July 10, 8:20 pm
want to skip the cocktail party?
do we have to talk about it?
not if you don’t want to
okay
come to my room
on my way. love ya.
Genevieve: hey i’m home
or, you know, the illustrious home of my aunt and uncle
Finn: me too. not the illustrious aunt and uncle part.
Genevieve: they have seven dogs
like, i like dogs
but there’s a time and a place
and apparently they’ve decided that all the times and places are right here and right now.
Finn: I see what you mean about illustriousness
Genevieve: absolutely
Sent at 11:05 PM on Tuesday
Finn: So...you doing okay?
Genevieve: yeah
it’s so weird
i mean i’ve gone to the same school for almost half my life
being a child star was a big deal for like...three days, seven years ago
Finn: he shouldn’t have called you out in front of the whole room like that
Genevieve: at least it wasn’t zack
Finn: that was sweet of him to go after you
Genevieve: he’s always been nice
i can tell you lots of stories now
he took really good care of me. that was kind of a bad time in my life
Finn: somewhere mal’s shitting herself. I saw her at checkout and she was SO PISSED not to know what’s going on
Genevieve: ha! i’m sure she’ll figure it out.
i don’t suppose you remember nina’s awkward write-off from man of the house
Finn: I remember wondering why she wasn’t around anymore. I don’t think I ever saw the episode where they explained it
Genevieve: it wasn’t even a whole episode, it was the five minutes before the first commercial break
they said i went off to beauty school
and zack had this line like “good thing, she needs it!”
laugh track
Finn: ...beauty school?
Genevieve: right?
Finn: you were like four
Genevieve: nine, but exactly, makes total sense, right?
anything for a cheap joke
splendid writing on that show. makes up below look emmy worthy
Finn: that’s shitty
why’d you leave really?
Genevieve: hallucinations. plus i stole scissors from wardrobe and cut all my hair off in the boys’ dressing room.
no one wants that on set
the crazy, not the chopped-off hair, though someone had to sweep that shit up. i think about that ALL the time.
there was a lot of cover up. it would have been really embarrassing for the show, my parents.
Finn: that’s intense...
Genevieve: yeah
i mean, i’m grateful to the show and everything. paid my way through school, let my parents live their dream life of wanderlust
and there’s good memories from it
but every time i hear that fucking theme song it’s just this reminder of how bad things can get in my head.
Finn: you didn’t really seem like it was that positive a thing for you
Genevieve: when, at the hotel?
i was possibly being overdramatic
Finn: I mean, I was worried
Genevieve: i know, i’m sorry. i was just caught off guard. you helped
Finn: good
Genevieve: seriously, thank you so much
i don’t really have anyone else to talk to about this right now
alanah’s still not speaking to me
Finn: what’s her problem?
Genevieve: ugh, it’s so stupid
so we have the same birthday
well, off by a day, but whatever
Finn: Birthday Buddies, okay
Genevieve: and we’ve been friends since grade 7
so every year we do a party together
when we were kids it was you know, sleepover in her dorm, truth or dare, all very supervised and all that
and then it became sneaking out getting drunk (her) getting detention (us) all those good things
it’s all very...glitter. like just think glitter. everywhere. not coming off.
so she asks me what are we going to do for our birthday next year
and first of all that’s november
so it’s a long way off
Finn: and won’t you be at school?
Genevieve: exactly
i’ll be in rhode island
she’ll be in VIRGINIA
Finn: well...
I mean, I’m on your side, but those are like five minutes apart, right?
Genevieve: what???
no no no
you really do not understand the east coast do you
Finn: I understand all the states are postage stamps
teeny little things
Genevieve: yes but there are many of them
it’s about seven hours
Finn: how many states apart?
Genevieve: rhode island connecticut new york new jersey pennyslvania delaware maryland virginia
Finn: LOL! eight states in eight hours
Genevieve: it’s like you think we have some complex about being small states
this does not bother us
Finn: no, it’s adorable. good for you
Genevieve: you suck
Finn: you love me
Genevieve: MAYBE
so anyway that’s pretty much all i say
seven hours
and she’s all
“you mean you aren’t going to throw me a party?”
and when this became ME throwing HER a party is anyone’s guess
anyway it turned into this whole thing about me thinking my school was better than hers or something?
Finn: is it?
