NEVER BEEN A LOVED ONE

by Ramamurthy, Sivaranjini

  Sara held back her tears, looking into his eyes. He held her cheeks.

  “You have at least seen your mom, but I am seeing her only through your love.” He said, kissing her forehead.

  THE AUDIO LAUNCH

  Days passed by.

  “Thanks for being here in my son’s first and last film,” said Chandra Sekhar in a trembling voice. “Only from others’ speech I came to know about my own son,” he was choking. “I lost my wife during his delivery, so I never let him close to me. I never stood beside him during his good times or bad,” fighting back his tears he continued, “The hijack made me realize my mistake and I was waiting for his arrival, but he never came back” Tears rolled down his cheeks. “We never know when our loved ones will be snatched from our lives so pour your love to them each second. And that’s the reason I am here. I don’t want another CK to suffer.” Chandra Sekhar wiped his tears.

  “Whenever your loved one dies, you burry your hope and trust in life along with their body. You feel alone in this crowded world, you feel tears welling up whenever you see their things, you feel like choking whenever you run your fingers through their stuff. Their memories haunt you. They die only once but you die every day, living. But trust me you are not alone. Each second two people are dying in this world, and their loved ones are wondering how someone could not be there forever. That’s the nature, we must accept it and just try to move on. There are persons around you waiting for your love. Time heals everything, so keep yourself engaged with tight schedule so that you don’t have time to think. Change your environment, don’t share your feelings with others except your loved ones who care for you because most of the them don’t care—it will hurt you more. Move their things and photos out of your vision and try out new hobbies. It’s okay if you cry every night. Go to work next morning and keep yourself busy.

  Don’t blame yourself, it’s not because of you, it’s their destiny. Stop imagining this would have been this way if you would have done that on the day of losing your loved one. It’s out of your control, so accept it. If it is meant to happen it will happen by any means. Stop replaying your fights with your loved ones in your mind. You didn’t know this was going to happen. It’s natural to get angry but they always knew you loved them. So, just forgive yourself but just learn from it and try to control your anger with your loved ones. Because you don’t know when they will leave you alone. It takes time but for sure one day life will change, trust me.” Chandra Sekhar spoke holding his chest.

  “Even if you can’t get back that loved one, you can see them through someone around. To see them again, give your life another chance, which I failed to do…” He paused his speech and looked deep at the audience with his eye’s nerves turning red, which was obvious that he’s recalling his son’s memories. After a few seconds, he got back his consciousness, shook his head slightly breathing a huge sigh of relief and then continued his speech.

  “You can’t imagine how much painful this regret is,” Chandra Sekhar tried hard to gather words. “If you don’t want this pain, just give your life another chance.” He stressed each word. “And do watch the film. Each time when you see him, you will realize how short life is. Why spend it in regret and sadness? So, just start living your life by each moment,” he said, fastening his words and sweeping his hands with excited movements.

  “I never went to any stage after his loss but when I got the invitation for CK’s audio launch, it struck me that this is the last chance for me to do something for CK. So, I decided to share my mistakes with his future fans, believing he may forgive me,” he stated, choking with a smile on his face, tears welling up in his eyes, which passed on to the audience.

  “Do watch the film and make it a huge success, so that his soul may rest in peace.” Chandra Sekhar joined his palm and there was thunderous applause.

  THE SHOCK

  Days passed by.

  Each day they were trying out different ways to leave the forest, but nothing worked out. Whenever CK got fed up he was boosted up by Sara who was so determined that one day they will find the way out by any means. Most of the groceries were over. They learned to live in harmony with the forest, hunting fruits and small animals and their harmony also increased day by day. They lived in a world of their own without reading texts, but reading each other’s eyes without using touch phones, touching or feeling each other. They were drenched in love. They were like two layers of cream biscuits joined by the cream of love. CK was in physical touch with her all time like holding her hands, holding her palm. He couldn’t resist it neither could she but Sara still had the fear of losing him due to her past but she never showed it to him. Sara saw him massaging his beard without blinking his eyes.

