At this, Holland arches a brow and looks generally confused. “You’re kidding, right?”
“What do you mean?” I ask. I push aside brush so Holland can easily pass through, and then I follow behind him. I’m not sure where we’re going, so I let him take the lead. The walking trail is narrow, so we walk single file as we chat.
“In all the years I’ve known these vampires, Malik has never offered to train someone. In fact, he regularly turned away those who wanted to learn from him. The fact that he’s working with you now—regardless of how this all started—means he definitely believes in your potential.” Holland talks with his hands as we walk, and I see them poking out at his sides every few words.
I’m silent while I consider his words. “I guess… I guess I’ve never thought of it like that.” Knowing Malik does trust in my former training puts a smile on my face. All this time, I thought he felt obligated to train me because of what his brother did, but that’s not the case. He’s doing this for me. It seems Malik is familiar with more emotions than I give him credit for.
“You have to stop being so hard on yourself, Ava,” Holland says.
We reach a fork in the path, and Holland guides us to the right. This must be an official hiking trail in the forest, because we’re no longer trudging through layers of brush and decay. The walkway is dirt with only a few stones and broken branches in our way. Wide enough to fit us both side by side, the route is bordered by bushes, and endless rows of trees lie beyond that.
“I’m working on it,” I say.
What I don’t admit to is how hard it is for me to relax. Growing up with Mamá after Papá died wasn’t always easy. She was relentless in her pursuit of making me the best witch I could be. She wanted me to become high priestess of our coven one day, and because of that, our relationship came second to the coven.
Growing up, I was okay with that. I assumed that was how it was in all covens. Then I met Liv, whose coven desired peace, not violence. I used to think they were crazy, that there was no rationalizing with vampires. Now I see they were right all along. It sickens me to know I forced Liv into fights, because she’s a different person now. I did that to her. I made her a monster, a murderer.
“I know Malik is hard to read. He’s not emotional like the rest of us,” Holland says, cutting into my thoughts. He chuckles. “But it’s obvious he cares for you, and to care about someone, you have to believe in them.”
I nod. “I know. He’s not as impassive as he likes people to think.”
“Yeah, he’s a big softy under all that muscle.”
We both laugh, and it feels good to relax a little. The friendship growing between us was off to a rocky start, but I don’t think Holland will be leaving the manor anytime soon. It’s important to me that we’re on good terms—and not just because he’s the only witch who doesn’t look at me like I’m an abomination. I actually do like him, and I can sense his loneliness. It’s not easy being a witch without a coven, but it’s not easy being a witch in a coven either. I never realized witches had it so bad…
“In all seriousness, I’m glad Jasik found you and convinced you to come back,” Holland says.
“Yeah, he’s pretty spectacular like that,” I say softly.
“Spectacular, huh?” Holland offers a wide, toothy smile and wiggles his eyebrows at me. His grin is all-knowing, and I feign overdramatic discomfort. I swat his shoulder and pretend he’s being ridiculous, but inside I’m screaming. It’s been a long time since I’ve been able to sit around and talk about boys. The last time I did this, I was living an entirely different life. And I was with Liv. I’d be lying if I said her last words to me didn’t sting. I never thought my best friend would tell me to never return to the place I once called home.
We walk in silence for several minutes while I find the courage to mention the one thing I really don’t want to talk about. But I know I have to.
“Holland, do you think my dream was a premonition?”
I hold my breath while waiting for his response. Only now do I realize how much this does bother me. I’m terrified he’ll say yes, because that means I have bigger problems than I can sanely handle. But at the same time, I’m not sure I want him to say no. While I have severed ties with the witches, their ancestry is still part of me. Before I used magic to save Jasik and myself, I thought I’d never again be able to honor that heritage. Maybe I was wrong.
“I’m not sure, but if I’ve learned anything, it’s that we need to assume the worst—”
“And hope for the best?” I say, interjecting. I think this may be the single most annoying phrase of all time.
