He laughed, throwing his head back. “Yeah… that’s not going to happen.” He stood before he grabbed his computer.
Trace grabbed his arm. “Safe outside? To sit outside facing the beach? Are we visible?”
“Oh.” Kade grinned. “Yeah, brother. Sorry. Yes, we can all go outside. We can even walk down to the water, into the water if you want.” He pointed out the window. “As long as you can see the house, it’s safe. I took care of a two-mile radius. Could extend that but…” Kade rapidly blinked. “I have a great idea. Yes, a good one. Game changer. Fuck. Why didn’t I think of this before?”
I got to my feet. “What are you thinking?”
He held up a finger. “Give me a few minutes with this in case it turns out to be nothing. I… I don’t want to get everyone’s hopes up.” He kissed me. “I’m going to the back of the house. The little room no one is using. Okay if I make that my office? I need to put things together. I’ll actually need to get my equipment. I’m going to do that.”
Kade didn’t really need an answer, so I didn’t give him one. He was already out the door, his mind not here anymore but on whatever he was going to invent to fix things for us. I grinned. He was really adorable.
Trace pulled himself to his feet as Warden moaned. “Why are you in such better shape than me?”
Judson shook his head. “We all heal differently. It’s a different place on the body. They had to undo something that went wrong with you and you had weeks like that. He didn’t need much intervention. Or maybe he just handles pain better than you do.”
“Not when we were getting beaten at Ben’s.” Warden rolled his eyes. “Fuck. I’m going to sit on the couch until you deign to give me another pill, Judson.”
The doctor laughed. “Oh, you’re going to love me next week when I cut them in half and then take them away altogether.”
Trace scowled at Warden. “Don’t act like you were king of the beatings, Warden. We all went through that hell. I don’t remember you doing that with a smile.”
“I can’t imagine anyone taking Ben’s beatings that way.” I chewed on my lip.
Warden rose and walked past Trace. “Well done. Now she’s thinking about that. Just what she wanted for today. You okay?” He addressed the last part to me.
I touched his arm. “I don’t fall apart from the memory of what happened. How could I? I’d be wrecked all day long. I just carry it like a constant companion on my shoulder. Trace bringing it up doesn’t make that harder. I always have the load whether I talk about it or not.”
Warden nodded. “Did you really stick a knife in that woman’s eye?”
“I did.” And I still didn’t feel badly about it.
“I’m not even sure I could have done that.”
Trace pulled himself to his feet, visibly wincing when he did. “Then I guess she’s more lethal than you. You wanted to talk, Everly? Outside? I’d love some fresh air and to look at the water even if I’m not up for walking out to it just yet.”
“You don’t want to get that ocean water anywhere near your open wound.” Judson yawned. “I am going to go nap, and when I get up, I will give you more medicine, Warden, and not a minute before. Try to think about something else.”
I didn’t envy Judson having to dole that out for Warden. Not even a little bit. And I didn’t envy any of us next week when he had to cut the meds down. Pain was awful. Warden had held me in the shower when I’d had to endure the water on my back.
I walked over to him. “You’ll get through it, and we’ll find ways to distract you.”
His eyes were wounded, showing the pain he was in better than anything else. “Love you so fucking much.”
“Go sit down. I’ll be back in a little bit.”
He nodded. There were six of us in this relationship. Well, there would be if Trace said yes to the same terms the others did. And they all had needs that I wanted to meet. Certainly, they’d all been there for me when I was lost, and they hadn’t really left me alone, continuing to protect me when I’d thought being on my own was what I needed.
I followed Trace outside. He sat down on one of the porch chairs that overlooked the ocean. “You really like the sea don’t you? The Caribbean? Here? The yacht? And thank you for that. I really don’t know what to say.”
He patted the spot next to him on his un-shot side. I scooted in next to him. He didn’t speak, so I did again. “Are you as okay as you are pretending?”
