Dante vs the Internet

by H. L. Holston

  “Still I bet he’s spinning in his grave. Aren’t Disney kids supposed to be cute yet polite?”

  Chris gave him the stink-eye. “You met a lot of Disney actors before? Try working fourteen hours a day and go to school on set and see how polite you are!”

  Dante held his hands up in surrender. “Sorry, sorry, I wasn’t making fun. It’s just the perception people have of child actors.”

  “Yeah, I wish that would go away.” Chris sighed. “I worked my ass off as a kid. My mother gave up her life in Iowa so we could come to California while my dad stayed on our farm.” He looked Dante straight in the eyes. “All I’ve ever wanted to do was act and now I have an opportunity to be taken seriously…well, as seriously as an obvious rip-off of Star Trek can be taken. But I’ve got a shot to not be that kid from Double Trouble anymore and I’m not fucking it up.”

  Dante raised his iced tea glass, “Here’s to not fucking up!”

  Chris raised his glass and they clinked. “We can do this, Dante. While Space Pirates might not be Shakespeare-”

  “So says the graduate of Julliard.”

  It was Chris’ turn to glare. “I worked hard to earn my M.F.A.” He stopped. “Are you always this much of a dick?”

  Dante smiled, unrepentant. “Yep, pretty much. It’s part of my charm. Take it or leave it.” He threw his free arm around Chris’ shoulders. “Come on, admit it, you like being friends with a dick, don’t ya?”

  “I can’t believe I’m considering being friends with a narcissistic, wannabe hipster whose ego knows no bounds.”

  “It’s called self-confidence, Parker.”

  “It’s called being an asshole, Moretti,” Chris retorted.

  “A match made in heaven?” Dante asked.

  Chris smiled. “You know it. We’re both going to rock these roles.”

  “Yes! I knew I’d found a kindred spirit when we did our audition.” Dante sprawled on Chris’ tiny couch, excitement in every line of his body. “This friendship is going to be the stuff of legends, like Butch and Sundance-”

  “They died at the end.”

  “Okay. Kirk and Spock.”

  “Shatner and Nimoy hated each other in the beginning because Bill was an ass-hole,” Chris grinned evilly.

  He watched as Dante sprung off the couch. “Are you calling me Bill in this scenario?”

  “If. The.” Chris did a dramatic Shatner-like pause. “Shoe. Fits.”

  Dante shrieked and Chris laughed hysterically. They both fell on the floor, laughing so hard, Chris thought he’d pee his pants. The costume lady would not be happy about that if he did.

  After a while they calmed down, their heads and shoulders touching, waiting for the other to speak.

  Dante broke first. “How about we just be Chris and Dante, co-stars and friends?”

  Chris twisted his neck so he could look Dante in the eye. “I like that. Friends?”

  “Friends,” Dante agreed. “So happy that’s settled as I was afraid, I wouldn’t be allowed to tell you about my favorite place on this planet.”

  “The entire planet?”

  Dante glared and Chris shut up.

  “Did you know the Santa Monica Pier was built in 1909…”

  Chapter Six

  Dante drove until he found himself at the end of Santa Monica Boulevard. He parked his car and sat there for a while. Pulling out his phone he posted a quick picture of the Santa Monica Pier.

  Jesus, I’m turning into Chris, he thought. His hand hovered over the delete button, but instead he shoved his phone in his back pocket and opened the car door. Taking off his shoes, he walked a few feet and strode out onto the warm sand. The ocean rolled in and out with a roar, mesmerizing in its constancy. Joyous screams drifted down from the roller coaster on the pier.

  Smiling at the noise, he stood silently as the cars reached the top of the hill, hanging there momentarily before plunging to the bottom in a flurry of motion. He’d loved a good roller coaster ride but wasn’t in the mood today.

  Digging his toes into the sand, Dante anchored himself with deep breaths as the soft grittiness helped focus his whirling mind.

  He’d come out here a lot when he first got to LA. The salt air and ocean breezes reminded him of summers spent with his uncle, aunt and cousins in Asbury Park. Long, lazy days with nothing to do but hang out on the beach with his friends and roam the boardwalk, darting in and out of tacky tourist shops and arcades that had seen better days.

