by L A Cotton
“It was you, you know?” Jason’s voice grounded me.
“What was?”
“It was you and Cam that made me realize there’s more to life than football.”
I snorted. “You hated me back then.”
“I didn’t hate you, Hailee. I just...”
“Yeah, I know.”
We had a lot of history—a lot of bad history—but we weren’t those people anymore. Jason was one of the most important people in my life.
He was family.
“Cameron loves you and even if he tries to push you away or cut you loose, it’ll only be because he thinks he’s doing right by you. If his mom is sick again, and I really fucking hope she isn’t,” he let out a weary sigh, “you’re going to need to be his strength, Sis. Even when he doesn’t think he wants you to be.”
More tears flowed down my cheeks and I bit back a huge sob.
“You hear me?” Jase said. “You might not be a Ford, Hailee, but you are my sister in all the ways that matter. And we don’t quit, okay? We fight.”
“Yeah, okay.”
“Good, now go be with our guy. And tell him I’m here. Whatever he needs, all he has to do is call.”
“Thank you, Jason.”
“Anytime. Now brush yourself off and be the badass Hailee Raine I know you can be.”
Cameron
“Dad.”
His head snapped up and he was out of his chair in a second, rushing toward me and pulling me into his arms. “You’re here, thank God, you’re here.”
“How is she? What are they saying?”
“They’re still running tests.”
“Do they think it’s the same as before?”
He paled. “It’s the most likely scenario, Son.”
Fuck.
“But they said she was okay. She got the all clear.” Mom had the surgery and they’d gotten the tumor.
“We always knew this was a possibility, Cameron.”
Yeah, but how unlucky did someone have to be to have it come back? I couldn’t get my head around that. Hadn’t we dealt with enough already?
“Xander—”
“He’s okay.” Dad squeezed my shoulder. “I checked in with Julia earlier.”
But I knew the truth. Xander wasn’t okay.
“It’s like he knew,” I said.
“Whatever do you mean?”
“It’s like he knew she was going to get sick again and that’s why he kept pushing her away.”
“Cameron, he didn’t know. He couldn’t have.”
Of course, I knew that. But it didn’t stop me wondering if he sensed something.
“Hailee,” Dad’s gaze moved over my shoulder.
“Hi, Clarke. I’m so sorry.” She didn’t think twice about hugging him.
“I’m glad you’re here.” Dad held her at arm’s length, offering her a warm smile.
“I wouldn’t be anywhere else.”
My chest squeezed, remembering the conversation we’d been having as my dad called. The conversation we still needed to have.
The conversation that would have to take a backseat.
“Shall I get us some coffee?” Hailee suggested. It was late, but I wasn’t leaving until I got to see Mom.
“That’s a great idea,” Dad said, digging out his wallet. “Here, let me—”
“Don’t worry, I’ve got it.” She offered him a smile.
“Thank you,” I said, and Hailee took off down the hall.
“I’m so glad she came with you, Son. You’re lucky to have her.”
He was right, I was.
Hailee hadn’t given coming with me a second thought. She’d gotten on her phone the second I told her I needed to get to Rixon ASAP.
But I couldn’t stop thinking about what she’d said earlier.
I couldn’t stop wondering if she was right.
It was almost eleven when they finally let us in to see Mom. The doctor confirmed that she’d had a seizure due to a new glioma.
My mom had another brain tumor.
I didn’t know what the fuck to do with that.
“I’ll give the three of you some space,” Hailee said as we reached Mom's room.
“Thank you.” Dad slipped inside, but I stayed back.
“I’m not sure I can do this again,” I confessed, my heart numb from the news.
“Sure, you can.” Hailee enveloped me in her slim arms. “You’re so strong, Cam. And I’m here, I’m right here. Whatever you need.”
I wanted to tell her to take me away from here. To hold me tight and never let go. But my dad needed me, my mom too. And Xander.
Fuck… Xander.
“This will destroy Xander.” I swallowed hard, dropping my gaze to the floor.
“Look at me,” Hailee said, sliding her hand to my cheek. “You can do this, Cameron. They need you.”
Touching my head to hers, I tried to draw comfort from her. The girl who had stood up beside me through this once already.
“I can’t lose her, Hailee. I just can’t.”
“Ssh,” she whispered. “We don’t know the prognosis yet. Go be with her and your dad. We’ll worry about the rest later.” Hailee’s lips hovered over mine, touching but not kissing. I felt her uncertainty, and I knew I’d been the one to put it there.
But I couldn’t do this, not right now. Not when I didn’t know if my mom was going to make it or not.
“I won’t be long,” I said, pulling away.
“Okay, I’ll be right out here.” Hailee stepped back, wrapping her arms around her chest, barely able to meet my gaze.
I should have apologized, explained that my head was all over the place. But I didn’t.
I couldn’t.
Because this wasn’t like before.
This time, I couldn’t afford to fall apart. Not when my family were already holding on by a thread. This time, I had to step up to the plate and be the brother Xander needed, the son my parents needed.
This time, I had to put them first.
Hailee
“Hi, sweetheart.” My mom came to me in a dream, only when I opened my eyes, she was standing right there.
