However, when I got in there, the television was on and he was awake, staring at the news. He got up and took the plates out of my hand, setting them down on the coffee table.
“Good news on Warden. He’s done. They did have to use the secret technique. I won’t get into it, but it’s pretty cool stuff. He’ll be home in two days.”
I let out a long breath. “That’s great news.” I sat down next to Jud on the couch, the world feeling lighter since Warden was okay.
“How do you feel about graduating?” He took a bite of his sandwich and grinned at me. “This is really good. I haven’t had one in years.”
I smiled. It was good. “I feel mixed. Glad I did it. Foolish that I bothered. What am I going to do with a degree in social work now? I’m mixed up in all this craziness, and it’s not going away. Even if it would… I’ve already told you I missed all of you. I was planning on going off the grid, but that would probably have meant I showed up on one of your doorsteps eventually because I was only going to be able to resist doing so for so long.” I shrugged. “Nothing has been simple in my life. Not before I killed my father and not after.”
He set down his plate. “Everly, from the way Derrick described what happened, it was a totally understandable accident. Not that I expect that to matter much. But it’s not like you set out to kill him.”
“I shot without looking. That’s on me no one else.” I bit down on my lip. “It’s hard for me to talk about. I obsess about it and never speak about it. I’ve said more on it in the last two days than I have since it happened.”
He sighed. “Well, that’s not good.”
“Who was I going to tell?”
We sat in silence for a while, watching the news on the financial markets as it struggled through another day of making no sense and being a hot mess. Jud set down his plate. “It’ll be good to have Warden focused on them again. Not that he was before he was shot. He’d given up on this. We all basically have. If people weren’t dying, I’d say let Marcus have it and run with it.”
I didn’t want to talk about the economy or death. I put my own plate next to his. With a steadying breath, I got on my knees on the couch to face him. “Do you have your tie?”
He blinked, realization coming into his gaze. “You’re sure? There’s no rush.”
I laughed. “We might both be dead tomorrow.”
“That’s true.” He got up on his knees, too. “Everly, no tie this time. Thinking about it, yes, makes me hard. I definitely want to get back there with you, but I’ve spent all these months without you, thinking of your hands on me. I used to be able to have sex both with and without it. That changed and I only wanted with. Today, no. Without. That’s what I want. Unless that’s not what you want.”
I kneed my way over to him, almost falling off the couch because I wasn’t graceful and I never had been. Judson tugged me to him. “I missed you. Stayed away so you could see that I could listen. I’ve never wanted anyone like I want you, and if that means that Warden, Derrick, Trace and Kade get you, too, then so be it. I want it however you want it, and I can’t say that’s been true ever before in my life.”
“I haven’t talked to Trace and Kade. I don’t know what they want. I don’t know how to find them. Right now, it’s you and me. We’re going to figure this out day by day. That’s it. That’s all I can promise.”
I tugged at his shirt, and he swung it over his head. Judson had gotten stronger and leaner. I ran my hands over his chest, dropping them down to feel his abs. His muscles jumped under my touch, and his breathing kicked up.
“This okay?” I lifted my gaze. “I can stop and you can say tie and I will be game. You don’t have to force yourself into some kind of touching torture for me. I want you, Jud. Whatever package you come in.”
He smiled. “Everly, if you think I’m jumping because I don’t like what you’re doing, you’re misreading the situation. I like it, too much.”
His words were amazing, but the slight tremble when I smoothed my hands over him told me my J was not as comfortable as he wanted me to believe.
“Lie back,” I whispered in his ear, and he did what I requested. “Let me… love on you for a while.”
That word was out there. I’d used it. I couldn’t be afraid of it anymore. He nodded, but he narrowed his eyes. None of us were good at this. Judson and I were defunct at love. That didn’t mean we didn’t need it, didn’t crave it.
I just had to figure this out. Somehow.
