by L A Cotton
All because of me.
For a moment it was like I was looking in on us, for the first time actually looking beyond the armor I put around myself, the ‘hurt people before they hurt me’ principles I lived by, and I didn’t like what I saw.
I stepped closer to her and I put my hand on her arm, causing her to jump slightly, as her attention shifted from the ruined canvasses. “We got this, okay? What do you want me to do to help?”
Hailee took a deep breath. “Can you help me get them back on the stands?”
I nodded.
The silence was deafening as we worked together to clean up the studio. I spotted my face amongst the chaos. Cam’s too. Some of the canvasses looked worse off than others. When we stood back to survey the wreckage, Hailee let out an exasperated breath. “Tell me this isn’t what I think it is,” her body shook with anger. “Tell me Thatcher didn’t break in and ruin my hard work because of some stupid football rivalry. Tell me, Jason.” Her eyes flew to mine, pinning me to the spot, making me feel five inches tall.
“I can’t,” I ground out, my fists curled tightly against my thighs as I took in the devastation. Art wasn’t my thing, but I knew how hard Hailee had worked on the project. How many hours it had taken her to paint each portrait.
A beat passed.
Another.
Until I could hear nothing but the roar of blood between my ears, the thud thud thud of my heart against my ribcage. “I’m so fucking sorry,” the words sliced through the air like a hot blade through ice, as my fist smashed into the wall.
“Shit, Jason,” Hailee rushed over to me, trying to get a look at my hand. But I shook her off, cradling it against my chest.
“It’s fine,” I said. It wasn’t, but I’d had worse. It was nothing a little ice and a few shots of whisky wouldn’t solve.
“You weren’t supposed to see it until tonight.” She sniffled, ignoring my apology.
“I never realized you were so talented.” Even covered in red and white paint splatters, I could make out the intricate detail of my helmet, the way my shirt seemed to ripple as I hiked the ball. It wasn’t just good.
It was fucking incredible.
“You should have seen them before...” she trailed off, sadness radiating from her.
“Can you fix them?” The one of me was the most affected but at least four seemed to have escaped the paint splatters.
“I’m not sure. I’ll need to talk to Mr. Jalin.”
“Hailee—”
“I know what you’re going to say, Jason, and I get it. If we bring Thatcher into this, Principal Finnigan will intervene. But I have to tell Jalin. I’ll think of something to protect you, but everyone’s going to know something happened when we unveil them tomorrow. Maybe if we get this place tidied up and I speak to him, we can control the story.”
It wasn’t ideal. But it wasn’t like we had a list of options.
“When did you get so devious?” I asked around a half-smirk, brushing over the fact she was prepared to lie to protect me because I didn’t know what the fuck to do with that.
“I learned from the best.” She shot me a knowing look.
“You know, if I didn’t hate you so much, I think I could probably grow to like you.”
“The feeling is entirely mutual.” Hailee mirrored my expression. “Come on, we have a lot of work to do if we want to get this place tidied up before class tomorrow.”
I pulled out my cell phone.
“What are you doing?” Hailee sounded wary.
“Calling in reinforcements.”
Felicity
“Want to talk about it?” Mya asked me.
“Nope. I want to get wasted, flirt with cute guys, and then eat my body weight in ice cream. Maybe not in that order.” I took a long pull on the liquor Mya had sequestered off her grandmother. It almost blew my brains out the first sip I had, but at least it left me numb.
“I hate to break it to you,” my partner in crime said, “but I’m not exactly sure this is the place to meet guys.”
We were down by the river, huddled on a bench. It probably wasn’t my brightest idea ever, but I couldn’t sit at home, wallowing. Deflecting Mom’s incessant questions. It wasn’t like I could call Hailee; not when she was off with Jason preparing for the Seniors Night thing tomorrow. At least it was family and close friends of the team only. I wouldn’t have to survive sitting there, watching him, remembering how he made me feel... how he trampled all over any hopes of there being something real between us.
