the most interesting intruder upon their solitude was a tall gentleman who stepped into the store and gave Mary the sort of harmless smile that men liked to give young, unmarried women when they had no intention but to be polite. It was that smile that struck Charlotte as handsome. She didn’t care for the man’s red coat or for features that only out of generosity might be called fine, but that smile was so easy and rare a thing in its genuineness that it made Charlotte take notice of him.
In Charlotte’s experience, there were few unmarried men in the world who were willing to go to the effort of being kind to a young woman they deemed beneath their efforts at flirtation. Even with the men of her recent acquaintance that proved true. Mr. Bingley flirted with everyone, though that was excusable since he did it out of amiability rather than any desire to mislead. Lizzy’s Mr. Wickham was a coquette with ladies he considered worth his effort. (Don’t think that Charlotte hadn’t noticed that the moment she and Lizzy were not spending so much time together that Mr. Wickham suddenly found her unworthy.) Charlotte could attest that Mr. Collins was terrible at flirtation, approaching it as a minister with all sermons and lectures, while Mr. Darcy considered everyone beneath his notice.
But this gentleman, he had an unassuming smile that Mary just raised an eyebrow at and ignored in favor of the music. Charlotte felt compelled to offer him a grimace of apology at Mary’s dismissal. His broad shoulders shrugged as though he sincerely wasn’t bothered by the slight from Mary that must have been wholly unusual for a gentleman of his station.
The reaction took Charlotte by such surprise that when the man stepped past her down the aisle she reiterated her apology out loud and added. “She is very particular about her music.”
Charlotte said it in such a tone that made the man chuckle. He quickly swallowed back the sound and checked over his shoulder to be sure Mary hadn’t heard. “You needn’t worry, Miss. No offense was given. I find myself making apologies for my own charges far more often then I would like. Thankfully, I am in a position with my soldiers where at least I can properly scold them.”
“I’ve noticed that being out with someone who has the authority to chide does make all the difference in behavior. Though perhaps not as much as being with someone who has the will to actually carry through on the reprimand.”
“On that, we can completely agree. But that is life for reasonable people, is it not? To remind all those in our care that they are misbehaving.”
Quite against her will, Charlotte smiled at the image he painted. In her mind’s eye, she could see Elizabeth, Jane, and Mary all lined up like Charlotte’s younger siblings, standing with their hands tucked behind their backs while Charlotte paced and lectured them for their choices. As it was, Charlotte was the one shouldering the burden of a poorly behaved younger sister so that Elizabeth would have a chance to speak ill of Charlotte for exhibiting in her romantic decisions the same practicality that Elizabeth was benefitting from at precisely this moment.
It was perhaps impolite of Charlotte, but there was no shopkeeper present to help the man, and he stood there with his amiable eyes like he was waiting for her to speak instead of in rush to put aside this conversation and carry on with his business. With all the comfort of a man she would never see again—and who seemed to relax the moment Charlotte didn’t try and turn her looks coy—Charlotte asked, “What brings you to the music store? You don’t seem like a secret musician.”
“Not at all. My young cousin doesn’t often get to come to London so I pick up her order for her every time I’m in town.”
“And how does she manage that?”
He chortled at what ought to have been an impertinent question from someone he barely knew. “If she has specific requests for music she tells me and I pass the word along to Mr. Kelly here. The rest of the time the man simply keeps an eye out for music that he believes Georgiana would like. He’s become familiar with her taste, you see. And he’s an excellent judge of what sort of music a young lady in Georgiana’s position ought to know and he sees that it’s included.”
“And does she play the music that is settled upon her by expectation?”
“She does indeed. Georgiana considers it all a chance to practice, even if she would never play some pieces for her own amusement.”
“How remarkably level-headed of her.”
“Does,” he nodded at Mary, “not?”
Charlotte stopped herself before she paid too many compliments that Mary wasn’t actually due. Usually, she would speak of Mary’s enthusiasm and dedication, letting that imply all m
anner of things about her actual ability. In this particular conversation, however, Charlotte decided to speak something closer to the truth. “She tries valiantly.”
“I have been told that enough practice can make anyone good at something.”
“And I have been told that there is more to playing the pianoforte than notes. Apparently, that is what makes the difference between someone who it is a pleasure to listen to perform, and someone who is a chore.”
