I snickered.
“How are you not bothered by his attitude?”
“Because I deal with Archer Lund, CEO, every damn day, Jax. It’s just a more extreme version of him.”
“Can I remind you how happy I am not to be in your position?”
“Yes, please, rub it in that I’m completely unqualified to be even a placeholder for that man.”
Jax loomed over me. “Since when do you talk down about yourself?”
“Just forget it. I’ll see you later.” I turned and walked off. At least the trip wasn’t a total wash; my mom had agreed to attend the Grant Foundation Gala as my date.
“Nolan. Wait.”
I kept walking.
My brother fell into step with me. “What is going on with you?”
“LI stuff. Don’t worry. I’m handling it.”
“I’m not being accusatory. I’m genuinely worried about you.” He paused. “I have been since before Dad’s heart attack.”
“Great.”
“Why won’t you talk to me?”
I poked the button for the elevator. “Because I don’t know what the fuck to say, all right?”
We stepped inside the elevator doors. I was grateful we weren’t alone because I knew Jax wouldn’t continue our conversation in front of strangers.
As soon as the doors opened, I made a beeline for the parking lot and my freedom.
But Jax’s long stride kept up with mine. When we reached my car, he leaned against the driver’s-side door, denying me access. “I’m done being patient and hoping you’ll confide in me. Neither of us is going anywhere until you talk to me.”
I shoved my hands in my pants pockets and glared at him.
“Every time I’ve brought up how things are going at LI, since I walked away from there months ago, you either A) make a self-derogatory comment about your position in the company, or B) you ignore it and me and blow me off. Why?”
“Lemme ask you this. Didn’t you assume all the years that you played hockey that when you were done, you’d take your place at the helm? Everyone knew you, as the oldest Lund in this generation, would be named CEO. When did that change?”
Jax studied me for a moment before he spoke. “It changed when I realized I didn’t have the skill set to run the company.”
I nodded. “Like any faith in your business acumen had been misplaced.”
“How did you know . . . ?” He shook his head and vehemently said, “Fuck that, Nolan. You are in a different place entirely as far as understanding the business than I was.”
“No, I’m not and that’s the reality I’m facing now.”
“Who made you feel like this? Brady? Ash? The uncles? Because I will kick every one of their asses—”
“Goddammit, will you just listen to me? If you want to know where my mind’s been, then you need to shut up so I can tell you.”
“Shit.” He scrubbed his hands over his face. “Sorry.”
I moved to stand next to him, resting my backside against the car. “I hadn’t realized how much I’d counted on you being named CEO . . . until you decided you didn’t want that.”
He didn’t respond.
“It caught everyone off guard, but me more than anyone else. Especially when Dad named me as second choice almost right away.” I crossed my arms over my chest. “I’ve had to pretend that decision had made me happy, when the truth is . . . I’m really far from qualified.”
“How do you figure?” Jax said tersely. “You’ve been working there since you graduated from NYU with a damn business degree.”
“But how much work did I put in? Nothing like Ash, Brady and Annika, who worked there while they earned their degrees. I lived in NYC and had the full college life experience away from home. I even took a gap year after college to travel around the world—the stereotypical rich boy request of needing freedom before settling into the daily grind of a family business. Walker’s the only other one who didn’t stick around following high school graduation and follow the Lund family college plan. Even Dallas did more—part time at LI while she was in school—than I’d done as a full-time employee.”
My brother had no response for that.
“I’ve had a lot of time to think about this, and trust me, it stings like a motherfucker to realize I am the lazy Lund. The No-Good Nolan that Granddad accused me of being. I’ve always gotten by with the minimum amount of work and yet reaped the maximum amount of financial benefits. I’ve been able to cultivate my reputation for charm because I worked at it. Much harder than I did at any job I was assigned at LI. While I basked in seeing my name mentioned in the society pages of the newspaper, always with a beautiful woman on my arm, reveling in being named one of Minnesota’s most eligible bachelors, Brady and Ash were busting their asses learning the company from the inside out. I let them. I justified it by believing my less-than-obsessive need to prove myself made me a more well-rounded man. So when they did pop their heads out of these offices, I could show them what they’d been missing. I could caution them not to work too hard, there was more to life than spreadsheets and counting coin—me, who had the money and lifestyle they were too busy to enjoy.
“It’s mortifying to realize I would’ve gone on with that attitude permanently, if not for a couple of things that yanked me out of believing my own press. First, when Brady met Lennox and started to work less, it became apparent how much those extra hours and his meticulous ways meant to our bottom line. If he wasn’t working ninety hours a week . . . someone had to pick up the slack. I tried, but like most things, I did a half-assed job.”
“Why?”
I shrugged. “Because I knew deep inside it wouldn’t matter because you’d come on board as CEO-in-waiting and I’d be the charming colonel to smooth things over after General Stonewall Jackson stormed through. I’d follow your lead.”
“Second-in-command? Is that always how you’ve seen yourself?”