Fuck you right out of my head.
He hadn’t meant to say the words. I’d seen the surprise in his dark eyes, the flash of panic. Any other girl would have probably slapped him across the face and run a mile. But not me.
What the hell was wrong with me?
“You’re in deep with him,” Mya said, and my head whipped up to hers.
“Huh?” I slurred.
“I said, ‘you’re in deep with him’.”
“I’m not... I wasn’t supposed—”
“Girl, we both know it doesn’t work like that. You don’t get to decide who you fall in love with.”
“I’m not in love with him.”
“Maybe not now. But it’s there, inside you. You want him.”
“I do,” I admitted, my eyes darting to the ground beneath me. “He’s different with me.”
“They always are,” she sighed, her voice distant.
“Your ex?”
She gave a small nod. “Reeled me in before I could even see what was happening.”
“He hurt you?”
“He didn’t just hurt me,” Mya gave me a sad smile, “he completely destroyed me. Jermaine was my best friend growing up. Our momma’s were girlfriends, got pregnant together, raised us together. We were all tight.”
“What happened?” I asked, surprised Mya was finally opening up to me.
“He fell into a bad crowd. At first it was just young boys thinking they be gangsters. But last year, things changed. He changed. He was the same old Jermaine when it was just the two of us, but he started running for a crew. I begged him to stop, but money talks and he thought he was invincible.”
“Sounds like someone I know,” I grumbled.
“Jermaine wasn’t involved in some high school football rivalry, Felicity. He was running drugs and errands for the kind of people you don’t say no to.”
“Oh.” My cheeks heated.
“I know this rivalry has you all on edge,” her expression softened, “but it’s not life or death.”
“Did Jermaine—”
“Die? No, but he did get taught a lesson after he screwed up, and I...” Mya gulped, her whole demeanor turning dark. “I was collateral.”
My eyes grew to saucers. “You mean you were... hurt?”
She nodded slowly. “My momma finally told J we were done and she shipped me off to the ass crack of nowhere to finish up senior year. I haven’t heard from Jermaine since.” My new friend shrugged as if it was nothing, but pain radiated from her.
“You’ll be safer here,” I said, as if that mattered.
“Safe but not whole. I spent my entire life with Jermaine at my side. Even though I know it’s for the best, even though I know I couldn’t stand by any longer and watch him ruin his life, it doesn’t make it any easier. If I’m not there, who’s going to protect him?” A single tear slipped from the corner of Mya’s eye, but she quickly swallowed the rest down, and I couldn’t help but wonder what she’d been through to have hardened so much.
“He’ll be okay,” I added.
She gave a little shrug. “It doesn’t matter anymore.”
But something told me it did. She was lying to herself. Just like I’d been lying to myself. About Jason. About my perfectly mapped out future courtesy of my parents.
“So what’s the history between you and Jason?”
“That is a story for another day.”
“I’m not going anywhere.” Mya gave me a pointed look.
“Jason is … well, he’s complicated. He’s always been this asshole, you know? Untouchable. Cold. Cruel. He made Hailee’s life hell ever since she moved to Rixon. I never liked him, hated what he stood for, how he treated her.”
“What changed?”
“Everything.” I smiled sadly. “Everything changed. I started to see glimpses of behind his mask, and I was so sick of being the good girl. Of being the girl always overlooked. And he’d look at me with this intensity… But it was nothing more than a game.”
A game I’d lost.
Silence descended over us while we both got lost thinking about the guys in our life we wanted but couldn’t have. I grabbed the bottle of liquor and took another mouthful, wanting nothing more than to erase the pit in my stomach.
“You’re vibrating,” Mya said after a couple of minutes. “It’s Hailee.”
“Let it go to voicemail.” I waved her off, tracing patterns into the fluffy white clouds drifting across the dusky sky. The vibrations finally stopped, only to start again seconds later.
“She’s calling again.”
