A huge life goal.
I could barely stop from peeing, I was so excited. Something Cahal had mentioned was TMI when I told him.
“I fear you are starting to slide,” Cahal said as he waited near the window, looking out.
“When we got here, you said I was supposed to feel like this place was a part of me.”
“Correct. It should feel that way. But not the only part of you.”
I dropped my hands. “We’re going to see dragons, Cahal! You yourself said you were excited for the dragons.”
“You haven’t mentioned missing Darius or Penny in a few days.”
I ran my fingers through my hair, knowing he was right. I’d been distracted. Lucifer had been training with me every day, complex magic that bolstered me to the point that I felt like I was flying. And then he’d brought up an actual date for the dragons, which promised literal flight. It had kept all my attention.
“He subtly asked about Durant’s operations yesterday at dinner, did you notice?” Cahal pushed.
I waved it away, annoyed, before strapping on my boot. “Yes, I know. And I informed him that I didn’t know much about Darius’s operations because he never included me in anything.”
“And then he pointed out the secrets Durant keeps from you.”
I threw him an exasperated look. “I caught that, yes. He was correct—Darius has always kept secrets from me. He promised to be totally open when we got together, and obviously that was a big lie.”
A big lie was putting it mildly, since I’d had no idea about Darius’s efforts in the Underworld. Yes, I’d known he was selling or trading magic in the Edges, but his elaborate schemes within the kingdom itself? No. I didn’t even know when he’d had time to do all of that.
“Durant keeping things from you rankles,” Cahal said, trying to work under my skin, much like Lucifer had been doing. It felt like I had two incredibly strong ropes tethered to my wrists, pulling me in opposite directions.
“You already knew that,” I replied.
“But I’ve never tried to use it against you.”
“Because you’ve never wanted anything from me. Until now.”
Cahal turned back as I strapped on my other boot. “I don’t want anything you shouldn’t also want.”
“And what is that? What, in your opinion, should I want?”
“Freedom.”
I shook my head and stood. Freedom. What exactly was freedom anymore? Either I had a vampire trying to control me, or a biological father trying to control me, or the elves trying to torture me, or the fae trying to use me…
Freedom was a pipe dream.
What I needed to do was pick a lane.
But first, I needed to see the dragons.
“Are you coming or not?” I asked tersely. He was really dampening my joy about today’s festivities. Of all the days to knock me off balance…
Could he not have done all this tomorrow?
“Of course I am coming. I will try to help you until you inevitably kill me.”
Rage stole through me, but I forced it back down. “You’re trying to manipulate me, Cahal. You know that I would never kill you. Give me a break.”
“I may have been interested in the dragons on a conceptual level, but they could very well kill me. They do not take kindly to trespassers. That’s the only reason Lucifer is allowing me to join you.”
“Those dragons aren’t going to kill you, you insufferable bastard. You know for a fact I won’t let you come to harm. Stop with all this melodrama and just chill for a while, would you? As soon as I am done learning, we’ll find a way out of here. That hasn’t changed. Penny and the gang haven’t surfaced since the disturbance. They are obviously lying low, which is fine, because it gives me more time to learn. Just let me enjoy today—let me enjoy the dragons.”
“But will you want to leave? Will you allow them to save you, or will you turn them away?”
My level of annoyance with him was reaching an all-time high. I knew where I stood in the grand scheme of things. I knew he cared about me, and that he was trying to pull me back from the edge because he worried I was starting to break. But today of all days…
Honestly, yes. I had to own that a big part of me didn’t want to leave this place. I loved training with Lucifer, a guy that I eminently understood. It had taken some work, but I’d learned how to mercilessly push his buttons. And I delighted in both his rage and his good humor. I saw the balance in him. He hadn’t exactly shown me the darkness within him, but I had a dark side too. I took comfort in that.
Other than that, I just liked the guy. He was fun to be around. His jokes and easy confidence let me relax. Let me be myself. If I felt a sudden urge to destroy something, he barely noticed. That, or he helped make the destruction into a work of art. If I wanted to design a weird new flower for a garden, he worked with me to realize my vision. If I just wanted to hover in the sky and take in the beauty of a sunset, he hovered with me quietly, enjoying it by my side.
But I knew it couldn’t last forever. I knew it. And tomorrow I would gladly hash it all out, and get a bitch slap or get waterboarded or whatever Cahal felt was necessary. Tomorrow. Today was dragon day. I could not let him ruin my high on dragon day!
“Come on. Let’s go wander the grounds while we wait.” I pulled my hair up and fastened it into a ponytail.
“I do not wish to go.” Cahal clasped his hands behind his back, still looking out the window. “I’ll stay here.”
I narrowed my eyes at him. “You’re up to something.”
“If I see your delight over the dragons, I will more thoroughly understand your reaction to this place. That will blind me. I have an obligation to you, and it requires me to see your slide objectively, without understanding the reasons for it.”
Frustration overwhelmed me. Annoyance stoked the fire in my middle, and I knew one moment of blind rage in which I wanted to just hurl him out of the window and be done with him.
“You are coming, Cahal,” I said between clenched teeth. “I will not let you miss out on dragons because you think I am emotionally unstable. I’m not. You’re coming.”