“And that is a difference that cannot be taught?”
“Perhaps it can, but it needs to be done by someone in a better position than I. And to a student who is willing to listen.”
“Colonel Fitzwilliam! My apologies, sir. I didn’t realize you had arrived.”
The man—Colonel Fitzwilliam apparently—stepped away from Charlotte without a flinch at the shopkeeper’s call. Somewhere in the course of their conversation, the Colonel had made his way close to Charlotte’s side to ease their exchange.
“It’s no bother, Mr. Kelly. I was pleasantly engaged otherwise.” The Colonel said it without guile. There was not a speck of charm in his tone, just simple truth that Charlotte had been pleasant to talk with no unsavory implications about why that might be. The shopkeeper glanced between them and his shoulders dropped in relief, certain from their bland expressions that their conversation had been as the Colonel said and he had not accidentally abetted a rendezvous.
The shopkeeper had a tidy stack of freshly printed music for the Colonel to examine on behalf of his cousin. She did not have a high estimation of men in general, but it spoke well of this one’s practicality that he was picking up music for his cousin, and even better that he had the sense to examine the sheets instead of simply agreeing to buy the whole lot. Though he lacked the experience to tell if the music would be the sort of thing his cousin would like, at least he could verify that none of the sheets were damaged or incomplete.
The transaction was quickly complete. Colonel Fitzwilliam bundled up his sheets and looked ready to depart. He paused, but Charlotte graced him with a commiserating smile. He had things to do. Though their conversation had been pleasant, Charlotte wasn’t going to pout at him in expectation to waste away his day chatting with her.
He was clever enough to understand, and with a sigh, he offered them both a tip of his hat. “Ladies, thank you for allowing me to intrude on your shopping. You made my afternoon quite an agreeable one.” He gave Charlotte a quick smile of her own before he stepped out the door and back into the sunshine.
CHAPTER SIX
For all that the air outside had the bite of early spring, the carriage was stuffy. They did not speak of it, but both Charlotte and Elizabeth hoped that winter would loose its last hold so they would not be trapped indoors with Mr. Collins. It did not matter how grand Rosings was, there were few people in the world so enjoyable that being cloistered together would not become a burden. Charlotte had yet to decide if it was the journey that made the carriage as uncomfortable as is seemed or if things would have been better if Elizabeth had strung together more than two words the entire trip. Charlotte’s only other option for companionship had read the entire morning away and then fallen asleep without a word. Elizabeth had never been one for quiet when she deemed the people around her worthy of her words, so the insult of her silence was worse than the actual quiet.
When Elizabeth did finally break the silence between them, it was not a topic that Charlotte would have preferred. “Thank you for taking Mary to look at her music yesterday. As I’m sure was your design, Jane and I appreciated the moment to ourselves.”
“It was the least I could do considering the circumstances. Mary proved to have very specific tastes in music, which should not have surprised me as much as it did.” Charlotte might have said that since Mary was the only person on this journey who did not realize her invitation was a ruse, Charlotte rather felt the need to provide the girl with something that would prove to be worthy of leaving Longbourn.
The words were unnecessary since Elizabeth understood her implication and paid Charlotte’s honesty back in kind. “You will be happy to know that Jane has scolded me for my behavior towards you.”
“Don’t be ridiculous Lizzy, Jane has never scolded anyone in her life.”
Charlotte could see Elizabeth’s smile from the corner of her eye, both of them looking towards their respective windows rather than at one another. “Perhaps not, but it was as close as Jane has ever come. As I’m sure you know, Mr. Wickham has been making overtures to Miss King.”
“That bit of gossip has reached me, yes. And before we say anything else, I wanted to tell you that I am sorry about Mr. Wickham. No matter what else, I know you were fond of him.”
“My pride was a bit stung, that is all. He was excellent company but I am by no means brokenhearted.”
“I did not think you would be. But,” Charlotte turned to look at Elizabeth full on, “it is difficult to keep an account of you when I only hear of your doings through our mothers. I have to distill the truth from the versions they tell and piece together what things you might not have wanted Mrs. Bennet to know.”
