When I looked up after a second of no answer, I found that he was gone. My phone vibrated.
MAXELL, THE LOVE OF YOUR HUMAN LIFE, ALTHOUGH YOU HAVEN’T REALIZED IT YET, WHICH BOTHERS ME AS MUCH AS IT SHOULDN’T, CONSIDERING ONCE YOU DO, WE’RE EVEN MORE SCREWED, HEATHESTONE: You’ll call me to come back because despite how often I gripe about your humanity, I will always crave it. And your humanity will always crave my immortality. We’re irrevocable.
My insides squirmed. I sighed, reaching over to pull his door closed before I got out and lay atop his hood. Snow fell around me, soft and silent as it dropped to the ground. The cold was thick in the air; my breath clouded out before me. I stared up at the sky, counting the stars even though I could have stayed out there all night and still not have counted how many there actually were.
It looked like a giant had taken a handful of silver particles and tossed them amid the inky-black sky. One thing Port Inlet had over anywhere else was the sky. It went on forever, humongous and magnificent. There were no city lights to drown out the stars. Startled, I feared the place was growing on me. One tree-ridden, sunless day at a time.
I sat up on the hood, wondering when Maxell would make his point when I felt it. A sharp pang stabbed me in the middle of my chest. I slid from the hood, clutching my chest. The pain ebbed and I thought I had heartburn, but swiftly in its place came such emptiness. It was the same kind of emptiness I felt when I was torn from my parents, and when my parents were later torn from me. This all-consuming nothing swept over me in a dark haze. I reached out, supporting myself on the hood.
Tears burned in my eyes. I looked up at the stars. Maybe it was the pain, but even they looked duller. Barely twinkling. Barely alive.
I reached into my pocket and took out the phone, pressing call on the only name in my contacts list.
MAXELL, THE LOVE OF YOUR HUMAN LIFE, ALTHOUGH YOU HAVEN’T REALIZED IT YET, WHICH BOTHERS ME AS MUCH AS IT SHOULDN’T, CONSIDERING ONCE YOU DO, WE’RE EVEN MORE SCREWED, HEATHESTONE.
He answered before the first ring could even finish. “Already? I’ve barely made it into Canada.”
I groaned, rubbing at my chest. “What is this?”
“Every day the bond between us gets stronger, Emmie. One day, it will consume us both. We won’t stand a chance. Here’s yours. Please consider it? Please,” he begged.
I closed my eyes. “What is it?”
“I can keep going. Say the words. Keep running, Maxell, and I will. The gnawing, ugly pain in your chest won’t get better. But I feel it, too. That same ache is in mine, all day and all night. It isn’t even because my life is over. It’s because I know that in order to have one at all, I have to take yours. I can keep running. Go as far as I can away from you. You’ll ache, but at least you’ll be alive. I can live with it as long as I know somewhere you exist as you’re supposed to. Warm, human, and full of fire. You’ll grow up, meet a human boy, and love him just enough to fill the hole I left behind. You’ll always feel like something’s missing, but at least you’ll know what it is. You’ll grow old, have kids, and then you’ll become a memory. One I will never forget. Instead of never getting the chance.” His voice wobbled and he took a moment before he kept going. “Or you can say the words. Come back, Maxell, and I’ll never leave again. Because as much of a monster as it makes me, I want to come back to you, Emmie. I hate that human boy you’ll love. I hate the bland happiness he’ll bring you. I hate the idea of living with your memory when I’d rather be beside you making memories of our own forever. I want to protect you. I want to be there. I want you to be there. I want what fate promised me. Forever with you. But this will be the hardest road for both of us to take. I can feel it. The bumps, the turns, and the dead ends—it will be a journey fraught with danger and damage, but one dripping with love and purpose. I know you don’t understand that yet, maybe I don’t even understand it, but one day we will. Or we won’t. What do you say, Emmie Tealson? Do I keep running, or do I come back to you?”
