NEVER BEEN A LOVED ONE

by Ramamurthy, Sivaranjini

  Sara was on her knees panting as she sobbed. CK looked at her, and he remembered the way she jumped to stop the flight. She could have stopped them. She had the chance, but she missed it. It’s only because of her. He stared at her as he felt the blood rush through his veins.

  “You could have stopped it!” He shouted as he punched the ground with all his might. Sara’s eyes quivered as she felt the words pierce her.

  “What?” She screamed at him while her eyes boiled with rage. He kept staring at her without replying while gritting his teeth. Sara was infuriated by this.

  “You…you’re putting this on me?” Sara stammered.

  “Yes, it’s only because of you we are stuck here!” He yelled.

  “Superb! Finally you are blaming me,” she clapped. “It was your stupid idea.”

  “So, if you had a better idea then why didn’t you say something?”

  “I asked you to wait and told you that we don’t know why they were taking us’

  “So, you wanted me to wait till they killed us?”

  “How did you know that they were going to kill us?”

  “They were carrying guns and were taking us inside the forest to play games isn’t that so? That’s what you are saying right?”

  “Whatever! I am already irritated, and I don’t have strength to answer your stupid questions.” Sara turned her back to CK.

  “I am so cool and only you are irritated,” He screamed but didn’t get a reply. “I am talking to you!” He raised his voice to the maximum but he still he didn’t get a reply. With no other option, he kept mum feeling the anger build up in him.

  How can she just turn when I’m talking? She has an attitude! Sara still had her back turned to him. There was pin-drop silence between them, except their heartbeats. Why can’t she accept her fault? Why is she fighting with me? But- ” He stopped thinking, realizing after a moment of silence that he was the one who started the fight. Why am I so mad? She was the one who ended the fight. She too is tensed about the flight and acted crazy. What is the use of shouting at her now? I have to calm her, I am really stupid! He hit his forehead with a palm.

  CK breathed a huge sigh of relief and uttered, “Sara.” She didn’t turn. He took a deep breath and called, “Sara,” raising his voice a little, but she still didn’t turn.

  “Sara there’s an elephant behind you! Run!” He yelled, trying to scare her and make her laugh. But she turned behind coolly and starred at him. He felt like arrows from her eyes had pierced his muscles.

  “Actually, I’m sorry. I was tensed and I shouldn’t have fought with you, but it was your fault too…” He looked at her eyes, which were looking beside him. She too doesn’t like to look at my face like my dad.

  “Hey, snake!’ Sara pointed near him, gasping.

  “Okay, enough, I am not a good teaser like you I agree.” CK smiled and felt light that she was back to form.

  “Hey, I swear!” She shouted, holding her throat.

  “I believe you,” he grinned, folding his arms.

  SURVIVAL

  “Hey, move!” Sara rushed towards him.

  Oh my god, is it real ? His mind warned. CK turned this side and that side searching for it, and Sara pulled him aside and pointed at the snake. His heart missed a beat when he saw the snake, which almost had him.

  “Why didn’t you tell me before?” He shouted in a trembling voice, crawling back as the snake moving slowly in their opposite direction.

  “But when have you trusted my words?” She asked, holding her hip.

  “Since I fought with you, you want to let me die,” he smiled as he got up.

  “Don’t start again,” She placed a palm on her forehead.

  “But I was just trying to make you laugh,” he scratched his eyebrows.

  “Very funny,” her teeth were on display as she gritted.

  “I’m just glad you’re back to normal. Come, let’s find our way out,” he breathed a huge sigh of relief.

  “But I’m so exhausted and hungry. I can’t walk,” she held her stomach.

  “I’m hungry too, but we can’t find a restaurant here,” he joked. Sara returned a cold look.

  “Okay, fine, tell me what to do,” he stretched his hand. She looked around as she held her size-zero stomach. She then looked at the snake, which was moving slowly and looked at CK. It was enough to make him understand that she wants to eat it.

  “No, no, no!” He yelled while nodding in disapproval.

  “Do you have a better choice?” She stared at him.

