“I just can’t believe he’d want me to step up and take his place after…”
“After you screwed his daughter and then dumped her?” I finished for him.
“I didn’t dump you, V. Not by a long shot,” Finn retorted quickly, his head snapping up so he could look me in the eye.
“We must have really different definitions of ‘dumping’ someone,” I said, although I didn’t sound at all bitter. “I mean, you did literally sleep with someone else the actual very next day.”
“I didn’t sleep with her,” Finn argued. “She came over after I’d spent the better of the day forcing you out of my mind with as much alcohol as I could get my hands on. Nothing happened, even if she made it look that way.”
It was my turn to go silent. This wasn’t the time for this talk. I didn’t want to hear it, but then again, I did. But right now, all I could feel was numb. My dad was gone, my hero. The man I’d spent my whole life looking up to had left me, and now I was like a tiny sailboat caught in a storm, floundering without direction.
“Finn, don’t. I can’t hear this right now,” I said, standing up to leave. Finn caught my hand and held it tightly.
“V, you asked me what your dad and I talked about.”
“I meant, did you talk about the job, not did you talk about me,” I explained, suddenly feeling overwhelmingly tired.
“But there was no reason to talk about stupid things like jobs when you were all that mattered to both Henry and me,” Finn replied, still clinging to my hand. “He asked me if I loved you, if I planned to treat you right.”
“And?” I asked, my voice almost accusing.
“When I told you in the car that this couldn’t work between us,” Finn began, reaching up with his other hand and covering mine, pressing it to his forehead as he leaned forward, “that was before everything that mattered came undone. Your dad, you, all of it. I thought we could all just put this behind us and move on with our lives, but V… I can’t. I love you, and I need you.”
I couldn’t believe what I was hearing. I was standing in the hospital, my father’s body somewhere down a hallway. This tiny room was supposed to give the family privacy so they could cry like wounded animals without anyone watching. I couldn’t talk about this right now. I couldn’t think about anything except the empty space in my heart that my dad, my whole family, used to fill.
“I have to go,” I said, prying my hand loose and walking out the door.
***
I heard Finn calling after me, something about driving me home, but I had to get out of there. Why did he always have to come to his senses and realize he wanted me at the worst possible times?
I made it to the car before more tears fell, then leaned my head on the steering wheel. Images of my dad’s face drifted behind my closed eyes, not his smiling face or rugged appearance, only images of him lying in that bed with tubes and monitors everywhere. The rough feel of his hand still stung mine from where I’d held it for so long, holding it tightly as though I could keep him with me.
When I finally felt strong enough to drive, I turned the key in the ignition and pulled away from the hospital. It was as though I could feel the tie to my dad weakening until broke as I drove, putting miles between us. That thought brought a fresh wave of tears that only abated when I realized I was being followed.
Instinct kicked in. I made a turn, and then another, purposely weaving my way through busier streets to make sure my suspicions were correct. Through it all, the headlights behind me remained.
Finally, my phone rang.
“V, just go home, okay?” Finn said. “I’m the person following you, I’m just making sure you get home safe.”
“Oh,” I said, feeling kind of stupid. “Well, I feel kind of embarrassed now.”
“You shouldn’t be. That’s the right thing to do,” he said kindly. “Just go on home, though.”
I laid the phone down but noticed that he never hung up. I didn’t know what to say. It was really sweet of him to make sure I could drive while I was feeling so devastated. I struggled to keep my sniffles under control so he at least wouldn’t be treated to that as we went.
When I finally reached my apartment, Finn pulled into the spot next to mine, but he only looked over at me and nodded. I returned the gesture, then hung up the phone and headed to my door. Before I had my key in the lock, I heard him call my name.
“V, if you need anything…” He let the sentence fade off without finishing.
“Yeah,” I said.
“Can I call you tomorrow?” he asked hopefully.
“Sure,” I said, just wanting to go inside and get in the bed.
After closing the door behind me, I collapsed on my sofa and let my grief fill up the empty spaces in me. It seemed like hours but could have only been minutes before I reached for my phone and texted Beth with the news.
“I’m coming over,” she wrote back almost instantly.
Thirty minutes later, I opened the door to her knock. Tears were already brimming in her eyes when Beth stepped forward, her arms outstretched to offer me a hug. As I let myself fall into her arms, I looked up over her shoulder.
Finn was still waiting in the parking lot.
Chapter Three
Finn
Why had I kissed Veronica? Why had Henry put my name in for his replacement? Why had I followed her home, then found myself unable to leave?
Why did this have to happen?
I saw Veronica’s friend show up and go into the apartment, so it should have been fine for me to leave. But I didn’t want to. I didn’t even know why, or know why I’d kissed her at the most inappropriate time and place. It just felt like something I needed to do.
She’s in good hands now, there’s no excuse for you to be here, I told myself angrily as I started the car. Still, I hated driving away. It felt like I was abandoning her all over again, something I’d gotten surprisingly good at.
I went home and crawled back in bed, only to be awakened an hour later by a phone call. I didn’t recognize the number, but I answered it in case Veronica was using her friend’s phone.