“I’m on adrenaline right now. I don’t want to be holed up in the bed for weeks. I’d rather do it here. I like the ocean. I can’t see the colors, but I feel like I can appreciate the vastness of it, even despite my color blindness the same way the rest of you can. I like sunshine better than cold. Always have. The feel of the sand on my feet… Yes, all of that is a yes. I like the ocean, a lot.”
I put my head on his shoulder and breathed him in. He smelled like soap and oranges. “I thought I might never get to smell you again. I thought maybe I’d made a mistake I’d never get to undo.”
He brought my hand to his mouth to kiss it. “You came for me. Thank you. I… I’m finding words a little harder than they should be. For all that I’m pretending to be better than Warden, I think he’s just more out there with it. But then everyone is being very open in speaking their truths here right now. Confessing their love. Speaking their feelings. I don’t mind it, but it’s different.”
“It’s probably what I made them promise me, and I need to ask you to swear to as well.”
He shifted. “That sounds ominous.”
“Not really; it was sort of spontaneous, but it’s turned out to be very important to me. I want you to swear to be as loyal to each other as you are to me. I don’t doubt your feelings for me, not even a little bit. I never did. I needed space or maybe I didn’t. But that’s not the point. I can’t do this. I can’t be with all of you and think you’re plotting against each other. I’m asking you to promise me to be on each other’s team, to be for each other what you are for me.”
Trace turned his head to look at me. “That’s it?”
“That’s it. Is that something you can do?” Trace might say no. There hadn’t been a guarantee with any of them that they wanted to invest in each other that way. But it was what I couldn’t—wouldn’t—compromise on.
“You need this because you can’t be working out the world’s agenda while you’re trying to also figure out all the strings being pulled at home.”
Trace caught on fast. He always did. “Yes.”
“I’ll make that promise. I do. I will be loyal to them. I swear it.”
I turned on my side to kiss his cheek. He needed to shave, but I didn’t mind the bite of his whiskers. “Thank you. If you’d said no, there would be a big empty hole where you were supposed to be.”
“This does work, doesn’t it? All of us with you. I’m not sure why, but it does. I’m not jealous of them. Not when it comes to you. I just feel… solid.”
I brushed his hair off his face. “You should sleep.”
“Think I’m going to whether I want to or not. My eyes are trying to close.” He rubbed them. “The sound of the ocean and you. It’s very relaxing.”
I didn’t say anything else, just lay with him until I was sure he rested. He’d been through a ton, and if he didn’t think he had to put on a show about how tough he was, maybe he’d get better faster. I needed his brain, his expertise, because we were going after Marcus. I wasn’t going to let that man take anything from me. He was the last piece of the Alliance puzzle and it was time to be rid of him.
I left Trace asleep on the lounge outside. The house was quiet. Not that it ever buzzed with noise. This was a weird time. Derrick had just left, and I had to trust he was okay. Kade was preoccupied, and Judson needed a break. Warden and Trace both had to be given the chance to heal. I hated inaction. Well, that wasn’t exactly true. I hated it because this time I wasn’t in control of it.
I passed the couch where Warden was asleep, sitting upright. He did not
look comfortable. My heart clenched. The second he felt like any semblance of himself again he wasn’t going to be needy. I’d seen Warden go from warm to aloof in a heartbeat when we first met. It was going to be hard if he did that again, particularly since he was being so open about his feelings right now.
I crept over to him. Not that I needed to be that quiet. It took a lot to wake a wounded Warden, but considering the understandable cranky that was his personality at the moment, I didn’t want to poke the bear if I could avoid it. I laid him down flat on his back on the couch, putting a pillow under his head. He adjusted slightly but stayed asleep.
I should ask Kade to order us some blankets. Or maybe I could go buy some. Was that allowed? Kade said yes but then he said he’d order something. It was confusing, and I wasn’t clear. I needed some clarification.
Leaving Warden to hopefully sleep through his discomfort, I passed by Judson’s room. His door was cracked, and he was face down on the bed. I closed his door quietly. These guys really didn’t take care of themselves when things got a little askew.
