He tugged my hand down, a disapproving glare narrowing his eyes. “Stop it. You know I’m not going to.”
“You have to. You don’t know what I saw. They’re going to burn your body alive. They’re going to kill you and that’s—” I paused to swallow the bile in my mouth. “That’s the worst pain I’ve ever felt and all I did was dream it.” It was worse than the pain I felt when I lost my parents, and that was saying something, since they left an inconsolable hole behind. Even before they were gone.
“I don’t think what you dreamed was the future. If so, Reowna would have done so, too. I think what you keep dreaming about is a warning.”
“From who?”
He frowned. “I don’t know.”
“Does Masters know this?”
“He probably does now that you told them your nightmare. He’s been going on about The Immortal Society for weeks. You’re the only human pair bond to remain human, and he’s helping to keep you that way. We’re all complicit. So, if your dream was true, then all of us would have been thrown into the Pyres instead of just me.” He smiled. “See? It’s okay. We just have to figure out who ratted us out, kill them, and then find out a way to keep you hidden forever from a ruthless society of pure vampires. Easy peasy.”
I gawked at him, too flummoxed for proper words. “But.” I swallowed hard. “You can’t—” Nope, that didn’t work. “Are you insane?” I clutched his face between my hands. “That’s your brilliant plan? That’s what keeps us both alive?”
He gently removed my hands from his face. “Listen to me, Emmie.” He waited until I nodded to continue talking. “I will never, ever, let anything happen to you. You have to trust me. Where there’s a forever, there’s a way, and I’ll be damned if I don’t find it, okay?”
What could I do but nod again? I was too afraid and confused to think properly, but I knew I couldn’t think that way forever. Maxell was making decisions without knowing all the facts and that was too dangerous for me to absorb. I took a chance on the small amount of hope that he was right about it not being a dream, but a warning.
Dreams could not be tampered with.
But warnings could be heeded.
“I want to talk to Masters.”
“Great idea. Go shower. I’ll help pack your things. Do I take the cat poster, or leave it?”
I studied the poster in question. “Leave it.”
“Also, a great idea.”
I trudged up the stairs, already feeling as if I never belonged in this house. Maybe I never had. Maybe I never even tried to belong, but at least I was there. I didn’t abandon myself in exchange for sunshine and no responsibility. “Your human life is detaching itself from you, one person at a time.” If that were true, I had very little attachments to lose. I tried to see it a different way. Maybe all the holes that were left behind were open now for others to fill. I thought about that as I showered.
I had nothing to lose as a human, but everything to lose as one, too.
I stepped out of the bathroom, my towel wrapped around my body. Steam billowed out into the hall. I poked my head into my room to find Maxell on my bed lying on his back. His boot clad feet hung over the edge.
“I had better accommodations at summer camp,” he stated.
On the floor of my bedroom were two identical black duffle bags he must’ve brought with us. Atop them were an outfit. It didn’t look like anything I’d worn before, but after further inspection, it was skinny jeans, a chunky black wool sweater I immediately loved, and matching beanie and black high-top sneakers. It was something I would wear… if I had it.
I glared at him. “Reowna knew that I was an orphan before we even left today, didn’t she?”
Maxell sat up, avoiding my gaze. “I’ll be in the car.” He grabbed both of the duffle bags, fluidly exiting my room, which looked even more pathetic without my things in it.
I tried not to think about the bra and panty set tucked between the jeans too hard, knowing that Reowna most likely picked them out herself. At least I hoped she did. The alternative painted my skin red and if I hadn’t had any fever elixir, I would have feared I was overheating. Once dressed, I scoured my room for anything he might’ve missed, but there was nothing I wanted to take with me.
I felt a sick churning in my stomach as I left my house keys on the coffee table. I set them atop the one hundred-dollar bill. The last thing I wanted was anymore charity from Granny Londa. The front door was ajar when I neared it, and Maxell was there, waiting to carry me back to his car.