  “What, are you thinking deeply about our way out?” Sara asked. He just nodded his head, without looking at her. Sara understood that he is dejected so to divert him she said, “Your beard has grown but you still look stunning,” with a cute smile on her face.

  “You girls don’t have any problem like this,” he waved at his beard trying to debate her.

  “Oh, okay, one day you should have a perio-” before completing it, her eyes were struck and mouth open as if she saw a ghost.

  “What happened, did you get it?” asked CK, shaking her shoulder.

  “I didn’t get it!” Sara shouted.

  “Then what? Leave it.” He tried to cool her.

  “You! You ! How long have we been here?” Sara asked, rushing up the words holding his neck.

  THE WORSENED SITUATION

  “More than three months,” said CK, choking.

  She held her head and bent down. He didn’t know how to react. All those biology classes flashed up in his mind. He grabbed his consciousness and held her chin and lifted her face, facing her eyes.

  “You had never been like this before?” He asked in a trembling voice, expecting the answer, “Yes, I had been.”

  Sara nodded her head, narrowing her eyebrows and shrinking her eyes, unable to speak. He just hugged her. He could feel her heartbeat rising. CK was thinking, What if she is pregnant? How will we handle it being in the forest? CK started to scold himself for not being in control, risking his loved one’s life. He gathered up the courage to ask her, looking deep into her eyes, holding her neck, “You think we are pregnant baby?”

  The word we gave her the energy to collect words, “Yes, I think so,” she said. She was tense and continuously blinked her eyes. CK wanted to handle the situation in a better way but before that he wanted her to calm down, so he just held her trembling hand and said, “We can handle it.”

  Sara was frozen, “Can we?” asked CK, raising up his voice, pressing her hand. She flinched, closed her eyeballs, struck eyes and nodded yes. CK kissed her forehead and made her to sleep on his lap, patted her arm slowly, trying to make her relax, hiding his fear. He was wondering how he was going to take care of her. What if something happens to her on delivery? The last question did not let him sleep that night neither did she.

  Hearing the birds chirping, CK realized that he passed a full night without sleeping, which he had never done. He thought his love for her had beaten his love for his sleep, looking at her. Her eyes were tightly closed. He made her sleep on the cot. He stretched his aching back, holding his hip and bent his neck right and left. He opened the wooden door, sunrise fell on his face. He closed his eyes and thought that after darkness there will always be light. He encouraged himself knowing there is no other option. “Nothing is stable, it will move on, everything happens for reason,” murmured CK, facing the bright light exhaling air. He decided to put his maximum effort to take care of her health being in this forest. He started it from preparing the breakfast, he held the food bowl in front of the door hesitating to go inside. Fearing facing her, he practiced talking to her without showing the previous night’s impact. He opened the door inch by inch. He saw her sitting on the cot with one hand on her chin, deeply thinking. Her red eyes revealed about her last night’s sleep.

 
; “I have made better breakfast than you,” he said, stretching it near her face and trying to act normal towards her but she didn’t respond. She was deeply thinking without knowing his presence. CK sat beside her and kept his hand on her shoulder and only then she saw him. “If you don’t have your breakfast, I will eat yours,” he said.

  “I am not in a mood to eat,” she said.

  “All you need is a stomach to eat nothing else,” CK smiled at her. His smile passed on to her. He started feeding her.

  “For you?” Sara asked, chewing.

  “You eat, I will eat you,” he replied, smiling, hoping it will pass on to her. Noticing her reaction changing, he stopped by saying, “I had my breakfast very early.” He took her to the waterfall, to change her mind. On the way, she did not speak anything. But the magic breeze of the waterfall made her to open up. She was leaning on CK’s shoulder.