“Mom?” I pushed up, my muscles sore from sleeping on the row of plastic hospital chairs. “What time is it?”
“A little after one.”
It had been two hours since Cameron and his dad had disappeared into Karen’s room.
“I must have fallen asleep.”
She nodded. “Cameron called and asked me to come and get you.”
“He did?” I frowned, glancing down the hall where I knew he was with his parents.
“They’re going to stay with Karen. He didn’t want you to be out here all by yourself.”
“Oh, okay.” My stomach dipped.
“Come on, sweetheart. Let’s go home.”
But as I got up and let her lead me away, all I could think was I was leaving my home behind in that room.
“It’s so good to see you, Hailee. I just wish it was under better circumstances.” Mom made small talk as we walked to her car. It was dark out, a blanket of stars kissing the inky sky. Such a beautiful scene for such a tragic night.
“Did Cameron say anything else?”
“Just that he didn’t want you to be alone and that you needed to get some rest too.”
I toyed with my cell phone, desperate to text him. But I knew he needed some time with his mom and dad to come to terms with everything.
“It’s such a shame. Karen is a good woman.”
“She is.”
We climbed into the car and I let my head fall against the glass, fighting the wave of tears building inside me.
“Hailee?” Mom asked. “Are you okay?”
“I’m fine,” I murmured.
And then I puked all over myself.
I was sick.
By the time Mom had gotten me home, I could barely stand. At first, I’d thought it was just an emotional response to everything that had happened, but I spent most of
the night with my head down the toilet bowl.
“How are you feeling?” Mom slipped into my room with a glass of ice-cold water and some crackers.
“Like I got hit by a truck.” I tried to sit up but my stomach roiled.
“Have you heard from Cameron?”
“Nothing.” I stared at my cell, willing it to vibrate.
“I’m sure he’ll call. It’s a lot for them to process.” She placed the glass down and pressed her hand against my forehead. “You don’t feel feverish. It could be something you ate, or a stomach flu.”
“I’ll be okay.” I brushed her off.
“Cameron will probably have to stay away if he’s going to be visiting his mom in the hospital. At least until it passes.”
Great.
Just what I didn’t need.
“I’m really tired, Mom.” I’d barely slept a wink.
“Sure, baby. I’ll let you get some rest. If you need anything...”
“I know, and thanks, for everything.”
“Hailee, you’re my daughter. I will always be here for you. I hope you know that.” She gave me a warm smile, before leaving me alone.
The door had barely closed before the first tear fell.
Hailee
After twenty-four hours, I finally felt human again. But my heart was still bruised. Cameron had texted a couple of times to say he was spending the day with Xander, and that he would stop by later today.
That was five hours ago.
Mom insisted, I rest. She also insisted I drink regular fluids and nibble crackers to replenish myself. I think secretly she just loved having someone in the house to fuss over.
“Can I get you anything else?” she called, and I shook my head with silent laughter.
“I’m good, Mom, thanks.”
“Okay, baby. Holler if you need me.”
Our relationship hadn’t always been easy, but she was trying. And after Karen’s devastating news, I knew I probably needed to try harder.
I wanted to call Cameron, to see how his mom was doing, and to ask if they knew anything more. But I didn’t want to crowd him.
So, I opted for calling my best friend instead.
“Hailee, thank God,” Felicity said on the third ring. “I’ve been so worried. How are you? And Cam? And Karen. Oh God, Karen...”
“Breathe, Flick,” I chuckled softly, not that anything about this situation was funny.
“Seriously, how are you?”
“I feel a bit better now, but it wasn’t pretty.”
“I can’t believe you got so sick. Do you think it was something you ate?”
“I don’t know. But I feel okay now.”
“Well, that’s good. And Cam? He must be beside himself.”
“I don’t really know. He’s with Xander.”
“You mean you haven’t seen him today?” She sounded surprised.
“Well, no. My mom thought he should stay away until I knew it was only a twenty-four-hour thing.”
“Makes sense, I guess. But you’ve spoken to him, right?”
“I...”
“Hailee?”
“He needs to be with his family right now,” I said, unable to keep the sadness out of my voice.
“But you’re his family.”
I’d thought so too, once upon a time. But I wasn’t so sure about anything anymore.
“Has Jason spoken to him?”
“Yeah, they talked earlier.”
I sucked in a harsh breath.
“Shit, Hails, I didn’t mean to—”
“It’s okay. I’m glad he has Jason to talk to.”
If he wasn’t going to turn to me, he needed to turn to someone.
“I just don’t understand it. You’ve always been so good together.”
Her words made the knot in my stomach tighten. “He doesn’t want to choose,” I said quietly.
“But there doesn’t have to be a choice, does there?”
There did though. Or at least, I knew Cameron enough to know that’s what he thought. He was an all or nothing guy. I’d seen how much it had affected him not being able to be there for Xander. He’d persisted for me. He’d continued our life in Michigan... for me.
But I realized now, his heart wasn’t in it.
“He needs to be here with his family.”
“You really think he’ll quit the team? Leave college?”