And away from a place that was never mine.
I was no worse for wear.
Except it hurt to breathe, and when Maxell wasn’t looking, I wiped the tears from my eyes, unable to look back.
I could only look forward.
CHAPTER NINE
Something was different the moment Maxell and I walked into the Parkes’ home.
For one, Masters and Reowna were both waiting inside for us, mirror expressions of understanding and acceptance on their faces.
And for another, I didn’t have to leave. How could this be? How could this possibly be? How could I ever belong in a place that was surely not meant for me?
“If it helps any, I visited my mother after I had been turned. Instead of welcoming me with open arms, she screamed bloody murder, called me a demon, and then she called the law.” Masters smiled good-naturedly. “Not that she was there much anyway.”
“I never knew my parents,” Reowna pitched in. “I didn’t know what family even was until I met Masters.” She hugged his arm to her chest, peering at him with so much love it made my chest tighten.
He pecked her on the lips before turning back to me. “It tends to happen that way for pair bonds, Emmie. You weren’t meant for the human world quite the same way as other mortals. Your parents were never really parents, were they?”
My chest throbbed. I rubbed at it. His words were heavy ugly weights dropped on me. Mostly because he was right. My parents were more concerned with each other, or anything other than me. I had fond memories of them, but those too were hard to find. It got harder every day to find those memories. It had mostly just been me by myself wondering why I never belonged.
“They were never meant to be. It doesn’t mean it won’t hurt. It doesn’t mean you won’t mourn. And it was never your fault. But it does mean that you can have a chance now. A chance at something everyone in this room craves.”
I wiped at my eyes with the back of my hand, highly aware that Maxell was behind me, his chest to my back, his lips against my hair. “What’s that?” I asked.
“A family.”
As soon as Masters said it, I understood what Reowna meant. I didn’t know what family meant until Maxell opened the front door not five minutes ago. It was a math problem I could never quite figure out. A theory full of holes. And maybe I still didn’t understand it, but I understood how badly I wanted to be a part of a family.
To matter. To be wanted as much as I wanted. To belong to more than just myself. To be a part of a whole that centered around loyalty and love and acceptance.
But there was one thing they’d forgotten. A kink in their otherwise iron clad fantasy. “Maxell had a family. He had friends, a girlfriend, a future. What about his family that he lost?”
He stepped within my line of sight, answer ready. “You’re right. I had all those things. But I lost them, Emmie, the same way you did. I’m learning how to cope with that loss every day, but it doesn’t sting so much when I’m around you, because when I’m with you, it doesn’t feel like I lost anything at all.”
I closed my eyes, squeezing them shut like I could shut out his words, stop the ache spreading through me… or soak up the light trying so hard to filter through the darkness. “Stop.”
Arms came around me. Cool, strong arms. Vampire arms. There were more vampire arms around me in that moment than there had ever been human arms. Something about that calmed me, even if my instincts said it shouldn’t. My instincts were a part
of being human, but that meant they were also jaded—my instincts may be too human.
“You are a part of this family now,” Masters stated. “Whether you like it or not.”
“But you do like it, don’t you, dear?” Reowna held her breath.
I unhinged one of my eyes to find Maxell grinning at me and Reowna biting her lip. I blew out a heavy breath. “Yes, I like it, dang it.”
She beamed. “I knew you would.”
I looked at my feet. It couldn’t be that easy. I’d never been accepted and there was no way this family of vampires could do so that easily. I had to earn their love. I promised myself I would. No matter what it took, I’d belong one day. Even if only to myself.
“Let’s let Emmie settle in. Maxell, show her to her room.”
“I have my own room?” I asked, surprised I’d have my own space.
“Of course.” Masters gave me a stern look. “You’re both only seventeen. Pair bond or not, you’re still too young to share a room together.”
I blushed, hot and deep. “That sounded real dad-like.”
“Yeah, real authoritative,” Maxell agreed, picking my bags up again. “Next time try deepening your voice and putting your hands on your hips.”
