When we made it outside, I felt a rush of relief washing over me. I was covered in sweat. I felt my body being pushed to its limits from the extreme heat to now a more moderate air pressure of the summer. My legs felt heavy and this small woman on my shoulders suddenly weighed a ton. I carried her over to a stretcher where I noticed that she was totally out now. She wasn’t breathing anymore either. Dammit! Were we too late?
I removed my gear off my head and face and instantly started to perform CPR on her. She was not going to die on my watch; I was determined not to let that happen. Toby helped with the chest compressions. One…two…three…four…five… Breathe!
I breathed three gasps into her mouth. We continued this procedure four… five… and finally on the sixth time the woman started breathing and opened her eyes. She was gasping, terrified of what had just happened to her. My body suddenly felt exhausted as the adrenaline began to subside and relief washed through me. I thought she was going to be ok, but we definitely needed to get her to the hospital and get her checked out.
Her eyes were white and bright looking compared to the smoky, soot that was now covering her pretty face. Amber was breathing deeply and strongly, her chest heaving up and down as the panic seethed through her eyes. She’d been through quite an ordeal.
“Amber, you are going to be ok,” I said. “We got you out. You are safe.”
Hearing those words caused her to break into tears. She was so grateful. And so was I. Grateful we’d got there just in the nick of time. This poor girl had almost died. This was why I had become a firefighter.
This was why I had dedicated so much of my life and my time to this great purpose. It wasn’t always a day to celebrate, but today we’d achieved a bit of a victory. The house was a total loss, but it was just a house.
“Amber!” Her hysterical friend came over just then screaming and crying. The two girls reunited and gave each other big hugs as they shared a good cry together.
The crew fought the fire until it was finally out. Then most of us went home while they waited for the investigators to determine the root cause of the blaze. When I got back to the station, I jumped in the shower and scrubbed vigorously. The black soot from the smoke washed off my body turning the water and soap black as well. It was disgusting to look at and even after all those years when I am now used to it, it still made me cringe. It just reminded me that I had vexed a foe that had been trying to put me in the ground for too long. I knew one day, I would probably lose that fight. Any firefighter who made it through a long distinguished career without serious injury was lucky--plain and simple, no matter how skilled and knowledgeable you were.
I finished my shower and since it was the end of my shift, I said goodbye to the guys and headed home. I was tired. This job had a way of draining you dry, both physically and emotionally. No matter how much training you had, it would get you every time. Sitting around waiting for the call for sometimes days on end would wear you out, and then going for a call, fighting the fire with all that gear on you was also brutally difficult.
Amanda had always wanted me to get out and find another line of work. But this was what I was born to do. I could never see myself ever doing anything else.
I was about halfway home and looking forward to a nice, relaxing evening when my phone rang. It was Katy, my sister in law. Well, technically, she was my former sister in law since Amanda’s death. She was supposed to be picking up my daughter, Zoe. What was this about? As a father, I immediately suspected the worst, that something was wrong with Zoe.
“Katy? What’s going on?” I answered. I tried to keep my voice friendly so that my words did not come out accusatory. But I believed I may have failed in that endeavor.
“Hey, Ricky,” Katy said. “Listen, I am stuck in traffic. There is some big accident and traffic hasn’t moved in like an hour. I’m not going to make it on time to pick up Zoe today. I’m so sorry.”
I cursed silently and squeezed the phone a little. This was not what I needed to hear. I regained my composure and returned to the call. “Ok, I understand. I’ll get her. Thanks, Katy,” I said.
“Yeah, I’m so sorry,” Katy replied. She could probably tell I was angry, but I wasn’t angry at her.
“It’s not your fault. I got to run. Talk to you later,” I said.
I ended the call and turned off at the next exit. I would have to circle around a bit to drive towards Zoe’s school. Shit. This was going to be bad. I was going to be almost an hour late to pick her up. I called the admin office at her school to let them know what happened and that I was on my way. They would keep her in the office until I arrived.
I really needed to hire another nanny. It had been almost a month since Lisa Williams, Zoe’s former nanny had quit to move across the country with her husband who’d just gotten a new job. It happened very quickly and it was very inconvenient as it left us in a bit of a lurch. I’d been trying to hire someone, but so far all of the applicants that I had just did not have the right temperament, the right experience, and there just didn’t seem to be that right connection that said they were a good fit. This shouldn’t have been that hard, and in recent weeks I’d been working so much that I just hadn’t had time to really get back to the interviewing process. It was so repetitive.
So, Katy had been picking up the slack a bit here and there, but she had her own family and I didn’t expect her to really be a nanny to Zoe.
I would have to get back to the selection process. I just hated that I wasn’t able to be there more for my daughter, but I had to work and I was doing the best I could on my own. I hoped I could find a good nanny, a nurturing woman who could be there for Zoe after school.
I’d reached out to my circle of friends and family and after getting the runaround and the constant advice of how I should start dating again--which was annoying beyond belief-- I’d finally secured a meeting with a woman named Julie. My friend Ben and his wife Becky had recommended her after I’d spoken with them on the phone last night. I was actually supposed to meet with her today, but due to a change in my work schedule, I had to put it off until tomorrow.