  Shaking off the memories, he bent over to roll up his pants. He walked down to the water’s edge, letting the waves crash at his feet, sinking him deeper and deeper into the wet sand with each pass. The familiar feeling calmed him, and he vowed to come down here more often.

  Reluctantly, he pulled his feet from the muck that encased them and walked back up the beach. He sat down on the sand, feeling much more serene than he had when he’d raced out of the house following the kiss. A beach house was on the agenda when he finally got his career back on track, although he loved his little bungalow in Silver Lake.

  Why did Chris have to go and kiss him? His plan had been going so well. He really didn’t need any complications like, say, developing feelings for Chris. All that would do was ruin the most important friendship he’d ever had. He had a lot of superficial Hollywood friends, but no one had his back like Chris did, and he wasn’t going to fuck that up.

  But what about Chris? He’d said he’d just been trying to shut Dante up, but that kiss went beyond just a tactic. It was searing and hinted at something much deeper than the ploy that Chris claimed it was.

  What it really meant to Chris was anyone’s guess. Maybe he was just getting into his role. Or maybe he was curious. Lots of straight guys were. Or maybe...Dante couldn’t figure Chris out.

  Finally, he lay back on the warm sand and Dante stared up at the blue sky, enjoying the breezy, clear Southern California day.

  He didn’t know how long he laid there, but Dante’s thoughts were interrupted when Chris threw himself onto the sand beside him. Pirate ran up and licked his face. “You know it’s illegal for dogs to be on the beach, right?”

  Chris just smiled and said, “So call a cop and report me.”

  When he looked around, Dante was startled to see that it was dusk. The sun was setting, and he hadn’t noticed.

  “What time is it?” he asked while petting the dog’s coarse fur. Pirate rubbed up against him in delight, his little butt wagging. “How’d you know I was here?”

  “Your Instagram post depressed even me.” Chris said.

  Dante groaned. “I really need to turn off the GPS on my phone.”

  “Yeah, you do,” Chris agreed. “Told myself I wasn’t coming after you, but the later it got, the more worried I got. So, I brought Pirate along in case we needed protection.”

  Dante chuckled. “Pirate is practically blind and deaf; he wouldn’t hear a mugger until he was on top of us.”

  Chris shushed Dante. “Don’t listen to him, Pirate. I know deep down you’re a vicious guard dog who would rip off someone’s arm if they tried to hurt us, right?” His voice took a more serious tone when he asked. “You okay?”

  “I’m sorry I acted like a nut, but I don’t want to talk about it.” And he really, really didn’t. This crazy plan was messing with his emotions, not to mention the fact that Chris looked like a blond god in the lingering sunlight, the bronze highlights in his hair shimmering.

  Yeah, he was fucked. The minute he started looking at Chris like a potential lover rather than a friend signaled he’d lost control of the situation.

  He needed to get it back and couldn’t do it with Chris staring at him with such concern. “I’m okay. You can go. Really, I’ll be over my little meltdown soon and be home before you know it.”

  The hand Chris laid on his shoulder was hesitant, but Dante leaned into it. Chris huffed out a pleased laugh. “Promise?”

  “Scout’s honor,” Dante said, solemnly and raised his hand in the traditional Scout s
alute.

  “I doubt you were ever a Boy Scout.”

  He didn’t have to be able to see Chris’ face to know he was arching an eyebrow in skepticism.

  “I wasn’t. I did try to get into the Campfire Girls, but they turned me down.”

  He heard Chris snort.

  “Whatever,” Chris said. “Just get your ass home. I’ll leave Pirate here with you just in case.”

  “Gee, thanks,” Dante answered, “But, I’ll be right behind you.”

  Dante watched Chris’ away, striding towards the parking lot, making sure his friend got to his car safely. When Chris started his car and drove off, Dante let the smile fall from his face.

  No use pretending now.

  He sat quietly for a few more minutes, only moving when Pirate started barking at a noise up on the pier. He pulled out his phone and took a selfie of Pirate and him sitting quietly on the beach.