He did so, his bow tie totally throwing me off. “You’re both grounded.” He grinned. “How did I do?”
I shoved past him. “I’m not calling you Dad.”
Maxell chuckled, taking the stairs. “I feel normal already.”
Before I got to the stairs, I stopped, turning back around. “Thank you, both. I appreciate this so much.” I tried to swallow down the emotion in my throat, but it was thick in my words, making my eyes burn.
Reowna flitted over and pressed a kiss to my cheek. “Thank you for completing our family.” She took her pair bond’s hand and after he’d given me a wink, they disappeared, leaving me there with my gratitude.
“Emm?” Maxell called.
I wiped at my eyes and scurried up the stairs. “Coming.” When I got to the fork in the hall on the second story, Maxell was leaning casually against the railing waiting for me. “Did you just call me Emm?”
He nodded. “Guess I did. You like it?”
Ugh, I so did. “No.”
He smirked. “Okay, Emm. Whatever you say. Your room is this way.”
He led me down the second hall, picking the door at the end, which was equally as large as his and noticeably far enough from his that every single vampire in the house would hear me if I ventured from my room to his. Blushing, I shook the thought off and took in my new room. I wasn’t sure I was worthy of a room that pretty, but I wanted to be. I’d never had a room that was so wide and open and… mine before.
I went into an open door on the left to find a closet stocked to the brim with clothing. I barely chanced a look before all of the items made my head hurt. I closed the closet door and then tried the other door in the room, coming upon a beautiful attached bathroom teeming with everything I’d ever need to smell good and feel clean. I didn’t have to search for coins in the couch cushions to buy food. I didn’t have to feel like a burden. My chest ached deeper. I swallowed hard and went back to my room.
“This feels like another dream.” I hugged myself, watching the way Maxell watched me.
He stood in the middle of my room, completely still and tall and there; I liked him being there. “A good dream or a bad dream?”
I took a deep breath and let it out. “A good dream, I think. Maybe that’s why it’s so scary.”
“What’s scaring you exactly?”
I looked around, at the soft white duvet and the peach colored gossamer canopy overhead, at the paintings done by Reowna of a boy with eyes the color of mint chocolate and moons that were so bright it even made the black space twinkle. The bookshelves along the far wall, all painted a rich wine and made of thick wood were stocked to the brim with all my favorites and the best part, books I’d yet to read. The desk was made of the same wood as the bookshelves, fit with a state-of-the-art computer.
“It feels like I’ll wake up tomorrow and be back in Granny Londa’s house that’s always too cold and always too lonely. I’ll worry about food and money, about my parents, about being a burden, about why it feels like something’s missing and no matter how hard I try and figure out what it is I’ll never find it, and I’ll lose all of this.” I waved a hand between us, hoping beyond hope that he’d put that puzzle together himself and not make me say what I was too afraid to say. That I’d lose him, I’d lose us, and I’d lose the promise of a forever that finally had purpose. “Not to mention my nightmare. I guess I’m just overwhelmed right now.” I moved to sit down on my bed. The moment I did, a deep sigh fell from my lips. The bed was so soft, it enveloped me where it touched.
I lay back, catching sight of the ceiling.
From one end to the other, a complicated, stunning mural covered every inch of the space. I’d never seen a mural with so many parts to it. It was hard to look at without blinking. There were mountains, forests, and rivers, and they were all on fire. Even the dark sky, where there should be stars; the stars were replaced by sparks. The painting made parts of me hurt and other parts wonder. In the middle of the painting, there were a group of people.
They all looked up at the sky, their tears made of fire, too. Surrounding them were bodies. A horrific amount of bodies. I got the feeling that the people left standing were the only survivors. Some were pale as snow and the others were covered in ash. I didn’t know if they survived because they were ruthless, or if they survived because they were brave.
If crying tears of fire meant they’d watched their world burn or was it burning because they’d set it on fire?
