by Kathryn Shay
And so, in the early-morning hours, Nick and Heather had a father-daughter heart-to-heart talk. She spoke quietly of her guilt that Jason was disabled and she was not. She complained of the lack of a normal teenage life. She explained how she missed Nick when he was gone so much. She told him of her deep feelings for Amanda and her guilt for causing the breach between her and Nick. But she never mentioned her mother.
Nick withstood all the information stoically, though each detail pierced his heart like a poison arrow. It was the withholding of the last issue that stung the most. She still didn’t trust him. Well, what do you expect, DiMarco? You’ve got to earn her trust.
“I will, damn it,” he muttered to himself after Heather fell asleep again. “I will earn it,” he affirmed as he left the bedroom and pulled out his cell phone.
Slowly, deliberately, he dialed Suzanne Cohen’s number.
o0o
“Are you sure you’re all right, Amanda?” Beth asked over the phone the next evening. “You sound horrible, and your day couldn’t have been easy.”
Amanda gripped her cell. “Yes, I’m all right. And no, today wasn’t easy.”
“You saved Heather’s life. She told Nick it was what you had talked with her about that changed her mind.” Beth’s voice was raspy with emotion.
“Yes, Nick called me briefly to tell me that.”
“She seems to be doing well, too. I’m on my way over there now. Nick hasn’t left her side in twenty-four hours.”
Amanda sank into a kitchen chair. “That’s a common reaction to such a close call.”
“Did you get any sleep last night?” Beth asked.
“A little.” Amanda hoped she lied convincingly.
She’d sat in her porch watching the sun come up, thinking of how she’d lost Lisa and Ron, and almost lost Heather. It was only Nick’s call to tell her why Heather hadn’t taken the pills that kept Amanda from losing all the confidence she’d worked so hard to build up.
“I’ll let you go, you sound exhausted. Take a hot bath and go to bed.” Beth hesitated. “And Amanda, give him some time. He’ll come around.”
Amanda shook her head as she replaced the receiver. He wouldn’t come around. She’d lost his trust. It was over. Final. Dead.
After fifteen minutes of thinking about what would never be, Amanda straightened and trudged upstairs. She changed into her ballet attire and headed for her spare room. She’d had a barre, mirrors and wooden floor installed in one of the bedrooms, this one in the back of the house. She’d work off some of this despair and then do what Beth suggested.
Half an hour later, as she did tours jetés through the air, she heard the doorbell ring. She was sweaty and sore and didn’t want to see anyone. But it might be her mother, or maybe even Tom Mannerly, who’d been in her office several times today checking to see if she was all right. Grabbing a towel, she wiped her face and went to answer it.
She never expected to see Nick standing before her. His face was relaxed, free of the haunted expression she remembered from the last time she’d seen him. He stared at her with his intense gray eyes, scanning her from head to foot. It was a surprisingly sexual appraisal.
“Starting a new fashion trend?”
She gave him a tremulous smile. “No, just working off some stress.”
“Maybe this will help.” He handed her an envelope. When she took it, he rubbed his arms, covered only with a light windbreaker. “Can I come in, honey? It’s not quite spring yet.”
“I’m sorry, I’m not thinking straight.” She led him into the living room and sat on the couch near a light, while he dropped onto a chair across from her. The letter was addressed to her in Heather’s precise teenage script. She looked at Nick questioningly.
“Open it. This was all Heather’s idea. I had nothing to do with it, although she wanted me to read it to see if it was okay.” He cleared his throat and his eyes darkened. “We’ve promised to try not to keep secrets from each other.”
Amanda tore open the note and read:
Dear Amanda,
I hope it’s okay that I call you that. Daddy says he told you that you saved my life. I’m glad you did. I don’t want to die and I know now that with everyone’s help, things will work out. You gave me a second chance and I love you for it and everything else.
Heather
Holding the piece of paper, she raised watery eyes to Nick. “Thanks for bringing this to me.” She stood up. “I’m sure you want to get back to her now.”