“She probably just wants to tell me all about Cameron. He’s always doing cute things for her.”
“He seems nice.”
“He’s the best,” I sighed dreamily.
“Makes you wonder why a guy like him is friends with a guy like Ja—”
“Nope.” My head snapped over to Mya. “You promised. No talking about him.”
“I know, but—”
“No buts, Mya, please.”
“Okay.” She held up her hands. “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to upset you.”
“I’m not upset, I’m just...”
What was I? Hurt? That was a given. Embarrassed? Dreadfully so. But most of all, I was annoyed at myself. At how easily I’d given in to Jason’s charms, when all along I knew it was a game. A game that, once upon a time, I had no intention of playing.
Gah. I was so stupid. Jason had played me hook, line, and sinker. Letting me believe I had the upper hand, that I was calling the shots, only to rip the ground out from beneath me.
“She’s still calling,” Mya’s concern perforated my bubble. “Maybe you should take it?” She handed me my cell.
“Hey, Hails,” I tried my best at sounding sober.
“Thank God,” my best friend sounded fraught. “I’ve been trying to call you for the last five minutes.”
“Sorry, I was just... downstairs getting a drink.” It was almost true.
Mya shot me a bemused look. “What?” I mouthed, shrugging. She rolled her eyes and went back to whatever—or whoever—had her attention on her cell.
“The portraits...” It was only then I realized she sounded upset.
“What happened?” I bolted upright, dread creeping up my spine.
“Thatcher, he... he completely trashed the studio.”
“He didn’t?” I gasped, my eyes growing to saucers. Hailee had slaved for hours over the Seniors Night project. “How bad is it?”
“Pretty bad.” She sniffled and I knew she was probably putting on a brave front. “The guys helped me tidy up most of the mess but at least two portraits are ruined.”
“Oh God, Hails, I’m so sorry.”
“Yeah, it sucks. Mr. Jalin thinks we can still pull something off in time for tomorrow, but I’m not so sure.”
“How’s Ja—” His name stuck in my throat.
“He’s acting surprisingly cool. But I know he’s already plotting revenge. He just has this look, you know?”
Her words sent chills through me.
“Yeah,” I whispered.
“Anyway, we’re all heading over to Bell’s. I think they want to cheer me up.”
“That’s nice.”
“So, you’ll meet us there?”
“I...” Mya must have overheard Hailee because she was shaking her head mouthing, “No,” at me.
“Sure. Why not. I’m with Mya so it’ll be the two of us.”
“Okay,” Hailee said. “I need a drink. Something strong.”
Liquor sloshed in my stomach at her words. I needed water. But she didn’t need to know that.
“We’ll see you soon.” I hung up and downed the rest of the liquor.
“This is a bad idea.” Mya glared at me.
“I know.” I clambered to my feet, swaying slighting as the cool air wafted around me. “But didn’t you suggest I should add crashing a party to my list?” My lip curved deviously.
“This is not what I had in mind. I won’t say I told you so when things go to shit because it’s not my style, but I will say this: I think you should call Hailee back and say you’ve changed your mind.”
“Noted.” I gave her a defiant nod.
Mya rolled her eyes. “Fine, come on. Let’s go cause some trouble.”
“Trouble?” My lips curved into a thin line. “Who said anything about trouble?”
But she was right. I was drunk. And Jason was an asshole.
This couldn’t possibly end well.
“Hails,” I called across the bar. It was crammed for a Thursday, but I figured someone had told everyone that Jason, Asher, and Cameron were here, and like bees to honey they couldn’t resist.
Very sexy, very lickable, very bad-for-your-heart honey.
“Are you drunk?” Hailee’s eyes narrowed, her forehead crinkling like old lady skin.
“Who, me? Never!” I flashed her a mischievous smirk.
“Do I even want to know?” She cut me out, going straight to Mya.
“She called me.” The traitor held up her hands. “I’m merely the wingwoman.”