Genevieve: well yeah, but i didn’t know that was something she cared about
but now she’s turning it into this whole thing, saying i don’t care if she has a party because i think she’s just going to a party school anyway
and then she threw up on my shoes
which is why i had to wear those ugly ones all over con
Finn: ...I think I missed something here
Genevieve: so do i.
Finn: I’m sorry
that really sucks
Genevieve: i mean...whatever. she’s a child.
she’s always going to be a child, i guess.
So, you know, college, bigger and better.
Finn: talk to her. maybe she’s ashamed of herself and can’t figure out how to say it
Genevieve: yeah. i wanted to talk to her about con all week. tell someone anyway.
can i tell you something dumb?
Finn: uh huh
Genevieve: i got so jealous when you kept emailing charlie
just like...wishing i had someone to tell stuff to, i guess
Finn: can I tell you something dumb?
Genevieve: even before we fought i didn’t talk about anything serious with alanah or anythng
yeah
Finn: I was emailing him about you
Genevieve: no shit
what did you say??
was it about my nose because i’m gonna get it fixed someday
who am i kidding i’m totally not
me and schnoz, til death do us part
Finn: yeah, don’t do that. look what happened to your beloved jennifer grey
Genevieve: ugh, i should be so lucky
Finn: said the famous actress who’s worked with ZA
CK MARTOCCHIO
Genevieve: yeah that’s what i’m saying, it’d be nice to pull a jenn and disappear
i met her once actually
Finn: SHUT UP
Genevieve: yeah i don’t remember though
but i have a picture with her. my mom says i cried
Finn: were you little?
Genevieve: yeah, five or six
i left the show when i was nine, haven’t done anything since then
my agent emails me sometimes
Finn: yeah? do you ever think about getting back into it?
Genevieve: no
i like my life
Finn: cool
Genevieve: i’m gonna be a child psychologist and go around slapping parents who try to put their kids in show business
Finn: so it’s gotta be weird, right?
I mean...jakegirling when you kind of know zack
Genevieve: oh god it’s so weird you have no idea
have i told you how i saw my first episode?
Finn: no
Genevieve: this girl lea, a year older than me, graduated, went to sarah lawrence, etc
she was my math tutor and i go to her dorm and she’s like hey come in my show’s just finishing up
and it’s mid-season one, you know that ep where jake’s undercover as the fireman? lol this show i can not even sometimes
Finn: oh, the one when he had the scratch under his eye?
Genevieve: yeah. we’re so normal.
anyway this was post-scratch though, the part when he was in the helmet for the rest of the ep
Finn: okay
Genevieve: and he was barely in the last few scenes, it was mostly tyler and nicola
Finn: ewww nicola
Genevieve: i know i don’t know why that didn’t turn me off it immediately
but it didn’t, and i was kind of into it and the next week i went to her dorm a little early so i could see more of it
oh and i’d been reading fanfic that whole week because obviously
Finn: so wait
you were reading fic without having seen a whole episode?
Genevieve: yes
Finn: awesome, go on
Genevieve: i really like fic, lol
so i go over to her dorm
and THAT’S WHEN I FIND OUT IT’S ZACK.
and i’m like oh jesus COME ON.
but at that point it was too late, y’know?
so i just try to disconnect them a LOT
but yeah it’s really awkward because i’m all...oh my god jake you’re in pain let me hold you
and in my head i’m like yep, that’s what zack ACTUALLY LOOKS LIKE when he cries.
Finn: ...is it bad that I love knowing that
Genevieve: do you think i told you for no reason?
Finn: you’re fantastic
Genevieve: thank you dear
he’s a good guy. but it’s still so weird sometimes
like when jakegirls go on and on about how hot he is
it’s like GROSS THAT’S MY BROTHER
but at the same time he’s so hot so like fuck my life all over
anyway when stuff started to get really bad for me he took care of me
he’s just a good guy
i think zack could tell before anyone
Finn: yeah?
what was it like?
Genevieve: it’s like everything goes dark
not like literally dark
you can still see but there’s something about it telling you that it’s not important
that nothing is important
you’re just in this black and white box of...never mattering
and then there are these voices and these animals that don’t look like animals and they’re SO bright
or something. it’s been a long time.
anyway what I remember the most because like, it’s so embarrassing in retrospect
i used to hallucinate fires all the time, like i’d be on set and i’d just think things were on fire
i was so much fucking trouble because i was always freaking out and i’d pull fire alarms and drench the studio and shit when there was nothing wrong and everyone thought i was just being a brat
i’d just see fire everywhere
anyway after a while it became clear i was kind of a mess and a lawsuit waiting to happen, tbh, and the producers said the show was going to go in a different direction
but then the show was gone, and my routine was gone, and my friends were gone, and then it just...
i don’t really know how to talk about it.
