I’d always thought it was for show, and partly it was. But now I knew it wasn’t all an act. She truly was kindhearted and sweet—but she was also clever and funny and more interesting than I’d ever dreamt of giving her credit for.
But again, part of that sweetheart persona was for show, and honestly I wasn’t sure if even she knew how much was real and how much was fake…at least at school. This weekend was a different story. All evening I’d watched her genuinely laugh and smile and joke around with her friends. The more I’d watched, the sadder I’d become.
Even though we were heading back to the same school, I’d been seized with the overwhelming idea that this was it. The moment we stepped foot in the halls of Grover High, I’d never see this girl again. The girl I’d come to like so very much.
I groaned as I thought about Margo’s comments before I’d left. I’d been so sure she was crazy to even think that I might develop feelings for Julia, but she’d seen it coming.
Heck, she probably assumed that any guy who went away with Julia Farrow for a weekend would find himself infatuated.
She hadn’t been wrong.
I moaned quietly as I rubbed a hand over my face. So stupid. I’d been such an idiot.
I hadn’t even wanted to have this talk tonight. I’d known I wasn’t ready. We should have waited—I should have waited. I should have let it play itself out. She’d have eventually realized on her own that I wasn’t who she really wanted.
Let’s face it, she’d have figured it out in roughly thirty-six hours, the moment she stepped foot in school and returned to reality.
But I’d been helpless in the face of her obvious emotional turmoil. I’d seen her passionate and angry, hurt and scared. And I hadn’t been able to look away, let alone summon words.
How could I? What I’d witnessed was something so beautiful there were no words for it. A passionate Julia Farrow was the most breathtaking creature alive—even if she was passionately pissed.
I’d been dumbstruck that she could feel that depth of emotion at all, let alone over someone like me. Maybe that meant something…
A flicker of hope had me sitting up straight, staring at the wall that divided us like it might suddenly become invisible and I could look straight at her. But for all I knew she was still out with her friends.
I held back another groan as I remembered the way we’d parted. I knew what she thought I was going to say—but that wasn’t what I’d meant.
I didn’t mean I didn’t like her, I just meant…I just meant…
I didn’t like who she pretended to be. I didn’t want to date that Julia, I wanted this one. The one who was real, and nerdy, and interesting, and genuine. But instead of saying that I’d frozen up, realizing belatedly that what I’d been about to say was about to come out all wrong.
Foot please say hello to mouth, you two will be getting acquainted quite a bit these days.
I fell back against my pillow. Such a moron.
As if they had some sort of sixth sense for when I was being particularly dense, I got a group text message from Margo and Suzie.
Margo: We’re worried.
Me: Why?
Suzie: You’ve been radio silent for two days.
Margo: You’ve been ALONE IN A HOTEL with Julia Farrow for two days, and also you’ve been radio silent.
Apparently Margo had felt the need to clarify why exactly they were concerned.
They were afraid I’d gone and done something inexcusably stupid like develop feelings for a girl so far out of my league I could barely see her behind. They’d done the same, but my friends hadn’t been stupid enough to fall for the popular kids who actually cared about being popular. Jason was too mature to play into the popularity game, and Luke…well, he just didn’t seem to care about much. Ironically, that seemed to be why he was popular. The less he cared, the more people found him impressive.
There are not enough eye rolls in the world for the way I felt about Luke’s effortless charisma. If he wasn’t so good to Suzie, I’d hate the guy. But unfortunately I couldn’t hate him any more than I could hate Julia now that I’d gotten to know her.
I stared at my friends’ texts and tried to think of how to respond. Finally, I just spelled out the truth. I’m an idiot.
There was a silence and then my phone blew up.
Margo: We know.
Suzie: Margo! She’s kidding. What did you do?
Margo: He did exactly what I’d said he’d do. Anyone with eyes would fall for Julia given half a second in her orbit.
Suzie: He didn’t say he fell for Julia.
Margo: Of course he fell for Julia. Even I have a little crush on Julia.
Suzie. MARGO
Margo: Just a harmless girl crush. Come on, don’t tell me you don’t kind of want to be Julia Farrow for a day.
Suzie: You’re insane.
Margo: I want her to play me in the biopic of my life.
Suzie: What’s the biopic going to be about? Your great rise to the top as the clarinetist of the century?
Margo: Do I sense sarcasm in your text, Suzie? You wound me.
Their teasing could go back and forth for hours if I didn’t intervene. Hello? Remember me? The one with the problem?
Suzie: Sorry.
Margo: My bad. Okay, Romeo, hit us with the full story.
I started to type and then stopped. I started again and then stopped.
Suzie: You are killing me over here, Matt. Enough with the blinking dots already and spit it out.
Margo: Should we call or is she there?
I looked around my empty hotel room. The coast is clear.
I answered on the first ring and discovered that I was on speakerphone. They said their hellos in synch on the other end.
“You two are together?”
“Margo’s sleeping over,” Suzie said.
“So you two were in the same room while texting me.”
Margo chimed in. “We wanted you to feel like you were a part of the conversation.”
Suzie made a humming noise of agreement. “It sounded like you might need your friends.”
