by Nisha Sharma
* * *
“Are you sure you’re okay?” Shakti asked.
“Yeah.” Radha stretched her legs in front of her and bent so that her forehead touched her knees. “I’m used to fighting with my mother.”
“I don’t understand why you didn’t tell her you were going to perform after all. Wouldn’t that have made things better between you two?”
Honestly, Radha wasn’t sure. She wanted to do this on her own, and Sujata would try to take over. The cooking classes were a reminder of that. Radha’s mom had a primary goal, and that was for Radha to be the best—competing, performing, and pushing for success. The truth made her heart hurt, because it was the reason why they’d never get along. Not completely.
Radha switched positions and leaned into another stretch. If she focused on what she had to do, as opposed to what her mother thought she had to do, hopefully she’d find happiness.
Never in a million years had she thought the stage would be a part of that equation.
“Wow,” she said after a moment. “I’m getting onstage again.”
“You are!” Shakti cheered.
“I have to remember my breathing exercises and all that; otherwise, I’m going to pass out before the show even begins.”
“We won’t let that happen,” Shakti said. She jumped to her feet and pulled Radha to hers. “Anita and Hari are coming later, by the way. Hari just woke up. Is it okay to start without them? I have a lot to do before we get to the showcase.”
“Sounds good to me.” Radha walked over to the speaker unit in the corner and plugged in her phone. “I was thinking about your role in the choreography, and how the whole routine is about a wedding. I was going to ask if you’d be interested in a sister-of-the-bride or the best friend role, because then you can get two solos. But I also hate that idea because you’ve told me how much you don’t like the ‘gay best friend’ stereotype. So I’m asking you what you want to do.”
Shakti shrugged. “I want solos. I want recruiters to see me, and I want to dance in my style. I am not a stereotype, and I sure as hell plan on being the leading lady in my own romance. But this romance is yours. I’m okay with it. Just make me look good.”
Radha wrapped her arms around Shakti and hugged her. “Thanks,” she whispered.
“Don’t mention it.” She pulled back. “Don’t you have to ask Jai first before you start making changes, though?”
The thought had crossed her mind, but she had no idea how she was going to start that talk. Hey, I know we fought, but I decided to perform and need you to okay a change in the routine.
“I don’t know, Shakti. We didn’t exactly leave things in an okay place.”
“So what?” Shakti said. “Just tell him how you feel, how he made you feel, and then he’ll apologize. You’re done.”
“Hey, aren’t you mad at him too?”
Shakti shrugged, and her oversized sweater—the Death Star wrapped in Christmas lights—glittered. “He texted over break. He said he was sorry. I believe him. You should too.”
“I’m thinking about it. After all, this is really for Jai.”
“What’s for me?”
Radha jerked at the sound of his voice. He stood in the doorway, in thick boots and a sweatshirt. He looked slightly disheveled and out of breath. And tired. He looked really tired, and Radha wanted to hug him.
She glanced at Shakti, who shrugged.
“Traitor,” Radha murmured.
“You’ll thank me later,” she replied. “Happy New Year, Captain. I’m going to run to the vending machine to grab myself some water; then I’ll go up front to see if anyone else is here. That gives you two plenty of time to talk. Fix this, please. Your drama is bad for my skin. I don’t look good with stress breakouts.”
She closed the door behind her with a resounding snick.
It was the same place they’d left off on the last day of school before break. She remembered their fight so clearly that it still stung, like her mother’s slap. Radha got to her feet.
“Uh, Shakti called me,” Jai said.
“I figured.”
“It took me some time to get here, because I was working.”
“I’m sorry, I know you’re a person short—”
“No, it’s okay.” He stepped forward, his boots squeaking on the wood floor. “I didn’t—uh, I didn’t hear from you at all over break. How was Chicago?”
“It was good. It was great. I spent it with my dad. Jai, you could’ve texted me.”
“I didn’t know if you wanted to hear from me.”
“Same,” she burst out. “You know what has kept me up at night over the last two weeks? Why did you keep the director’s feedback to yourself? I mean, especially from me. I may not be a relationship expert, but we were dating.”
“I didn’t intentionally keep it from you,” he said, waving his hands at her like she should’ve realized it. “Well, maybe intentionally, but just long enough for me to figure out how to tell you without hurting you and making you worry. I didn’t want you to feel like I was guilting you into getting back on the stage!”
“I wouldn’t have felt that way.” She took a step toward him, her hands linked tightly behind her back. “Part of why I wanted to choreograph was because I wanted to help you. This would’ve helped you even more.”
“No, not at the high price you’d have to pay.”
His fierceness was always so surprising for her, and it made her palms sweaty as she faced him down. “You don’t make those choices, Jai. I do.”
He rubbed the back of his neck. “You’re right. You can make the choice of whether to dance or not on your own. But I wasn’t thinking of it like that, Radha. Yes, some of my reasoning was selfish, but I was thinking of you, too.”
They were going to keep running in circles unless one of them made the first step, Radha realized. “Well, Captain, you really need to talk to me next time. I can take care of myself. I know what I’m capable of.”