  He scrolled through his social media and saw that asshole Spock4Life had commented on Pirate’s adoption picture. Didn’t the guy have anything better to do than bust Dante’s ass on Twitter? Why was he following Dante if he hated Space Pirates?

  As the light faded away and dusk turned into evening, a slight breeze whipped across the sand. Grabbing the dog’s leash, he said, “Okay, okay, boy, let’s go home. No sense sitting here inviting criminals to rob and kill us.”

  Pirate looked at him, his one eye focused on him accusingly, as if to say, “Stupid human, stop lying to yourself.”

  Shaking his head, Dante started the trudge up the beach and to his car. Shit, even the dog had an attitude.

  As he got into his car and started the engine, Dante reflected his life was in the toilet right now and getting hung up on Chris wouldn’t help him with his plans to relaunch his stalled career. He had to stop this attraction dead in its tracks.

  But he wondered, was he forever doomed to a lonely existence with no real boyfriend or friends? With only a one-eyed pirate-dog as a companion?

  He looked over at Pirate judging him silently in the seat next to him. “Life sucks, man. Life fucking sucks.”

  Chapter Seven

  The day of the autograph signing arrived and as Dante parked his car on Hollywood Boulevard and walked toward the store. He wondered where Chris had gone. He’d woken up to a note on the refrigerator stating Chris would meet him at the store at noon rather than drive with him as they’d planned. There had been some lingering tension between them ever since the unexpected kiss the other day, but Dante hoped things would go back to normal.

  Dante brushed past the fans standing outside the store, waving hi to them as he opened the door and went inside. While the store didn’t open until one o’clock, their agents had requested they arrive early to avoid the possible crowds.

  Inside the lobby, Dante looked around for Chris and Katie. After a few moments when he didn’t see them, he approached a young man who wore an employee badge.

  “Sorry to bother you...Marc.” Dante smiled warmly. “But I’m looking for the Space Pirates autograph signing.”

  Marc looked up; his mouth dropped open and stared, obviously tongue-tied.

  Dante stepped closer to Marc and put his hand on his forearm to reassure the man, who now looked pale. “Your manager said to be here a little early, but I wasn’t sure where to go. Maybe you could help?”

  “Flirting with the staff already, Dante?” He jumped at the sound of a female voice behind him.

  Turning away from Marc, Dante glanced at the newcomer. “Katie!”

  Joy bubbled in her laugh and shone in her beautiful brown eyes, as the former co-stars moved to hug. As they broke apart, Katie said to Marc, “I’ll show him where the signing is. Hope you’ll be there later.”

  “As soon as I finish stocking the new DVDs, I’ll be there. Thank you so much, Ms. Rodgers.”

  “Actually, it’s Mrs. Murdock now, but you can call me Katie, Marc.” The smile she flashed him was brilliant, and Dante nearly laughed. Katie worked her mojo on the clerk. If he hadn’t known he was gay since high school, Dante would have married this woman. They could have cut a swath through Hollywood as a power couple charming people left and right.

  “I’m sorry; I forgot you got married...Katie. I better finish my work so I can come to the signing.” He glanced at Dante. “See you both there.” He walked off, grinning from ear to ear.

  “Working your magic on poor, unsuspecting retail personnel now, Katie-girl?”

  She smiled evilly. “I’m an old married lady now, Dante, so it’s nice to get some attention from the opposite sex every now and then. Married sex gets stale, you know.”

  “But you’ve only been married a year! Surely, it can’t be dull already,” Dante objected.

  Chris and he had gone to Katie’s wedding last year. It had been a high-priced affair, as his former co-star had married the head of a major movie studio, and seemingly retired from acting. While Katie loved her husband, she knew her days as an actress were limited, as few roles came to women in the industry in their late thirties, especially in the science fiction genre. Although the tall brunette looked ten years younger, Hollywood still discriminated against older actresses, so she’d decided to become a Beverly Hills housewife instead of duking it out for limited female parts.

  “Not dull, just regular,” she answered. “But you wouldn’t know about that would you, Dante. New man every few months, huh?” A hint of teasing to her tone. Dante knew her words held no real bite. Katie and he were cut from the same cloth. One had to be tough, smart and savvy to survive in this town, otherwise they’d get eaten alive, and Katie was all three.