“Hello?” I asked, trying to sound wide awake.
“Is this Officer Carter?” an unfamiliar voice asked gruffly.
“It is. Who’s this?” I demanded.
“This is Jason Carmichael, commissioner of police,” he answered, and I sat bolt upright.
“Hello, sir,” I said, covering quickly.
“A situation has been brought to my attention, the death of Captain Henry Miller. I understand you were one of his officers, and that the two of you were actually quite close,” Carmichael said.
“That’s right, sir.” I couldn’t think of anything else to say.
“I hope you also know that you come highly recommended to take Captain Miller’s place,” he continued, and a lump rose in my throat. As if anyone could ever really take Henry’s place…
“I heard something about that,” I began, then added, “from Henry’s daughter. But I don’t know the particulars.”
“Well, I’d like to discuss those particulars with you later this morning, if you’re available. Captain Miller’s precinct is going to be devastated by this news, and I think it will help things greatly if they have a familiar face at the helm. You’d just be interim captain until we get this all ironed-out, but despite your non-standard path to sliding into this role, I can’t think of anyone better suited for it.”
“Yes, sir. I’m happy to come by,” I said slowly, feeling anything but happy.
“Great. I’ll see you in my office around ten.”
I hung up and let the phone drop beside me on the bed. Laying back and staring at the ceiling, my mind started racing. How could I take Henry’s job? Did I even want it? There’d been a reason I’d never followed the career track that Henry had: I was a street cop. I didn’t care about becoming a detective or going into administration. I preferred doing my job and protecting people.
But maybe it was time. I w
asn’t getting any younger, even though my partners were. Maybe a change of pace was what I needed right now, and I couldn’t argue with Carmichael’s logic: someone was going to have to help Henry’s force get over their grief.
Now if only there was some way I could get over Veronica.
***
Veronica
“Are you sure?” Beth asked, cringing. “I mean, what was he thinking?”
I shrugged. “Maybe he was thinking what I’m thinking—I can’t believe Henry Miller is gone. So in his shock or madness or chaos, he just… blurted it out.”
This was killing me. I’d waited so long for Finn to feel the same way about me, and now that he finally says he loves me, I don’t know what to do. I couldn’t let myself believe that it was real. It had to be just some grief-induced thing he blurted out from not knowing what else to say. Was it supposed to comfort me? To help me take my mind off the shock of losing my dad?
“Well, what are you going to do about it?” Beth asked, her feet curled up underneath her and looking very sisterly.
“Nothing. I can’t think about that. I have to make it through not only filing all these stupid forms and getting my dad’s final arrangements taken care of, but I’m going to have to go to this horrible memorial service the police department is going to have,” I said, knowing that I sounded selfish and not caring.
How was I supposed to go stand in front of all those people I’d worked with—however brief that time might have been—and let them shower me with condolences for a man they might have known even better than I did? After all, they saw my dad every day, while I only got to spend time with him in the evenings after he’d gotten home from work. Then I’d moved off to college, moved into an apartment, gone off to the police academy, moved into another apartment… my dad felt like a stranger after all this time. I was scared that I’d be the one trying to comfort all of them by putting on a brave face.
“Who said you have to put on a brave face?” Beth had asked when I’d mentioned that. “Screw that, you don’t have to pretend for anyone. This is your dad, we’re talking about. You don’t have to smile or pretend to be okay.”
“I also can’t throw myself on the floor and cry like a three-year-old, no matter how much I want to,” I argued sadly. “It just hurts so much, and I can’t imagine trying to stand there in a pretty dress and look like I’m fine.”
“Oh honey,” Beth said, getting up and coming to sit beside me to hold me while I cried some more. “It will never be fine, and no one expects you to feel like that. It will just stop hurting so much, that’s all. But fine is off the table.”
I nodded, even as the tears drenched the front of her shirt. She held me close and rubbed gentle circles in my back, which only made me cry harder knowing that I didn’t have anyone else in my life to comfort me like this. I was alone.
“Hey there, I’m going to run you a nice hot bubble bath, and I’m gonna go pick us up some food. How does that sound?” Beth asked after a while.
I nodded. “That sounds great. Thanks, Beth. For everything.”
“Don’t mention, sweetie. Let me get that water going.”
She got up from the couch and I heard the bathtub start to fill up. I reached for my phone to see if there were any important messages I had to deal with, but there was only one: from Finn.
“Hey, just thinking of you,” I read aloud. That was… nice. But I didn’t know what to do with that right now.
Chapter Four
Finn
“Hey, Captain?” an officer said, sticking his head in my office door. “Got a second?”
“Sure, come on in,” I said, ignoring the paperwork that was staring me in the face.
He came in and sat down in one of the chairs across from Henry’s desk—my desk, at least for now—and started to talk about something. I listened while he spoke, nodding sympathetically when he mentioned needing to be taken off the duty roster for two mornings each week for the foreseeable future.
