He beelined it for the door and stopped short when he heard Becca correct him to walk. After that, he took long steps to get to the playground faster, but steps that would still be considered walking. When Kimberly turned back around, her stomach dropped. Becca was like a whole different person in this classroom. She was confident and strong in ways she hadn’t seen before. It suited her.
Surprised, Kimberly grabbed a washcloth to help re-clean the tables the kids had finished, making sure all the sugar and flour were gone. With her hands wet on the table, she looked up to find Becca staring at her. As soon as their gazes met, Becca looked back at the floor and she blushed pink. Oddly enough, Kimberly found herself satisfied at the reaction.
It made her feel wanted. Pushing her feelings aside, Kimberly finished with the desks and moved on to the floor. Carpet and baking did not mix, and she spent the next thirty minutes just trying to get the sugar out of the short blue carpet that seemed standard in a lot of public spaces. Eventually, Becca came over and laughed lightly.
“You’ll never get it all out, so you might as well give up.”
“I’m determined.”
“I know you are.” Becca put a hand on Kimberly’s, stilling her furious vacuuming. Then she reached down and turned the machine off. “I know you are, but you’re still not going to get it all out of there.”
“I can certainly try.” Kimberly set her jaw and straightened her back, knowing she wasn’t going to win this battle, but also not quite sure they were still talking about vacuuming.
Becca gave her a sweet smile, but there was a hint of sadness to it. Kimberly cocked her head, trying to read as deeply into the look as she could. She wanted to know what was going on inside that smart brain of hers. Becca stepped forward, their hands still connected, and pressed a very gentle and sweet kiss to Kimberly’s lips, humming when she pulled back with her eyes closed.
“I can finish up here so you can take Michael home. I know he’s bound to get bored as soon as all the other students are gone.”
Kimberly wanted to reject the notion. She wanted to stay, to be in the same room as Becca even longer, but she got the feeling the request was not negotiable. She wanted to respect Becca’s decisions about her own life and that this was her place of work. Nodding, Kimberly stepped away from the vacuum, leaving it in Becca’s hands.
She gathered the rest of her supplies, holding the tote tightly with both her hands. With her back against the door to push it open, she stared directly at Becca who had watched her the entire time. “I’ll see you around then.”
“See you,” Becca answered with that same sweet and confusing smile.
Backing out of the classroom, Kimberly left.
* * * *
Becca sat down on the couch in a haze. Drew was already home, surprisingly, and cooking up something in the kitchen that smelled delicious. She ignored it as she tried her best to wipe the smile off her face but couldn’t. Drew eventually came to sit next to her, shooing her feet off the side so they could sit together comfortably.
“What’s got you so happy?” Drew asked.
“Nothing,” Becca replied, trying to keep her joy hidden—but it was futile. She was too happy to contain it. She flushed and half-laughed, unable to avoid what she felt.
“No, really, what’s got you so up?”
Becca shrugged. “Just a really good day at school.”
Drew narrowed their eyes at her, studying. “Was today cookie day?”
The smile wiped from Becca’s face as she stared at Drew directly.
“I knew it! So it went that well?”
“It finally felt like we could be in the same room as each other without all the tension and heartache and pain, without all the weird boundary issues we’ve had.”
“And?”
“And what?” Becca said, the grin returning to her face. She wanted to tell them, but at the same time, she didn’t. They would take it the wrong way and tease her endlessly about how she had never given up hope on a relationship with Kimberly—which she hadn’t. The timing had been wrong.
Drew turned to face her fully. “There’s something else keeping that smile on your face. What happened, sugar?”
Taking a deep breath, Becca grinned again. “I’m sorry. It was just a really good day.”
“You kissed her. Again!”
Becca’s face fell. “How did you know?”
“Oh my God! You did kiss her? I should have known! I was just guessing to see if I could get it out of you. You kissed her? In the classroom? Like in front of the kids?”