Finn: you don’t have to
Genevieve: i’m sorry.
Finn: no, I’m sorry
Genevieve: i know this isn’t fun to listen to
my friends here all get uncomfortable
Finn: hey, no, it’s not like that
I don’t want to push you into talking about something so hard, is all
Genevieve: maybe it wouldn’t be so hard anymore if i’d gotten to talk about it, you know?
Finn: yeah
Genevieve: all my parents ever say about it is are you off the meds yet
that’s practically all my fucking psychiatrist says about it
and my friends, whenever one of them is like “wow my bio teacher is a psycho” they’re all shutting their mouths and looking at me out of the sides of their eyes like i’m going to burst into tears or something
because apparently it would be fine with them if I were that badly adjusted, but i’m not allowed to talk about it like it’s not a big deal. which it’s not, really, anymore. it was a long time ago.
so i just don’t talk about it at all
which is fine.
Finn: well...I wouldn’t pretend to know how to help, really, or what the right things to say are
but I’m good at listening
I care about you. if that’s not too weird
so...if you ever need anything
and if you just want to talk about jake being perfect, I’m always up for that too
Sent at 11:54 PM on Tuesday
Genevieve: heh.
i like you.
Finn: I like you too.
Genevieve: how’s stuff with charlie?
Finn: all quiet on the western front
no marriage talk lately
Genevieve: and how do you feeeeel about that
Finn: lol. relieved. maybe I’m off the hook
Genevieve: fingers crossed
how’s he doing with fandom stuff?
Sent at 11:58 PM on Tuesday
Finn: a lot of jokes at my expense
it’s like he’s accepting it as long as he gets to mock me a little
it’s not mean spirited, so I’ll take it
Genevieve: go you
:)
all right apparently i have to go walk a dog now
HOLY SHIT no wait
finn holy shit
Finn: what?!
Genevieve: i have an email from zack
Finn: FUCK ME. details.
Genevieve: i haven’t opened it yet i’m scared
...what the fuck am i scared of
oh my god finn do you know what i’m doing right now
Finn: aaaah I have to go to work TEXT ME
Genevieve: i’m having a mother fucking FANGIRL MOMENT OVER ZACK MARTOCCHIO
genevieve what have you come to
okay go to work i’ll forward it to you
text you asap
xoxo
Finn: xxxoo
from: Zack Martocchio
to: Genevieve Goldman
date: Thursday, Jul
y 17 12:01 PM
subject: Sorry :(
Hey there, Genevieve--
Kyle gave me your email. I hope that’s cool? I meant to get your info at the convention but it was hella hectic.
Toby feels like an ass for pointing you out like that. Trust me, I made sure of it. I think he thought you were there to be noticed. Clearly he didn’t ask me about it beforehand. I would have told him no one had heard from you in ages.
Not to mention that even back then you wouldn’t let anyone call you Genny.
Are you okay?
-Z
from: Genevieve Goldman
to: Zack Martocchio
date: Thursday, July 17 1:00 PM
subject: me too :(
Hi.
I’m okay. Embarrassed mostly about causing a scene and pulling you away like that.
Also embarrassed about being a dorky fangirl over your show.
from: Zack Martocchio
to: Genevieve Goldman
date: Thursday, July 17 1:11 PM
subject: <3
I love dorky fangirls of my show.
You know people ask me all the time about you.
from: Genevieve Goldman
to: Zack Martocchio
date: Thursday, July 17 1:15 PM
subject: RE: <3
Who?
from: Zack Martocchio
to: Genevieve Goldman
date: Thursday, July 17 1:18 PM
subject: RE: <3
Mia, Katherine, Tyson, Carter. And those are just the ones I’m still in touch with.
from: Genevieve Goldman
to: Zack Martocchio
date: Thursday, July 17 1:21 PM
subject: RE: <3
yeah i saw that reunion special with you guys five years ago. Pretty cute. Nice hair back then, by the way.
from: Zack Martocchio
to: Genevieve Goldman
date: Thursday, July 17 1:22 PM
Gena/Finn Page 7
