“Nothing has gotten into me, except maybe some self-worth for the first time since stepping into this house.”
“What are you talking about?”
Becca was visibly furious. Her cheeks were red, her eyes wide, her shoulders once again tense and rigid as she stood before Kimberly, not budging one step in any direction.
“I quit.”
“I— You what?” Kimberly’s eyes about popped out of her head. She took one step toward Becca, and Becca stepped back, putting her hand up in front of her and forcing Kimberly to stop in her tracks.
“I’m quitting. I can’t do this any longer. You may think this is okay, but it’s not. I can’t. I can’t keep living this way.”
“Living what way?”
“Like this!” Becca’s voice took on a dangerous level.
Kimberly again put her hands out, trying to understand what was going through Becca’s mind and heart, but she was left lost in the dust. She repeated as calmly as she could but knowing her tone was full of anger, “Like what?”
“This. This…all of this.” Becca put her hands out between them. “I can’t do it.”
Kimberly’s heart ached. “I don’t know what to say.”
“You don’t have to say anything. I quit. I’ll be gone in the morning. I can’t keep doing this.”
“What?” Rage brimmed in Kimberly’s chest this time. Questions of logistics with Michael raced through her mind, but she was stumped by only one of them.
What will I tell him?
Becca stepped away from Kimberly and nodded her head. “I’m leaving. I would appreciate not hearing from you again except in the form of my last paycheck. I need to live my own life.”
Becca turned on her toes and made for her room. Kimberly stared after her, still not quite sure what had just happened or how they had gotten from point A to point who-knew-where so quickly. She still wasn’t processing what Becca had said. She plopped her butt on the stool and sat in the silence of the room, working through everything each of them had said.
Becca had been on the defense from the moment they’d started talking. She’d clearly already made up her mind about what was going to happen before they’d even talked that evening, but how on earth had she gotten there? This time apart was supposed to have put everything in perspective, but obviously they had different viewpoints. After sitting in the quiet for ten minutes, Kimberly got up, put the lid back on the cake and shoved it a little too hard into the fridge.
When she turned around, the house felt emptier than it ever had before. She was lost without Becca there, and even though she was still physically in the house, she had clearly left mentally and emotionally some time when Kimberly had been gone to New York.
Maybe it wasn’t a great fit, then. If the two of them couldn’t even handle one work trip away, then they certainly wouldn’t pass the test of time. If Becca was this upset over something she had done and wasn’t even willing to talk to her about it, to compromise, to discuss, to work it out, then there was no way a relationship would ever happen.
Hitting the lights, Kimberly stared down Becca’s hallway, silently begging her to come back out and talk to her. After seconds ticked by and there was no movement, she headed to her own room and shut the door behind her. She collapsed on her bed, rolled onto her side with her pillow shoved under her for support and buried her head.
A general sense of unease settled over her as she continued to sort through the explosion of emotion that had happened in her kitchen. Normally the kitchen was a place for jokes, laughter, fun and good food. Suddenly, her kitchen had been turned against her, and she wasn’t sure how she felt about it. ‘Violated’ was a word that came to mind.
Lying awake in the dark, she listened as Becca made trip after trip from her room to her car. After a period of awkward silence, she looked up when there was a gentle and quiet knock on her bedroom door. When she got up to open it, Becca stood in the doorway, dimly lit by the lights in the living room that barely reached all the way down the hall.
“The keys,” Becca said, handing over the lanyard.
Kimberly hesitated before putting her hand out and accepting them, not wanting to touch Becca’s fingers for fear of what she might feel. The conversation was clearly over. There was no opening it back up to talk about anything. She fisted the keys hard, the metal biting into her skin as she looked up, maybe for the last time, at Becca.
“You don’t want to talk?”
Becca shook her head.
Kimberly sighed and moved her gaze down to Becca’s shoes. “He’s going to miss you.”
“And I will miss him.”
This time Kimberly made sure she had Becca’s full attention when she spoke. “I’m going to miss you.”
Becca said nothing as she turned and left. The door shutting behind her was the last sound Kimberly wanted to hear. She stayed rooted to her spot for a good five minutes before she went to her bed and hid under the covers, wishing she could start the evening over again and change everything that had happened.
Chapter Fifteen
Becca hadn’t slept in nearly three days. She had been focusing all her energy on her schoolwork and trying to find some kind of job to help her pay for food and maybe even pitch in a little bit on Drew’s rent. She had an interview later that day to be a cashier at a grocery store down the road from Drew’s. It wasn’t ideal, but it would do in the pinch she found herself in.
She needed something to get her through the next eight weeks. Eight weeks, and she still wasn’t sure where she’d be student teaching. Groaning, Becca pressed her head down onto Drew’s very small two-person kitchen table. She’d thrown away her life, and all for what? Morals? Fear? Frustration?
None of it seemed worth it now. Drew slid into the seat next to her and patted her head gently as they applied a fresh coat of makeup before heading off to work. Becca still couldn’t believe the situation she found herself in. Drew’s semi-gravelly morning voice broke her pity-party line. “It’ll all be okay, sugar.”