I doubled over, my tears so thick and fat I couldn’t even see the stars anymore. The ache in me was cavernous. I was sure it existed before Maxell. That loneliness had been in me since birth, since my parents abandoned me, since I’d abandoned myself. But I knew one thing. Since the night I met Maxell, I hadn’t thought much of that awful ache. So, maybe I didn’t understand what lay before us, but I understood that without a doubt, I’d take danger and damage over human boys and memories any day.
“Come back to me, Maxell.”
There was a sharp hiss on his end, one of acute relief and regret. In his case they would probably always be interchangeable. When he lost his life, he gained an understanding most never would. That to love a life was to know the loss of one. But I didn’t see his life as a loss. His still heartbeat may not make a sound, but it had an echo of all the life he’d still get to live.
Abruptly, the ache in me healed. The sudden departure left me breathless. I sagged back in the snow against the hood, gasping when I noticed him standing there. His hair was wind-swept, and ice clung to his onyx lashes, turning his eyes into two-toned jewels. He clutched his cell in his hand, the call between us still on-going.
My phone lay beside my hand, the call screen facing the star-studded sky.
I met his eyes the same second his met mine. I felt the tidal wave wash over me. All his fears, worries, and concerns became mine. I felt his desires and wants, and vulnerabilities show me my own. I was exposed, the way he had been since we’d met. But I also felt a little bit more like myself, and it had been so long since I’d known myself enough to make a choice that was mine.
He extended his hand to me.
I placed my hand in his.
The moment we touched, I felt the fire and ice between us. I wanted one to consume me and the other to burn me. For the frost and embers to become me.
He pulled me to my feet. He ended the call and slipped his phone back in his pocket. And then he reached up and delicately cradled my face in his cool, capable fingers. He tilted my face ever-so-slightly to the side, gazing at me long enough to soften his eyes and tilt one corner of his mouth up. “Has anyone ever told you that your eyes look like fire? The lovely parts of fire, that is. The gold and the amber and bronze. Fire scares people. It can start so small and within seconds it’s an inferno. It can tear through the coldest of places and leave nothing but ash in its wake. But some of the greatest things in life have risen from ashes.” He leaned close, so close I could see everything he was thinking. “I think we’re one of them.”
I wasn’t prone to fainting. Had never done so before. But I was fairly certain my equilibrium truly considered if remaining upright was overrated there for a second.
“But I’m still human,” I whispered, wondering if I were seeing things. Were his lips coming closer? How would kissing work if one of us wanted to bite the other? And I wasn’t sure it wasn’t me when my heart stuttered in my chest after my eyes flashed to his lips. They were so full and smooth, and I’d never wanted to fit my lips with another’s so badly before.
His eyes did the same thing, albeit a lot faster than mine had. “You asked me to come back. Everything else we’ll figure it out together.”
“It would be romantic if you kissed me right now.”
He grinned. “Wouldn’t it? Except for the fact that I’m a vampire, and I’m holding my breath for fear I’ll get a hint of your scent and drain you. Tasting your lips, as badly as I want to—and trust me, Emmie, I want to taste you as badly as you want to taste me—isn’t something we can risk. Yet.” He moved his left hand down the side of my face until his fingertips were on my chin. He watched his index and middle finger caress my bottom lip. His cool touch felt amazing on my flushed skin. As he touched me, his pupils expanded. “I get stronger every day.”
I felt mildly guilty that he had to get stronger just to be around me. To avoid his bloodlust. To deny who he was. I tilted my head to the side as best I could with him holding me. “Fine. Have a taste. Just on
e.”
He froze. “You’re kidding, right?”
I kissed his fingertips. “I’m kidding. Right.”
He studied his fingers upon my lips, pressing them against me one more time, the only way he could safely kiss me. “Please don’t tell me I have to deal with your corny jokes forever.” He stepped away from me, expression guarded.
His pupils expanded further, and his throat bobbed. He was hungry. And probably a whole bunch of other things. I knew I was feeling a plethora of emotions, all of which felt good and scary… and new.
“There’s always the chance that I become funnier, but that sounds excessive and I’m fine with my level of comedic quality right now.”
“At least one of us is.” He smirked, bending down to pick up the cell phone. “Here. This is yours. You’re the only teenager in the world who doesn’t have a cell phone.”