  “I have read that delivery is so painful like breaking many bones. Without any doctors will I die?” Sara asked, pulling each of his fingers. Before she completed the word die, CK closed her mouth.

  “You are so strong and positive, why do you think like that? Think positive, imagine our child will be there for our marriage. No one would get that experience,” he stated, looking at her eyes.

  “And everybody would laugh at us,” Sara smiled sort of.

  “Don’t ever think about everybody in your life. Everybody will talk if you wear a new dress and they will talk even if you don’t wear a dress. So anyhow they will talk,” he said anxiously.

  “I too know that it’s not only about others, it’s about myself too. I have my own values. I had been born and brought up in a certain way. Without those values I am nothing. I always want to live in and decide my partner but I also knew that I will never do it. But now it’s happening. It was very difficult for me to digest the fact that I lost my virginity even before marriage. But I was able to accept it with the love and confidence you gave me. And now baby, I don’t know what is happening and this is not me. How am I going to face my mom?”

  Sara held her hair tight, making her red eyes worsen with tears. CK held her hand.

  “I do understand you but don’t overthink. You didn’t do anything wrong. You just followed your heart with the trust in me,” said CK, holding her wrist tight feeling its beats. She bent down without any expression with her hair covering her face. “Don’t fear anything. Your mom can’t reject you however you are if she sees you after this chaos. Believe in time baby, time has the solution for every problem. Soon we will get our time to leave the forest and live a happy life baby.” He tucked her hair behind her ear, relieving her beautiful face.

  “Hope so,” Sara whispered.

  “Even if you leave me, I won’t leave you, I promise,” he stressed each word keeping his hand on her stomach. Sara saw his eyes, which gave her the confidence. She smiled and suddenly CK saw her eyes and mouth widening seeing something.

  He looked at what she saw. It was fish jumping in water.

  “I love eating fish. I eat 3–4 days a week. I live near the beach so I get fresh and cheap fish,” she said in an enthusiastic voice. CK was thankful for the fish bringing her back to form. He pulled her shawl.

  “What?” Sara panicked.

  “Just catch it,” he said, giving her the end of the shawl. He took the other end and caught the fish. He saw a priceless expression in her face looking at the fish about to be cooked. Soon she made the fire and cooked the fish. She spoke only after eating the fish.

  “Come on, we have to search our way out. We have only few days,” said Sara, washing her hand. She is really optimistic. If I were in her position I would have died thinking of the delivery itself. I am lucky to have her in my life thought CK walking behind her.

  They walked for a long distance. They couldn’t find anything new, it was only bushes and trees all around. Sara became so tired and she was walking behind CK. Suddenly he heard her shouting when he turned, he saw Sara far behind, holding a side of her stomach, kneeling. He rushed to her shouting, “What happened baby?” He saw Sara suffering in pain. He wished to have it instead. Only after five minutes of struggle she was able to relax. The pain was for her but CK felt like burning in those five minutes.

  “You be in the hut here after, don’t strain yourself,” he said, lifting her up in his hand.

  “Have I become a burden to you?” asked Sara, showing pain in her voice.

  “Baby, why do you talk like this? There will be many changes in your body at this time. I don’t want to strain you,” said CK choking. She smiled hearing it, only then he got the energy to carry her back to the hut. She was so tired that she fell asleep in his arms. I am carrying two of my babies in my hand , thought CK, looking at her cute sleeping beauty. He reminded the days he urged for love having never been a loved one, compared to the present and cherished by seeing his two-love soul in his hand.

  Days passed by and each day was a different experience for her due to her pregnancy hormones and of course for him too. As days passed, she became weak both physically and mentally. CK also started to feel low but he never showed it to her, he always tried to give energy to her. Most of his days started hearing her vomiting and ended with massaging her swollen legs. She suffered from severe back pain. Both were clueless to handle the situation, CK tried out different way to escape from the forest nothing turned out but still CK didn’t quit, he went in search each day for their way out. Both almost confirmed that they are going to die in forest within themselves. Being in between his arms was the only happiness she had. Her stomach became big, and she started using the clothes removing its inner stitches but still it was tight. She was wondering what to wear after few months. When a moment CK tries to relax, the next moment when he sees her stomach, his fearful thoughts never stop.