Becca snorted.
“Just go on a date, any date. Get her out of your head.”
Looking up at Drew, she shook her head. “I don’t know. That doesn’t seem like the greatest plan in the world.”
Drew raised on delicate and thin eyebrow in question. “What about that Jessica girl?”
“Jessica?”
“You know, the one you met that day with she-who-shall-not-be-mentioned. The one who gave you her number—pretty, cute, flirty—at the school or whatever when she-who-shall-not-be-mentioned was teaching.”
“Oh…that Jessica. I don’t even know if I still have her number.”
“Well, I have the text picture you sent me of the piece of paper with her number on it, so I do.”
Becca blanched. She hadn’t really thought about Jessica since she’d left that day, after telling Drew about her adventures of the week with Michael and Kimberly. On the other hand, she had enjoyed flirting with Jessica while it had lasted. She’d felt free of pressure or stresses.
“Maybe I will,” Becca muttered and turned to her computer.
An email popped up on her open laptop, and Becca’s stomach clenched when she saw who it was from. ‘Student Teaching Position Available’ was in the subject line. She scooted the computer over so Drew could see and held her breath.
“Open it already! I want to see what it says.” Drew tried to move Becca’s hands away so they could click the email.
Becca pushed their hands right back. “No matter what it is, I’m going to take it. I have to have a position somewhere to graduate in the winter.”
“Open it!” Drew repeated, egging her on.
Rolling her eyes, Becca clicked the email and about fell out of her chair. It was her second-choice school, one of the best in the county. Her heart ratcheted up a few notches until she struggled to catch her breath. Skimming the email, she saw she would be placed in the kindergarten class. As soon as she read that word, bile tried to come up her th
roat full force. Her stomach churned, and she had to leave the table.
She ran to the bathroom and splashed freezing-cold water on her face. It wouldn’t happen. There were two kindergarten classes at the school. It couldn’t happen. When Drew came into the doorway to check on her, she blinked back tears masked with water.
“That’s the school Michael will be going to.”
“Oh… Oh!” Drew said. “But he won’t be in your class, will he?”
“I can only hope not. I’m not sure I could handle that after everything, but I probably won’t know until I get the class roster.”
Drew hummed. “You have eight weeks. Maybe another school will pop up with a position for you.”
Becca rolled her eyes and drew in a deep breath. “Maybe, but it’s my second-choice school.”
“You’re going to have to make a decision.”
“I know.” Becca wallowed some more, really not wanting to dwell on it. “I know. I’ll figure it out. I just need a bit more time than I have right now. I have to get dressed for my interview.”
“That’s right! You knock ‘em dead. I gotta get to work, but text me if you need something, and to tell me how the interview goes.”
“I will.”
Drew left, meaning Becca was alone in the small one-bedroom apartment. Drew would be gone for easily the next ten hours, between commute and work time, but that was okay. She was getting used to being by herself, something she rarely had the privilege of since she’d mostly nannied.
Rummaging through several boxes and two suitcases, Becca finally found a pair of slacks and a nice button-down shirt she could wear. It wasn’t fancy, but it was nice enough for a grocery store interview. She got dressed, spritzed one of Drew’s perfumes over her so her clothes didn’t smell musty and made for the front door. A text rang through her phone, and she stared down at it. It was the picture of Jessica’s phone number. Rolling her eyes again, Becca cursed under her breath and locked the door behind her as she headed for her car. Stress be damned… She was going to rock her interview.
* * * *
She landed the job. Getting back to her car and throwing out a cheerful whoop, Becca immediately texted Drew the outcome. She started the next week. She’d be making minimum wage, but anything was better than zero. She drove to Drew’s apartment and did one more happy dance as soon as she got in the door.
The rest of the afternoon, she spent organizing her things to make the space seem less messy and roomier in the tiny five-hundred-square-foot apartment. There was barely room for two people in there, especially one with as many clothes as Drew owned. Chuckling, she headed to the laundry room to start a load. When she came back, she found herself sitting once again at the tiny table and reading over the student teaching email.
Biting her lip, she closed her eyes and thought. Would the pain of potentially being Michael’s teacher—which wouldn’t actually be the hard part—be worth it to teach there? Would seeing Kimberly again be worth it? Her stomach spun with nerves and anxiety, threatening to make her puke.
Eight weeks. Would she feel different in eight weeks? With all that time between their argument and her quitting, would she be able to find some sort of calm and peace when she saw her again? Becca sighed. She wanted the job more than anything. She wanted to be a teacher. This was her calling. Just like Kimberly found such passion in cooking, she found all her passion in teaching, in watching young minds grow and expand and learn.
Following the directions in the email, she went through the portal to the school’s website and accepted the student teaching position. Kindergarten was what she wanted to teach—that or first grade. The offer could not have been more perfect. As soon as she clicked ‘submit’, a sense of peace washed over her. She wasn’t going to do anything because of Kimberly again.