I fell back and stared up at the ceiling. “I do. I definitely do.”
“So?” Margo prompted.
“I, uh…I kind of have feelings for Julia.”
They both exploded into talking at once. “I knew it!” I heard Margo shout.
“That’s so great!” Suzie honestly sounded happy about this, like it was a great new development and not a catastrophe.
“Are you serious?” Margo said to Suzie quietly, but not quietly enough. “This is a catastrophe.”
“Why? I bet she likes him back,” Suzie said. “Why wouldn’t she?”
There was a resounding silence as Margo and I both pondered the many ways that could be answered. Margo surprised me by not outright answering and instead turning the question to me. “Does she, Matt?”
“Uh…” I swallowed as I replayed the events of tonight. “It’s complicated.”
Margo snorted and Suzie sighed. “It’s always complicated.”
“She’s not like I thought,” I said.
There was a silence before Margo said, “They rarely are.”
I nodded even though she couldn’t see me. “Do you ever think maybe we’re the judgmental ones?”
There was a smacking sound and Margo laughed. “You just missed Suzie slapping a palm to her forehead.”
“Right,” I said with a grin. “Stating the obvious over here, aren’t I? Julia thinks I’m judgmental, too.”
“Not judgmental,” Suzie said quickly, rushing to my defense. She’d been doing that a lot lately and right now it was more appreciated than ever. “We just see what they show us. I think it works both ways.”
Margo made a sound of agreement. “I blame it on the fact that we’ve all been swimming in the same fishbowl for so long,” she said. “I mean, at some point we decided we knew who everyone was and we stopped trying to see anything more.”
We
were all silent and I imagined we were all picturing Grover High as a giant fish tank. It was a surprisingly apt metaphor, particularly when it came to Julia.
“She’s not superficial like I thought,” I said.
“Of course she’s not,” Margo said. Margo had always had a soft spot for Julia, even before they started spending more time together since they shared a mutual friend in Jason.
“Did you tell her she was superficial?” Suzie said, a warning note in her tone.
I cleared my throat. “Maybe at first I might have alluded—”
“Matt,” Suzie groaned.
“I know,” I said. “But then we became…” My mind flashed back on our time together this weekend. Of the laughter and the talking and the kissing. “We sort of became friends, I guess you could say.”
“That’s a good start,” Margo said, her voice filled with laughter.
I nodded. “Yeah, it was. But then…”
They waited in silence until I spilled the whole story. When I was done the silence was deafening.
“Obviously, I need to apologize,” I said.
“Obviously.” That was said in unison by my two best friends.
“Great,” I said. “So we’re in agreement.” I stared up at the ceiling as if some better answers might be up there.
“So now she thinks you don’t like her. Like, at all,” Margo clarified.
I winced. “I think maybe that’s what she believes, yeah.”
Suzie groaned so loudly I could practically see her face planting on her bed in her misery on my behalf.
Yup. It was officially that bad.
“But you do like her,” Margo added, clearly asking for confirmation.
I turned my head to glower at the phone. “Yes. I think I made that clear.”
“Not to her,” Suzie chimed in helpfully.
I swallowed back any sarcastic retort, because she was right. I hadn’t made it clear how I felt about her. “It’s been one weekend,” I said. “I don’t know how I feel.”
“That sounds like a lie,” Margo said. She’d never been one to pull her punches.
I tried to protest but couldn’t. “No one falls for someone this quickly.”
I thought perhaps they were blown away by my insight but then they both started laughing. “Yeah, and no one falls for the boy next door after knowing him her whole life,” Margo said. Suzie was still laughing as she added, “And no one falls for a guy she’s only met online.”
I rolled my eyes. “Yeah, okay. Point made.”
“Look,” Margo said, her tone growing more serious. “You guys don’t know each other well enough to know how serious this could get. I’m not suggesting you go declare your love or anything, but I think you both owe it to yourselves to at least give this thing a shot.”
I sat up and stared at the phone. “But how? I mean, you guys know better than anyone that it’s one thing to have fun together when it’s just the two of us, but back at school?” I shook my head. “You know she won’t be an outcast forever.”
“Seems like she’s already back in favor,” Suzie said. “Julia is the alpha cheerleader once more and all is right in the world.”
I blinked at the phone. “What?”
“Yup,” Margo said. “Cara’s been tagged in that stupid hashtag no less than three times today. Maybe more, I haven’t really been keeping track.”
“Her minions are turning on her,” Suzie added.
I sighed. We all knew what that meant. If Cara was out, Julia was in. “See?” I said. “We’ll return and life as we know it will go back to status quo. Nothing will have changed.”
“Ugh,” Margo groaned. “Stop being so melodramatic. First of all, things have already changed. And second—”
“High school is almost over,” Suzie finished. “Isn’t it time we all start moving on? It sounds like Julia is ready…”
“So, the question is, are you?” Margo said.
“Of course,” I said quickly. “I’m not the one who’d have issues being seen dating the hot cheerleader.”
“And you think she would?” Suzie asked. “Have issues being seen with you, I mean?”