I kissed his chin and made my way down, stopping to tongue his nipple. He sucked in his breath. “Shit. Everly, I didn’t think we’d be here again. I wanted it. I was going to… figure out how to convince you that you wanted this. I… I can’t believe…”
“Sshh.” I lifted my gaze to meet his. “We can do that later. Let’s just feel now.”
He grabbed onto the back of my hair, massaging my head as I kissed him. I loved how he responded to each caress of my mouth like it was the best thing he’d ever felt. The sounds he made, they were small, almost a plea in the back of his throat. Judson was starved for me. And it was a heady feeling to know that.
I undid the button of his pants, pulling them down and finally discarding them onto the floor. Judson squirmed beneath me. “I want to touch you, too.”
“Soon.” I winked at him. “I promise.”
I bit down on the top of his boxers, admiring how hard he was, how his cock pushed out against the fabric. He moaned as I pulled his boxers off of him, exposing him to my eyes.
“I haven’t,” he cleared his throat like he couldn’t quite make his voice work, “been with anyone since you.”
I nodded. “Me neither. You can actually thank Derrick for that.”
“I don’t want to know.”
I was so hot from wanting this, so turned on that I was wet and I hadn’t let him touch me yet. My nipples ached. I pulled my shirt over my head and threw it aside. Judson flared his nostrils as he stared at my breasts. He reached forward, unhooking the front latch of my bra. I pulled it down, my breasts bouncing against my chest as they were freed.
It was possible to be adored by someone’s gaze alone. I scooted backward, and then pushed forward with just my chest, caressing his cock with my breasts. His hips jerked as my breasts came around his erection.
“Fuck.” He grabbed onto the couch.
Clearly, he liked it, so I did it again. I was going to breast fuck him until he begged me to stop so he could get inside of me. Heat surged through me. If he touched me, he’d see I was already dripping, and I hadn’t taken off my pants yet.
I’d get to it. Right now what I wanted was to keep rubbing my breasts against him. I liked how it felt, and I loved how he responded. I’d never get enough of this.
He tugged me forward, the act startling me so much I almost fell off the couch, again. His mouth was on mine before he spun me over. Judson kissed me like he was possessed, like he couldn’t do anything else. I wrapped my arms around his neck and held on. He stopped as abruptly as he started. I gasped, suddenly cold.
Jud traveled down the couch until he was in position to pull off my pants. He threw them away and my undies were next.
“You’re so beautiful.”
I never got to answer him. How could I think when his mouth came down on my pussy? I grabbed onto the edge of the couch, holding on for dear life. Right then I wouldn’t have minded the tie to give my arms somewhere secure to hold onto.
Judson stroked my clit with his tongue. I closed my eyes. Pleasure rode through me. It wasn’t going to be hard to come tonight. It had been too long since I’d had any pleasure except from my own fingers. I hadn’t even bought any toys.
A surge of pleasure startled me and my hips came off the couch. Judson must have liked this because he moaned against me.
“I’m going to come, and it isn’t going to take long.”
He laughed, which was a funny, sort of hysterical sound. Weird and sexy coming from Judson, somehow both at the same time. “
I would love for you to come. Come, my love. Please.”
Judson went back to what he was doing and it didn’t take long. I worked at keeping my hands where they were like he’d told me to do so even though he hadn’t.
I exploded, my body needing the release more than I could have imagined. I shook against him as his mouth continued to draw pleasure from me even when I was sure I had to be done. He pulled back, finally, and we stared at each other.
This was so different than the last time Judson and I had been together. This was raw. We’d both been beat up. I didn’t know what had happened in the time we’d been apart, but I could see it on his face, could feel it in my soul. The truth kept coming back to the ways we were alike. I was dark inside and so was he. But we could feel each other. If there was some kind of light left in us at all, we could see it in each other.
Maybe I was overthinking this. Maybe I just wanted Judson more than I wanted to breathe. Or maybe that was the darkness playing its ugly games in me again.
He kissed me hard, almost punishing as he pressed against me. My lips were going to hurt later. I didn’t mind.