Nick remained seated and had folded his hands together, propped his chin on them and watched her. “Sit down, Amanda. I’m not leaving yet.”
His soft tone unnerved her. Instead of sitting, she paced the rug. “Heather’s going to need a lot of counseling. More than I can, or should, provide at this point.”
Nick heaved a sigh filled with responsibility and love. “That’s one of the reasons I came over here tonight. I need a recommendation for an adolescent psychologist and family counselor.”
“A family counselor, too?”
“Yeah. I got in touch Suzanne finally. I told her what happened and that I wanted her to see Heather, but one condition was that we all go for therapy together. Including Jason, to prevent something like this from happening to him later on.” His voice was hoarse but firm.
She stared at him, not caring that her feelings glimmered in her eyes. She’d never loved him more. “Oh, Nick, I’m so glad. I know it’s the right decision. You’ll all be much happier for this.”
Nodding, he held her gaze. “Thanks to you. You never gave up, no matter what I did. You’re a special woman, Amanda Carson.”
She said nothing and simply stared at him.
“Listen. Are we through with this?”
Telling herself not to be disappointed, she nodded. He’d only come about the therapists and the note. Not to see her. He probably wanted to get home. “Sure.” She stepped back and kept her voice light. “You can leave now.”
Purposefully, he stalked toward her. “Leave, hell! I’m not going anywhere.” He grabbed her so quickly, she gasped for breath. She all but lost it when his mouth closed over hers. He devoured her, insinuating his tongue into her and increasing the pressure. She grasped his shirt for balance and tried to participate in the kiss, but the tears began to flow and she couldn’t. He drew back.
“Hey, none of that. No more crying, Mandy. No more sadness. We’re past all that.” He brushed aside the tears with his fingertips.
When she continued to weep, his hand moved to her mouth and he stroked her bottom lip with his thumb. “If you stop crying, I’ll tell you I love you. I’ll tell you I want to marry you as soon as possible. I’ll ask you to have our child. Between what I’ve learned the last few months and your training, we’ll raise this one right.”
She stopped crying.
He repeated all those wonderful things as he led her to bed. It was a night they weren’t likely to forget.
o0o
The doorbell rang two hours later. Nick swore under his breath. Who the hell is that?
Amanda sighed in her sleep and moved instinctively toward him. He eased away from her, trying not to wake her. She was exhausted by more than just their vigorous lovemaking.
Pulling on his pants and shirt, he made his way down the steps and to the door in record time. He was shocked to see Robert Carson standing on the front porch. The feeling was obviously mutual as the father took in the lover’s dishabille. Robert coughed nervously. Nick had never seen him anxious before.
“Hello, Nick,” he said gruffly. “I...I’ve come to see Amanda. I take it she’s here.” He said the words with such paternal chagrin Nick almost laughed aloud.
When Robert entered the living room and both men were seated, Nick’s amusement faded. Leaning over, he clasped his hands between his knees and faced the man squarely. “Look, Carson, Amanda’s had a horrendous day. I won’t let you upset her, even if I have to remove you from this house bodily.”
The older man
’s shoulders slumped and his face crumpled. Nick was shocked.
“I won’t do that to her. Amanda told Joan about your daughter. It brought back...” His voice cracked and Nick reluctantly felt sorry for Robert. He hadn’t been as lucky as Nick had been. “All the horror of Lisa’s death. I came to tell Amanda some things she needs to know.”
“Tell me first,” Nick said implacably.
“No,” a sleepy feminine voice said from behind them. “Tell us together.”
Each man turned to see Amanda standing at the bottom of the stairs wrapped in a fluffy white robe. “What about Lisa, Father?”
Robert Carson turned a sickly shade of gray. For a moment, Nick thought he might be ill. He lay his head back on the couch and closed his eyes. “This thing with DiMarco’s daughter brought it all back, Amanda. Your mother and I talked all night and through the day about it. I...learned some things about my behavior that I want to share with you.”