I thought about what Julia had said. About how she wasn’t embarrassed about liking comics, but about how they were the one thing that was just hers. That was one part of herself that wasn’t for show, that wasn’t a crafted image, that wasn’t a lie.
That was when it clicked into place. I finally understood what it was I’d wanted to say, the heart of the issue when it came to me and Julia.
“Here’s the thing,” I said. “It’s not about if she’s popular or not, or whether our friends would approve.”
“So,” Suzie said after a lengthy pause. “What’s it about?”
“It’s about the fact that the girl I like, the one I’ve gotten to know…” I looked at the phone as I struggled for words. “I’m afraid she’ll disappear again when we get back. She’s so used to living behind this mask of perfection…” I shook my head. “I don’t know if she’ll still be the same person I’m falling for when we return. I don’t know if she’ll want to be.”
They were both quiet for a bit as if they knew that I needed time to wrap my head around this realization. I’d finally put my fears into words and that made it seem even more real. More painful. The thought of going back and watching the girl I liked disappear before my eyes was…well, it was terrifying.
“Um, Matt?” Suzie said tentatively.
“Yeah?”
“I don’t think we’re the ones you need to be talking to about this.”
I sighed. “Yeah.”
* * *
I had a plan. The next morning, I waited for Julia in the lobby so we could drive home together as planned. The only way I’d been able to get any sleep at all the night before was by assuring myself that I’d make it all right today. We’d have more than an hour alone in my car together. An hour in which I would hopefully find the right words to explain that it wasn’t her I didn’t like—that, in fact, I liked her more than words could say—it was the fact that she hid herself away that I had an issue with.
I wanted to be with Julia—the real Julia. The geek, the nerd, the funny, intelligent, sexy sweetheart who’d charmed the heck out of me at a comic-con. I couldn’t settle for anything less than being with that truthful, genuine Julia or it would break my heart.
So, you see, while I might not have figured out the words precisely, I felt certain that once we were trapped in a car together, the words would come.
Like I’d said—I had a plan.
My plan? It was thwarted.
Through the throng of hotel guests who were checking out or checking in, I watched the elevator doors with anticipation. Excitement, even. This was it. This morning I’d make things right.
But it wasn’t Julia who eventually stepped off the elevator; it was Thea. She wore an apologetic grimace as she approached.
“She’s not coming,” I said.
Thea shrugged in answer, her lips sealed shut.
I shifted from foot to foot as I adjusted my bag over my shoulder. “How will she get home?”
Thea’s expression softened a bit and I was pretty sure I saw a flicker of pity in her eyes. “I’ll give her a ride. Grover isn’t too far out of the way for me.”
I nodded. “Oh, that’s…nice.”
I was officially crushed. Thea gave me a small smile in response to my lame attempt to cover up how disappointed I was.
“I need to talk to her,” I said. I didn’t try to hide the pleading edge to my voice. Perhaps I should have been ashamed by how pathetic I was at this particular moment, but if pity would get Thea to help a guy out, I was all over it. Heck, I’d break out the waterworks if I thought it would help.
Luckily, I didn’t have to resort to tears. Thea took pity and moved toward me to rest a reassuring hand on my shoulder. “You will talk to her,” she said. “Eventually. You guys go to the same school, she can’t avoid you forever.”
&
nbsp; I nodded but I was so not reassured by that. Clearly Thea didn’t realize just how separate our worlds were back at Grover High. The girl had gone more than a decade without interacting with me. I was pretty sure she could manage a few months of avoiding me if she wanted to.
Thea nudged my arm with her elbow. “Trust me, Julia’s not one to hold a grudge. You’ll have your chance.”
I wasn’t so sure but I managed a grateful smile in return. I was about to walk away when she stopped me. “Word of advice?”
I turned back. “I’ll take all the advice I can get.”
Her dark eyes were lit with mischief. “When you do get your second chance? Try not to screw it up.”
I let out a shocked huff of laughter at her honesty.
“I don’t know how many second chances she’ll give you,” Thea added.
I scratched the back of my head, keenly aware that Thea must have heard the whole story, including but not limited to the way it had all ended last night, with me basically saying I didn’t like her. Which I didn’t mean, at all. “I did an awesome job of messing this up, huh?”
She nodded enthusiastically. “Oh yeah. That was some pretty epic foot-in-mouth syndrome, my friend.”
I found myself smiling, maybe because ‘my friend’ helped to ease the blow. Also, the fact that she was being honest with me. I wouldn’t have been able to swallow it if she’d tried to make me feel better about the miserable way I’d handled things.
I threw my hands up in a helpless gesture. “I didn’t know what to say, or how to put it into words. This is all new for me, you know.”
She grinned. “Her too. That’s probably why you’re both acting like such morons.”
“Gee, thanks.”
Thea winked. “Anytime.”
I let out a pathetic sigh as I prepared myself for a long, lonely drive home.
“Look,” Thea said with a patient smile. “Just give her some time, some space.”
I nodded and Thea arched a brow. “Maybe you can use that time to figure out what you want to say.”
I gave her a quick, impulsive hug before letting her go. “Thanks, Thea. That’s exactly what I’ll do.”
Once Upon a Comic-Con: Geeks Gone Wild #3 Page 12