“And the liquor thief,” I mouthed.
“Liquor thief?” Hailee looked really worried now. “Did something happen?”
“Happen? What could have possibly happened?”
She grabbed my arm and pulled me close. “Flick, talk to me. This isn’t like you.”
Lots of things weren’t like me nowadays.
I let out an exasperated breath. “I just need to cut loose. Blow off some steam. Have a little fun.” I waggled my brows suggestively.
“Are you sure you’re okay? Maybe we should—”
“Fee, baby,” a voice came from behind Hailee. “Get your cute ass over here.”
I went to move around her, but she cut me off. “Flick, talk to me.”
“I’m sorry, Hails,” pulling her into my arms, I hugged my best friend tight. “I’m so sorry.”
“Sorry?” She eased back. “For what?”
“The portraits of course.”
Mya shook her head discreetly, but I levelled her with a look that told her this was between me and my best friend.
“You’re sure you’re okay?” Hails asked.
“Just feeling the pressure of senior year is all. You know how the parentals can get.”
“Your mom—”
“Is the last thing I want to talk about. Let’s forget all about parents and jerk face football players and just enjoy ourselves.”
“You do know it’s a school night?”
I shrugged. “One night won’t hurt.”
“Flick—” But I was already gone; weaving my way through the tables to where Asher and Cameron sat.
“Something you want to tell us?” Asher asked me as I slid into the booth next to him, a goofy grin plastered on my face.
“We’re here to take Hailee’s mind off things, right?” I arched my brow. “I figured what better way than to let loose a little.” My gaze landed on Asher’s beer and it was his turn to arch a brow.
“Seriously?” he asked, but I was already snatching his bottle away and bringing it to my lips. “Well, okay then.”
“Flick,” Hailee and Mya finally caught up to us. “Is that really a good idea?”
“It’s on my list remember,” I said giving her my best puppy-dog eyes.
“No way, you don’t get to pull that crap with me, not tonight.”
“Ah, the elusive list.” Asher’s arm went around my shou
lder and I leaned into him slightly. He wasn’t Jason, but he smelled good and the weight of his arm around me was nice.
Too nice.
“When do we get to find out what’s on the list?”
“Never.” I grinned at him.
“Bet I could persuade you to tell me.”
“Oh yeah, and how do you plan on doing that?” I was flirting... with Asher and it felt good. He’d moved closer but so had I.
“I’m pretty creative, I’m sure I can think of—”
Someone cleared their throat and when my head lifted over to where the sound had come from, I was met with an icy cold stare that didn’t just give me chills, it froze the blood running through my veins.
“What took you so long?” Asher asked, edging away from me but not removing his arm.
“Jerry wanted to shoot the shit.” Jason’s eyes didn’t leave mine for a second but then moved to where Asher’s hand rested on my shoulder. If looks could kill, I was pretty sure we’d both be dead.
“Mya, right?” he asked sliding in beside her. “You know who I am?”
“Everyone does.” She shrugged, sitting a little straighter. I mirrored her action, desperate to see what he said next. Jason leaned in, his mouth dangerously close to her ear, and whispered something. Her gaze widened and then narrowed.
“Thanks,” Mya said coolly,” But I couldn’t be less interested if I tried.” She shot me a reassuring look, but the damage was done. Jason had flirted with her... right in front of me. Acting like it was nothing.
Like I was nothing.
Just like you’re doing with Asher.
“I’ll be back,” I said to no one in particular as I hurried from the booth. The room began to spin, but I kept going until I was in the hall leading to the restrooms.
“Felicity, wait up,” Mya called.
“I’m fine.” I waved her off, staggering toward the girls’ bathroom.
“It’s okay,” she said, gently grabbing my arm. “He’s just trying to make you jealous. I would never—”
“I know.” I finally met her eyes.
“Look, from one broken girl to another; you can’t let him win. You deserve more. You deserve everything he won’t give you.”