I didn’t want to believe it when we’d first talked about it, but Karen’s diagnosis changed everything. And I knew…in my heart of hearts, I knew I’d already lost him.
Silent tears clung to my lashes.
“I’m so sorry,” Felicity said as if she’d worked it out too.
“It’s okay,” I choked out. “He needs to be here for them.”
Even though I knew the words to be true, it didn't make them hurt any less.
“Hailee,” Mom yelled. “Cameron is here. I’m going to meet Kent for dinner. We’ll be back later.”
“Listen, I’ve got to go.”
“Do you want me to come there? I can drive down—”
“No,” I said, drying my eyes. “I’ll be okay.”
“Well, call me later.”
“I will. Bye.” I hung up and took a deep breath.
“Hailee?” Cameron’s voice made my heart soar, but it quickly crashed back down to Earth.
“Come in.”
The second he stepped into the room, I saw my greatest fear etched into every single line of his face.
He looked at me with sad eyes and said, “I think we need to talk.”
Cameron
“It’s okay,” Hailee said, completely catching me off guard. I’d come here prepared for a battle. After spending the day with Xander trying to figure out how to tell the girl I loved more than anything that I couldn’t be the guy she needed right now, I still didn’t know how to say the words.
To tell her I needed to be there for my family.
Yet, she was sitting there, with nothing but resignation in her sad expression.
“You don’t need to do this, Cameron. I know what you came here to say, and it’s okay.”
I blinked, hardly able to believe my ears. “I— I don’t understand. What exactly are you saying?”
“I would never ask you to choose between me and them. You need to be here, more than ever. I get it, and it’s okay.”
Relief slammed into me. She got it.
Fuck, she got it.
“Thank you.” I went and sat beside her on the edge of the bed. “I need to do this, for Xander, for them.” My voice shook as I tried to find the words. “She’s terminal, Hailee. They can make her comfortable and give her meds to manage the symptoms, but there is no surgery this time or magic fix.”
“Oh my god, Cameron.” She threw her arms around me and I sank into her embrace. It had been the hardest thirty-six hours of my life. I’d spent all day with Xander trying to explain everything to him and then picking up the pieces of his meltdown as his developing brain tried to process things.
“I’m so sorry.” Her tears splashed on my sweater.
I cupped Hailee’s face, touching my head to hers. “Your mom said you were sick?”
“I’m okay now.”
Our lips were so close I could almost taste her, but I didn’t come here for this. I came to tell her I needed time and space to be with my family. But now I was here and she was clutching onto me as if I might disappear at any moment, I was overcome with the need to love her. To just be with her.
“Cameron?” Her eyes glittered with so much love it gutted me, and I knew if I asked it of her, she would give me whatever I needed.
“Come here.” I tried to hold her tighter. I didn’t want to be that guy, the guy who used sex as a goodbye, but I wanted it.
God, I wanted her.
Hailee made the decision though, sliding her mouth over mine.
“Hailee, wait...” I grabbed her shoulders, swallowing the ball of emotion lodged in my throat. “I’m not sure this
is a good idea.”
“I need this,” she said, her hands trailing down my chest and tugging my sweater away from my body. “And I know you do too.”
“You’re sure?”
I was going straight to hell.
I was pretty sure Jason would drag me there anyway after I did this.
But I couldn’t stop. Hailee was everything I’d ever wanted. She was strong and good and so fucking selfless, it was breathtaking.
She hadn’t made me choose.
She’d given me a gift—she’d let me go.
Hailee climbed onto my lap, kissing me. Small uncertain kisses as my hands slid into her hair, so I could deepen the angle. She traced my lips with her fingers, her tongue. Teasing and tasting. Until the kiss took on a life of its own. Fierce and brutal, as we both fought our demons.
“Is this okay?” I murmured against her lips, as my hands began exploring her body, running them up and down her waist, tracing her soft curves.
She nodded, clawing at my sweater, until I pulled it off my body. Hailee painted letters of love over my skin, branding me with her touch. She felt good, too fucking good.
And you’re going to give her up.
I forced down the thoughts. I only wanted to focus on this. Here. Now. On the way Hailee felt so perfect, the way her body fit against mine as if it was made for me, and me alone.
Her clothes went next, her jeans and t-shirt, her black cotton panties. Then my jeans and boxers. Until we were nothing but skin on skin, regrets and apologies.
“I love you, Cameron, so much,” she whispered before kissing me deeply.
My dick ached for her, but I didn’t want to rush this. I wanted to savor her, imprint this moment to my memory for when things got too tough and I needed to distract myself from the gaping hole in my chest.
I buried my hands deep in her hair, angling her face to mine as I captured her lips. Hot, needy kisses. “I will always love you,” I barely whispered the words against the corner of her mouth.
Hailee rose up slightly, grasping my shaft in her hand before sinking down in one smooth motion. “Cam,” she breathed, clutching onto my shoulders. “It feels—”
“I know,” I groaned, rocking into her. My hand curved over her hip, guiding her movements. I wanted her slow and deep, fast and hard. I wanted her anyway I could get her. Because being like this with Hailee would never be enough… and yet, for now, it would have to be.