  “Ah, but we can search for fruits,” CK looked at the trees.

  “Did you come across any fruits so far?”

  “I was running for my life, how could I have noticed? But there might be…”

  “May be,” Sara stressed her words.

  “But I have never eaten a snake.”

  “I have it for breakfast daily,” she faked a smile.

  “No, no, I didn’t mean it like that.”

  “Come on CK we are starving and we haven’t seen any fruits so far so…” She turned towards the snake, which was curled up.

  “Eating it is secondary, but how can we catch it?” He asked, rubbing his forehead.

  “I think it has swallowed something. Look, it has a bulge at the center,” she pointed at it.

  “Yeah, so?” CK looked at Sara, who was looking for something. After a while, she grabbed a long stick.

  “So, we can catch it easily,” she replied, holding the stick like a hunter. Is she too brave or am I the coward? He thought, looking at her pose.

  “I have seen it on Discovery. All we need is a stick and a knife.”

  “I watch only at night. How should I know?” He murmured.

  “Ah,” She raised her eyebrows.

  “Ha, but where is the knife?” asked CK rushing up his words.

  “Knifeeeee…” Sara looked around.

  CK turned all around. “What about a sharp stone?” he asked, grabbing a stone.

  “Is it sharp?” She asked, giving him a cold look.

  “Wait, wait,” he replied, beating the rock against the log. He then took a piece of sharp rock and showed it to her.

  “Okay.” She handed over the big stick to him.

  “Why are you handing it to me?”

  “Attack its head when I say.”

  What? Am I going to do this? He looked at Sara, keeping the stone on the log of wood and took the long stick.

  “But I thought you were going to kill it,” he trembled.

  “Well, will you catch its tail?”

  “It’s okay,” he smiled tight lipped.

  “Come on,” she urged and moved forward.

  “No, no, no, we still have time. We could rather starve than eat snakes,” he pulled her back.

  “Come on, go to the other side,” she pushed him. CK crouched to the other side of the snake. “Stay at a distance and hit its head hard,” she ordered, taking the stick closer to it. He nodded his head, breathing heavily as Sara slowly kept the stick in the middle of the curled-up snake. The snake moved and she took a deep breath and took her trembling hands near the snake. The snake started to move fast, CK could feel his heart beat rising up; his heart missed a beat when he saw the snake just an inch away from him, lifting its head and displaying its fangs.

  “Argh!” He shouted, moving back with his trembling legs. Sara caught its tail and pulled it back.

  “Hit it!” she shouted, holding its head with her stick. CK didn’t move. “COME ON!” she screamed, which shook him out of his thoughts. “Come on, can’t you hear me? Hit its head!” She jumped screaming. He then looked at the snake, which was bobbing,

  CK took a deep breath and hit at its head with his all energy shouting, “Aye!” He kept hitting it.

  “Enough,” Sara said after a while, but CK didn’t hear her. “Enough,” she shouted and let go of its tail. He stopped midway and looked at her. “Enough…” Only then did he look at the snake and realized he killed it.r />
  “Oh my god, I did it!” He exclaimed, throwing the stick. “I just can’t believe that I did it.”

  “Me too,” Sara breathed a huge sigh of relief. “But it’s not over yet,” she added as she is holding its head.

  “We just need to cut its head, nothing else,” she smiled.

  “Oh,” CK was glad. “Okay, I’ll bring the stone,” he walked towards the log. “And who’s going to do it now?” he asked, holding the sharp piece near his face while looking at the snake. They both looked at each other, they both shouted, “You!” and stepped back simultaneously.

  “Hey, cleaning the flesh is girls’ work,” he stressed on it.

  “Who said so?” She asked, holding her hip.

  “But that’s the ritual followed for so long,” he stated and scratched his eyebrows.

  “Earlier women didn’t go for work, but now we are also working. Why do you still stereotype us? Why do you still think we are only meant to cook?” Sara asked, rushing up her words.

  Oh my god, did I agitate her again? Whatever you say irritates her, so just shut your mouth CK ! His mind warned.