  As usual, CK slept after massaging her swollen feet. The next morning, he heard a different sound than usual. He saw some blurred weird face through his half-opened eyes. He thought it was his dream, so he closed his eyes and turned to put hand on her. His hand landed on the cot. His hands searched for her, realizing her absence he jumped and landed on the cot facing the door. The next second, he felt his neck was covered by arrows. His popped-out eyes saw red painted faces, wearing a shell crown on top of their negro hairstyle. CK could not breathe, he kept gulping down his fear being surrounded by arrows. CK understood they are tribal scanning them a second and confirmed it by seeing their dried fiber skirt. Stuck in between their eyesight, CK was wondering about his love, What would have happened to her? Are they man eaters? Is it truly their hut? Did they kill her? They spoke in a different language among themselves, looking at the groceries. CK was clear that they are talking about the used groceries.

  To save his life, he slowly removed his golden bracelet and stretched his shaking hand with the bracelet in his palm hoping they would know gold. One of them picked up the gold bracelet and scanned it close to his eyes. CK watched him anxiously, expecting him to remove the arrow from the other hand. The tribe just threw the bracelet and stared at him. Oh no, he doesn’t know gold, where will I go for a shell? CK could feel the heartbeat in his throat surrounded by arrows. The tribal who scanned the golden bracelet, pulled the arrow back. CK breathed a huge sigh of relief, the next second CK saw the arrow in his hand coming to pierce his heart. CK saw death before his eyes, their first meet, flight hijack, love night, the day he carried both the babies in his hand. He wanted to see his love one last time. He wanted her to be alive. He saw the arrow coming closer and closer.

  THE TRIBE

  The arrow was stopped by the tribal just an inch away from CK’s heart, hearing Sara’s loud voice near the door. The tribes turned, and they discussed between them. Oh no, why did you come here baby? His heart and mind was shouting.

  CK shouted, “Run, save yourself and our baby.” Before CK completed his sentence, they fell on her feet. Sara flinched and moved back. CK couldn’t believe his eyes. He ran and stood before her, stretching his hand. They stood
up and greeted her by bending down. Sara moved CK and came forward and she acted to explain the plane crash.

  “What are you doing? They would kill us!” CK said, biting his teeth.

  “Look at them, they won’t and above all this is our last chance, else we have to die here,” she stressed, making CK mum. He felt her acting was so good at that moment that he decided to do a film with her of their experience. She somehow made them understand and they replied something with action.

  “Follow them,” murmured Sara near CK’s ear.

  “You know their language?” CK asked. She didn’t hear it and she kept following them. They took many cuts between the bushes and walked a long distance, but in the energy that they are going to leave the forest, they didn’t notice the distance and they were also amused seeing the path between the bushes, which they didn’t notice all these days.

  “Are we safe? We don’t know where they are taking us. Should we walk with them?” CK murmured, being exhausted.

  “But we have no other option, I think they are taking us to their place,” she replied, her doubt obvious in her face.

  After a few minutes of silent walk with more thoughts popping in their minds, “Look there, I told you,” Sara pointed to the tips of the huts in between the trees, which gave them enough energy to walk faster. CK stopped abruptly with his eyes struck on something. Sara passed him, admiring the organized place in between the forest. He stopped her, holding her hand. She turned towards him puzzled. She then saw in the direction CK pointed.

  “I think our skull is going to be in that garland soon,” CK shivered seeing an idol with the skull garland. Sara stood breathless. She gulped down the fear and their heartbeats were rising. She breathed a huge sigh of relief, holding the chest with a palm. CK turned at her puzzled with his heart banging against his chest.