“No, I don’t. I know you’d been visiting her. I know she thinks you’re a ghost. I know she’s sad. I know she misses you.”
“Stop,” he ordered, glaring sinisterly ahead.
Thick walls of trees traced the edges of the road. “It’s okay, Maxell. It’s okay to miss your old life. And it’s okay for your old life to miss you.”
It felt like minutes passed between my statement and his response.
“I said goodbye to Samantha because it was the right thing to do. Masters doesn’t know, so don’t say anything. He’d kill me if he knew I talked to her. Even if she does think she was dreaming. He thinks you and I crossed paths near your house, which isn’t technically an entire lie. Everything’s close to everything in Port Inlet.”
His answer was full of defensiveness and only a little bit of truth. “It’s also okay to miss her,” I told him softly. “Misty said you two dated for a long time. I’d be concerned if you didn’t miss her. Even a little.”
The tension in the car thickened. Like common sense and effervescence; the weight of his anger tickled my nose. He obviously didn’t enjoy this line of questioning, but I’d already started it, and deep down, I wanted to see the boy who’d had everything to live for even once. Maybe then I could let him go and see the person he was now.
“Okay, Emmie, you want the truth? It isn’t going to sound good. And it isn’t going to be fake one day when you want it to be. The truth is, I miss Sam, but I miss myself more. When I yearn for yesterday, it isn’t her I’m thinking about. It’s myself. It’s my life. My dreams. My future. I said goodbye to her because she deserved the closure. That’s all. But I can’t say goodbye to the past. I’m never going to be okay with what happened to me. I didn’t just lose a heartbeat. I lost everything. I’m a monster now. An immortal monster with nothing to look forward to, and I get to do that forever. You still have your life. And as long as it’s up to me, you’ll always be human,” he promised, the pressure in the car increasing, as if his promise hurt the atmosphere.
I couldn’t explain why it hurt me, too. Maybe because I could do the math.
Immortal + mortal = inevitable heartbreak.
And if what he said was true, if we were bonded—whatever that meant, whatever we became—then that equation wasn’t fair for him to solve all on his own.
“Have you thought about that? About me becoming like you?”
“No,” was all he said.
No, as in he had and didn’t like what he saw? No, as in he didn’t look that far ahead because this bond wasn’t as intricate and irrevocable as it seemed? No, as in you wish?
I ground my teeth together. I didn’t know how to argue a point I wasn’t even sure about. It was like screaming into the abyss without vowels. It would be one humongous confusing echo. I tabled it. My instincts told me not to let that equation go far, though.
“You are not a monster, Maxell.”
“You don’t know what you’re talking about. Please,” he begged, “can we talk about something else? Please.”
Please in his voice wasn’t fair. It just wasn’t fair! “Fine.”
“Fine,” he agreed, releasing the chokehold he had on the steering wheel. “May I ask you some things?”
My hackles rose. “Like what?”
“Superficial things,” he promised, calming me a bit. “We can go back and forth. It’ll take a bit to get to where we’re going. I could run us there in a quarter of the time, but something tells me you’re not ready for warp speed.”
“Did you know warp speed isn’t even really that fast?”
He gave me a weird look. “Who cares?”
I groaned in dismay. “I forgot.”
“Forgot what?”
“That you were a hot popular jock. Thus intellectually challenged.”
He gave the road an amused snort. “Did you just call me dumb?”
“I don’t know. Did I?” I bit down on my bottom lip to keep from laughing at his put-out expression.
He hit me with a look of aghast horror. “Don’t tell me you’re a book nerd or something?”
I fought my smile, hitting him with a shrug. “I enjoy reading the occasional book.”
“Oh, man. How’s that gonna work? I’m a hot, irresistible jock, and you’re an adorable, scented-like-the-sun book nerd.”
I clamped my lips shut. “I never said you were irresistible.”
“No, but you did say I was hot.” He let out a small chuckle, lighting up his eyes.
“Watch the road, vampire boy.” I crossed my arms over my chest, my cheeks heating up.