She crossed to her father. Sitting down next to him, she touched his arm for reassurance. “Tell me.”
Always the healer, Nick thought.
Straightening, Robert faced Amanda bravely. In halting sentences, he confessed to his deep-seated guilt over Lisa’s death. He told them how he’d always felt responsible for everything, the underside of controlling people’s lives. Taking the ownership of their happiness, he also took responsibility for Lisa’s despair. When she’d committed suicide, he’d known it was his fault.
He gripped his daughter’s arm in a frantic show of emotion. “But, Amanda, what concerns me the most is my reaction to the changes you made in your life. I thwarted you. I tried to stop you for...selfish reasons.”
She shook her head. “I don’t understand.”
“You went into counseling, then got involved in suicide therapy. I was afraid you’d see I was at fault, I was too controlling, I’d missed warning signs, I hadn’t done what I should have.” Burying his face in his hands, Robert Carson sobbed. “I should have...I should have...”
Amanda wrapped her arms around her weeping father. “No, Dad, it’s not your fault. No one is responsible for another’s happiness, another’s life. That includes you, too.”
In the intervening hour before Robert left, Nick made coffee and the three talked of guilt, despair and hope for the future. When Amanda’s father rose to go, he hugged her and told her words Nick guessed she’d never heard from him before. “I love you, Mandy.”
Then he turned to Nick and held out his hand. “I think you’re good for her, DiMarco. You’ve got moxie and you’ll make one hell of an attorney. Why don’t we get together to discuss the possibility of your joining my law firm? We won’t do much better than you, son.”
Her eyes glistening, Amanda watched the interaction. “Take it, Nick. I’ll stand by you no matter what. It’s a chance to have everything you want.”
Nick stared into her slate blue eyes, smiled at her and shook his head. “I’ve already got everything I want.”
He’d never spoken truer words in his life.
EPILOGUE
Nick entered the house at five o’clock. He tried to get home early these days because he worried about Amanda’s pregnancy. She was seven months along and big as a house.
There was music from upstairs and muffled shouts from below, but she slept blissfully through it on the living room couch. He walked over to her and smoothed a wayward strand of honey-colored hair away from her face. Then he rested his hand on her very rounded belly and whispered a greeting to his son or daughter. They’d decided to be surprised.
The blaring of music from a bedroom of what used to be Amanda’s house, and now was home to all four DiMarcos, told him his daughter was here. He bounded up the steps taking them two at a time. He remembered to knock, a nicety Amanda had taught him, and he heard giggles from inside before he was allowed entry.
Heather sat on the bed and two other girls sprawled on the floor. “Hi, Daddy, how ya doin’?”
Her hair was up in some fancy twist and she had on too much makeup. She even talked liked a typical teenager now. And he couldn’t be more pleased. Every once in a while, he’d flashback to that horrible night almost eighteen months ago when he’d found her curled on his bed. The sights and sounds of teenagehood were blessings to him now.
“Hi, sweetheart,” he said from the doorway.
“Hey, Dad, what do you call a man with five teenage daughters?”
“Insane.” Glancing at the boom box, he said, “Turn that down, would you? Amanda’s sleeping.”
“Sure thing.” Heather got up to adjust the volume and came over to him. “She okay?”
“Yeah. Just tired out from your sibling-to-be. Everything okay with you?” He knew he asked the question too frequently, but he couldn’t help himself.
Heather groaned and he ruffled her hair. “Y-e-s, Dad.” She strung out the response in complaint, but she reached up and placed a grateful kiss on his cheek.
Back on her bed, she plopped down and called to him as he started to leave. “Don’t forget Jason and I are going out with Suzanne tonight. Mom won’t have to cook and you both can relax.”
Smiling, Nick closed the door. He loved it when the kids call Amanda Mom. They’d asked if they could do so soon after he and Amanda had married. In the intervening months, Heather had gotten extensive counseling and he, Suzanne and Jason had also attended some sessions with her. Heather was slowly piecing together a view of her mother and herself that she could live with, and Jason seemed to be adjusting well to his biological mother’s presence in his life.