“No. I do not wish to go.”
I balled my fists. “This is a test, isn’t it.” It wasn’t a question, and he didn’t answer. “I know you want to see their nest, or whatever it is. The last heir didn’t command you to stay home because he was looking out for you—he did it to deny you something you wanted. And I know you let that little nugget slip the other day on purpose. If a vampire can’t manipulate me, you sure as shit can’t either.”
He still didn’t respond.
Knock, knock…
I turned, stalked for the door, grabbed the handle, and yanked it open. My magic kicked in without any prompting, and I ripped the whole thing off the hinges and tossed it behind me. It was the fourth door in the last week. They never seemed to be put out about repairing them. It was like a fairytale.
My father— Damn it. That was a mental slip.
Lucifer’s eyes widened, and he stepped back with a cheeky grin. “Was it something I said?”
This was probably one reason the last heir had gone batty. Unbridled violence was entirely normal in this place. Welcomed, even. Someone who didn’t express rage wouldn’t do well here, especially if they didn’t release any of their pent-up rage through love or lust. They’d lose themselves to it.
I, however, considered destruction great fun. It was why I’d always chased shifters around or picked fights with bigger dudes. Cahal might think it was me slipping, but that’s because he’d never seen me have free rein.
My constant self-justifications were starting to be exhausting.
“Not you, no,” I barked. “The freaking druid is messing with my chi.”
“Ah.” Lucifer clasped his hands behind his back, the same pose as Cahal, and took an air of patience. He planned to let me handle it.
“Come on,” I yelled back at Cahal. “You’re going.”
“No, I do
not wish to go.”
“Notice he didn’t say he wouldn’t go,” I murmured. “You’re trying to force me to make you go, is that it? Establishing me as a tyrant?”
“You know what you want, and you know what I want. What you do with that information is up to you,” Cahal called back, resigned yet stubborn. This was indeed a test.
I was so tired of being tested. Speaking of wanting freedom.
I connected eyes with Lucifer. “What would you do?”
He turned down his mouth for a moment and then shrugged. “If I was as annoyed as you seem to be, I’d make him, probably. It’s a power play. He used to have power over your actions. He is probably realizing he’s losing the upper hand in your friendship.”
His words turned to thoughts. I’ve seen him do it before. But please know, I lost my last heir to his manipulations. I will not lose you. I will step in if I think you are in danger.
I read the truth in his eyes. Felt the certainty in my blood. Felt a level of exhaustion I hadn’t experienced before, with the different forces pushing and pulling at me, each wanting a different thing, me wanting both. But I couldn’t have both, could I? I had to make a choice.
“You’re coming,” I said to Cahal before pushing forward, through the door. I clicked my fingers for Saint Tits by the door. “If he doesn’t come on his own, drag him.”
“Yes, your heinous,” the demon said dutifully.
“Is it time we learn to make some fish?” Lucifer said, walking beside me down the hall.
“I’m frustrated with him. I’m not going to kill him.”
“Noted.”
It wasn’t until we made it down the steps at the front of the castle that I paid attention to my surroundings. A golden buggy waited out front, an empty harness hanging in the air where a horse would usually go. It didn’t have wheels but hovered off the ground as though it did. The door stood open, and a demon attendant in a horsey chauffeur outfit, possibly stolen from a Cinderella retelling, waited beside it.
I stared at it for a long moment, taking in the demon’s little jacket with large buttons over its decaying and disgusting flesh crawling with bugs. Crisp white riding pants, adorned with a jaunty golden stripe down the sides, hung off what had to be sticky legs. A white top hat adorned its hairless and flaking head, a gold hat band matching the stripes on the pants.
“Is this some sort of joke?” I asked.
“Yes.” Lucifer laughed and stepped forward. “Horrifying, right? Truly a nightmare.” He laughed again, and I cracked a grin because the fact that it tickled him so was comedy in itself.
He handed me up into the buggy and took the cushy seat beside me. “How about your druid friend? I’d planned for him to ride in here with us, but I can always summon another buggy for him and his annoying attitude.”
I huffed out a laugh. “Another buggy would be best.” It would keep me from feeling the guilt that was worming into my chest.
Once we were on our way, I watched out the window as we passed the vibrant green landscape, stippled with pops of color. I didn’t look back to make sure Cahal was in tow. He’d apparently be happier not to be.
“Why were you so eager to make the druid come?” Lucifer asked as we made our way.
I continued staring out the window. “He wants to come. Or he did.” I ran my hand over my face. “I’m just… It’s getting difficult to manage everyone’s expectations.”
“Yes, I can see that.”
“You’re part of the problem.”
“I realize. What can I do? Do you need a break from training? Should we put off the dragons? We have all the time you need. The elves are stirring, building their army, but so far my spies say they are meeting with resistance. The warrior fae have left the Flush—which you knew—but now they have left the Realm, the shifters with them. They are all congregating in the Brink. The elves are trying to accrue enough people who can pass as human to go after them and drag them back. When that skirmish is underway, we will have an opening to confront the elves for what they’ve done. We do not need to rush your training, especially at the pace you learn.”
