by L A Cotton
How the fuck was I supposed to choose between them?
The answer was, I couldn’t.
Cameron
“Cameron.” Xander shot at me like a bull out of a gate and I opened my arms catching him.
“Hey, Xan, it’s good to see you.” He clung to me like a spider monkey, so I slid my arms under his butt and carried him into our building.
“How’s school?”
“Ugh. Don’t ask. I hate that place.”
“No way? Don’t you have Mr. Gellar? I remember that guy, he was always a hoot.”
“Well, he’s a real asshat now.”
“Hey, watch it,” I scolded him, and he grumbled, “Sorry, Cam.”
Hailee and my parents trailed in behind us, and I lowered my brother to the floor to greet them properly.
“Son, it’s good to see you.” Dad stepped forward and pulled me into his arms. I could see the worry lines around his eyes, but they were no longer because of mom. Instead they were caused by the seven-year-old currently drilling holes into the side of my head.
“Hey, Dad.”
“Cameron,” Mom nudged her way between us, looking up at me with weary eyes. “Has it really only been a few weeks?”
“Yeah.” I chuckled, but it was strained.
“And Hailee,” Mom went to my girl. “You get more beautiful every time I see you.”
“Thanks, Karen.”
“Excited for the game tonight?” Dad asked.
“Yeah, but I’ll not be excited about spending the day with this little squirt tomorrow.” I tackle hugged Xander, and his laughter was like music to my ears.
“Oh, Clarke, look.”
Xander instantly stiffened at Mom’s words. “Relax,” I said. “She’s just happy—”
“Yeah, whatever.” He shirked me off and went and sat on the couch. We all watched him, silence descending over the four of us.
“Why don’t I make some coffee?” Hailee suggested, giving me a reassuring smile.
“Thanks,” I said, sliding my eyes back to Xander. He’d pulled out his handheld computer game, his thumbs working overtime as he pressed the buttons.
“How is he, really?” I asked my parents and their expressions fell.
“We don’t know what to do anymore, Cameron. He’s completely shut us out.”
“I’ll talk to him.” I ran a hand through my hair, releasing a heavy sigh. But as I watched my brother, one of the most important people in my life, I feared talking wasn’t enough anymore.
Hailee
“Are you excited to watch Cameron?” I asked Xander as we sat in our seats. It was the opening game of the season, and a big rivalry game against Ohio State, so the atmosphere in the Michigan Stadium was electric.
Karen and Clarke sat on the other side of Xander, giving the two of us some space. I’d noticed how strained things were between them and their son, and my heart ached for them all.
He shrugged, and I nudged his shoulder. “It’s okay to be excited, you know. But if you’re not, that’s okay too.”
“I just really miss him,” he admitted.
“He misses you too. So much. He talks about you all the time.”
“He does?” He stared up at me with big blue eyes, just like his brother's.
“Yeah. Cameron loves you so much, Xander.”
“But he left.” His lip quivered, but he steeled his expression.
For a seven-year-old, Xander Chase had excellent resolve. It’s why his mom and dad struggled so much to get him to open up to them.
“You know Cameron leaving had nothing to do with you, don’t you?”
He shrugged again, just as the team jogged out onto the field. The noise was deafening and Xander seemed to shrink into his chair. He leaned into me as if he needed the protection, but he didn’t get too close.
My heart swelled with pride at seeing Cameron in his maize and blue jersey.
When they had found out his mom was sick, he’d been prepared to give up his dream of football. But, in the end, he hadn’t had to. His parents were so proud of him and everything he’d achieved so far at Michigan. But senior year was his year.
At least, I hoped it was.
“They’re looking good,” Clarke yelled over the chorus of cheers and chatter. “Strong.”
“It’s their year.” I grinned at him.
“I really hope so.”
Xander peeked up at me and I frowned. “What?”
“Are you and my brother going to get married one day?”
“I...” I stuttered over the words. “Maybe. I mean, I hope so.”
Karen and Clarke smothered their laughter.
“Why?”
Please don’t say you don’t want us to. My heart galloped in my chest as he stared up at me before beckoning me closer. I dipped my head and waited.
“Maybe if you do, and you come back to Rixon, I can come live with you.”
Oh God.
My heart.
It broke for the boy looking at me with nothing but hope and sadness in his eyes.
It broke for his parents, trying so hard to be unaffected by their son’s growing detachment.
But most of all it broke because I couldn’t give him the answer he thought he wanted to hear.
“Hailee?” he said.
“Uh, it’s not something I can really answer, buddy.”
Disappointment flashed in his eyes.
“We still have to get through college and then figure out what we want to do.”
“You’ll be coming home though, right?”
Crap.
This was not going well.
I was digging a deeper and deeper hole. I glanced over at Karen, but she and Clarke were deep in conversation.
“Wherever we decide to settle down, you will always be welcome, Xander.” I chose my words carefully. “If we get a place big enough, you can even have your own room. We can decorate and—”
The announcer’s voice came over the speaker and relief flooded me.
I gave Xander a reassuring smile, but he barely returned it, and I hoped the game would be enough to take his mind off things.