What about the mural made Reowna paint that on my ceiling? Was it something she saw? Was it something she wanted me to dream? One couple in particular stood out. One had onyx hair and pale skin. The woman holding his hand had fire in her eyes and she gazed up at the sky not in pain, but in relief.
After a long moment of silence, I peered over to find that he was still watching me intently. His chest was unmoving. His body, too. He could have been a statue.
“Good dream,” he decided. “The best dreams are the ones that fill you up so much you feel empty when you wake up. You can’t wait to go back to sleep so you can feel whole again. Only this time, you’re awake, and you can stay that way. Forever.”
Call it intuition, call it heartbreak, but his forever comment rushed through me with a wistfulness and longing the likes of which I’d never felt before. The longing for it was so deep, parts of me twisted. He said forever like he knew it so well, knew it enough to dangle in front of me like water to a thirsty soul.
“Forever?” I whispered.
He finally moved. His eyes tightened infinitesimally. He realized his mistake. Without even meaning to, he’d whispered secrets I hadn’t known he held. Even though his words said one thing about my mortality, his heart felt another. “Forever can mean a lot of things.”
My eyes tightened the same way his had. “Not when one of you is a vampire and the other is still human. It can only mean one thing. And it definitely doesn’t mean anything at all if there’s an ancient society of vampires out there that wants to kill you for keeping me that way.” I sat up, incensed. “Wouldn’t it make so much more sense to just make me a vampire? Who would miss me, Maxell? What’s so good about keeping me alive? Huh? The only people who know I exist are going to live forever. My nightmare can simply be that if you do. Otherwise, it’s an omen, and you know it.”
Anger slithered into his features. I’d never seen rage on his face before, at least not aimed at me. It took his handsome features and made them sinister. Fury took his beauty and made it dangerous.
“What did you just say?” he demanded, a growl on the edge of his words.
Even though we were a good five feet apart, I shrunk back on my bed. “I said a lot of things. Could you be more specific?” I gulped.
“What’s so good about keeping
you alive?” he roared, on me in half a second. He was kneeling on my bed, my face in his hands so fast I could barely gasp before he was on me. He cradled my face securely but delicately. “Did I hear you correctly?”
I nodded as best I could within his grasp.
“Do not ever say that again. And don’t ever under any circumstances think it. Do you hear me, Emmie Tealson? Your life is the only good thing about mine. Promise me,” he insisted, sliding his thumbs over my cheeks. “You won’t ever think something so stupidly horrible again.”
The horrified look in his eyes hurt me. It hurt me that I had hurt him. Of course my life meant more to him with a pulse than to anyone else. It meant the same to me, but he had only heard my dream. He hadn’t felt the loss. And if turning me into a vampire fixed all that, then why risk so much to lose it all anyway?
I closed my eyes, wondering if it were safe to cry anymore tears. Safe or not, they slid down my cheeks. “I promise.”
His hold on me increased. He pressed his forehead to mine, and I felt him let out a shaky breath before pulling one in.
My eyes flashed open. “You’re breathing.”
His eyes barely darkened. “I’m too angry right now to care about my other proclivities.”
“Great,” I said, inhaling the scent of stone fruit and spice coming off his breath. “I made you so mad you can’t hold your breath anymore.”
“Not mad,” he murmured, eyes drilling into mine. “Terrified. How could you say that?”
“I’m sorry,” I whimpered, wishing he’d stop looking at me like I’d just broken his heart. “I didn’t mean what you think I meant.”
“Then what did you mean?”
“If The Immortal Society has a problem with me being human, and their way of fixing that is to hurt you, I think turning me is a small price to pay to keep you safe.”
He shook his head roughly. “Silencing your heartbeat is too high of a price. It’s a price you will never ever pay. It’s a price so large, you can’t afford it. Do you understand me?”
Court of Frost and Embers (The Pair Bond Chronicles Book 1) Page 17