  “Relax, I just said what’s happening,” he whispered.

  “In that case, you guys are meant to hunt, but did you do it?” Sara raised her eyebrows.

  “Hey, I did it along with you,” he shouted.

  “Okay then do this along with me as well,” Sara snatched the stone away from him, staring at him.

  “No matter what I say, you make me feel like I am wrong in the end. Are you a feminist?” He asked, puzzled.

  “I just don’t agree with things as it is, that’s all,” she smiled.

  We’ve started to fight. I think we are getting closer and moreover she doesn’t agree with me, which is the important qualification of a girlfriend , he thought, smiled and walked towards the snake.

  “You asked me to cut its head because it has poison in its head?” CK asked, kneeling near its head.

  “I don’t know, I saw it on Discovery,’ Sara knelt on the other side, “but poison…” she scratched her forehead.

  “What?”

  “Nothing just check it out along with me.”

  “The scales of the body should be the same as its head.”

  “Yeah,” CK was puzzled.

  “It shouldn’t have a cat like eye,” Sara added.

  “It doesn’t have, but why are you checking it now?” He raised his eyebrows.

  “Shush,” she silenced him, leaving him clueless. “One more thing,” she dragged her words, closing her eyes tight, while tapping her forehead. “Yeah!” she shouted. He looked at her thinking, I think she has gone crazy. First she wanted to eat a snake and now this .

  “Does it have a sac near its head?” — “ It’s head is almost smashed,” CK stared at her.

  “But it doesn’t look like it has one,” she moved its head with the stone. “Actually, these things are to be checked before killing it, whether it’s poisonous or not.”

  “What, you are trying to kill me because I scolded you?” he was taken aback.

  “Hey, I forgot about that. Don’t mention it again and make me do it,” she pointed at him.

  “So, we killed it for nothing? We can’t have it?” CK asked, closing his wide-open mouth.

  “No, no, we can have it. Luckily it’s not poisonous,” she assured him as she brushed her hair aside.

  “What if it was poisonous?”

  “We would be dead for once,” she joked.

  “My life feels like a joke to you?”

  “Anyway, if today is your day you will die by any means. The fear of dying will only kill you alive, so relax.”

  “Enough of your philosophy, let’s eat it.”

  “You said you won’t eat snakes,” Sara smiled. They both finally cut its head and buried it as per her instruction.

  “What next? How do we cook it?” CK asked as he peeled out it’s skin.

  “Go get the induction,” she joked. He was visibly pissed.

  “Now can you feel how irritating it is?” Sara laughed at CK’s reaction.

  “We should make fire now, but don’t worry you have a brilliant girl with you, I can do it. I have seen it on Discovery,” she spoke proudly, raising her collar.

  “What do you not know?” he shrugged.

  “It’s not like that. I am a great fan of Man vs Wild. I have seen it many times, but not even in my wildest dream did I think I will get stuck in a forest and implement it.”

  But when will I implement what I watched late night on Discovery? He looked at her as she removed her mini backpack and searched for something.

  “Here it is,” she took out a fur ball key chain and lip balm and held it near CK’s face.

  Soon they gathered dry leaves and sticks and kept the snake rolled on a stick above it. Sara squeezed the lip balm and applied it on the fur. She then took the broken rock pieces and rubbed it hard close to the fur. CK was watching her like she was performing magic.

  “We can make fire with any material that catches fire easily.” Sara rubbed it repeatedly.

  “Are you sure it will work?” He asked, and before he closed his mouth, he saw the sparks coming out of the stone and the fur caught fire.

  “Yeah,” Sara shouted, raising up her hands. He was stunned, seeing the nature. Sara kept blowing at fur till the fire catches the leaf and the stick.

  “I’ve only heard about it but it’s really awesome to actually witness the power of nature,” he exclaimed in awe.

  “Nature has everything. But, in the name of development, we destroy our harmony with it,” said Sara rotating the snake.

  “Can I believe you and eat it. Are you sure I won’t die?”