Then, he was on me fast. Our mouths fused together while he pushed me down on the couch, all of his weight coming down on me for a second before he readjusted, holding himself slightly off of me when he did. I missed the feel of his bigger weight on top of me. It was an odd feeling. For a second, it had almost been like he’d shut out the world.
But I could hardly dwell on that, not when he pushed a finger inside of me and smiled against my mouth. “Just wanted to make sure you were still wet.”
I smirked back at him. “I’d say it was a pretty good guess that I was still wet. You just wanted evidence of what you did to me.”
“Pretty much.”
He inched his way inside of me. I was tight. It had been a long time for me, and Judson wasn’t small. When he was finally seated deep, he pushed my bangs off my forehead, the two of us staring at each other. I was lost in this moment. I’d never thought to be here again. He moved slowly at first, inching out the way he had come in. I closed my eyes, reveling in the sensation.
“Everly,” he whispered my name. “Give me your eyes.”
I lifted my lids. Judson breathed heavily. He seemed to be searching my gaze for something, and when he saw it, he nodded. I didn’t want to ask him what he sought; fear that he could see me all too well kept me silent. I wrapped my legs around him, urging him deeper.
He flared his nostrils before he pressed in and out of me. I cried out, arching my back, meeting his movements with my own.
“Fuck. You feel so good.” Judson clenched his jaw, strain evident in the muscles in his neck. He was holding back. That wasn’t what I wanted. I needed to go under to this pleasure and I wanted him right there with me.
We’d go there together.
“I need just a little more.” I could hear the begging in my voice, and I hoped he understood.
He nodded, shifting his hips just a little to change the angle that he entered me. Yes, he brushed my clit. Once. Twice. That was just what I needed, the friction was perfect, and I shattered around him. He cried out my name, his body jerking as he emptied inside of me.
I closed my eyes and hung on. I couldn’t breathe. Couldn’t think. The good thing was I didn’t need to. Not for a few minutes. I could bathe in the happy, pleasure-filled nothingness that took up all the space in my mind.
* * *
Judson always had whatever was needed nearby. He rolled slightly and opened the coffee table and pulled out a large blanket. He shifted me again until I was on top of him and covered us both with the blanket.
Remotely, in my pleasure filled haze, I tracked him doing all of these things.
I lifted my head. He couldn’t be comfortable like this. I wasn’t tiny. “Are you okay?”
“Hmm.” He took my face in his hands and kissed me. Once, then twice again. “Are you?”
That was sweet, but I hadn’t meant because of the sex. “With me lying on you. Are you okay?”
He breathed out. “I’m good. Are you not comfortable?”
I wasn’t the only one in pleasure-ville. Judson was also obviously not feeling things like weight and discomfort at this moment. I snuggled down. I’d just go with it for now. When we had to readjust, we’d do just that.
I kissed his chest, right over his heart, and he ran his hands through my hair. “It grew in.”
“My hair? Not completely. But closer, yes.” The fact that he’d noticed made me grin. It was all part of this happy thing I had going on. Everything was the most wonderful whatever in the whole world.
“Are you still on the pill?”
I grinned against his skin. “I am. But you know, the time to ask me that would have been before we went skin-to-skin with you deep inside of me. That’s a do we need a condom question.”
When he didn’t answer, I lifted my head. Judson was out cold. I stared at him. The light and the television were both on. There was no way we were spending the whole night on this couch. I should have woken him and made him go upstairs to his bedroom to sleep.
But there was no rule in the universe we couldn’t take an early evening nap. I wasn’t tired, but Judson clearly was. That had been obvious before he’d conked out before hearing whether or not we’d left ourselves open to an unplanned pregnancy. I turned my head just slightly enough to be able to watch his television.
I liked listening to his heartbeat more than I did the newscasters going on about the economy. The only person I knew who could fix it was healing in a hospital-disguised-as-a-warehouse. I hoped he was okay. He didn’t want me to come, and I knew that was because he didn’t like to seem weak. He’d already exposed himself to more vulnerability than he probably had ever before in his life.