He smiles. “Exactly. The good news is, if it wasn’t just a dream, we’ve been warned that the witches may be up to something naughty.”
I exhale sharply. “When are they not up to something bad?”
“Yeah…right?” Holland’s eyes are glossy, and I know that look. He’s reminiscing about earlier times. He doesn’t have to tell me he’s picturing his former coven. I’ve been away from mine long enough to know that’s exactly what a witch thinks about when he’s on the verge of homelessness. My heart aches for him because I understand his pain. Betrayal from the home is the kind of pain time can never mend.
“Do you want to talk about it?” I ask.
Holland blinks several times, and his eyes clear. He’s back to reality. “Talk about what? Your dream?”
I know he’s trying to change the subject. He knows I’m not talking about my dream. I consider giving him his space and the time he needs to confront his demons, but I press on.
“Why did you leave your coven?” I ask.
Holland slouches and hunches over as he walks, playing with the dead grass at his feet. His hands are shoved into his pockets, and he’s staring at the ground. I realize how much smaller he looks when we’re hiking in a massive forest. Or maybe he just shrinks when he thinks about his former life. I know I do.
After several minutes of silence, he shrugs and says, “I’m just different, I guess. I didn’t buy into the us-versus-them mentality, and eventually my coven became resentful.”
“You thought there could be peace,” I say. It’s not a question. I already know the answer. Sadly, a lot of vampires died at my hands because I was too stubborn to consider the possibility that the witches have been lying to me about a lot of things for a very long time. Until I became a vampire myself, it never occurred to me that friendships could be formed between the two species.
Holland nods. “I did. No one else wanted that, so I was forced to leave.”
I reach over and link my arm through his. Holding on to him firmly, I say, “I’m so sorry, Holland. Betrayal by one’s family is a difficult cross to bear.”
“Only the strong and the willful know this to be true,” he says.
He withdraws his hand from his pockets and holds my hand. Our palms touch, and sparks shoot through my skin and up my arm. He interlocks his fingers with mine but doesn’t speak. We walk like this for a long time. The tingling sensation of mortal flesh against my own never wanes, but slowly it becomes easier to resist the urge to squeeze his hand so tightly that blood vessels rupture and bones snap.
“We’re almost there,” Holland says.
I inhale sharply. It’s a loud echo in the silent forest, and I know Holland hears it.
“You’re going to get through this, Ava. I have a feeling you’re stronger than we can even imagine.”
“The strength is the worst part,” I say, pulling my hand free from his grasp. I cross my arms over my chest and squeeze tightly. It’s painful, but it gives me something to focus on besides the reason we’re in the woods in the first place.
“I know it’s not easy, but if anyone can do this, it’s you.”
“How can you be so sure? How do you know I’m strong enough?” I ask.
“Because I’ve met you.”
“You’re tense. You need to relax,” Holland says. I watch as he moves his torso, stretching his core muscl
es. He cracks his neck and twists his spine. He hunches his shoulders forward and back and then forward again. As he moves, I hear faint cracks from his joints.
I mimic him and try to clear my mind. I can’t help but be on edge. We’re sitting in the middle of a field of wildflowers. The forest surrounds us, and all I can think about is my dream.
When we got here, I froze. This location is eerily similar to the one in my dream, and he told me he chose this location for that reason. I need to be the one in control; the dream cannot be in control of me. How better to accomplish this than by fighting my fear head-on? So we practice magic in the very place that haunts my dreams.
“How do you feel?” Holland asks. “Better?”
I think before answering, surprised by my own words. “Actually, yes. A little.”
Holland smiles. “Good. Close your eyes and try to clear your mind.”
I do as he instructs, but after too many seconds pass in silence, I peek. Holland is staring at me, a disappointed glare piercing his face.
“Ava,” he says in a voice that betrays his annoyance. “We will never finish before the sun rises if you don’t take this seriously.”