I didn’t know a lot about her other than she was twenty-five, and that she had been a nanny for a neighbor of Ben and Becky’s. They’d moved and she was now looking for something regular. Becky told me she was fantastic, so I was really looking forward to meeting her. I trusted Becky’s instincts.
Becky also told me Julie was beautiful and that I should ask her out at some point. This was the last thing on my mind. I wasn’t sure what it was that made all of my friends think that I needed to be set up for romantic encounters. I was not ready. It had been over two years since Amanda had passed, but I still wasn’t ready to get romantic with anyone. This wasn’t what I wanted to do now.
But when I really thought about it, I realized they could all see that I was lonely, I was broken, and I was not dealing properly with my grief and allowing myself to move on. I understood all of this perfectly, but it was still hard. I just couldn’t let myself go there.
I kept thinking about the guilt, and how I would betray Amanda. We’d never really talked about what would happen if one of us passed on. We were too young to think about it really, but I knew that deep down Amanda wouldn’t have wanted me to be lonely. I wouldn’t have wanted her to spend her life alone if the roles were reversed.
Yet, knowing all of this, I couldn’t bring myself to go on and find someone that might end up taking her place in my life. My wife was dead. My angel, my partner, my entire world — she was long gone. I was alone.
And that was the way I was going to stay. At least for now.
Julie
What was that noise?
I felt the grip of fear embracing me as a shiver ran over my body. I’d heard something… it probably might have just been the wind. It had been really blowing like crazy this evening. I didn’t want to admit that I was afraid of being alone at night in a big and a quiet house, but I was spooking myself out now. I just wished the Normans
would come home soon. I hated waiting for people, but I supposed that the longer they were out, the more I got paid. It paid to think positively.
The Normans had tapped me to babysit for them that evening on super short notice. Luckily, I had nothing else going on and I was able to accept the job, but this was not my ideal scenario. I’ve always loved kids, and their kids were both as sweet as could be, but I needed something full time. Picking up a few hours here and there babysitting wasn’t going to cut it.
So, I was thrilled earlier when Becky told me their friend Ricky needed a full-time nanny for his daughter. I was so excited. I had been advertising everywhere and not really getting much response since my previous employer had abruptly moved out of the city two weeks ago. It had been rough, but luckily my roommate and best friend Tessa was sweet enough to pick up the slack on food and bills until I was fully employed again.
I was sitting at the table doing some sketches when I heard the scratching noise again. The house was dead quiet since I put the kids to bed about an hour and a half earlier. I thought maybe I might turn the television on to distract me, but I stopped myself as I wanted to be aware of if the kids were up wandering around or fighting sleep as four-year-old’s often did. I couldn’t remember a time when I had ever fought the idea of having ten straight hours of sleep at the end of every day with no other responsibilities. One day they would miss this period in their lives, too.
I stopped sketching and glanced around. I waited a moment and held my breath to hear nothing but deafening silence. Then I heard the scratching again. My overactive artistic imagination started to go into overdrive and I was picturing some maniac trying to break in.
I knew that I would not rest easy until I went to investigate. The noise was coming from upstairs. I glanced up at the ceiling for a few seconds, just listening. I heard nothing. Then I stood up slowly and I continued to listen intently. There it was again. What was that I was hearing?
The sounds of the house settling interspersed with the slight bit of scratches that I continued to hear. I was feeling a bit uneasy, but I forced myself to walk through the living room to the staircase. Then I made my feet march up the steps, moving slowly, step by step, one at a time. I was trying to be quiet because I didn’t want to wake the kids up, and because I did not want to face what might be something terribly frightening making that awful sound.
I felt silly. I was being scared over what would probably turn out to be nothing. Really, as I thought about it, I had just been feeling very uneasy. I was uneasy with life. Losing my stable source of income which I’d held for almost two years had really shaken my confidence and made me re-evaluate where I was in my life. What was I doing? I loved being a nanny. I loved working with kids and taking care of them, but was it really what I wanted to do professionally forever? I wasn’t sure. Well, actually I knew the answer to that question. It was no.
I wanted to be an artist. Ever since I was a kid, it was all I’d wanted to do. After high school, I applied to several art schools, but they had all rejected me. This hurt my confidence so badly that I hadn’t touched a brush or even sketched anything for almost a year afterwards. Gradually, I came to it again and I just did the art for myself. I desperately wanted to be a real, professional artist. That was the dream. And one day I wanted a family with several kids.
And of course, I needed the perfect man to make that happen. I was becoming increasingly aware that this perfect man did not exist and was only a figment of my imagination. My dating record was less than stellar. My last relationship had lasted only three months and then I’d been dumped out of the blue. I wasn’t really given an explanation at all. “It just isn’t working out”. That was all Jeremy had said, but without any real explanation at all. It was unbelievable. But I had the worst track record with men.
It was no wonder I was saving myself for the right guy. I was proud to be a virgin. I always told myself that I would give my V-card away to the right man, not necessarily the guy I wanted to marry, but the right man. It was going to be a very special thing and he would have to be the perfect man to make that happen. I wasn’t exactly sure what criteria that man would have to meet but I was sure I would know it when I met him. That I was certain of. All of my girlfriends thought I was crazy.