“No! No one was there, not in front of the kids. We were cleaning up. It had been such a good day. She respected the boundaries I had put into place. I respected hers.”
“Except you kissed her.”
“Yeah, well, I don’t think she minded much.”
“Oooo…” Drew raised their eyebrows up and down. “Do tell.”
Becca leaned back onto the couch even more, glancing down at her hands then out of the window. “It wasn’t anything special, just a quick peck. But for the first time, it really felt right.”
Drew grinned.
Becca narrowed her gaze at them, trying to figure out what had gotten them so smitten. “What?”
“You’re in love.”
She rolled her eyes. “Well, that’s not new.”
“I— What?”
Becca stood up to head to the kitchen, but Drew was hot on her heels.
“Wait. You can’t just say that then run away. What do you mean that’s not new?”
“I think I’ve loved her for a long time. I just— I wanted to make sure it was real love and not just infatuation or her trying to wrangle me into anything.”
“You really think you’re that malleable that someone can wrangle you into a relationship?”
“Yeah, you’re right. That didn’t make sense.” Snorting, Becca lifted the lid on the pot to smell whatever it was Drew had going underneath it. “This smells amazing. What is it?”
“Squirrel stew. Stop. Tell me what you mean by ‘this isn’t new’.”
Sighing, Becca put the lid back down and crossed her arms over her chest. “I think you know as much as I do how long I have loved Kimberly.”
“Yes, but you never said anything.”
“Because I didn’t want to admit it. She was my boss. I was so infatuated with her that I couldn’t think straight enough to even recognize my own feelings. That’s why I quit and pretty much ran here. It wasn’t right to be in a relationship with her. It didn’t feel right on so many levels, while on others it felt perfect.”
“But you’re her son’s teacher right now.”
“And we’re not in a relationship right now.” She cocked her head and grinned. “That boundary issue isn’t an issue at the moment.”
Drew raised one delicately plucked eyebrow. “No, you’re just making out in dark corners every chance you get.”
“We did not make out today.” Pointing on finger at Drew and wagging it up and down, she narrowed her eyes and lifted her chin. “We had one simple very nice kiss. That was it—like you’d kiss your mom.”
“Sugar”—Drew raised one dutiful eyebrow even higher—“you do not kiss someone you love like you would kiss your mom, no matter how platonic it is.”
“You’re right, bad example. We did not make out today.”
“But you did kiss.”
“Yes.”
“So you are in a relationship.”
“No.”
“I’m confused.” Drew put a hand to their head and plopped down at the kitchen table. They turned back to look at her, head still in their hand. “So you love her, but you are not in a relationship with her.”
“Correct.”
“And you want to be in a relationship with her?” Hope slipped into Drew’s voice.
Becca shook her head. “No. Not at this time.”
“What?” Drew’s head smacked down onto the table once and then twice. “This is why I don�
��t date women. You don’t make any sense.”
“Same could be said about men.” Becca came around and sat across from them. “Or gender queer. People are just confusing. I am her son’s teacher, and until that changes, I will not consider a relationship with her. However, we kind of already tried the relationship thing, and we all saw how that turned out. Not good. I’m not sure I want to put myself in that position again. I like where I’m at. I’m enjoying life. I love teaching, I love my kids and I want to stay here for as long as I can. I want to continue to be a teacher and make that a priority in my life.”
“But you love her?” Drew asked, although it didn’t completely sound like a question.
“Yes. Or at least, I did at some point fall in love with her. I don’t know whether or not I am still in love with her, but I will always love and respect and admire her. She’s an amazingly strong woman who has pulled her life out of the shitter and made it the best she can for her and Michael.”
“Oh God.”
“What?” Becca asked.
“Don’t tell me you’re going to get up on your high horse and not date her because you think she’ll be better off without you.”
Shaking her head, Becca laughed. “That’s not what I’m saying. What I’m saying is not right now, and I don’t know about when yet—or if ever. We’ll have to wait and see what happens before that decision is made.”