“It’s never bothered me to play second fiddle to you, Jax. In fact, that’s what I was counting on. Then you threw a wrench into the whole works by leaving the company. Then Dad and the uncles were looking at me, thinking I’d been involved long enough, and they had enough time to get me in a position to take over when Dad retires. But guess who wasn’t on board with that school of thought? Brady and Ash. With good reason.” I sighed. “I haven’t invested enough of myself or my time into LI. It’s hard not to take it personally, knowing they love me as a family member but don’t trust me as an equal in the business that bears our name.”
“Have they told you this?”
“Have we had an honest discussion about it? No. I think it scares all of us about what’ll happen to our family relationship. They’ve gotten used to sweeping the ‘he’s inadequate’ fears aside. Now, with Dad in the hospital, they can’t do that anymore. So even if I’m acting interim CEO for a month, it’s a month of them babysitting me because I was too busy screwing around when I should’ve been learning this shit. They know it. What’s more, they know I know it.”
“Jesus, Nolan.”
“Even when the opportunity presented itself to me to change, I didn’t. You handed me control of your bar for two years and in that time, I did nothing but show up, drink and treat it like my own personal club.”
“I handed the club over to you and Ash,” Jax retorted. “He could’ve kicked it in the ass at any time. The responsibility didn’t fall solely to you.”
“Ah, but it did. Because Ash already had his hands full with LI. I haven’t confirmed this suspicion, but I think he purposely stepped back to see if I’d step up.” I swallowed hard. “And I didn’t.”
“So what are you saying?”
I sighed. “Besides that I’m unfit for this job? Talk about having the shittiest timing in the world for that kind of realization. Although, to be honest, my screwup with Digi-Dong really drove home that
point for me. Failure is a great teacher. I’d never failed before because I hadn’t tried. So now, I’m putting in the work I should have from day one. But that doesn’t change the fact that my knowledge about LI isn’t close to what it should be after nearly a decade. I think Dad is terrified I’ll fuck up while he’s convalescing. I think Brady and Ash are terrified that Dad won’t come back to work and they’ll be stuck with me as CEO.”
Jax went quiet for a while. He didn’t offer platitudes, which I appreciated.
Finally, I said, “Just say it. At this point, whatever ego I had has been decimated.”
“Because I’m the type to kick my brother when he’s down. Christ. I really wanna clock you if you believe that.”
“I don’t,” I said evenly. “It’s just a chance for you to weigh in without fear that my feelings will get hurt.”
“Fine. I think you’re being too hard on yourself, little brother. Maybe your time at LI has been the Peter Principle at work, but you’ve already made steps to change that. Dad is sixty-four. This health situation might slow him down temporarily, but he’ll be back, more determined than ever to prove he’s still up for running the company. He took over the reins of LI when he was forty. By my estimation, if he’s healthy he won’t retire for another six years, so you’ve got that long to refocus on what you missed when you weren’t focused on how to run a multi-billion-dollar conglomerate.”
I didn’t deserve his faith in me even when I was happy to have it.
My phone buzzed. I pulled it out to read a message from Gabi.
GW: Total Dallas moment, but I just had the weirdest feeling about you. You okay?
Grinning, I replied.
ME: Just having an existential career crisis. The universe is a tattletale. It was supposed to be on the down low.
GW: Now I’m worried.
ME: Don’t be. Chatting with Jax helped. I’m about to head back to the grind. Everything okay with you?
GW: Yeah. I’ll be glad when this week is over.
The . . . started and disappeared three times before her words finally appeared on-screen.
GW: I miss you.
I looked up and whispered a silent thanks to the sky for bringing this woman into my life.
ME: I miss you like crazy too. Can I come by your place later?
GW: YES.
ME: It might be late-ish.
GW: I don’t care what time. I’ll wait up.
ME: Should I bring anything?
GW: Simply your sweet, sexy, smiling self.
ME: Sweet talker. See you soon.
“Only texting with Gabi puts a smile on your face like that,” my brother commented.
I returned my phone to my pocket and gave him the side-eye. “She makes me happy.”
“Have you talked to her about any of this LI stuff?”
Tempting to say that we didn’t give each other career advice. But that’d be an outright lie, so I hedged. “I’m sure she’d listen if I brought it up. Seems we have other things on our minds when we’re together.”
Jax smirked. “I’ll bet.”
My smile faded and I swallowed hard again.
“What?”
“This is scary shit with her. I just want to be around her all the time. Even when I’m with her I’m thinking about how we can spend more time together. It’s like a damn obsession.” I ran my hand through my hair. “I’m sure I sound like a lunatic.”
“No, you sound like a man in love.”
“Well, I wouldn’t know.”
“You’re telling me that you didn’t feel that way about even one of the women you paraded to family events or social gatherings the past decade?”
I shook my head. “Literally they were the flavor of the moment to me. Now I can barely recall any of their faces, say nothing of their names.”
He whistled. “Not a good feeling, is it?”
“No, regardless if it comes from apathy or booze, the end result is that sinking feeling that you wished you would’ve stopped it sooner.”
“Does Gabi know how you feel about her?” Jax said softly.