“And that’s why I really love you,” he said quietly. “Because you’re badass.”
“Wh-what?” Her heart started pounding in a rapid staccato.
Jai’s quick grin kept her off-kilter. “I’m sorry we fought,” he said, walking toward her slowly in small steps, his boots squeaking on the floor. “I’m sorry that I ever let you think you were not as amazing as you are. I know I’m asking for a lot. After so many screwups, you have every right to be mad.”
“Same. I mean, I’m sorry that we fought too,” she said, and took a step back to keep the distance between them. Her pulse began to race. “And you deserve the right to make your own choices for school.”
“But you never really pushed me. You just sort of told me your opinion and supported me despite everything. I should’ve done the same for you instead of accusing you of not understanding me.”
He was so close now, even as she continued to retreat. “I want to do something else for you. Well, it’s for me, too,” she said.
Her words were jumbled now as he came closer and closer. “I think it’s time that I get back on the stage. I’m going to perform in the showcase, Jai. We’re going to get you to regionals and win, because I love you, too—”
He rushed forward and his mouth was on hers. The tension inside her shattered. Radha wrapped her arms around his neck, and when he shifted his hands to the backs of her thighs, she jumped up and wrapped her legs around his waist.
“You’re performing in the showcase,” he said between kisses.
“I am.” Radha held on. “I missed you. I don’t care how that makes me sound. It’s true.”
“I missed you, too.” He squeezed her, and she wanted to burrow into him.
When they finally separated, Jai held her close. “Happy New Year, Radha.”
&n
bsp; “Happy New Year.”
He pulled out his phone and unlocked it. “Guess what I did.” A Columbia University logo and application status filled the tiny window.
“Oh my God,” she gasped. “You applied?”
He nodded and sniffed at her hair. “I did. And now that you’re performing, it feels right. That we’re doing these really hard things together. By the way, your shampoo is still the same. I like kiwis.”
“Jai!” She jumped him again and squealed. “I’m so happy for you!”
“Like my mother keeps reminding me, it’s an application. We’ll see what happens. I also applied to Princeton and Rutgers.”
“When we win regionals, that money will go a long way no matter where you decide to go.”
“You’re serious about that?”
Jai cupped her face in his palms. She felt safe here with him. “I have a few weeks to get myself together, but yes. I’m serious.”
“Does your mom know?”
“Nope. That’s a story, thanks to events earlier today.”
Pulling her close, he nuzzled her neck. “Come on, new girl. Tell me all about it. Then, when you’re ready, we’ll get to work.”
Chapter Twenty-Three
The Winter Showcase
JAI
MASI: Please come to the dressing room at intermission. Bring Radha and the other seniors on your team.
JAI: Okay?? Is something wrong?
MASI: We’ll see.
TARA: Good luck today! I know you have Winter Showcase. Listen, I wanted to explain myself because I suck at texting as much as I do at first impressions. I know you’re busy, but it looks like other people know that Radha is a part of Bollywood Beats now. Other people who are part of the classical dance world. So…just a heads-up. I want you to know I wasn’t the one who told them, but I feel bad about Diwali so I’m reaching out. Peace offering.
TARA: You’re a great guy, Jai. I really hope you two are happy.
Radha sat in a corner against the wall, wrapping ghungroos around her ankles. Jai could see that it was the last part of her outfit. She’d finished dressing in the red anarkali that her cousin Simran had sent from India. Her makeup was complete as well, a dramatic look that contrasted the simplicity of her clothes. Her lips were scarlet red, and her eyes were framed in long, thick black lashes. Her hair was tied in a low bun and parted down the middle. A tikka lay along her part and ended in a diamond-shaped gold piece on her forehead.
In the backstage chaos, she looked like a figure of calm as she completed her transition into a dancer. Shakti sat at her side, her polar opposite, and talked to her in what looked like a steady stream of chatter. Shakti’s outfit was not for the lead role anymore. Instead she wore a fusion pantsuit for the flips she’d be doing onstage.
Jai wanted to sit next to them and make sure Radha was okay, but he’d learned something vital in the three weeks since New Year’s Day.
Radha Chopra did not like hovering.
She had a spine of steel, and if he was worried about her, then he’d just have to worry in silence and be supportive in other ways.
Moments later, Shakti stood, patted Radha on the shoulder, and walked toward him.
“How is she doing?” he asked when Shakti reached his side.
“She said she took vitamin beta-blockers her doctor approved of, so she’s sort of calm,” Shakti replied. “She’s also only drinking protein shakes today, because she’s worried that if she eats something, she’s going to be sick. I think if we keep checking in on her, though, she’s going to rip our heads off.”
“You’re probably right. Hey, any word on whether her mother is going to show?”
“I think she will,” Shakti said. “Radha told me that her mother never misses a performance, even if she thinks that Radha isn’t dancing.”
“Shakti, she’s been quiet all day. Like when she first came to the academy.”