A rush of anger stole my breath. Yes, I did want to confront the elves. I wanted to show them what true pain felt like. Unending, merciless pain that crawled into every part of a person until they wanted to beg for death. My stubbornness was the only reason I hadn’t broken. That, and knowing Darius would come for me.
I shook my head, forcing myself to remember the big picture. It wasn’t just me and the Underworld that had a problem with the elves. I needed to remember that.
Maybe Cahal was right. Maybe I was starting to slip a little. Roger would likely need all the help he could get, and the natural dual-mages were almost certainly down here with me. Darius, too, and maybe some of his vampires. I had the pyramid of power down with me in the Underworld.
But wasn’t my training incredibly important? I needed to be down here. Why not just enjoy myself while I was?
I nodded, watching as we passed a sect with a large gothic mansion that sprawled within twisted thorns. I grinned at the sight.
“Yeah,” I said, not really sure what that was in answer to.
I sat up straight and looked ahead, my mind churning.
I’d train for a week or two more. That was the plan anyway, wasn’t it? I’d enjoy myself, take me time, and get to know my biological father. After that, I would leave as planned. Darius and the others were obviously taking their sweet time. There was no reason I shouldn’t do the same.
But one thing was for certain.
“I want to send Cahal away. I don’t want to kill him, but I need a little space.”
“How about we put him in a different wing?”
“I don’t want him to be a prisoner. I probably still want to see him. I just need a little space,” I repeated.
“Of course. Easily done. I can give you a viewer screen so you can keep track of him, to ensure I am not torturing him.”
“Like your last heir did?”
“Ah, you know about that, do you? Yes, my last heir grew tired of him. Grew tired of the same push and pull you are experiencing. It…worked out badly, in the end. I clued in quite late.”
“Or did your last heir try to recruit him, and it didn’t work?” That was what Cahal had told me.
Lucifer frowned at me. “Recruit him for what?”
I frowned back and then narrowed my eyes. It was a really good question, actually. What was there for Cahal to do here, really? With all of my power, and all of the forces at my disposal through my father, I wouldn’t need Cahal as an assistant or for protection. He didn’t have the sort of power the top beings here could boast. Nor did he have the know-how to thoroughly navigate this place. He didn’t really fit in here, just as my father was implying. So why would the previous heir have needed him for anything but companionship?
Had Cahal just told me a story to pull at my heartstrings?
Fourteen
The buggy ride was mostly quiet as we traveled past the neighboring sects and into the wilds behind the castle. The landscape changed from various Brink scenes—rolling hills, rocky mountains, or serene meadows—into ones that would be more fitting for the Realm, like puffy trees and manufactured flowers and golden cobblestones. At one point I’d looked down and asked, “Is that real gold?”
“Why do you want to know, so you can steal some bricks?” Lucifer had laughed. “It is real, and most of it has already been stolen once. I took them from the elves many years ago. I wanted to prove how easy it was to take their things. They weren’t pleased.”
It was like talking to myself. I could not believe I could be so like this man, whom I had not known growing up. The lesson in genetics was pretty intense.
The various landscapes were apparently his trials. He tested out designs back here, where most people didn’t travel on foot or even in buggies. Only the more powerful demons dealt with dragons, and they could alter their shape. Basically, they could fly.
“Wh
at do I have to look forward to?” I asked as the landscape subtly morphed into rolling fields of purple and blue. Above, a great winged beast soared through the sky, its aqua scales glittering in the faux-sun. I watched it pump its mighty wings before it dove, zooming down toward the ground and then turning over and climbing back up, enjoying the day.
My heart pumped harder. Excitement curled through me. Forcing Cahal to go was the right decision. I knew he’d want to see these things. He’d just been messing with me earlier, and in the end, he’d be thankful for this.
“Dragons do not like strangers,” Lucifer said. “They do not like people interrupting their territory, and they can become quite violent about it. I’ll be with you, and if we stay on the path, it negates much of the risk. But the second you approach a dragon, it won’t care about me. It will only care about you, and it’ll want you to prove your worth in battle.”
No problem. I’d been proving my worth in battle my whole adult life.
“How do you coax one to bond you?” I asked.
“After you prove your worth, it will connect with your mind and let you ride. From there, your friendship will begin. The bond is like any bond—you learn about each other, begin to feel mutual trust, and that trust develops into a partnership.”
“But…what if, when you’re learning about each other, you realize that one of you is an asshole?”
“Their magic gives them a sort of…emotional Sight, is the only way to describe it. They can feel your magic, and you through it. If they cannot handle an asshole, they will not engage with you.”
“Ah. So if I try to battle a dragon that doesn’t want to battle…”
“It’ll fly away. Or it will resist, and the other dragons nearby will join with it to kill you to stop unwanted advances.”
“Gotcha.”
“Dragons are loyal like no other creatures in the world. Once they find someone worthy, they will stick with that creature until the end of time, to their own detriment, if need be.”
“Can they only bond demons? Are demons the only ones they find worthy?”
“Not at all. It’s just the only option they have. They are loyal to the Underworld, and given I had to cut us off from the Realm, they remain here with us.”
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