Cameron
“Okay, listen up and listen good, ladies,” Coach said, his eyes glancing to the scoreboard. We were tied with a little over a minute on the clock. “We’ve got a shot at one final play, and we need to make it a good one. Because anything less is not an option, you hear me?”
“Yes, sir.”
“Good. Now get out there and show them why that championship is coming home this season.”
“Dom, take it away, son.”
“Hands in,” he yelled, and we all piled our hands in the center.
It had been a brutal game, our teams matched in speed, strength, and grit. But with Hailee and my family in the audience, I’d found my flow, scoring touchdowns on five out of seven passes. The only problem was Ohio had also scored.
“Wolverines on three.”
“One... two... three... Wolverines.” We broke from the huddle and Dom jogged beside me. “You ready?”
I gave him a stiff nod.
He curled his hand around my neck and pulled me into him, our helmets crashing together. “We’ve earned this, Chase. It’s senior year and that championship is ours, you hear me?”
Adrenaline pulsed through me, the roar of the crowd like liquid ecstasy coursing through my veins.
When I was out here, on the field with my team, playing to the cheers of over one-hundred thousand fans, it was easy to forget about all the other shit. Xander. Hailee. My future. Decisions I wasn’t sure I was ready to make.
Out here, it all went away until there was nothing but me, the ball, and a line of defensive players all looking to stop me from reaching my destination.
I knew it wouldn’t last though. When the final whistle sounded, and the noise stopped, it would all come rushing back.
But for now, I was invincible.
“Let’s give them a show,” I called to Dom and he grinned.<
br />
“What are you thinking?”
“Remember when we were goofing around with Dylan the other day?
“Yeah?”
I nodded.
“It’s a big risk.”
“We can pull it off.”
“Let’s do it then.” He jogged off toward Dylan to give him the instructions as the rest of us moved into position.
The crowd quieted as we waited for the clock to resume. If we wanted to score, we needed to move fast and execute the play to the letter.
“Blue twenty-two,” Dom yelled. “Blue twenty-two.” A couple of players dropped back, and the offensive line began shuffling, trying to read the play.
I stayed light on my feet waiting for the snap to Dom. He caught it and hiked the ball to Dylan who began charging for the line of scrimmage, only to slow at the line and pass back to Dominic. The offense scrambled and I flew. Pumping my legs hard, I moved into the open space, extending my hand to give him the signal. The ball cut through the air and I leaped, curling my hand around the leather. The confused Ohio players immediately switched direction to close in around me. But I was too fast, cool air whipping through my helmet as I push harder... faster... nothing but the end zone and victory in sight.
Fingers grazed my shoulder as a defense player reached me, but I shirked him off, dodging right and straight into the end zone.
“Touchdooooown,” the announcer’s voice rang out through the stadium, the collective hoots and hollers of the tens of thousands of fans deafening.
My team jogged over, all wanting to celebrate our first win of the season against one of our biggest rivals.
“That’s how you get shit done,” Dom said, smashing his helmet to mine. “Fuck, I could kiss you.”
“Please don’t,” I chuckled, trying desperately to hold onto the high. But no sooner had it arrived than it started to dissipate.
Xander was out there somewhere with my parents. They would look to me for answers, answers I didn’t have.
“Get over here,” Coach yelled, and we all jogged toward him. “What the hell was that, Sanchez?”
“That was getting the job done, sir.”
“That flea flicker your idea, son?”
“The credit is all Chase’s, sir.”
Coach set his eyes in my direction. “Risky move.”
“Knew we could do it, sir,” I said, feeling the weight of the shoulder pads start to crush my lungs.
I needed to get off this field, and fast.
“Lucky for you, it worked.”
I went to move around him, but Coach caught my arm, and I glanced back. “You played well out there tonight, son. Keep it up and you’ll have nothing to worry about when the scouts come around.”
His words only made my chest tighter. “Thanks, Coach,” I mumbled, before tearing off my helmet and jogging toward the tunnel. I needed a shower and then I needed to find the one person who could make it all go away.
Not even an hour later, I filed out of the stadium to find Hailee, Xander, and my parents waiting for me.
“Congratulations.” My girl rushed into my arms and wrapped herself around me. “You were amazing.”
“I don’t feel so amazing. Their defense are like giants.”
She stepped back, narrowing her eyes. “Are you okay?”
“Nothing a little TLC from my favorite girl won’t cure.” I leaned in to kiss her, forgetting we had an audience.
Until my brother made a retching noise.
“Get over here, squirt,” I said, crooking my finger. Xander came willingly, wedging himself between Hailee and me.
“We need to talk,” she mouthed, flicking her eyes to him.
Dread snaked through me.
Something had happened.
“Are you okay?” I mouthed back, and she nodded, but there was a sadness in her expression that had alarm bells ringing.
But in true Hailee fashion, she pasted on a smile and said, “Right, who wants ice cream?”
“Can I have sprinkles?” Xander slipped out of my arms and stared up at us.
“Of course you can, buddy. You can have whatever you want.”