“It’s all right, you know? I’m well aware of my irresistibleness. It’s the only thing I got to take with me.” He hit me with a gorgeous smile. “You’re blushing.”
I reached over on impulse and lobbed him in the arm. Unfortunately, I didn’t know he was solid like a slab of marble, or that smacking a vampire would have me yelping in pain. I cradled my hand to my chest. “Look what you did!”
“You’re the one who hit me. Is it broken?”
I held my poor hand up between us. It looked okay and when I wiggled my fingers nothing fell off. “I don’t think so.”
“You hit your last boyfriend, too?”
I gasped. “You are not my boyfriend.”
He snorted. “No, you’re right. I’m way more than that. You couldn’t physically, mentally, or emotionally see anyone else the way you see me ever again—”
“How do I see you?”
He gave me a look. “Emmie, come on. Don’t insult me. We’re pair bonded. Haven’t you been listening?”
“You never even explained what it meant. Not really. You called it ‘soulmates’ and then ran away.”
“Well, how else do I describe something I’ve never had?”
“How did Masters describe it?”
He mulled his impending words over, choosing them carefully. That he did so was comical, but I didn’t let on that his reluctance was adorable to me.
“Reowna senses things. I guess some vampires can do certain things better than others. It’s random for some, and for others what you were good at before, you’re even better at now. She was really intuitive when she was human. She read tarot cards and she trusted her instincts. As a vampire, she gets impressions, sometimes she’ll have daydreams, other times it’s a reverie, or even a feeling. On occasion she’ll see an image, and she’ll paint what she feels. She’s never wrong. Supposedly, she’d been waiting for Masters. She had a dream the night before they met and knew exactly where to go. She didn’t know he’d attack her or that she’d wake up a vampire—that’s the thing about Reowna; she sees the end, but not how to get there—but she did know, quote, ‘that forever started the day I met him.’ I guess that’s what it’s like. What it’s supposed to be like anyway. Our lives were supposed to start the night we met. But things are different for you and me. They will be different. I will not take your human life from you, Emmie.” He slowed the car so he could look me in the eye, so he could catapult his promise across the space between us and bury it in my soul. “I will not be that selfish.”
Again, the severe weight of his promise unsettled me. What could I say? How could I argue when I only knew half the story? And I sensed that I should argue. I felt the sting of his promise not for any other reason than because he didn’t even ask me what mine was.
“So, let me get this straight. If we really are bonded, or whatever, and we do, um, fall in love, then what? You stay young and like the way you are forever, and I… what? Get old? How is that gonna work? Or I don’t get old, Maxell. What then? And why do you get to decide that? What about what I want?”
“You don’t even know what you want.”
“I know that, but one day I will. And you’ve already made your mind up for both of us.”
“We’re not there yet. We’re so far from there, why talk about it now?”
He hadn’t thought this through. Not logically, at least. Emotionally, he determined that his li
fe had ended and thus he’d never end mine. I got that. I understood it the way he had. But there was a massive space between now and forever, and neither of us could see across it.
I brought my legs to my chest, resting my chin on my kneecap. Silence descended between us. It was impenetrable. I couldn’t break through it even if I tried. Without knowing what to say, it was impossible to argue. I didn’t have all the pieces. The scary part was, I didn’t think he did either.
A small break in the trees along the road showed how far up in the mountains we were. There was a deep ravine hundreds of feet below us. The trees cleared for a stretch, showcasing two large mountains in the distance, their peaks topped with snow. The roads became dirt, and fresh snow littered the sides of the pathway.
“Where are we going?”
“Mirror Mountain. Ever hear of them?”
I shook my head.