Nick loped downstairs to see that Amanda had roused.
“Hi.” Sleepily, she dragged herself to a half-reclining position. “Is it that late already?”
“Nah.” Nick sat down on the couch and nuzzled her neck. “It’s only after four.”
She lay back and frowned at him. “Nick, you don’t have to do this. I’m perfectly fine. You and the kids are like mother hens these days. I’m pregnant, not ill.”
He eyed her Baby-with-an-arrow-pointing-down maternity shirt. “Really? I thought you’d just put on weight.”
There was a crash from the basement. Nick leapt off the couch to investigate. He was laughing when he returned. “Jason’s friend ran into a sideline marker. They play like they’re in the NBA.”
Nick had renovated the basement for Jason and put in an access ramp from outside so other physically challenged kids could get downstairs.
“Thanks to you.” Amanda’s eyes glowed. “You’re quite a man, Nick DiMarco.”
“Yeah, and you’re quite a woman. How was work today?”
“Fine, although I’m getting anxious to quit for a while, just so I don’t have to waddle around the corridors.” She laughed at herself. “Sandi was in to see me. Her job at the temporary agency is going well. She’s applied at local community colleges for the spring semester, too.”
“She heard from Matt at Buffalo State?”
“Yes, so did we. Heather left his letter on the kitchen table. He says he misses us all, but if I know that one...”
Nick grinned and rubbed her stomach. “I saw your dad at the courthouse this morning. He asked how his grandchild’s behaving.”
Patting her belly, Amanda chuckled. “He was just over here yesterday. He and Beth are always checking on me. She came to school today to have lunch with me.”
“You should feel honored. She’s hardly left the bookstore in the six months since she opened it.”
Taking Amanda’s hand, Nick brought it to his mouth. He kissed it, made his way down her arm and up to her shoulder to nuzzle her throat. “Heather and Jason are going to be gone in an hour.” He gave her a sexy stare. “And the doctor saw no reason why we couldn’t...”
“Sorry.” Amanda buried her face in his chest. “I invited Adam and Joanna for dinner at six.”
“Geez, Mandy, why did you do that? We share the same space at the public defender’s office. I see the guy every day at work.”
“
But I don’t see Joanna.”
He took love bites out of her neck. “You drive me to distraction, woman.”
“I hope I always will.”
Nick sobered with thoughts of the future. Easing away, he studied her for a moment, then glanced upstairs as another crash reverberated through the house down to the basement. Finally, he rested his gaze on her stomach. It hit him how much he’d changed, and how much of that change he owed to Amanda. She’d helped him see what his priorities were and how to arrange his life accordingly. Strong emotion pulsed through him.
“Thank you,” he said quietly.
“For what?”
“For saving Heather. For being a mother to Jason. For giving me a new baby to love.”
Amanda smiled. “You’re a wonderful dad, Nick. You’re responsible for much of their happiness. I just help.”
The firm conviction in her voice convinced him. He wondered how he ever thought money and prestige could make him happy. Coupled with her love, being the kind of father who really made a difference in his kids’ lives was all he needed.
Lightly caressing his unborn child, he silently vowed it always would be.
-o0o-
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More from the Author
Welcome to THE FATHER FACTOR, my very first published book. The novel came out in 1995 to much acclaim. Harlequin sold about 400K books retail and direct sales, then they printed 600K for use as free books to advertise the Superromance line. It has also been translated into many different languages. So there are at least 1million copies of this book in print. The book also won numerous awards, including Romantic Times Best First Series Romance. When reading it for republishing, I spent a lot of time updating the content and language. I had to laugh when I realized there were no cell phones in the book or remotes for TVs. My use of “said” and adverbs was also too extensive. With these changes, you still get the poignant story of a despairing young girl who is on the verge of suicide and how her school counselor and her father help her find peace. It’s redeeming in the end, but the road there is an emotional rollercoaster, setting the stage for the content of my future books. I hope you enjoy my first-born!