This was for her and her alone. This was for her future, her career, her happiness. Smiling, Becca closed her laptop and picked up her phone again. She opened it to the photo Drew had sent her and bit her lip. Why not? She was on a roll. She was taking charge of her life, making the changes she wanted and would benefit her and no one else. She was tired of holding back and waiting and living on someone else’s time.
After putting the number into her phone, she typed the message in hopes she wouldn’t chicken out before she sent it.
Hi. I don’t know if you remember me, but it’s Becca. I worked for Kim Burns and met you when she did a cooking demo at the school. Anyway, just thought I’d text and see if the offer still stood for getting together sometime.
She pressed ‘send’ then set her phone down. Once again, her heart was in her throat. She flicked her gaze back and forth to the phone several times before she gave up and went to take a shower to distract herself. A date would be something new, something she hadn’t done in years. She’d never paid too much attention to her love life. Honestly, Drew paid more attention to it than she did. She’d had her flings, usually one every couple of months, but a tried-and-true date where she intended to see if the relationship would last? That was something rare for her.
When she got out of the shower, she checked her phone before she fully dried off. There was one text message waiting for her.
Yes. When?
* * * *
Kimberly had flown back to New York. Bradley was in charge of Michael and finding care for him while she was gone. Since Becca had quit, he’d really stepped up his game in helping with Michael’s daily care. For some reason, he felt the need to suddenly embrace his father-role and take it on in full force. He’d actually started before Becca had quit, but since then, he’d been a perfect gentleman.
The show she was filming was one on which she made guest appearances regularly. She’d signed the contract the day she and Becca had fought. It had been one of the things she’d wanted to share but had never gotten an opportunity. This was her dream, something she’d been working toward since she’d first seen that it might be a real possibility. Most of the filming was in New York, but the network had plans to expand into southern California and were working on hiring and building up some more chefs who resided there before truly moving out to the coast.
It was one of the reasons she knew she could do this. It was only temporary—a year or two tops—then she’d be able to film a whole lot closer to home. As much as her life was coming together professionally, it was falling apart personally. She and Bradley might have been on better terms, but she hadn’t been able to get Becca out of her mind since she’d handed her the key and left.
She sat down on the sofa in her hotel room and relaxed. It was late. Filming hadn’t lasted long, but she’d stayed then gone out with a few of her friends to enjoy the evening. When she got back, her hair was still up in the tight pony with a braid down the side that the hair artist had done up for her, and her makeup was still heavy from filming.
She always hated getting it on and taking it off, but she liked wearing it. It made her feel strong, confident and beautiful, and that was exactly what she needed. She needed to know she would be okay, that Becca leaving wasn’t her fault and that it would all turn out for the better…because it had to.
Pulling bobby pins and thin rubber bands from her hair, Kimberly sighed. It had been all her fault. She should never have slept with Becca. Well, she should never have slept with her employee. If they hadn’t been in that situation, she was pretty sure everything might have turned out different. But they also were likely to have never met.
She ran her fingers through her hair, pulling out a few tangles and untwisting the braid. Eventually, she set everything to the side and grabbed her laptop, ready to focus on her cookbook. She was nearing completion of the first draft. Once she went back through it, she’d start contacting publishers to see if any wanted to take her up on the project.
Then they could cook, take pictures of the results and really start putting the book together. She typed away at her keyboard until the clock told her it was nearly four in the morning. Deciding it would be better if she h
ad a few hours of sleep before a second day of filming, she stripped down and put on a loose pair of shorts and tank top, then slid under the cold covers.
The bed felt empty. The entire room felt empty. She felt empty. Professional life aside, she had very little to live for personally except Michael, and her little boy would eventually grow up, leave her house and go on to shape his own life. And where would that leave her? Alone with an amazing career and nothing else.
She didn’t want it that way. She wanted something else, something for her, someone to come home to, who enjoyed her as much as she enjoyed them. Someone like Becca. Sighing, she forced herself to lie still and get comfortable, then begged her brain to shut down and allow her some rest.
* * * *
Becca’s first date with Jessica was awkward. Something about their flair for flirting had vanished in the interim, and they spent most of the night just trying to get conversation going. At the end of the meal, Becca paid for her half of the bill and wanted to escape as quickly as she could, but Jessica stopped her at her car.
“I’m sorry. I don’t know what’s with me tonight,” Jessica stated. “That was not a great date.”
Becca frowned and gave her a sad look. “Yeah, I wasn’t at my greatest either. I’ve had a lot of changes going on lately, and I think it’s probably all catching up with me.”
“What kind of changes?”
Sighing, Becca leaned against the trunk of her car, half-sitting on it as she debated how much to share with Jessica. While she wanted to talk about quitting her job and why she’d done it, she also respected Kimberly’s privacy and did not want to add any stress to that.
“I quit my job kind of suddenly. Lost my place to live, so I’m couch surfing at my best friend’s tiny-ass apartment. I start a new job next week at a grocery store. Not ideal, but it’s something. And I’m waiting for all my student teaching paperwork to go through so I can teach in the fall and graduate in the winter.”
Love Burns Page 17