I made it upstairs and paused a moment to listen again. I heard nothing. Making my way over to the kids’ room, I opened the door quietly to peer inside. They were both deeply asleep. I closed the door gently and stood there for a moment. What in the hell was I hearing? It was gone now? Was it downstairs after all?
I headed towards the stairs, but stopped dead in my tracks when the sound grazed the air. The scratching sounds once again. Where was it coming from? I paused a moment to listen to it and then I realized that it sounded like it was coming from the master bedroom.
I entered the master bedroom and flicked on the light. I felt weird being in the Normans’ bedroom (where the magic happened, I presumed). I giggled at my own joke. I wondered how often the Normans got it on. They had been married for years and they had two young kids. Did they ever have the time or the opportunity anymore? I did want a family one day, but I swore that my husband and I would make the time to be intimate with each other no matter what. I knew it was important in a marriage.
Looking around the room, I was impressed to see a king-sized bed, a large chair in the corner, and a small library of books in a glass case. I moved over to take a closer look. Most of the books appeared to be fairly ordinary mystery/suspense thrillers. I wondered why they were treated so well. It was weird.
After finding nothing, I started to leave. Then I heard the scratching noises right behind me. They were very loud. I almost jumped out of my skin and I couldn’t help but yell a bit out of fear. It was so close. What was about to happen to me?
But after a moment of coming to the realization that I was in fact, perfectly fine, I turned around and saw the culprit that had been making so much racket and scaring me to death. There was a small branch scraping back and forth against the window in the wind.
“Really? Wow, girl. You’ve got to get ahold of yourself. This is nuts.”
I laughed at my delusion, turned off the light, and left the room. I felt very silly, but at least I’d had myself a little bit of an adventure for the evening. I went back downstairs and resumed my drawing.
The scratching did not seem so loud anymore. I wondered how the Normans slept with that racket going on though.
It wasn’t my business, but I wondered if they were too busy making love and loud noises that they didn’t notice. Wow, my head had really been in the gutter lately. I wasn’t sure why, but lately I’d been so worked up that I’d been thinking about sex almost nonstop. I really needed to find that man, I thought. But no matter how curious and hot I was, I did not want to give in and break my principles. I would only get one shot at the first time, and I wanted it to be very special. That’s the way I’d always been and that was the way I would stay. I wasn’t going to give in on this.
After sketching for about another ten minutes I heard the Normans come in. I greeted them warmly and decided not to tell them about my little adventure to their room. That would stay my little secret, as well as my musings about their sex life. I’d wanted to snoop in their room and see what type of paraphernalia I would find. I wasn’t having any sex of my own, so I was more than happy to snoop about in the sex lives of others.
But I would never actually go through someone else’s stuff. I knew that. There was nothing that would make me compromise my morals. But it was still a lot of fun to think about.
“So, how were the little monsters?” Ben asked. “Did they give you any trouble?”
“No,” I said. “Not at all. They both sacked out pretty easy.”
“Awesome,” Ben said. I noticed he liked to say the word ‘awesome’ a lot. It was kind of funny given the fact that he looked like an accountant, which he was. He was tall, a bit podgy, with glasses and a very mild-mannered vibe. His wife was much
spunkier and more interesting. Becky was fun to talk to and a lot of times I found myself wondering why she settled with a man like Ben. They were such opposites, a mismatch, but what they had seemed to work very well.
“Glad to hear it,” Becky said. She pulled fifty dollars out of her purse and handed it to me. “Thank you so much for coming on such short notice. You are a lifesaver.”
I smiled. “No problem. Thanks for thinking of me.”
“Absolutely. Now, are you ready for your interview tomorrow with Ricky?” Becky asked me with excitement in her eyes.
“Yeah, I think so. I’m actually a bit nervous.”
“What? Don’t be. Ricky is a real sweetheart. You will be fine.”
“Thanks, but I guess I’m nervous because if I don’t get that job then I don’t know what I might do. There just doesn’t seem to be anyone else reasonably close to me right now that is looking for anyone full time.”
“Well, Ricky is desperate. His last nanny abruptly quit, leaving him in a bind. You know how that goes. So, he is really excited that you are coming. I just hope you can keep from staring too long into his eyes. Girl, the man is gorgeous.”
I laughed. “Well, I’ll try.”
I left the Normans’ house and drove home. I kept thinking about what Becky had said. This was the second time that she had brought up how good-looking Ricky really was. Now, I was really nervous. What if he was so handsome that I forgot how to speak, or how to do well in the interview with the right answers? I couldn’t handle that. I needed to relax and just breathe.
When I got home, Tessa was binge watching some old eighties show she found online. She was a true television junkie. She rarely did anything else when she wasn’t working, except hang out with her boyfriend, Marty at his place. I suspected that when they weren’t being intimate, they were probably just watching a lot of television. It was a real sickness with her.
“How was it?” She asked.
Slow Burn (Forbidden Heat Book 3) Page 24