“And you’ve talked to your partner about how you’ll cover your shift?” I asked, reminding him of our policy as gently as I could.
“Yeah. Everybody’s been really great about pitching in. I don’t know how I’ll ever thank them,” he said, obviously humbled by how everyone was helping him out.
“They don’t need your thanks. That’s what we do for each other. You just worry about helping your little girl with her therapy,” I said, thinking back to when he’d told us all about his infant daughter’s diagnosis. “And let me know if something happens with your wife’s job and she can’t get time off to cover the other days each week. I’ll see what I can do. Okay?”
“Thanks, Captain,” he said, visibly relieved. “This means a lot.”
“Hey, you’d do it for any one of us, and we all know that,” I assured him. “We’re a family around here.”
He left my office, and it was a few minutes before I could focus on my paperwork again. Coming back to work as Henry’s replacement had been a daunting task, and it had made me realize what I would have missed out on if he’d turned in my resignation. It wasn’t just about careers and pensions or that kind of thing, but about having a whole department filled with people who had my back, no matter what.
“Mail call, Captain,” another officer said, knocking on my door frame before placing a rubber-banded stack of mail on my desk.
I thanked him and sighed before reaching for the pile and removing the rubber band. The heaviest packet was on the bottom, a stiff envelope that was reinforced with cardboard. It was clearly addressed to Captain Henry Miller, but since I’d only stepped into his role three weeks ago, almost everything still was.
I opened the end of the large envelope and pulled out an 8x10 photo, and my heart sank. It was the Captain and Veronica, taken at the recent commemoration ceremony. The newspaper had sent it over for him, but the postmark showed it had been mailed almost a month ago.
I looked at their smiling faces and grinned back at them. Veronica was stunning, but of course, I couldn’t but remember that this photo had to have been taken only hours before she and I had ended up in each other’s arms for the night. No matter how it had started—or ended, for that matter—it had been one of the best nights of my life.
So why had everything fallen apart since then? We hadn’t had so much as a pleasant conversation since that night, no matter how hard we’d tried. And now, with her not answering my texts or calls, I’d finally taken the hint and left her alone.
But no more. This photo was just the excuse I needed.
I grabbed my keys and headed out to my car, stopping to tell a desk officer that I was going out. I checked the time and did some quick math. I’d planned it just right. Veronica should still be at work, but by the time I got there, she’d just be finishing up with school dismissal.
I made the trek out to her school and sure enough, an endless line of school buses snaked along one side of the rounded driveway, a line of parents in cars pressed up against the curb on the other. It took a few minutes to spot Veronica, but I eventually saw her standing against one of the columns, keeping a close watch over the parking lot. A sudden shrill, electronic noise blared from loudspeakers placed along the outside of the building, and within moments, children ran outside.
It was chaos. My senses went on high alert just watching the flood of kids climbing onto buses and into waiting minivans, but I looked over at Veronica and saw the most heart-warming scene. As she moved slowly through the crowd of students, tiny hands flew up into the air for a high-five. More than once, V had to lean down and pat someone on the back who’d wrapped themselves around her leg in a hug. She smiled, a look that even from this distance I could tell was genuine despite the great loss she’d just suffered.
She was happy. I was thrilled for her, watching her protecting these students while being the most incredible ambassador for law enforcement. These kids adored her, they looked up to and respected her. And she was obviously willing to put her life on the line for
any one of them.
“You did good, V,” I muttered to myself proudly.
A young boy with close-cropped hair stopped in front of her, and suddenly V disappeared from my sight. When the crowd thinned a little, I saw her tying his shoe before grabbing his hand and running with him to his bus, helping him aboard just before the driver closed the door. As she turned to head back to the sidewalk, she slapped the hood of a car that had pulled out into an empty space, intent on skirting the line of traffic and nearly colliding with a little girl.
I did not envy that driver, especially once V got through chewing them out. I was safe in my department-issued vehicle and even I was a little intimidated.
After the last of the buses and parents had pulled out of the parking lot, I got out of my car and strolled towards Veronica. She had turned to go inside, but caught sight of me as I crossed the asphalt. Shielding her eyes from the newly setting sun, she seemed to grimace slightly when she saw me.
“Hey Finn,” she said, looking around for a moment as though making sure no one saw us.
“Hi Veronica,” I replied, suddenly feeling pretty awkward.
“Everything okay?” she asked skeptically.
“Yeah.”
“Oh. This is just a long way from your new office.” Veronica gave me a weak smile, but she was clearly wondering what was going on.
“Yeah,” I said again, feeling dumber by the minute. I held out the large envelope I’d brought all this way. “This came to the office in your dad’s name. It’s a photo, if you don’t want to open it here.”
“A photo? Of what?” she asked, thumbing the flap of the envelope like she wanted to see but also wasn’t too sure.
“You and your dad, at the commemoration ceremony a while back. The reporter who took the picture sent an enlargement to the precinct.”
Veronica’s face was unreadable for a moment. It was crushing to see this mask suddenly come over her expression.
Ten Four (Protect and Serve Book 5) Page 2