“I know. I’m sorry. It’s just…this place gives me the heebie-jeebies,” I say. I scan the forest for the hundredth time. Again, I find nothing out of the ordinary. The shadows are the same ones that are always there. They have yet to morph into something more sinister, like my knife-wielding mother.
“It shouldn’t,” Holland says. “You were born a witch and reborn a vampire. You come from nature, and if you want to harness its power, you must become one with it.”
“How very Zen of you,” I say. Internally, I laugh at my joke, but externally, my features don’t budge. The last thing I want to do is annoy him further. I’m already on thin ice, and if he decides to cancel training, I’ll have no one to turn to but the vampires. And I can’t risk their lives.
He groans and rolls his eyes. “You have to take this seriously.”
“I am,” I argue. I’m defensive, but I shouldn’t be. I know he’s right.
He gives me a pointed look, so I try to better convince him.
“I promise I’ll concentrate,” I say.
He exhales slowly but loudly, and I understand his double meaning. “So, I’m thinking this is similar to witch magic. First you need to focus, and then you need to tap into it. We’ll start slow today, but I think you already have the tools to excel. You were born a witch and harnessed spirit magic. This shouldn’t be any different.”
I nod. “I guess.”
“Now, close your eyes and clear your mind,” Holland instructs. “We need to meditate.”
Instinctively, I focus on my breath. With each inhalation, my lungs expand and my chest fills. When I exhale, I listen to the soft thumps of my heart. It still surprises me that I have a heartbeat. Then again, I thought vampires were monsters, and monsters aren’t supposed to be so…mundane. I dig deeper and listen to my body. My muscles stretch when I move. I sway from side to side, never breaking my meditative state.
Once I’m comfortable with the sounds of my own body, I move on to Holland’s. His heart thuds loudly in his chest. His breath comes in short, shallow bursts. There’s a quiet swooshing sound as blood courses through his veins. Sometimes when we’re together, I forget he’s mortal. I forget his life force is the one thing I require to survive. My stomach grumbles, but I ignore the desire to feed. The more time I spend with Holland, the easier it is to resist the urge to feed. Soon, I’ll be able to venture into town and not kill anyone.
I expand my senses to the trees and the flatland we’re utilizing for today’s lesson. I listen as wildlife scurries through the brush. The sound of life is precious to my ears. I love listening to owls in the sky and wolves on the ground. Suddenly I’m overwhelmed with the pain of knowing I’ll never see another sunrise or listen to songbirds chirp. How do vampires live an eternity without these things?
“Remain focused,” Holland whispers, as if he can read my mind. I know he can’t. My face likely betrays that I’ve gone off course and need to be guided back. I make a mental note to tell Holland he’s a pretty good teacher and should consider forming his own coven.
I sink further into the abyss, listening to sounds that resonate from miles away. I can hear the sea. Waves crash against rocks, and fish flutter through the water. I hear distinct voices, but they’re quiet, barely audible. I ignore the speakers and retract my senses. I don’t want to be so far away. I need to focus on me—or rather, on what’s inside me.
I focus on the essence burning within me. It shines brightly, an iridescent energy source that’s practically begging to be tapped into. It swirls in circles within my core. I sense that it is powerful, formidable, and beautiful. The longer I focus on it, the larger it grows. Slowly, it moves, spreading throughout my body, seeping into every crevice of my being.
I want to touch it, but I don’t know how. I don’t know if I should. I remember that Holland is here, and he will help to keep me safe if anything should happen. It’s now or never.
Internally, with my own essence, I probe the magic inside me. It is dazzling, defiant, and dominant. This magic is everything I want to become as I transition into my vampire life. I want to be strong and powerful, just like this magic.
As the iridescent glow completely fills me, I begin pulling at it, tugging it outward. In a quick burst, I throw back my head, grinding my teeth, and the shimmery glow within me seeps from my aura. I open my eyes, staring in awe as it surrounds me completely. I sit within a protective bubble, giggling as Holland reaches to touch it.