“You bought me a phone?” It was a sleek and modern smart phone with a touch screen, the kind I saw celebrities using in magazines, the kind people waited in line for hours to get. “That’s… weird.”
He went around to my side of the car and held my door open. “Get in, loser, we’re going home.”
I laughed, caught off guard by his Mean Girls reference. “Believe it or not, but I’ve seen that movie way too many times.”
He chuckled, pulling back onto the road. The moment we put that road behind us, I felt a little lighter. “Believe it or not, so have I. But none of them were my idea.”
“Was it Samantha’s?” I asked, aiming for a blasé tone.
He gave me a frown. “Don’t you dare.”
“Don’t I dare what?” I couldn’t look at him.
“Be jealous. I’m not going to tell you not to feel something, because that’s immature and pointless, but I will tell you that you don’t have to feel any kind of jealousy for my past human relationship. And we both know I have no future without you in it.”
I swallowed hard, looking out the window. Heated embarrassment burned my neck, and it was threatening to creep into my cheeks. “I don’t feel jealous. I think. I don’t know what I feel.” I sighed.
“Yes, you do. You’re not like other girls your age. You’re not naïve; you don’t have the luxury of not understanding your emotions. You’re smart and empathetic and self-aware. What do you feel? You can tell me anything, Emmie,” he said, softer. “I tell you everything. Don’t hide from me.”
I brought my knees to my chest, hugging them to me. “I’m not jealous the way you’re thinking I am. I totally respect your human life. I guess that’s what makes me envious. I want to know you then as much as I want to know you now.”
He took his time answering. “I hate to break it to you, but there wasn’t much to the human Maxell. He was about as deep as a puddle.”
I looked sideways at him, afraid he’d meet my eyes right now, but also afraid he wouldn’t. It was scary to be so open with a boy. I felt like I was turned inside out, and he knew my soft spots and that made him powerful over my vulnerability. The last people who had a place inside had mangled me. Maxell wasn’t my parents—he was still there. “He looked so happy and alive. Maybe I envy that, too. No one cares that I exist.”
“Emmie—”
“No, it’s okay,” I told him, stopping him from arguing. “Really, it is. Some people are stars, some are the sky. I’m not bitter or anything. I’ve always been fine being by myself. I always had a hard time making friends or talking to people in general. I never felt like I belonged and never really related to anyone. My only friends were my parents, and they must’ve gotten sick of me, too,” I said, laughing it off. But it hurt and it got stuck in my throat. “But I can see in your pictures how loved you were. How bright and shining. You’re a star.” It was hard to talk. “I feel sad that the human boy you were is gone and people miss you. But I’m also thankful that I get to sit next to you right now. And I feel so bad that I’m glad it’s just you and me.” I took an unsteady breath. “Samantha got to know a you that doesn’t exist anymore. That’s all I’m saying.”
The only sounds were my unstable breathing and the purr of his engine until he opened his mouth.
“You’ve got it partially right. But you also got it wrong. Some people are stars and some people are the sky, and then there’s girls like you. You’re a galaxy. You contain my entire solar system. You’re a gravitationally bound system of stellar remnants, interstellar gas, and dark matter. I can’t exist without you. Don’t miss my human side, even if I do. Some part of me—and it’s growing every day—is glad that you get to know me like this, rather than the empty, naïve kid I used to be. That guy had a lot going for him, but deserving you wasn’t one of them.”
I.
Was.
Going.
To.
Explode.
My lips throbbed. They wanted to taste his. We just knew without a doubt that his kiss would be as sweet as his breath. I touched my hand to my chest, tearing my eyes off his handsome, bared face. “Warn me before you do that again.” I took deep breaths, trying to gain some control. It shouldn’t be so hard to do. Maxell had to do it every single second we were together. “I can’t be held responsible for what I do if you don’t.”
“Do what?” he asked, face serious.
I met his eyes. His lovely mint-chocolate eyes that were becoming darker the longer we spent together. “Take my breath away like that.”
His eyes were both sincere and humorous. “How should I take your breath away in the future?”
I thought about it, hoping his vampire skills were enough to keep the car from careening over the cliff since he hadn’t looked at the road in almost a minute. “You’re going to do it more than once?”