“I want three flavors.”
“You got it, Xan.”
We moved over to where Mom and Dad were hovering. “Congratulations, Son.”
“Thanks, Dad.”
“You pulled out a nice play at the end.”
“Coach almost blew a gasket.”
“I bet. But it paid off.”
“Come here, sweetheart.” Mom pulled me into a hug. “I’m so proud of you.”
She told me every time we were together. It was as if after her illness she wanted to treasure every moment, imprint every memory. She was healthy now, but I guess something like that changed you.
I knew it had changed me to some extent.
“The team not celebrating?” Dad asked as we headed for their SUV.
“Yeah, there’ll be a party or something.”
“You can always go after we—”
“Don’t do that,” I said. “I want to be here, with you guys.” My arm slipped tighter around Xander.
“You’re a good man, Cameron.” Dad squeezed my shoulder.
“Thanks.” Emotion clogged my throat, but it was nothing compared to the way my heart squeezed at how tight Xander clung to me as we made our way across the parking lot.
Hailee
“Is he asleep?” I asked.
“Yeah, finally.”
“Come here.” Crossing the room to Cameron, I pulled him into my arms. “It’s going to be okay.”
“Is it?” His voice cracked. “Because I’m not sure anymore.”
Xander had wanted to stay with us at the apartment, so we’d agreed he could. Karen and Clarke had watched on with a mix of dejection and relief as we left their car and made our way into the building. They were staying at a hotel two blocks over, but would join us for breakfast in the morning.
“Tell me what he said to you at the game.” Cameron stared down at me with so much pain, I wanted to take it from him.
“He asked if we were getting married...” I took a deep breath, knowing how greatly my next words would affect him., “and then he asked if he could move in with us.”
“Fuck, he said that?”
I nodded, giving him some space to digest things.
Cameron ran a hand over his head and cupped the back of his neck. “What am I supposed to do here?”
“You just keep doing what you’re doing. Xander knows you love him, Cameron. He knows your mom and dad love him. He’s just a little messed up right now, but he’ll grow out of it.”
“Will he?” Cam dropped down onto the edge of the bed, burying his face in his hands. I sat beside him, offering my comfort if he needed it.
“You know, tonight, at the game, I wanted it. I wanted to go pro. I don’t know what happened. One minute, I was worrying about Xander and my parents and you, and the next, I was so wrapped up in the game...”
“Hey, don’t feel bad.” I cupped his face, forcing him to look at me. “You should never feel bad for wanting to follow your dreams, Cam. Ever.”
“I still can’t believe he said he wants to live with us.”
“It’s like he’s waiting for you to go home.”
“I know.”
“Do you want that?” I asked, unsure I wanted the answer. “To go back to Rixon?”
“I just want to help him.”
“Even if it costs you your dream?”
He let out a weary sigh. “You’re looking at me like it’s not only my dream I’m sacrificing.”
My stomach knotted. “So, you are considering giving everything up?” The words spilled out before I could stop them. “I’m sorry, that’s not fair.”
It was his brother. His kid brother who had almost lost his mom. I couldn’t resent that.
I wouldn’t.
Not when I’d pulled him away from them.
“I wish I could wave a magic wand and make all
this better for you and Xander.”
“I know you do, and I love you for it.” Cameron reached for me, fisting the oversized Wolverines t-shirt and pulling me into his arms.
“We get through senior year and then I go home, at least until this stuff with Xander gets better. He needs me, Hailee. I can’t just turn my back on him. I can’t...” His eyes shuttered, torment etched into the lines of his handsome face. “But if you don’t want to follow me, I’ll understand. I know you have a better shot at following your dreams here or in Philly.”
“Stop.” I leaned in touching my head to his. “Where you go, I go.”
“Yeah?” Relief washed over him.
“Cameron, as if you need to ask.”
“It won’t be forever, I promise,” he breathed the words as if they were hard to say. “Just until he’s in a better place.”
“It’s okay. He needs you.”
“And I need you. I will always need you, Hailee. I hope you know that.” He stared at me with such intensity, I sucked in a sharp breath.
“I do.”
Cameron
“Can’t I stay another night?”
“We need to get home, sweetheart,” Mom reached for Xander, but he dodged her advance. The flash of hurt in her eyes gutted me.
“Xander, please, don’t make a scene. Cameron and Hailee need to—”
“Hey,” I said, finally making myself known. “Are you all set?”
“Yes,” my parents said at the same time as Xander grumbled, “No.”
“I think Hailee wanted some help, if you two want to—”
“Sure thing.” Dad squeezed my shoulder, guiding Mom away.
“Hey, squirt. What’s going on?” I sat down beside my brother.
“I don’t want to go back to Rixon.”
“No? But what about school? Your friends?”
“I know Mom and Dad call you and tell you everything, Cam.” He flicked his knowing eyes to mine.
“They’re worried. We all are.”
“It’s not like I try to make people hate me.” He shrugged.
“Nobody hates you, Xan.” God. He was seven. It was too young to harbor such negativity but here we were.