  “If you don’t believe me, I’ll have it first, and if I’m alive you eat it.” Sara pulled it out of the fire. She swallowed voraciously looking at the snake squeezing her eyebrows with a weird face. She took a deep breath, closed her eyes tight, blew at the hot flesh and took a bite. CK closed his mouth tight, moving back. He saw her chewing for a long time.

  “It’s like a gum ball, very chewy but it’s also like chicken.” After two–three bites she became normal and started to eat more—more than half was over. CK plucked it from Sara seeing her eating wildly. She smiled with her mouthful. He closed his eyes tight and ate the other half.

  CK breathed a huge sigh of relief and said, “Only now I feel like my soul is back.”

  “All we need is a meal a day to be content. Since we have enough, we crave for unnecessary things and make ourselves unhappy. Until we starve for it we can’t understand it.”

  “How did you become so brave?” He quipped.

  “I don’t know, sometimes being strong is the only choice we have. My hunger made me to do it.” She shrugged.

  “But you don’t look like you eat much.”

  “I look like a patient is what you are trying to say?” Sara stared at him.

  “No! No! No!” Only you are making me a patient.

  “That’s how my friends tease me. I was just kidding, I don’t eat much but I can’t starve.” She got up. “Come on, now we can start our mission.” She was full of energy let out her hand for him.

  CK saw her hand and looked at her face and everything went out of focus for him. He felt as if a new life was calling him. He could see the lovable life ahead in her eyes as he held her hand. He felt as if his soul got a grip to share its sorrows and happiness. He rose up looking at her eyes, giving all his weight in her hand. Unable to handle his weight, Sara was about to fall.

  She balanced to stand holding his shoulder and their hearts were only an inch apart. She could feel her heartbeat rising up and he could feel her breath. Their eyes were interlocked. I think she is feeling the same as I do . He looked at the way her eyes looked at him. Sara got back her consciousness, pulled back her hands and stepped back suddenly. He could feel his heart feel heavy as soon as those hands left his body.

  “Come on, hurry up. We should find our way out b
efore it is dark.” Sara moved forward, rushing up her words and flipped her hair continuously as if nothing happened. CK smiled at the way she hid her blush.

  Does she love me? Maybe since I like her I feel like it. Why are girls so confusing? If she likes me why can’t she confess? But in which generation have girls confessed? They are afraid of rejection. They always only expect the boys to make the first move. Maybe she is also not firm like me but above all I should ask her whether she has a boyfriend. He stood lost in thoughts. But before that I should find the way out , warned his mind, getting back to reality. He saw her at a far distance walking fast so she rushed to her. They walked so fast but all they could see were only trees and bushes.

  They walked so far looking all around. The brightness of the sun decreased as did their speed of walking.

  “What if there is no living area near us?” CK asked, breathing heavily.

  “Hope for the best. We don’t know what will happen next. Life can change in a second.” Sara wiped her sweat with the saree. Seeing it, CK could feel his shirt, which was almost fully drenched in sweat so he was removing the button. When Sara lifted her face, he got a glimpse of him removing the shirt. Her eyes were widening each second as the shirt moved off his body, seeing his fitness. He was tying his shirt on his waist, she could feel her heartbeat rise up. She could feel the blood rushing through her vein. When he was about to lift his head, Sara turned front suddenly, but they had a nanosecond eye contact.

  “Do you exercise daily?” She rushed up the words acting casual, confused whether he noticed her. Was she admiring me? Oh my god, it’s really happening between us. CK thought.

  “Yeah.” He replied. I exercised for my film, but now it’s working. Life is crazy we don’t know at when things will work out, but that’s the thrill.

  “Come on, we have to leave the forest before the sunset.” Sara shouted, hiding her feelings as usual.

  CK didn’t want to embrace her so he nodded his head causally as if he didn’t notice anything, controlling his smile. As soon as Sara walked a few steps ahead, he danced crazily, enjoying the moment and then he rushed to her, regaining all his energy. There was a moment of silence between them, and Sara walked facing down. CK looked at her face a few times but she didn’t open her mouth. She didn’t even face him.