“You’re just going to die lonely, sleeping on my couch.”
Chuckling, Becca patted their arm and got up again. “Is this done yet?”
“Yeah.”
“Good. I need something hearty after cookies all afternoon.”
She served up two bowls of whatever it was Drew had made. Becca was sure it wasn’t squirrel stew, as much as Drew insisted it was. Settling into their normal banter, she relaxed, ready for the weekend to give her a break from her crazy routine.
Chapter Twenty-One
Her last day teaching was just before Thanksgiving, and the students threw her a party to send her off. All she had left were her finals with her one other class and the evaluation Miss Knorr would give her and she’d be done. She’d be a teacher. She’d have her degree, and her life would be on track.
Becca picked up as many hours as she could at the grocery store over the holiday break, racking up as much overtime as she could. They were glad for the help during the busy season. December first came quickly enough, and she was in the process of applying for teaching positions at local schools. It wasn’t the greatest time to apply for jobs, as the school year was already halfway through, but she hoped someone would be leaving unexpectedly and she’d have the opportunity to slip in and finish out the school year.
She’d spent hours and hours filling out applications, so much so that it made her head spin. When a very proud Drew showed up at home with a small Thanksgiving feast under their arm in a take-out bag, Becca laughed. She dug into the food, sighing as it hit her hungry belly. Drew happily chattered about work that day while Becca listened, only half paying attention as her mind swirled through what other schools in the area she could apply for. Moving home was not an option. She loved her mother dearly, but they could not live under the same roof again.
Drew gave up trying to distract her and instead asked all sorts of questions about her day. Becca laughed and leaned back in her chair. “Well, I had the weirdest dream last night.”
“Oh?”
“Yeah. One of the perks of working at a grocery store during the Thanksgiving holiday, I bet. I had a dream that I was standing at my register, and there was just turkey after turkey after turkey that I had to scan. One after the other. No end in sight. Nothing. There were no customers, just the damn turkeys going by on my scanner one after the next.”
Drew snorted. “That’s bad.”
“Yeah. It was bad. Woke me up out of a dead sleep for sure.”
“Sounds more like a nightmare.”
Chuckling, Becca agreed. “Yeah, let’s call it a nightmare.” She took another forkful of turkey and gravy and shoved it into her mouth. “And I just owned the turkey after that nightmare.”
Letting out a roar, Drew brushed fingers under their eyes and wiped away nonexistent tears. “That was too far, now.”
“Too far, but so worth it.”
Drew rolled their eyes and went back to focusing on the food on the table. It wasn’t the greatest Thanksgiving meal, but since both of them had needed to work that day, it was better than nothing. Becca knew meals like this would be in her life for a long time.
“Any job offers?” Drew asked.
“No. I don’t expect any for a few more weeks, anyway. No one is really focused on hiring during the holidays. I’ll substitute in the meantime, if I need to.”
“True enough.” Drew went back to eating.
They sat in silence for a few minutes before the knock at the door disrupted them. Frowning, Becca shrugged and got up to see who it was. When she opened the door to find Kimberly standing outside in the light rain, surprise ran through her.
“What are you doing here?” Becca asked, pretty sure Kimberly hadn’t even known where Drew lived.
“I— I needed to talk.”
Rain droplets clung to Kimberly’s dark brown hair, and Becca grabbed her hand to drag her inside and out of the weather. She shut the door and locked it, spinning around on her toes. “It’s Thanksgiving.”
“I know. I’m sorry. Are you— Are you busy with dinner? I can leave. This was stupid. I’m sorry.”
Kimberly made for the door, but Becca grabbed her hand to stop her. “No. We were eating, but it’s just the two of us with take-out. Nothing fancy. Did something happen to Michael?”