Judson breathed deeply. This wasn’t a little light sleep for him. He was out of it. The good news was his face was relaxed. It seemed like he was having pleasant dreams.
The minutes passed by, and I lulled into a passive, happy sort of mild awareness. I wasn’t sleeping, but I probably couldn’t have recited my social security number if someone asked me to.
Maybe I should have just gone to sleep. If Judson woke up and needed to move, he could just wake me and we’d go from there. Maybe a second round.
And in today’s news, the sad passing of billionaire James Robert Michaels. Michaels, a charitable giver, was found murdered in his home in the Caribbean this evening. Officials say he was shot to death while taking a meeting with an unknown male.
I darted upward, falling off the couch.
“What?” I shouted at the TV like it could answer me. I knew the picture they showed. That was Jim-Bob, the man Trace manipulated in his going-to-Mars plan.
Judson sat, rubbing his eyes. “Beautiful? What’s wrong?”
I pointed at the TV. I needed the remote. I needed it to back up, to rewind, so I could see it again. Unknown male. Was that Trace? Had he been shot? What were the chances it was Trace? Fuck, this was Alliance. It was too damned high.
“Everly?” Judson was next to me on the ground. “What’s going on? What am I missing?”
I saw the remote on the edge of the coffee table, and I used it. Thank the universe to whoever invented the ability to rewind live TV. I was young but old enough to remember when I couldn’t do that unless we recorded it.
The screen backed up, and I pointed to it as the newscaster spoke the same words again. “That’s Jim-Bob. The asshole Trace was scamming to get money for the Mars trip. He’s… he’s an asshole. Was an asshole. Hit on me. Trace hates him but meets with him a lot because of the money. Do you think it could be Trace? Could he be the unknown male?”
Judson got to his feet, grabbing his boxers before he shoved them on.
He hadn’t answered me. “Jud?”
“I don’t know, beautiful.” He grabbed my arm. “I wish I could say no. But James Robert was mixed up in Alliance business without knowing anything about the Alliance. That’s mostly
on Trace. Yes, it could be him. Particularly because he’s not named. Is he dead? Did they say that? Rewind it again.”
I did, and we stood there, putting on our clothes as we listened to it again. They absolutely didn’t say if the other man was dead.
Judson’s phone lit up, and he grabbed it. “Someone is here. My security camera shows movement approaching the front door. Everly, I want you to…” His voice trailed off. “Never mind. It’s Kade.”
I jumped. “Kade?”
“Go let him in. I’m going to try to reach Derrick. He might know how we can find out about Trace.”
I stared at the clock. It was almost nine. “He said he’d be here tonight. Should he be already?”
“Don’t panic.” Judson kissed my cheek. “We know nothing yet. If he’s leading Marcus on a chase, it might be a great deal more time before he gets here. I trust Derrick. He’ll still be standing when it’s just him and the cockroaches alive.”
I didn’t love that imagery, but his point was made. I rushed to the door and flung it open. Without saying a word, I threw my arms around Kade. He caught me and held me close. I shook and couldn’t do anything about it. I was so glad he was here. Ridiculously, stupidly, glad.
He carried me and closed the door behind us. “I heard you, Evy. I heard you so I came. I was in Canada. That’s why it took so long to get here. But I came. Thank you for missing me. I missed you, too.”
“You were watching?” I’d never been so glad Kade spied on everyone as I was right then.
“I had it set to tell me when you moved around. I started paying close attention when Warden appeared—I thought he was dead until then—and I was able to delete you guys from view. I know Derrick is off running around, trying to lure the eyes away from here, but he didn’t have to do that. I’ve sent him a message, and he’s on his way here. I… I heard what you made the others promise, and I figured if you were making them, you’d make me. Since you missed me and wanted me to come.”
Deadly Truths: Kiss Her Goodbye #3 Page 6