As his fingers lightly dance across the outer layer of my magic, I laugh. “That tickles.”
“Ava, this…this is incredible!”
“It feels even better,” I say softly.
“It’s so many colors. I see white and blue and green and red and purple,” Holland says. He’s breathing heavily and still palming the magic surrounding me.
“I’m going to try something,” I say, but I don’t commit until Holland nods. He withdraws his hand and waits for me to continue.
Focusing on the witch before me, I expel the magic, pushing it away from me and closer to him. At an agonizing pace, the magic seeps toward him, until it glides right against his body. He smiles as it surrounds him, pulling him inside to join me. Together, we laugh and enjoy the feeling of the energy source I’ve feared since the very first time I used it.
When the magic recedes back into my body, I’m still giddy with energy, but I feel different. I’m not scared of it anymore. It doesn’t feel like it wants to consume me. In fact, it feels like it’s part of me. For so long, I thought this magic inside me wasn’t supposed to be there. Like I was damaged goods or a broken vampire or something. But now I think it was supposed to be there all along. I guess this is one of the perks of being a spirit witch who’s turned into a vampire. And I have to admit, I rather like this perk.
I jump forward and envelop Holland in a tight hug. Freezing in place, he flinches as my arms wrap around him. I know I’ve startled him, but I don’t release him from the hug until he relaxes in my arms. Only then do I pull away.
“Thank you, Holland. This is the first time I’ve felt…safe and strong.”
My words spill out of me before I have a chance to consider them. I’m baffled by my confession. I stare at my hands as I think about what I just said. Of course I feel safe around the vampires, but not like this. This is different. Finally I feel safe in my own skin. I have been terrified for so long. I feared what I was, what I could do. But now I know it’s just a matter of time until I can control this magic and use it for good.
When we finally return home, I’m feeling better about the power growing inside me. I know I have a long way to go, but with practice and Holland’s help, I know I can control it. And once I do, rogues won’t stand a chance. I try not to get ahead of myself, though. That kind of strength will probably take years to harness. Thankfully, I have th
at kind of time.
I take the steps toward the front door two at a time and pat the gargoyle on the head as I enter. This has become ritual for me. I once read gargoyles protect where they’re guarding, so the last thing I want to do is upset the little guy. With witches hell-bent on ruining my dreams, we need all the protection we can get.
Holland and I enter the foyer together and shout to the others that we’re back. Conveniently, Jasik and Malik are already expecting our return.
“Is Jeremiah still patrolling?” I ask as I walk into the parlor. I don’t miss how Holland’s heart races at the sound of his ex-lover’s name.
“Yeah,” Jasik says.
“How was training?” Malik asks.
The two are sitting at the tiny table positioned directly in front of the large bay windows in the parlor. Resting on the tabletop is years’ worth of dust. Malik is staring at the chessboard with an intense glare in his eyes, while Jasik is sitting back in his chair, the heel of his right foot resting against his left thigh. He’s smiling brightly and strumming his fingertips against the table, urging Malik to make a move.
Jasik glances at me and lifts his brows. It seems Malik is determined to give the chess game another chance, but he’s clearly desperate to avoid losing to his little brother.
Holland and I take a seat on the couch across from the two and watch them play. After several minutes, Malik throws his arms in the air and announces that he hates this game.
Laughing, I say, “So who wants to hear about my terrific training session?”
This gets both of their attention.
“Wait for me!” Hikari calls from another room. She walks in from the solarium with a mug of blood in hand. She takes a loud slurp as she takes a seat in a chair beside the fireplace. Her pixie-cut hair is messy, with her bangs pushed to one side. “Now that these two are done with this stupid game, I can come back into this room without losing my mind.”
Dark Magic (Darkhaven Saga Book 2) Page 11