He nodded, real slow and purposeful.
Oh boy. I blew out a breath and then quickly realized I needed another one. “Well, for one, you could do something, like wave your arms like you’ve been stuck on an island and a plane is flying over for the first time in years style. That’d be nice.”
“SOS style, got it. Anything else?”
I leaned across the seat and pressed my lips to his cheek, lingering near him. His scent clouded my mind, took control of my lips, made my next words his. “Don’t warn me.”
He nuzzled his cheek against my lips. “But you just said you wanted me to. I take it that having your breath taken away is pleasurable?”
I kissed his cheek again, lightheaded as the coolness of his skin melted against the heat of mine. “Yes. Very.”
“Very pleasurable. Got it.”
“Can you see the road?”
“I remember the route. I have an incredible memory. I don’t need my eyes on the road right now. I need them on you. Don’t worry.”
“I’m not,” I admitted, making him hum in approval.
“Good,” he murmured, the purr of the engine speeding up.
I peeked at the road. It was as windy and snow ridden as the last time I’d looked, but we were going much faster. I turned back to him to find his eyes shining. “You’re testing my trust, aren’t you?”
He went even faster. “No need. The faster we get home, the faster I can feed, the faster I can be near you again and build up my self-control so I can do what we both know you want me to do to you right now.”
I pressed my forehead against his neck, trying not to pass out. “You know I want you to kiss me, don’t you?” I was so hot, I felt a bead of sweat trail down my spine. Even his cold skin wasn’t enough to suppress the fire burning inside me right then. “That isn’t embarrassing or anything.”
His fingers toyed with mine. “Emmie, look at me.”
I did so.
His eyes widened a fraction, the hunger in them waning. “Sit back.” He did so, pressing his foot down on the ground.
“What’s wrong?”
“You’re feverish.”
I blushed hotter, feeling my head fog over. “Stop it.”
“No, really. You’re on fire.” He reached over and touched my forehead,
keeping it there for longer than need be. “The heat feels good,” he admitted sheepishly. “Not that I’m happy your body temperature’s unstable.”
I pulled the visor down when he removed his hand to find that I did look flushed. And not just nervous, but feverish. My eyes were glassy, and my cheeks were deep pink. Sweat dripped down my temple. But unlike a fever, I felt the heat. It was radiating out of me from the inside.
He turned the heater off. “That help?”
“Give me your hand again.” When he did so, I placed it on my cheek, leaning against his palm. Icy pressure eased some of the heat on my face. I sighed. “That helps.”
“It doesn’t, actually. You’d be better off if I stopped touching you altogether.” He pulled his hand away, making me frown at him. “I’m the reason your body temperature’s fluctuating so much. Sometimes I take too much of your heat, other times not enough. I think it depends on whose idea it was to touch.” He winked. “Just a theory though.”
“Stop theorizing and get me to Masters.” I leaned my face against the cold window. “I feel woozy.” I was almost exhausted, that’s how hot I was. I tore off my jacket and lobbed it in the backseat. He turned the air-conditioning on, and I opened the window, sighing in acute relief when the icy wind cut at my face. “Ahh, that’s good.”
“Emmie’s skin is burning up.”
I glanced over fleetingly to find him on the phone.
“Hot. She’s an oven. I can feel her body heat like holding my hands to a fire. We’re ten more minutes out, tops. Okay. Will do.” He whipped around the upcoming corner.
I found it hard to keep my eyes opened. I fought them until I couldn’t, losing consciousness long enough for the car to stop and my door to open.
Someone hissed; a cold pair of hands prodded my face. “She’s on fire. Emmie, honey, drink the fever elixir.” Something nudged against my lips. “Her body’s going to find a way to kill her, Maxell. It’s only a matter of time. If The Immortal Society doesn’t do so, her body will. Perhaps that’s the only thing that’s keeping them from knocking down our doors. They know it’s only a matter of time before the bond burns its way through her or the ice frosts over and takes her with it. They’re not accounting for me.”
Court of Frost and Embers (The Pair Bond Chronicles Book 1) Page 14