Shakti rolled her eyes. “Listen, just because she’s not making her adorable quirky sarcastic comments or telling dad jokes doesn’t mean she’s backsliding. It’s a tough day for her. She keeps going through these anxiety exercises. It doesn’t help to know that people at Princeton found out about her experience in London.”
Jai gaped at her. “What are you talking about?”
“Wait, Tara didn’t tell you?”
“Tara? As in my ex, Tara?”
Shakti nodded. “She said she was trying to talk to you about it and give you a heads-up. Radha’s past has caught up to us.”
“I think she texted but I didn’t…I’ve been busy.”
Jai remembered that she’d been trying to get in touch with him, but he’d never called her back. “Does Radha know?”
“I told her. I don’t think anyone has said anything to her yet, but she’s always with the team, so I doubt they’d have the guts to approach all of us.”
“Okay,” he said. “I mean, we can’t do anything about it now, and hopefully tonight goes smoothly without anyone bringing it up, right?”
Shakti shrugged. “Yeah, I guess.”
They both watched Radha meticulously straightening the bells on her ankles.
“Shakti, what am I going to have to do to make sure my girlfriend is okay?”
“Just be there when she needs you, Jai,” Shakti said. She patted his shoulder. “And maybe hold her dance bag while she kicks ass.”
“Five minutes!” the stage manager called. “I need performances one and three in the right-wing holding areas, and performances two and four in the left. Just like walk-through during dress rehearsal. Let’s go!”
The flurry of activity backstage became even more chaotic and dancers and musicians ran past them. Jai’s adrenaline started pumping through his body.
“Let’s get everyone together stage left,” Jai said. “Have Anita check if our props are ready to go too.”
“On it, Captain,” Shakti replied before hurrying away.
“Are you done talking about me?”
Jai turned to see Radha standing with her hands on her hips. Her cheeks glittered under the hanging lights.
“We weren’t talking about you,” Jai said, gently skimming his thumb over the sharp curve of her jaw. Did it look more…defined somehow? He probably shouldn’t have touched her because she was makeup ready, but she didn’t seem to mind. “We were talking about the routine. You just happened to be a part of that routine.”
Radha’s eyebrow winged in a perfect arch.
“Okay, whatever,” he said. “Let’s go get married.”
She gasped, and her mouth made a perfect O. Jai couldn’t help but laugh at her expression.
“Relax, it’s not like we’re getting married for real,” he said, mocking her and the way she’d first teased him about the routine.
She smacked him on the arm but then tangled her fingers with his.
“Thirty seconds!” the stage manager shouted.
Radha’s breath hitched, and he pulled her close as they moved to the wings.
Everything happens so fast on performance day, Jai thought. The auditorium went dark, and cheers echoed past the curtain.
Then the music began, the curtains parted, and Principal Miller stepped up to the podium to deliver his introduction.
“Good evening and welcome to the Princeton Academy for the Arts and Sciences Winter Showcase!” The audience applauded. Principal Miller began talking about the importance of STEAM education, and the success of past students who’d gone on to illustrious careers after the academy.
Radha’s breathing grew faster as they waited in the wings, and Jai pressed her hands against the beadwork of the sherwani he was wearing for the performance. He inhaled and exhaled, watching her do the same.
Their foreheads touched, their eyes closed, and the audience clap
ped again, before Masi’s voice echoed from the microphone.
“Thank you, Principal Miller. Tonight we celebrate the passion, dedication, and hard work that our performers have poured into their routines. We’re excited to welcome four esteemed judges with expertise in dance, theater, and music. Our judges come from around the world, and their areas of expertise cover every performance you’ll see tonight.
“Once the judges rank each routine, the highest-scored performances will go on to represent the school in regional competitions. Details about that are included in your program guide, and we’ll be announcing the winners at the end of the showcase. Now, to get this evening started…”
Jai could hear Radha’s breathing even out. Their performance was fourth. They had to get through at least thirty-five minutes, including introductions and stage changes.
“Hey,” he whispered. “Radha?”
“I thought I was fine,” she whispered. “I thought I would be fine. I’m looking forward to doing this again, actually, but then, well, here we are.”
“You are fine. You’re great.”
Her shoulders continued to rise and fall. Her ghungroos chimed as she shifted.
The first routine finished, and Radha relaxed a fraction after the room applauded. She then stood shoulder to shoulder with him for the second performance. Their hands were slick with sweat, but he wasn’t letting go. By the third number, she began to loosen up.
“You know,” he whispered, “I don’t mean to rock the boat, so to speak, but people usually get more and more nervous the closer they get to their performance. You’re…relaxing.”
“Shut. Up. Jai, I already have to pee. I don’t need your commentary.”
“Yes, ma’am,” he said, grinning.
The third routine ended in a flurry of applause, and the curtains closed. Thirty-five minutes had flown by.
The crew rushed across the polished floorboards, setting up the mandap, pulling down the backdrop, and placing the props at the far edges of the stage.
“Let’s go, guys!” Jai called in his team. His nerves were rock steady. This was what they’d been working toward for so long.