  The question hung in the air and Dante had prepared for this. If he could get Katie to believe Chris and he were a real-life couple, then they could certainly fool their fans. Dante forced himself to blush, quickened his breath and hung his head. He hoped all these non-verbal clues would make Katie curious.

  “Dante Moretti, are you blushing? Are you hiding something?”

  Bingo! Now onto stage two.

  Glancing at her, Dante shook his head. “Me, hide something? You know I’m an open book with you, Katie.” He bit his lip and looked away.

  Katie took the bait. She grabbed his arm and looked him directly in the eye. “Uhuh, open book my ass. What gives?”

  Hook, line and sinker.

  His high school drama coach, Mr. Singer could bite him. He’d called Dante a “mediocre actor” throughout his four years of school. If Dante could fool a trained thespian like Katie, he could hoodwink the general public easy.

  “Nothin.’ Jeez, Katie, been working out much?” He gestured to her firm grip on his arm.

  “Personal trainer comes by the house three times a week. Now stop avoiding the question. I know that secretive look. Something’s going on.” She leaned closer and whispered, “Come on, tell Momma everything.”

  “Eww! I did not need that image in my head.” Dante made a face.

  “Then stop avoiding the subject-”

  “Ah, I see some things never change. Still love busting his balls, huh, Katie?” Chris’ welcome voice interrupted their staring contest.

  Katie broke away from Dante, but not before saying, “This conversation isn’t done, mister!”

  She hugged Chris fiercely. “You look wonderful, Chris.” She glanced up and down at his wardrobe and exclaimed, “Oh. My. God. Chris Parker, are you wearing designer jeans?! Turn around and let me check out that ass!”

  Dante turned towards Chris so fast, he thought he’d get whiplash. Sure enough, Katie was right. Chris wasn’t wearing his usual ripped jeans and Henley T-shirt. No, he had a pair of tight-fitting Diesel jeans that hugged his pert backside and a tailored blue button-down that showed off his muscled runner’s chest. Damn, Chris looked edible.

  Wait a minute...was that product in his hair?

  As Katie patted down Chris’ new outfit, Dante raised his eyebrow in a WTF message at Chris. His roommate slash pretend boyfriend just shrugged and answered Katie’s query
. “I’ll have both of you know, I’ve been dressing myself since I was five. You can call my mother and check.”

  “Grabbing dirty clothes off the floor does not a wardrobe make, Christopher.” Dante reminded him. “I’m impressed. Any special occasion for the new duds?”

  “No reason. Just decided to get some new jeans.” He stopped and pushed Katie’s roving hands away. “Stop grabbing my ass, Kathleen. Way to objectify a guy!”

  Katie ignored him and replied, “I gotta agree with Dante. You never care about what you wear. What gives? Got a hot date later?”

  For the first time ever, Chris looked flustered, and stammered, “I don’t have a date.” He shoved his hands in his pants’ pockets and rocked back and forth on his heels. “Can’t a guy buy some new pants without getting the third degree? Dante has four closets full of clothing and you never grill him about his wardrobe choices.”

  Katie looked back and forth at the two men, a shrewd look in her eyes. “Dante’s always been a fashionista, but you...

  “So, you know anything about Dante’s love life, Chris? I was quizzing him earlier, but strangely he’s gone mute on the subject, which makes me curious since he loves to gossip about his latest flavor of the month. I figure since you’re living with him now, you’d know the scoop.”

  The look on Chris’ face was pure panic and Dante cursed internally. Why did he ever think doing an autograph signing with Katie “Sherlock Holmes” Rodgers-Murdock would be fun? Katie had always been able to weasel any information out of Chris with just a few words. It had been going so well before this, but right now he couldn’t trust Katie to keep their secret if Chris revealed their scam. He loved Katie to death, but one word to her husband and their plan was dead in the water.

  Dante decided to end the cat and mouse game now.

  He walked over and put his arm around Chris’ waist, kissed him lightly on the cheek and looked Katie straight in the eye. “Before you cause Chris to have a stroke and we have to take him to the hospital because you can’t stop interrogating us, we have something to tell you.”