Finally, making my way to the small room, I found Kade on the floor. He had taken apart one of his computers. I stared for a minute while he didn’t see me. Kade’s hands moved quickly. He unscrewed something and set it aside. Technology was like a foreign language I didn’t speak.
I cleared my throat to get his attention, and he looked up at me. “Did the computer do something bad so you’re getting rid of it?”
Kade rolled his eyes. “Funny.”
“If only I was kidding.” I squatted down. “Can I leave the house? Is it safe? I’m not sure.”
He nodded. “You can. What do you need? I ordered the televisions and Trace some black clothes that I think should fit him. And stuff for Warden, although I’m sure he won’t like it since he treats buying clothing like it’s a war that only he can win.”
I liked that description. It made me smile. “I kind of want to go wandering around one of those big stores that has everything in it and buy things for the house. I don’t want to be cooped up here any longer. If it’s safe, I’m doing it.”
He nodded. “It’s safe because according to the satellites sending images to Marcus, you’re in New Orleans. I have it on a loop. I’m going to make that safer. That’s what I’m working on now. Call if you need anything.”
I touched his cheek. “It hasn’t escaped my notice Kade that we haven’t gotten naked together yet. The plane doesn’t count.”
He visibly swallowed. “Evy…”
I grinned. “Think about it somewhere in that big brain of yours until I get back. I will.”
His smile was huge. “Wherever you live, I’m going to be, okay? Even if it’s not permanently here. I don’t ever want to be separated for any length of time. Your home is mine.”
“Do you think we should be making big promises when none of us are sure there will be a future for us?” I legitimately wanted to know what he thought. There was nothing rhetorical about my question.
He winked at me. “I’ve got this. Trust me. They won’t be able to find us unless we want them to.”
“I have some questions about Marcus for later. All of this downtime is giving my mind time to wander.”
Kade shook his head. “Everly, we’ve been here almost no time. It’s not a lot of downtime. You should ask Judson for a Xanax.”
I supposed I should have been insulted, but he might have had a point. We didn’t sugarcoat things from each other. “Really?” Was I expecting too much? Did I want to rush when caution was the name of the game? “I’ll work on calming down. I don’t do adrenaline bursts all that well, I guess. Once I’m up I want to stay that way.”
“You’ll get used to it.” He picked up one of the parts that looked like alien tech to me but might have been some kind of microphone. Did they make understanding your computer for dummies classes?
“Need anything while I’m out?”
His eyes lit up. “Yes, actually.” He grabbed a key from his pocket. “I was going to go later. Could you go to my storage unit and grab a black briefcase I have in there? It’s just spare parts, but I could use it. I opened it when I bought this place. Well, I should say I opened it when I broke into this place to check it out for you.”
There was a time I might have thought he was kidding. “Sure. Text me the address.”
“Will do. Thanks. Love you.” He looked back at his computer. “And fuck, now I’m thinking about getting you naked.”
I knew he was. That was exactly why I’d done it. I was selfish. There was part of me that wanted to be on their minds all the time. Back to that narcissist problem I’d told Kade about. When it came down to it, I didn’t mind him being slightly uncomfortable as he waited to have sex with me.
Fuck, I could really be such a bitch.
* * *
I took Judson’s car to the store, which I had to Google to find after I stole the car keys from his room. I assumed it was a rental unless he’d bought it to come down here. Destin had changed a huge amount since I was a kid and the traffic made getting to the store a lot longer than I had expected. It didn’t matter.
This was my outing. I really didn’t care how long it took to get where I was going. I sent Kade a text, making sure it was safe to use my debit card, and he responded, assuring me it wasn’t going to be traced. He’d messed with the chip in the card. I wasn’t sure when he could have done that, but this was Kade. He might have figured out how to do that while he was brushing his teeth.