“They’re two of the tallest mountains in the North Cascades National Park.” My expression must’ve showed what I was thinking because he shrugged with one shoulder. “It’s a large place. We’re nowhere near where I was attacked. They’re both almost 9,500 feet tall, and in the middle of them is a huge natural water lake. The lake makes them look like one. Like a mirror. There’s a story from the Wenatchee people that the two mountains were once lovers. They could not fathom life without the other, so when one passed, the other did, too, and the two mountains formed where each had lain, and now they’re together forever, their devotion mirrored in the lake.” He shrugged the shoulder nearest me. “Always kind of liked the story.”
I kind of liked it, too.
Eventually, the dirt road ended. My ears popped when he stopped the car. Snow fell, fine and soft. I’d never seen snow that close up. It was so pretty and unblemished.
“Be careful,” he warned when I moved to get out of the car. “There’s not much room on either side of the path.” He looked over the edge and then groaned. “Don’t move, Emmie.” He came around front of the car and opened my door the rest of the way alarmingly fast, holding out his hand. I gave him mine. He gently tugged me out of the car and against his body. He was right. There was only a few inches between us, and the steep drop down the craggy side. It went on for miles. I couldn’t even see the bottom.
I clung to him, my head swaying.
“Oh, no, don’t tell me you’re afraid of heights.”
I squeezed my eyes shut. I dug my nails into his arm, but he didn’t seem to register the pain. “We’re up so high.”
“We’re about to go higher. Do me a favor?”
“What?” I managed to get out between my chattering teeth and terror.
“We only have a couple more hours of daylight if we’re lucky. Just keep your eyes closed and trust me, please?”
At that point, what choice did I have? “Okay.”
His hands slid around my body and I was hoisted in the air so quickly I was glad my eyes weren’t open. I cracked one for a second to find that I was in his arms, and he held me against his chest, and that he was hopping over the edge of the mountain. My stomach dropped out of me and I wrapped my arms around his neck, screaming all the way down like I was on a rollercoaster.
“Maxell!” I hollered. “You’re insane!”
I heard his chuckle even over my thrumming pulse. “Indestructible, remember? Give me a second more of your trust before you open your eyes.”
Icy wind cut at my face and hands. The scent of him was so strong it overpowered the other scents whipping past me, like pine and dirt. I buried my face in his neck and wondered if I’d still be adorable if I puked all over him.
Probably not.
Abruptly, the wind stopped pelting me, but it didn’t go away. It just got colder and harsher. He set me down on my feet, keeping hold of my hand.
“You can open your eyes now.”
I cracked them open carefully, yelping when I saw how high up we were. We were on the top of one of the mountains. The other was just as he described. It was across from us and the enormous lake below us mirrored both mountains, making them into one. The forest stretched on and on for endless miles. The sky was above, so expansive I felt awfully tiny. Like a speck on a globe of impressive purpose-filled giants.
I’d never felt so small and insignificant before. But I never wanted more than to matter the way I did standing atop that mountain beside a vampire who probably mourned what I craved.
He smacked me in the face with a breathtaking grin. “It’s beautiful, isn’t it?”
I let out a shaky laugh, afraid to look behind me. Afraid to move at all. I clung to his right arm with all my might. It was pressed against my front like a solid grounding force. “Beautiful is one word I’d use.”
“What’s another?”
“Incredible.”
He nodded to himself. “Incredible it is.” He pointed overhead. “As soon as that cloud moves, we’ll find out what happens in the sunlight.”
Panic crashed into my stomach. “What if it hurts you?”
“What if it doesn’t?” he asked, meeting my eyes and holding them.
His beauty was undeniable. Even faced with such grandeur, I couldn’t overlook the fact that he’d taken my breath away before Mirror Mountain ever did.
Ashamed of myself, I tore my eyes from his face and aimed it up at the sky. The cloud was heavy and pure, unblemished white. It seemed to be moving too fast. Stay, I begged the cloud. Save him for a little longer. Never had vampires fared well in the sun in almost every single book I’d read or movie I watched. But they all suffered differently. There were so many horrible scenarios playing out in my head, that I didn’t even realize the cloud had moved and the sun came out until I learned to never, ever trust what I read or watched again.
Not when it came to Maxell.