“No.” Kimberly let out a breath and shook her head. “No, nothing like that. Michael’s fine. He’s— He’s at his dad’s for the first time ever on Thanksgiving, and it made me think, and well, you know me, thinking isn’t the greatest thing to happen in the twenty-first century.”
“Who is it?” Drew called from the kitchen.
Becca glanced at Kimberly with a questioning gaze, wondering if she should share. When Kimberly nodded, Becca called back. “My old boss… Remember the one where you puked all night in her bathroom?”
“Oh, that one,” Drew said saucily.
Becca knew with her not-so-gentle reminder about that night that Drew would stay far away in the kitchen, too embarrassed to peek their head around the corner and see either one of them. With that settled, Becca focused on Kimberly. She was still damp from the rain, but it was soaking into her clothes and hair now. She was dressed simply in tight black leggings with cats on the knees and a simple green shirt that brought out the color of her eyes even more.
If anything, the simplicity of how she typically dressed made her that much more accessible. It was never any wonder why she succeeded so well in her television career, excluding her amazing ability to cook and to do so under pressure. Becca brought her gaze back to Kimberly’s face, noting the uncertainty still reaching Kimberly’s eyes and wanting to put her at ease as much as possible.
“Right, so what brought you here? Well, first, how did you even know where ‘here’ was?”
Kimberly looked over Becca’s shoulder into the kitchen before glancing back at Becca. “Had some help.”
“Oh.” Becca’s lips formed a perfect circle. She turned to look in the direction Drew sat and shook her head. “I’ll deal with them later. What are you doing here?”
“I— I wanted to talk to you. Is there somewhere we could go that’s private?”
Thinking for a second, Becca tossed a look over her shoulder at Drew’s bedroom. It was the only other room in the apartment besides the kitchen where Drew was currently stashed away. Shrugging, Becca nodded in the direction.
“There’s the bedroom or there’s a car, your choice.”
“Bedroom. The rain was picking up pretty good.”
“Okay.” Becca took two steps to the kitchen doorway and put on her serious face. “We’re
going to steal your room for a minute. Don’t you dare come in there, and don’t you double dare listen in on our conversation.”
“Sure… All you’ll be doing is conversing,” Drew muttered under their breath.
“Drew!” Becca responded as a warning, her voice low.
“I won’t. I swear. I’ll sit here with my cold turkey and gravy and eat it.”
“Good.” Becca turned back to Kimberly and looked down at the ground. “Sorry about that. They’re…they’re ornery today, to say the least.”
“It’s okay. We’re kind of taking over their space. That can’t feel normal or good.”
“Yeah. Anyway, it’s right through here.”
Becca led Kimberly into the room and flipped on the lights. As soon as Kimberly stepped all the way in, she shut the door. The loud click sent a stab of fear straight to her heart. Normally, when the two of them were in a closed room together, clothes came off rapidly.
Becca anchored her feet to the ground, put her arms over her chest in a protective manner and stared directly at the back of Kimberly’s head. Breaking the ice, she started, “What’s going on, Kimberly?”
Kimberly spun around. Her face fell, probably at Becca’s stance, and Becca felt a moment of remorse but decided her plan was better.
“I—I just… I don’t know even know where to start,” Kimberly confessed.
“Start at the beginning.”
“The beginning? Okay. The beginning. I was drunk, so were you.” Kimberly pointed a finger at herself then at Becca.
“Oh.” Realization dawned on Becca. She sat heavily on Drew’s bed, waiting for the onslaught of emotions to catch up with her, like it always did when she thought about her relationship with Kimberly and the rollercoaster that it was. Her defenses had been knocked down with one swift mention of the past, and she was left broken open for the woman who had taken her apart one brick at a time. “That beginning.”
“Yes, that beginning.” Kimberly hissed slightly but then sat down next to Becca. “I can’t stop thinking about that beginning.”
“Neither can I,” Becca admitted. “But I don’t really want to think about it either.”
Love Burns Page 23