I wandered the store. There were just some things that made a house a home. Or so my grandmother would have said. I liked some throw pillows, and I put them in a basket. I wanted soft blankets if the guys were going to be conking out all over the house napping. Warden could really have used one on the couch, and if it chilled out at all, then Trace probably needed one outside.
I couldn’t believe how domestic I was being. I’d never wanted to take care of a house, but these were things we needed to be comfortable. I picked out a few new brands of coffee and food for the fridge. By the time I was done, several hours had passed.
I just had to go to Kade’s storage unit—which didn’t seem to be very far away when I looked at the map—so I headed that way, thinking I’d buy Chinese food on the way home if I saw a place to do so. I’d just purchased groceries and now I wanted take out. That was so typical me. It was a good thing I was using the money Warden invested for me again because my bar earnings didn’t let me be stupid with cash like that.
I sighed. I’d really liked working there. Was it possible to be with these guys and have normalcy too? And did I even want that?
Once upon a time, I would have said I knew myself pretty well. Now I was a mess of contradiction with no idea what tomorrow would bring. We were supposed to live in the present, experts said, to find contentment, and yet this was a whole other issue. I didn’t know who wanted to kill me or why.
Oh well. At least there was sex to look forward to, and I really, really did when it came to my Letters. I smiled, pulling into the storage unit. I’d get Kade’s briefcase and get back to that.
11
On the key was scratched the number associated with the locker Kade rented. This place was unmonitored and not like the air-conditioned luxury storage units my father used to store his model car collection in. I’d had to sell all of those after he died. They’d actually gone for a pretty penny.
But now I was traipsing through a place I’d never been before that certainly looked like it had seen better days. That was funny because everything in Destin seemed like it was booming with newness and wealth.
I sighed. I supposed there always had to be a place people went to do nefarious things. Or maybe I was being mean. Maybe this place was perfectly fine and…
I stopped my thoughts abruptly as two men came out of the shadows to stare at me. I turned to regard them. They weren’t Alliance. I knew that right away. Even Alliance assassins were dressed in expensive clothes. It was as though eve
ryone in the Alliance had to hide who they were but wouldn’t dress anyway other than the most expensive clothing.
The two men in front of me were not that. In fact, I was pretty sure their clothing, which was ripped and torn, hadn’t been washed in a very long time. They stared at me with red, bloodshot eyes and shaking hands.
There had been a time when I’d thought I’d spend my life helping people in need. I didn’t know if I still had that in me. “You guys okay?”
The one on the right, the taller of the two, brushed his tremoring hand across his face. “We’re better now.”
I supposed I could play dumb about what that really meant. “Do you need some kind of help? I’m happy to call someone to come and help you. There must be places close to here that have programs to help you guys get off the drugs. Yes, sorry, I just made that assumption. Your shaking hands give you away. I guess it could be medical. If you’re not on drugs, I apologize. In any case, maybe I could get you some help.”
I rambled, but I hoped they understood I could help them. If they’d let me. Even as I spoke the words, I knew they were ridiculous and I wasn’t fooling anyone. They didn’t want me to help them; they wanted to hurt me. My father had called me a bleeding heart when I told him I was going into social work. He’d told me I’d never make any money doing it but then he’d backed off, which I’d thought at the time was because I’d made my case for wanting to work in a field that inspired passion for me so well. By contrast, I now suspected he’d decided I would eventually marry an Alliance man and money wouldn’t be an issue.
I didn’t know if my heart still bled, but I knew I didn’t want this to end the way it was shaping up to. Would every time I left the house end in violence?
Was that just how my life shaped up to go?
“I think we’re just fine. The kind of help you could give us would be to spread your thighs and let us have just what we wanted.”
Maybe it was the drugs. Maybe they had been decent people before they’d fallen down the rabbit hole and not come back up again. Boys whose mothers loved them. Young men with dreams they hoped to fulfill. A life spread out before them that they’d never get to live because they’d done this instead. There was my bleeding heart.
Deadly Truths: Kiss Her Goodbye #3 Page 12