“She knows it’s never been like this for me before. She says it’s the same for her.”
“My only advice is if you’re sure you love her, tell her.” He pushed away from my door. “Grab that happiness and make it yours. Don’t wait.”
Halfway to his car, he stopped and turned around. “I’ve learned to be a good listener, Nolan. Anytime you need to talk, day or night, I’m here for you. Always.”
“Thanks, Jax.”
* * *
* * *
I returned to the office after my suit fitting. Thankful for busywork, I hadn’t looked at the clock until Sam threw in the towel at eight P.M. Normally, I’d hoof it to the gym, regardless of how exhausted I might be. But tonight . . .
Tonight I drove straight to Gabi’s, with a short stop at a C-store to pick up a couple of pints of ice cream.
I knew she’d finished her last practice at seven thirty, since she’d texted me, but I didn’t let her know I was on my way. I still had a gate pass to access Snow Village from when Jax lived here, so the guard waved me in.
After exiting my car, I realized in my haste to leave the office I hadn’t put on my topcoat, but thankfully the weather had warmed up enough that I didn’t need it. Too anxious to wait for the elevator, I took the stairs to the third floor. I couldn’t keep the grin off my face when I knocked on her door.
The door swung open.
Gabi’s gaze moved over me from head to toe and back again. “What the hell are you wearing?”
Frowning, I glanced down at my three-piece custom suit in a patternless gray-black wool. The trousers were slim cut. The vest had an unusual, low oval cut, curved with a row of buttons on each side. The jacket was also slim cut, with slightly shorter sleeves, which revealed the white shirt cuffs that matched the white collar on my pale-gray-striped dress shirt. The jacket had wide lapels with no notches, no matching hankie. I’d finished off the ensemble with a dark gray silk tie with small white polka dots. “You don’t like this?” I managed before I looked up at her.
The raw lust in her eyes as she stalked forward nearly buckled my knees. “Are you kidding me right now? That might be my favorite suit you’ve ever worn. You look ridiculously fuckable.”
“Gabriella,” I murmured.
“Shut up and get in here before someone else sees you dressed like this.” She grabbed hold of my tie and pulled me into her apartment, muttering, “Jesus. No wonder they call you the motherfucking prince of LI.”
Once we were inside, she slammed the door and pushed me against it. Using her grip on my tie, she brought my mouth to hers. She kissed me with every bit of blistering heat I’d seen in her eyes. This onslaught of passion fired every nerve ending in my body. My heart raced, my blood roared, my dick got hard—all within about a minute of her lips on mine.
She kissed a path to my ear, her tongue leaving a trail of fire in its wake.
I shuddered helplessly. Happily.
“Nolan,” she practically growled. “Let me have you.” She brushed damp kisses over my ear, stopping only to suck in a quick breath, which she knew made me crazy. “Please.”
“Baby, you own me.” I tried to reconnect our mouths, but she evaded. So I said, “Whatever you want from me. Take it. It’s yours.”
Her triumphant smile flashed before she reclaimed the kiss. As soon as she released my tie, both her hands were on my waistband, unfastening and unzipping my pants in record time.
I literally had to lock my knees when she dropped to hers in front of me.
Whoosh. My pants and briefs were around my ankles.
Then she took every inch of me into the hot, wet suction of her mouth.
My head thunked back in total surrender.
The bag containing the ice cream hit the floor, allowing me to curl my hands around her head.
Gabi didn’t tickle or tease or torture. She showed me that her need, her passion for me, equaled mine for her. She kept a punishing grip on my quads with the tips of her fingers as she wound me tighter and tighter, driving me toward that apex of pleasure without pause.
The more she worked me, the more heat her body created, and her warm sugary scent wafted up, making me harder yet.
My wordless response—a drawn-out growl and my thumb moving to the corner of her mouth to feel the wet glide of her taking me deep—caused her to moan around my shaft and sent electricity straight to my balls.
Good thing she didn’t need direction in this because I couldn’t have formed a coherent sentence if my life depended on it.
And when I reached the point of no return, she tipped me into the abyss, swallowing my release as my shaft pulsed and jerked on her tongue.
Black glittery dots danced behind my closed lids. I might’ve groaned. I definitely babbled, but the words were unclear since she’d sent my brain completely offline.
I gasped at the sharp sting of her teeth into my thigh that brought me out of my blissed-out state. I managed to open one eye and look down to see the top of her head as she whispered soft kisses across my quivering flesh.
At some point my hand had slid down from her face and circled the front of her throat. I squeezed slightly to get her attention.
Those sexy, slumberous eyes met mine.
“I’m glad you like the suit.”
She smiled. “I like you. The way you fill out a suit is just a bonus for me.”
“I missed you.”
“Obviously I missed you too.”
“We seem to have a thing for doing it against doors, don’t we?” I murmured as I caressed the hollow of her throat with my thumb.
“No complaints from me about that.” After giving my softening shaft one last teasing lick, she rolled to her feet. “I’ll let you put yourself back together while I pour you a drink.”
Want You to Want Me Page 28