For a second, nothing happened. The sun kissed his face and he closed his eyes as the rich golden light lit up the shadows on his face. I was stunned too. For one, he was unbearably gorgeous. And for another, it was the first time I’d seen the sun in months. It was heaven feeling the warmth.
Until his eyes popped open and he quickly looked at me. “Uh-oh.”
“Uh-oh? What do you mean, uh-oh?”
His eyes burned first. As soon as the sun hit his eyes, they sizzled, and smoke wafted from his corneas. He bellowed, covering his eyes with his hands. The sun burned them next. Blisters singed across his hands.
“Maxell!”
When he removed his hands from his face, the sun turned his face into an instant seared plain of burning blisters and flesh. He reared back, nearly falling over the edge of the mountain.
He righted himself just in time and grabbed my arm, yanking me against him. I didn’t have time to close my eyes that time. I watched the earth come for us as he dove over the edge the way I would dive into a swimming pool. I clung to him, bracing myself for the inevitable slam that would break every bone in our bodies. I wondered if mountains would grow where we fell. If we’d get forever a different way.
He landed on a smaller bluff, one hidden from the sun, and set me unscathed on my feet before he hid against the edge of the cliff. He rubbed his eyes, cursing as he saw the blisters on his hands.
As I watched him, too numb to move, the blisters began to heal. In mere seconds, his hands looked like they had before. His face as well. Finally, his eyes were clear again.
I gasped. “Your eyes.”
“What about them?”
“They’re the same. They’re the way they were before. Mint brownies.”
I wasn’t sure it was possible for him to be paler, but he somehow accomplished it. “My eyes are hazel again?”
“Yes.” I pulled in a breath. Hazel was such a gross understatement, but it would do. “They’re so beautiful.” The mint was nearly glowing, such a soft vibrant shade of green mixing perfectly with the light brown near his pupil.
“Emmie!” he snapped. “Enough about my eyes. I’m sorry I have to do this. But we have to go. Before I pull in a breath,” he added
under his. He took my arm and pulled me into his, running through the forest so incredibly fast, I had no choice but to close my eyes.
“Get in the car,” he ordered after I was on my feet.
I peeled my eyes opened to find that we were back at the car. “One moment,” I requested, and then I puked over the edge of the cliff.
My stomach swayed. He drove like a maniac, pushing the needle on his speedometer over one hundred miles per hour. I fought nausea the entire drive. I had so many questions, but I couldn’t ask them. The sun had set by the time he pulled up in front of Granny Londa’s house. He took my backpack from the backseat and opened his door, zipping around to open mine.
“Can you walk?” he asked.
“Not on a tightrope, but I can manage.” I took my bag from him, frowning when he was around back to his side of the car. “You’re not even going to walk me to the door?”
He glared at me. “I took you to the top of a mountain.”
I shrugged, unsure why I was so bothered by the idea of him leaving now. In this way. But I was. “So.”
“So?” He pointed at his face. Specifically, his eyes. “I need to talk to Masters. Now.”
I sighed, the sound embarrassingly wobbly. “Okay.”
His shoulders sagged. “I’ll pick you up for school,” he wagered.
I perked back up, but I tried to play it cool. Pursing my lips. Giving him another shrug. Meandering closer to my front door. “I guess that’ll do.”
“You guess?” He snorted. “Emmie?”
Before I touched the door handle, I turned back to him. The moon shone onto his eyes like spotlights. “Yeah, Maxell?”
“Thank you for not running away today. Thank you for not caring about anything other than my eyes. And thank you for still wanting to see me tomorrow.” He swallowed hard, his words increasing my strange sadness. “Go inside. Go to sleep. Dream.”
Before I could lock the front door after me, he was already gone. That’s how Granny Londa found me, peering out of the front window with my face pressed to the glass.
“Where have you been, girl?”
I turned around to find her carrying a bowl of popcorn, bathrobe brushing the tops of her feet.
Court of Frost and Embers (The Pair Bond Chronicles Book 1) Page 11