Elizabeth’s throat bobbed. Her gaze fell to her lap but did not turn to Charlotte. “Both Jane and my Aunt did scold me for my silence, though not nearly as much as they should have and not as much as you would had I treated anyone else as I did you. It is a strange situation to be in, where the one person in the world whose opinion I might have listened to on the matter was the one I could not speak to.
“I will not do you the disservice of claiming that I have changed my mind on the matter of your potential engagement. Mr. Collins is entirely beneath you. If you insist on marrying only for practicality’s sake I would that at least you might choose someone who, in other circumstances, you would not be ashamed to know. But,” Elizabeth continued before Charlotte could snap that it didn’t sound as though the scolding had done any good at all, “I have been reminded, rather pointedly, that you are my friend. You are my best friend. I owe you better than to abandon you when I disagree with your choices.”
Charlotte could be generous. “Do not take the blame solely on your shoulders, Lizzy. There is much I could have done to better prepare you for my decision. I was just as stubborn as you were about presenting you with the truth, and with defending myself. For all you might think otherwise at this moment, I am not a fool. I am just as well acquainted with Mr. Collins’ deficiencies as I am with my own and I am making this decision with my eyes open. I will grant you the truth that Mr. Collins is not my first choice for a husband, but my first choice is now long married and has several children of his own. I am not young anymore, Lizzy, and I lack the opportunity to be as particular as I once was.”
“Both of our mothers had children at your age, Charlotte!” Elizabeth’s affront at Charlotte’s opinion of her situation was enough to maker her turn.
“It is not simply a matter a child-bearing, Lizzy, and you know it. We have watched too many otherwise sensible men marry ridiculous women to have any doubt that it is not a wife that men seek, it is a bride. While I have all the economy and understanding that would make me a good life partner for anyone, I have never been anyone’s first thought when they imagine a bride. Not even when I was young and my mother was reassuring me that in time I would grow into my features. It was a lie even then, and now it is simple folly to assume I will ever become more marriageable. Mr. Collins is my only option if I am to have a life of my own. And to be frank, Lizzy, he is the only option I have had for many years.”
Elizabeth did not object. She could be forgiven for failing to notice any lack of attentions Charlotte had received in her own youth, but they had occupied the same society for the last several years. They had been out amongst the same young men and Charlotte had so often listened to Elizabeth’s tales about being the object of those men’s attentions without a single flinch belying how it felt to be passed over yet again for younger and fairer women.
Elizabeth leaned against Charlo
tte’s side, taking Charlotte’s shaking hand in hers. “My Aunt first pointed out the hypocrisy in my easy forgiveness of Mr. Wickham for choosing to pursue Miss King and my anger with you. I apologize for it. I apologize if I ever made you feel alone.”
“Your aunt tried to tell me as such during our conversation. Though I will admit that I might have been quite short with her for the attempt. The older I get the more difficult it becomes to listen to happily married women offer advice about my situation.”
“She meant well.” Elizabeth could never help a defense of her most favorite relative.
“I know.” Charlotte gave her hand a pat. “She was kinder than others have been. It’s simply… they’re wed. Everyone of our acquaintance was married long before now. I knew when I was young that I wasn’t going to marry early and that it would require a bit of work on my part. But I admit, never did I honestly believe that I would become an old maid. It didn’t seem possible to me. While I have never been beautiful, I knew I was too clever for someone not to want to marry me, no matter my deficiencies.”
“They’re not deficiencies, Charlotte.” Elizabeth nearly shouted the words. They both stilled, but Mary gave no sign of waking.
“It’s sweet of you to think so, Lizzy, but you’re more sensible than any of the men of our acquaintance.”
“If sense is what you’re looking for then Mr. Collins is the wrong choice.”
“He has sense enough to suit me. He knows not to do anything that will affront his patroness and knows that I would be a good wife. For all his other flaws, he is the only man of my acquaintance who has ever known that much.”
“He is conceited, pompous, and narrow-minded to the point that you will never be able to have a decent conversation with him so long as you live! And what’s worse, he has no notion of it! Mr. Darcy is at least aware that he’s prideful and Mr. Bingley understands that he’s biddable. While one is convinced he’s just as he ought to be, perhaps with time and a steady temperament Bingley might be taught otherwise. But Mr. Collins cannot be taught what he cannot see.”
